Monthly Archives: November 2020

Monday Morning Coffee

November 30, 2020

The Lakers have already had a massive offseason, but things could get even more interesting. Anthony Davis has yet to re-sign with the Lakers. It’s not because he’s looking elsewhere, and it’s not because he’s still eating Thanksgiving leftovers. It’s because he’s waiting to see if Giannis signs an extension with the Bucks. If Giannis doesn’t he becomes a free agent next summer, setting up a scenario where Lebron and AD could take less money for a year so the Lakers could sign The Greak Freak. Meanwhile, the Lakers re-signed Giannis’ little brother, Kostas, while the Bucks are hanging in the balance with the super max offer sitting on the table for their franchise player. That’s just mean, and borderline trolling. More than anything though, I would love to hear all the complaining from other teams and the media if Giannis became a Laker. The league just spent the last 7 years slandering the Laker organization, not just about their performance on the floor, but their competence as an organization. It turns out it was all baseless, so nothing would give me more pleasure than to stick it back to all these people.

As for the Clippers, the reality of it is, they have lost talent, and lost depth this offseason. Signing Nic Batum would have been an amazing move 5 years ago. That has prompted many executives around the league to believe that they could trade Ivica Zubac, Lou Williams, or Pat Beverley for a point guard. Those might be the Clips most valuable trade assets, but what it could bring them back would be nothing more than shuffling chairs on the deck of the Titanic. The Clippers need a playmaking point guard. The players available might be George Hill, Lonzo Ball, or Terry Rozier. None of them give them what the team really needs: elite facilitating for others. A trade would simply be made more so for the purposes of changing the culture of the locker room. Perhaps it’s simply that the Clippers don’t want Lemon Pepper Chicken Wings as part of the culture.

Just when you think the Rams might actually be an elite team, they blow a huge opportunity against the 49ers. Jared Goff looks like Johnny Unitas against every NFC West team except the 49ers. The offense was so inept yesterday, the Rams had a better chance of scoring with Nick Mullens on the field, than with their own offense. That’s right people. The Rams just lost to a quarterback that looks as weird as the goblins from Harry Potter. I’m beginning to think Goff would play better more consistently if he went home to an ugly girlfriend. It wasn’t all Goff’s fault though because the running game has also been pretty non-existent in the last couple of games. Stupid penalty by Jalen Ramsey as well to cost the Rams an extra 5 yards, which made a difference on that game-winning kick. The bottom line is that the Rams look like a playoff team, but they are just as flawed as many of the other playoff teams in the NFC right now. That makes the entire NFC playoff picture a crap shoot for everybody.

Meanwhile, the Chargers lost to the Bills to fall to 3-8. The Bills are a much better team than the Bolts at this point, but it doesn’t make any of the things we saw any less disappointing. Anthony Lynn is now coaching not to lose, rather than coaching to win, which we saw with his poor clock management at the end of the first half. Even more bizarre was the play calling in the last minute, rushing the ball multiple times without any timeouts. The offense could be even better if they played in a much more uptempo mode as well, which would keep the opposing defense off balance. Joey Bosa single handedly tried to keep the defense competitive yesterday, but he needs more help and health on that side of the ball. Their uniforms were also not nearly as cool as the powder blue, and look like some sort of unlicensed knockoff you’d find in a clearance bin on Figueroa.

Elsewhere around Week 12, hope you enjoy turnovers for Thanksgiving, because the Lions brought plenty of them on T-Day, and it got Matt Patricia fired after losing to the Texans. I’m thankful the Cowboys give me the opportunity to make fun of them ever year on Thanksgiving with their often disastrous play, and this year was no exception in their blowout loss to Washington. The Saints should have let the Broncos borrow Jameis Winston since they didn’t want to use him in their win against Denver. The Browns beat the Jags, but Baker Mayfield still has more commercials than touchdown passes. The Falcons beat up the Raiders, and the Vegas fans must feel like they are in an abusive relationship with all their ups and downs. The Giants beat the Bengals and are now in 1st place in the NFC East, which makes them the tallest person in a land of midgets. Nick Folk is more reliable than a tweet from Woj, as he gave the Pats a win over the Cardinals. Adam Gase and the Jets scored scored 3 points in 2 games against the Dolphins, as Miami beat up on on New York again. Derrick Henry is a human bulldozer, and the Titans smashed the Colts. Kirk Cousins is thankful nobody will make fun of him this week in the Vikings win over Carolina.

Did the USC football players go out for a fun night at the Nine-O followed by some drunk food at Huerto’s? That must explain how all their scholarship players came down with COVID, and their game against Colorado got cancelled. God forbid that USC take the field without having any scholarship players available. As if their walk-ons aren’t worth a crap. I find cancelling that game an extreme disservice to those walk-ons that worked hard to earn a spot on the team. I would argue that USC should still be able to beat Colorado with those players. Well, maybe they would if they were coached by anybody other than Clay Helton. Helton is probably just stoked that another week is going by where he can’t actually be fired. Helton isn’t immune from COVID. However, he seems to be immune from being bought out at $20 million this year.

As for UCLA Football, I have no idea what to make of them after they beat up on Arizona. The Bruins appear to be better than last year, on defense in particular, but it’s not necessarily the Chip Kelly team you thought you would see. More than anything, they have taken advantage of a conference that appears to be softer than tissue paper. Arizona and Cal aren’t great, and they nearly beat a vastly overrated Oregon team. With the way this team is playing, they could actually beat USC if and when they play in a couple of weeks. That would be a big deal when it comes to the perceptions of Chip Kelly and Clay Helton. Frankly, Helton is probably hoping the game gets cancelled because of COVID since he has far more to lose than gain in that game.

UCLA Basketball got their season underway last week, and thus far it’s been sloppier than a Thursday night on fraternity row. They got beaten up against San Diego State, then needed 3 overtimes to beat Pepperdine. The defense doesn’t look quite as sharp as last season, and the offense looks even further behind that. However, I wouldn’t panic too much. UCLA looked pretty bad last season up until conference play. Midway through conference play, they looked like they could beat anybody in the country. The team looks like it hasn’t been able to practice much together given COVID, and looks like they need that time to gel again. You can see the shot making ability though of Chris Smith and Tyger Campbell, and how good this team could really be once they get themselves in rhythm.

Imagine spending $50 to watch a Youtuber, an ex-NBA player, and 2 senior citizens box. This is what it’s come to in 2020 for some of your entertainment needs. I like entertainment and I love Mike Tyson, but the people that paid for that fight on Saturday were the real losers of the evening. Nate Robinson got destroyed. The NBA season hasn’t even started yet and the Knicks are already taking losses. That’s also the first time we’ve seen somebody essentially die in the ring since Apollo Creed in Rocky III. Snoop Dog needs to do way more sports commentary. There’s a real need for him to just talk smack rather than listen to these polished play-by-play folks and analysts all the time. I realize this was just an exhibition, but the judges really blew it. Tyson won that fight and deserved better, hands down.

Finally, the Bachelorette went down last week and it’s back again tomorrow night on ABC. Suddenly everybody likes Ivan for Tayshia. Except nobody knew who Ivan was until last week. Chris Harrison must be ready to hang himself after dealing with all that Clare nonsense, and then having to hang out with Ed at 2:00 am. It’s almost like the producers did that just to troll him. Honestly, if Tayshia weren’t coming in the middle of a season with one of the worst Bachelorette’s ever, you might actually give her more serious consideration for the best Bachelorette ever. Meanwhile, there’s already rumors surfacing of Clare and Dale not even living on the same coasts, and talk that he was flirting with some girl outside a New York Bar. This relationship sounds like it’s going to last about as long as my first girlfriend, who I dated for 2 hours before math class in 6th grade. I’m still shocked nobody is talking about how big that bowl of ice cream was!

Monday Morning Coffee

November 23, 2020

The Lakers aren’t just winning the NBA off-season. They are dominating it. The defending NBA Champions just got younger, deeper, and more athletic. Adding Montrezl Harrell was a thing of beauty, and those of you who say he’s not that versatile or that great of a defender won’t be saying that when you see him playing on a front-line with Anthony Davis. Dennis Schroeder is the play-making point guard they desperately needed, and Wesley Matthews is a much cheaper version of Danny Green. Marc Gasol is a solid defensive big man who will help with spacing. Keeping KCP was critical too. I’m happy for Rajon Rondo, but I’m a little disappointed in Dwight Howard and Avery Bradley. Dwight’s departure itself isn’t disappointing, but him thinking he was coming back prematurely is the most Dwight Howard thing ever. Meanwhile, Bradley leaving the Lakers after bailing on them in the playoffs is absurd. The man should be forced to stay in 3-star Orlando hotel for the next 3-months with no room service and crappy internet to get his championship ring. Nevertheless, I don’t know if you’ve noticed yet but Rob Pelinka is really good at his job. He and Rich Paul are playing chess with the entire league right now, while everyone else is playing Chutes and Ladders.

As for the Clippers, they managed to save a little bit of face by signing Serge Ibaka, but I think it’s adorable that people think this was some home run signing. The reality of it is, the off-season has been a train wreck for this franchise. They lost the 6th man of the year to their cross-town rivals. JaMychal Green, a critical rotation piece, left them for the Nuggets. They had to overpay to keep Marcus Morris, who also hates playing with Paul George. They got turned down by Rajon Rondo, Kent Bazemore, and Kris Dunn. They still didn’t get the play-making point guard the desperately needed. In the last two days they’ve been rejected more than Urkel at Senior Prom. Meanwhile, all those people that tried to tell us the Clippers were building a dynasty last year are trying to tell us now that they have closed the gap between themselves and the Lakers. Those must be the same people who told themselves they had COVID last January, just so they could convince themselves of their own immunity.

Elsewhere around NBA free agency Dwight Howard signing with the Sixers just means that he and Joel Embiid are going to be in competition for who can tell the lamest jokes all season. The Celtics biggest move of the off-season was signing Tristan Thompson, which means the Kardashians are going to be attending all their games. I’m pretty sure you haven’t heard any leaks out of the Charlotte Hornets organization because Mitch Kupchak is probably still using a typewriter. I also love the fact that Mitch would rather eat $9 million by waiving Nic Batum than give the Celtics anything back in a sign and trade for Gordon Hayward. Once a Laker, always a Laker! Knicks fans spent the last week photo shopping Westbrook, Gallinari, and Gordon Hayward just to end up with Alec Burks, Nerlens Noel, and Elfrid Payton. Has anybody checked on Woj and Shams? Somebody send food and water ASAP.

To the NFL where the Chargers reminded us why they are 2-7 yesterday. They actually had to fight it out against the winless Jets to get a victory. This also happened with Justin Herbert once again looking like a generational talent all game. It’s like owning a McLaren, but having driving Miss Daisy operating it. Even in a victory, the Bolts walked away leaving observers wondering about the play calling, the decision making, and just plain and simple giving their fans more anxiety than 2020 itself. To be honest, the week was full of nothing but bad decisions, including Justin Herbert’s haircut, which now makes him look like he’s a 14-year-old boy.

The Rams are getting ready for a big showdown tonight with the Bucs. This is the Rams fifth trip back east this season. I’m beginning to think the league is just punishing Sean McVay for having a smoking hot fiancé. A win tonight would put the Rams in first place in the NFC West, and suddenly put them in the conversation for securing a bye week in the playoffs. This would also be sweet revenge for the Rams against Tom Brady, who stuck it to them in the Super Bowl two years ago. I’m shocked that Antonio Brown hasn’t torpedoed the Bucs yet, but it’s only week 11, so there’s still time for that.

Elsewhere around Week 11, seeing Carson Wentz vs Baker Mayfield was like watching two drunk guys fight each other in the Browns win over the sorry Eagles. Speaking of the NFC East, the Cowboys got their 3rd win when they took down the Vikings, and are probably ready to throw themselves a parade since they are a 1/2 game out of 1st place. Taysom Hill handed all his doubters a big fat L, as the Saints beat the Falcons and moved into 1st in the NFC. Congratulations to the Jaguars, who lost their 100th game under their current owner, Shad Khan. It’s those kinds of losers that really make Monday Morning Coffee what it is! The Bengals lost to Washington, and lost Joe Burrow for the season. It’s like they bought a new IPhone in the offseason, but didn’t even buy a case for it. The Dolphins lost and Tua’s starting job lasted about as long as the rap career of Vanilla Ice. Death, taxes, and the Packers always blowing leads against the Colts. That Patriots lost to the Texans, and Cam Newton needs to start picking more appropriate outfits for losses during the postgame pressers. The Lions lost to the Panthers, and Detroit scored as many points as you did in that game. The Titans beat the Ravens in OT, and Baltimore would have an easier time tackling a freight train than bring down Derrick Henry and AJ Brown.

The USC Football program is amazing. I’ve never seen a team that keeps winning and just looks progressively in decline each week like we are seeing. The only thing that could have made USC’s offense worse this weekend were if the FS1 announcers were calling that game. Utah had 9 new players on defense, and they just wrecked Kedon Slovis for most of the game. The scary part is that this was the best game USC has played. However, Slovis looks like he has regressed. He’s holding the ball way too long, and missing wide open targets. His offensive line isn’t helping either. What is helping Clay Helton though is the fact that every team he’s played has been playing their season opener. He is sure to survive another season, and keep this program cemented in mediocrity for the time being.

As for UCLA, you have to admire the fight they put up against Oregon. They nearly won with their backup QB, and with a bunch of guys out of the lineup because of COVID. With that being said though, it makes you wonder just how good Oregon really is, and also if Chip Kelly is playing the right quarterback. Chase Griffin had very little preparation time, and he looked pretty darn good. I wouldn’t trust Chip Kelly to pick the right ingredients for scrambled eggs right now, let alone start the right quarterback. We’ll see if there’s any real momentum to be built here, or if it was just a one week aberration.

To baseball where I will start by congratulating Andrew Friedman for winning the MLB Executive of the Year. Anybody that can assemble the team he did, win a World Series, and endure relentless jokes and criticism from me for 5 years is well deserving of the award. He is by far the best executive in baseball today. With that being said, I don’t really understand the rumors we are hearing about the Dodgers trading for Rockies 3rd Baseman Nolan Arenado. If the Dodgers are going to spend money, they should be spending it on starting pitching or bullpen. Trading for Arenado is like buying a Ferrari when you just need a reliable, but still nice four- door Mercedez. Re-signing Justin Turner, giving Gavin Lux a chance to play, and spending money on starting pitching or bullpen would be much more practical for LA. With that being said, the Dodgers have the resources to do whatever they want. I just hope they continue to exercise that power wisely.

Finally, the Bachelorette is back on ABC tomorrow night. I’m sure the Harvard PR department is crawling into a hole right now after discovering that Bennett can’t do math. He must have been a legacy admission. Chasen referring to himself as “wolverine” is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. That and the name “Chasen”. Chasen also needs to find a dictionary to find a substitute word for “smoke show”. Try playing a drinking game for every time he uses that word. You would be dead pretty fast. I like how Ed wussed out of the wrestling match using the lame excuse of a chronic shoulder injury & said he couldn’t even throw a football, yet he can lift heavy weights. Can’t fool me bro! Overall, nice to see Tayshia being open minded and giving these dudes a chance, unlike somebody else we saw earlier this season.

Monday Morning Coffee

November 16, 2020

I love how NBA GM’s are complaining they don’t even know the rules and dates when they are allowed to make trades, yet Rob Pelinka knew and was the first guy to make one this offseason. Pelinka is about to consummate a trade for OKC point guard Dennis Schroeder, in exchange for Danny Green and this year’s first round pick. Schroeder is a young, solid playmaker, and improving shooter. He’s got a reasonable contract, and fills a big need for the Lakers. It’s not splashy like CP3 or even DeMar Derozan, but it’s effective, and keeps the Lakers in line to spend lots of money next summer. The bad news is that it looks like they are going to lose Rajon Rondo to a team that is going to overpay for him. I’m sure many Laker fans are hoping they can trade Kyle Kuzma for a Playstation 5 and some games to go along with it. However, I have my doubts his $3.5 million salary is going to bring back a quality player, especially now that Green’s salary just went out the door. All of this is hard to judge until you see the finished product, but I think it’s safe to say Pelinka has a plan and knows what he’s doing.

Meanwhile, I have no idea what the Clippers are up to, but there’s a lot of noise coming from them. The latest is the idea that they could trade for Russell Westbrook, and maybe even swap Paul George for him. The idea of adding Westbrook to this team is like lighting a fire, and then trying to put it out by adding lighter fluid. The more interesting part of this story however, is the fact we keep hearing Paul George’s name getting thrown around in trade rumors. It came up in a Jrue Holiday trade rumor. Now it’s coming up in this Westbrook rumor. In other words, other than Kawhi, there’s nobody on the team I see as a certainty to return. Curious to see how this drama plays out.

Another super interesting story related to the NBA that came up is the proposal by Warriors Owner Joe Lacob to try and get fans in NBA arenas. Lacob is proposing something that could actually be a viable option for the event business in general. His proposal is to spend $30 million on rapid COVID-19 testing on game day for every fan in the building. The results of those tests would be reinforced with 50% capacity in the building, and with everyone wearing masks. I applaud the efforts of Lacob for pushing the envelope on this, and trying to be innovative. However, I question whether or not an extremely restrictive state like California will be allow him to do this. I also question whether or not there would be an appetite for the owners of these types of venues to spend $30 million just to fill them to 50% capacity. I hope the man proves me wrong, as it would be wonderful to see, but I think we’re looking at 2022 before we might see some normalcy to the event business.

The Angels finally hired a General Manager! Perry Minasian is the new man, and I’m sure you’re all feverishly Googling him to figure out just who the hell he is. I was beginning to wondering if the Angels we’re about to start interviewing season ticket holders for the vacancy, since it sure didn’t seem like too many people wanted the job. Congrats to Minasian who has actually worked in baseball for a long time and deserves a shot, and a man who also has a strong scouting and player development background. I’m just not sure if Arte Moreno has informed him that he will be doing all of the scouting and player development, since he’s going to be adding much of a staff underneath him like most owners would. This unfortunately is as good as it was going to get folks. There was never any Dave Dombrowki splashy name that was going to come given the circumstances. Considering Minasian will not have much of a staff, he’ll have an owner dictating things to him, and he’ll have a manager in place that isn’t his guy, if he can succeed he might be one of the greatest ever.

The Rams are tied for 1st place in the NFC West! You’ve gotta hand it to the defense yesterday, shutting down one of the most explosive offenses in football. Seattle tried to “let Russ cook”, and instead he almost burned the kitchen down. The Rams sacked Russell Wilson 6 times, and intercepted him twice. Jalen Ramsey also shutdown D.K. Metcalf, who had just 2 catches for 28 yards. There’s a lot of football left to be played, but suddenly you have to feel really good about their chances to win the NFC West. The Seahawks and Cardinals are really good, but they are all about Russell Wilson and Kyler Murray. The Rams have a great defense, they can run the ball, they are well coached, and they have playmakers on the perimeter. I’m suddenly not so concerned about all those NFC East wins. Here comes another trip back east though to face Tom Brady and the Bucs next Monday. This one should be fun.

Meanwhile, the Chargers did their fans a favor and just got dismantled early on by the Dolphins instead of disappointing everyone at the end. The Bolts looked totally overmatched in this one from the start, and this was the first game where Justin Herbert looked pretty ordinary. If the Chargers can’t win when he looks like an absolute stud, they have no chance of winning when he’s just a guy. The Dolphins are a solid team and even though people might not want to hear this, the injuries are just too much for the Chargers to overcome. You can’t lose Joey Bosa, Derwin James, and Mike Pouncey, and expect to win most of your games. Plus the team is losing running backs faster than Donald Trump is losing electoral votes. Say what you will about the disastrous finishes, but if the Chargers don’t have their best playmakers at the end of these games, it’s going to be hard to come out on the right side of these games.

Elsewhere around Week 10 of the NFL, the Eagles lost to the Giants and the NFC East winner should just donate their playoff spot to a frontline worker this year. The Packers look like they ate too much cheese in their lethargic win over the Jaguars. Chase Young handed the Lions an early Christmas Gift with a late penalty, and a Detroit win. Baker Mayfield wishes it rained hard every week because it actually made him look like a good quarterback in the Browns win over the Texans. The Bucs won and Tom Brady will probably get to eat one extra almond as a reward from Gisele. The Saints won and Jameis Winston got some playing time. I’m sure he celebrated with some of the finest crab legs in New Orleans afterward. DeAndre Hopkins should make that game-winning catch vs Buffalo his Christmas Card and send it Bill O’Brien. Big Ben and the Steelers dismantled the Bengals like they have every game they’ve played for the last give years.

To College Football where USC beat Arizona, in what proved to be underwhelming again. This must be the worst 2-0 football team in USC football history. What has happened to Graham Harrell’s play calling? I can only believe that Clay Helton is involved in it now. The Trojans must be trying to break the record for most checkdowns in a season. This could not be anymore painfully obvious the more we have to endure watching USC play: the have average coaching, and are producing average results. They may not have Matt Leinart or Reggie Bush level talent, but their talent is good enough to dominate the Pac 12 and to compete against some of the better teams in the country. The biggest win for Clay Helton this season is the fact there’s less games, and nobody will actually be in attendance to watch how pathetic he is doing. Congratulations for getting the best of 2020 Clay.

Meanwhile, UCLA actually had a great game against Cal. Of course this game happened on an NFL Sunday so nobody got to see it, and in an empty Rose Bowl. I don’t know why everybody made such a big deal about having to switch opponents at the last minute due to COVID? Chip Kelly wouldn’t have prepared his team a whole lot either way! You’ve gotta love how the schedule was changed so quickly like it was Sigma Chi playing Kappa Sigma on Thursday night before hitting the bars. Believe it or not, this is the first time that the Bruins have been at .500 in the Chip Kelly era. Credit to the UCLA defense for showing up in this one. We can only hope that come next week against Oregon they look equally as strong, but don’t hold your breath.

Congratulations to Dustin Johnson on winning The Masters! DJ was actually proven to be the winner in the state of Georgia, and miraculously no re-count was necessary. The man was dominant as ever, tying the major championship record by shooting -20. I’m not going to say something lame about Paulina Gretzky though and take the focus of his spectacular performance. I’ll leave that to Colin Cowherd instead.

Finally, the Bachelorette is going down tonight on ABC, and we saw what we think is the last of Dale and Clare last week. How do we tell Chris Harrison that we just don’t give a crap about Dale and Clare when he was interviewing them? I did get a kick of out seeing the look on Dale’s face when Clare was talking about having babies with him on live TV. Chris must be in the hospital though with a back injury after having to carry the show this season. The producers must have lost their minds when Tayshia said she can see herself marrying Brendan after two episodes. I’m not sure what the hell is wrong with Jason. Dude is acting like he needs therapy after falling in love with Clare for 5 minutes. Did she even have time to learn this name? Then again he probably decided to go home after he settled for a La Quinta vacation and everybody got served hot dogs and hamburgers after the game of pool basketball. These guys must be livid that they aren’t even traveling to good places, let alone getting any good food. Who is managing this shows finances, Bernie Madoff?

Monday Morning Coffee

November 9, 2020

The NBA is officially coming back on December 22nd! I know that feels bizarre considering the season just ended five minutes ago, but nobody can really be that upset about it. The players and owners need the money, they need to get closer to a normal schedule, and people need entertainment around Christmas. As for the Lakers being at a major disadvantage, a few extra weeks of rest isn’t going to make a huge difference. Lebron’s been doing this for 17 years, he knows how to pace himself, and his squad. Besides, right now, Lebron is probably just pumped he can go visit the White House, and not be served fast food. Instead, he’ll probably get fast casual food.

What is it going to take to get the Chargers to win a close game? I mean it’s getting to the point where we are running out of jokes about them to put on this blog. Even Shakespeare couldn’t script endings that are this tragic. I don’t know what more you want Anthony Lynn to do though. He can’t catch the football for his receivers at the end of the game. To a large extent this is just about execution. The talent is there. With 6 losses by 7 points or less it’s like the Bolts are nearly, almost, but not quite an elite team. Until we see it, Justin Herbert is going to look like a Ferrari that’s parked in a trailer park. At 2-6 though, it’s probably safe to say this team will be watching the postseason on TV this year.

Elsewhere around the NFL in Week 9, Tom Brady and Antonio Brown must have had a very awkward bus ride yesterday after the Bucs got destroyed by the Saints. That Giants-Washington game should have been included as part of Saturday Night Live. The Cowboys avoided a bloodbath against the Steelers, but moral victories don’t even count in the NFC East. The Falcons shocked their fans by actually holding on to a lead in their win against Denver. Even James Harden thinks Seattle’s defense stinks, as the Seahawks got beat the by the Bills. The Ravens roasted the Colts, and Philip Rivers will get roasted by his teammates for a pathetic attempt at making a tackle. The Texans beat the Jags, but JJ Watt basically told the media he’d rather be playing on Mars. The Chiefs beat the Panthers and Patrick Mahomes is so accurate, he probably has a career in darts if football doesn’t work out for him. The Vikings beat the Lions, and Kirk Cousins is going to call the league and ask if they can play Detroit every week. The Titans beat the Bears and AJ Brown should change his name to “AJ Beast”. Here’s a look at the mess that was the Giants and Washington.

To College Football where the Pac-12 is back! Although USC must have received a late notice. The Trojans played ASU on Saturday at the Coliseum, and it looks like they thought the game started at noon instead. That win was about as fortunate as it gets. Good thing for Clay Helton because now he won’t have to hear noise about his job security for at least another week. Kedon Slovis made a big throw late in the game, but that covered up a lot of warts. The run defense was weak, as was the run game, but Arizona State handed that game over like they were some 501C3. The win generously put USC at #20 in the AP Poll so Trojan fans can take that for what it’s worth.

Then there’s UCLA. There’s been all this weird stuff happening in 2020, yet UCLA still stinks at football under Chip Kelly so thanks to him for making us feel normal again. The first half against Colorado may have been the worst in Bruins history, and that’s saying a lot. At that point, I was beginning to think I’d rather have Joe Biden playing quarterback than DTR. I’m beginning to wonder if Chip Kelly thinks he needs to tank to get a #1 draft pick. He does realize he’s coaching back in college again right? This program has players that look like they have regressed, and look less and less motivated to play for Kelly by the day. I realize that UCLA AD Martin Jarmond just turned on his computer, but he’s gotta at least be raising an eyebrow at what he’s seen so far.

What an exciting Saturday night it was to be a Notre Dame alum, or a football fan. The Irish knocked off #1 Clemson in South Bend in double overtime, in arguably the biggest win of the Brian Kelly era. Also, for those of you trolls that want to point out that Trevor Lawrence didn’t play, you conveniently forgot that the Clemson backup QB threw for 435 yards, two touchdowns, and didn’t turn it over. How much better can you expect from Lawrence? Unless he can tackle somebody, it’s just as meaningful of a signature win. As for the rush of students onto the field, I realize that all these kids were acting like the cure to COVID-19 was beating the #1 team in the country. It wasn’t a great idea, as are a number of other things we do anyway for a variety of personal reasons (i.e. – celebrating your candidates presidential victory, going to a rally of your preferred presidential candidate, or protesting for a social cause). They are all risky given we are in a pandemic. I will say though that for as stupid as we all think teenagers and young adults are, you’ve gotta at least give credit to nearly all the people that rushed on to the field with masks on.

To baseball where the MLB offseason is upon us. That means the hot stove is already starting to heat up with rumors around the Dodgers, and specifically with Indians Shortstop Jose Lindor. The same can be said for Reds pitcher Trevor Bauer. In years past, this is where I would crush Andrew Friedman for not doing everything in his power to improve the team when he has the resources to. Not this year though. Friedman is a super nerd, but he’s shown us that they can easily acquire those two studs, but don’t need to. This would be like buying two Ferrari’s when you already have three in the garage. Why add $50 million to your payroll, even if it’s just for one year, when you have plenty of great young arms that are only getting better, and a solid clubhouse guy in Justin Turner you can bring back on a reasonable deal? They also have a young stud of their own waiting in the wings with Gavin Lux. Anything is possible, but I don’t see the Dodgers going too crazy this offseason, other than finding a way to re-tool their bullpen.

It took 6 days, and I’m still not entirely sure the election is over. I would have never thought that two men in their 70’s could maintain an election for this long. Most people experienced some form of anxiety during this process, but not Al Horford’s sister, who claimed that it made her horny on Instagram. Meanwhile, John King is amazing. He looks even more amazing since he probably got dressed in the copy room at CNN everyday last week. I also learned last week that I’m not nearly as good at identifying states on a blank map as I thought I would be. Trump had the lead everyone, but then again, so did the Clippers. Nevertheless, it was incredible to see people refreshing their timelines like it’s NBA free agency. Those remaining states should really offer a list of demands before releasing the vote counts. On the plus side for Trump though, he no longer has to publicly pretend to enjoy being around Don and Eric anymore.

Dave Chappelle was amazing on Saturday Night Live. If you were offended, you probably shouldn’t be watching SNL in the first place. However, credit to NBC for letting Chappelle go unfiltered, despite maybe not being all that safe for network TV. This is probably one of the few comedians in the world who can get away with a KKK joke, an AIDS joke, while having a lit cigarette on stage. What may have gotten lost in all the hilarity of his routine was one important message he said to all Americans. That message is to forgive each other for how we’ve treated one another throughout this whole process, and move forward together.

Finally, I never thought the Bachelorette season would end before Nevada finished counting. Poor Dale. The guy has to be pissed. I’m sure he just went on the show to get famous, go on a few nice vacations, and now he has to get engaged after one date. As for the rest of those other dudes, they are stoked they get to get hurt again now that Tayshia has shown up. You’ve gotta hande it to these guys. They handled the loss of Clare with such grace, class, and dignity, which is always difficult to do after losing out on a week at La Quinta. Seeing these guys pretend like it was a struggle with the decision to stay or go is hilarious, as if they had any time at all to start liking Clare. If anything this season just goes to show you ladies that if you don’t settle at a young age, you too can get engaged at La Quinta. Seriously though, we have to watch Clare and Dale tell their story on the Tell All? I think I’ll pass on that.

Monday Morning Coffee

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November 2, 2020

At long last the drought is over! The Dodgers are World Series Champions for the first time in 32 years. The way it went down made it even sweeter. Clayton Kershaw experienced playoff redemption with two huge world series wins and Dave Roberts made the right calls. After years of taking arrows for others in the organization, they have been vindicated. Plus, instead of telling everyone how stupid their narrative was, they both enjoyed the moment with class and grace. There was also the clutch hitting of Corey Seager, and the incredible playmaking and leadership of Mookie Betts. More than anything though, the bullpen came through after 7 years of committing arson in the playoffs. It was no wonder that this team was celebrating bullpen outs like someone just got posterized at the rim. They were almost a miracle in every instance. The Dodgers should probably call Kevin Cash and the Boston Red Sox and ask them for their ring size as well. Cash made the same mistake that we killed the Dodgers for the last few years: pulling their starters too early in the big playoff games when they are rolling, just because the analytics tell you to. Kind of funny that a former Andrew Friedman team lost to a current Andrew Friedman team for using a Friedman philosophy. As for the Red Sox trading Mookie to the Dodgers for nothing, I’m sure their fans are going to be ok. I mean I’m sure those fans are cool with the fact they leveraged the extra capital to surpass Q2 earnings.

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You probably noticed there’s a lot of World Series stories I haven’t even addressed, and that’s because I just don’t think they deserve a lot of attention. If the talk shows want to focus on how bad analytics are for baseball, or Justin Turner coming back on the field with COVID, they are just being lazy. The real story is how great of a team this was, and how this was arguably a tougher championship to win than if it were a 162-game season. No fans, no days off, and more playoff teams to go through. The only asterisk still belongs to the 2017 Astros, for their use of “trash-can-alytics”. If you really want my thoughts on Turner I’ll leave it at this: none of us have played in the MLB for over a decade and know what it’s like to be in that position of having to make the choice he did. It’s easy to not condone what he did, but I can’t say none of us wouldn’t have done the same thing, so we should get off his back. He might not even be a Dodger in a few weeks. The real blame is on Commissioner Rob Manfred, who barely had the right protocols in place all year. I love that he was booed to the point it felt like there were 40,000 fans instead of 10,00 fans in the stadium. He also sounded like he slammed a few martini’s before giving that post game speech.

I couldn’t possibly get through writing this edition of MMC without issuing an apology to Andrew Friedman. From nearly day 1 on the job, I’ve been slinging arrows at him for his overly analytics approach, and essentially telling Dave Roberts exactly what to do. However, the reality of it is, this is Major League Baseball today whether you like it or not, and Friedman does it better than any of his competitors. It took a while for all of us to see this, especially myself, but I can clearly see it now. To Friedman’s credit, he stepped outside-the-box with certain decisions. He traded for Mookie Betts and signed him to a massive deal, something he used to shy away from. Not to mention the guy he finally spent the money on was the right guy. He re-signed Justin Turner, Kenley Jansen, and Clayton Kershaw when you thought he might not. He also has built an amazing young pitching staff with all cost-controlled arms for the new few years, and found undervalued gems in Max Mancy, Chris Taylor, and Kike Hernandez. I can’t promise the jokes about you using the computer to make decisions will stop, or your geekiness, but you have proven you’re a hell of an executive Andrew. The best in today’s game.

What the hell are the Angels doing? Their season has been over for more than a month and they aren’t even close to hiring a GM. Arte Moreno must be spending his time reading up on the propositions and catching up on Tiger King because the offseason is about to start and they have no front office leadership. Good luck trying to put something competitive on the field next season, namely a decent pitching staff, without a GM or decent scouting.

The NBA is going to have to start the season around Christmas, otherwise they are going to lose a lot of money. However, I fully expect the Lakers, Heat, Nuggets, and Celtics to be mailing it in for the first month of the season. Lebron will probably be banana boating in Cancun, Kyle Kuzma will be working on his wardrobe, AD will be threading his eye brows, and JR Smith will still be drinking Hennessey. I expect to see a lot of G-Leaguers for that first month, but it’s a little unsettling to know they will get off to a slow start in a tough Western Conference. Nevertheless, it’s a small price to pay to go into the season as defending NBA Champions.

The Rams are so symbolic of 2020. Just when you think things are getting better, they get slapped upside the head by something they didn’t know was coming. This time it was the Miami Dolphins. Jared Goff had more turnovers than Betty Crocker in the first half alone. His passer rating in the first quarter was so low, it should have read “LOL” on the stat sheet. Tua only threw for 93 yards in his debut, but it was Goff that looked like the rookie. It’s hard not to think that Brian Flores and Josh Boyer have Sean McVay’s number, especially since the Rams offense looked about as bad as it did in the Super Bowl. Kai Forbath is probably still walking back to LA at this point, after he missed that field goal to make it a one possession game. Considering the next four opponents are the Seahawks, Bucs, 49ers, and Cardinals, Rams fans should be pretty nervous right now they might fall out of contention ASAP. Hopefully Sean McVay has some major adjustments coming to his offense over the two weeks now that they have a bye coming up.

You have to admire the Chargers consistency at blowing leads and blowing it in close games. The really beared down and made sure they did it again in yesterday’s loss to the Broncos. They are the Atlanta Falcons of the AFC West. Not even the brilliance of Justin Herbert can change the inability for this team to finish games. Before you start pointing at the coaching staff for blowing leads of 16 points or more in the last four games, remember, Mike McCoy had the same reputation. It’s hard to protect leads when your defense is banged up and not good to begin with. It’s a shame everybody is going to focus on that because Justin Herbert looks every bit the franchise quarterback they thought he might be.


Elsewhere around Week 8 of the NFL, the Steelers beat the Ravens in a game that was so physical, it’s painful just watching it. Patrick Mahomes had five TD passes yesterday. The Jets don’t have five TD passes all year. Baker Mayfield looks like Joe Montana against the Bengals, and like Baker Mayfield against everybody else. The Packers defense had as many holes as Swiss Cheese for Dalvin Cook to run through in the Vikings win over Green Bay. The Colts smoked the Lions yesterday. If Philip Rivers had brought all his kids to the game, he could have equaled the attendance of the Lions fans. The Titans lost to the Bengals, and their defense has disappeared like Houdini. COVID has apparently aged Cam Newton five years, as the Patriots lost to to the Bills. I’m beginning to think DK Metcalf might be really good and that opponents should cover him after the Seahawks beat the 49ers.

Finally, the train wreck that is the Bachelorette continued last week and it’s back tonight. Doesn’t it make perfect sense? We get the worst bachelor and bachelorette ever during 2020! What a lame group date. Not one person got meaningful time with Clare. Way to go ABC. Let’s have a bunch of guys who are already anxious about their connections with Clare sit around all day stewing in the sun, tell them the only fun active thing they might do all week is canceled and they have to share a cocktail party with Dale. It’s been three episodes and the woman is smelling his pants, calling him her fiancé. That’s not how this is supposed to work Clare, but that’s fine. If it doesn’t work out with Dale, don’t come crawling back to Bachelor in Paradise. Thankfully, Tayshia came out of that pool at the end of the episode, and looks to be a Bachelorette that knows how this works. Hopefully that will salvage the season.