Monthly Archives: January 2018

Monday Morning Coffee

January 29, 2018

I know what you’re thinking.  Maybe the Lakers can make a run at the 8th seed.  However, the odds of going a week without hearing about sexual harassment are better than the Lake Show playing in late April.  Still, it would be great to see the team get close to 35 wins, and do wonders for their chances to score a big free agent or two, let alone increase the confidence of all their young players. In the meantime, I’m sure the Lakers are keeping a close eye on what’s going on in Cleveland and Oklahoma City.  The Cavs are total chaos and have resorted to finger pointing at Kevin Love for no reason.  Now it makes sense why Lebron picked Love on his All-Star squad.  Who else will he blame if his team loses? I still think the Cavs will be in the Finals as long as Lebron is on the floor, even if they hate each other.  I also think Lebron doesn’t have any better places to go where he can get paid and win after this season.  Paul George on the other hand, is still looking like a good bet to sign with the Lakers, even though he’s trying to tell people what they want to hear right now in OKC.

Lou Williams got snubbed not only once, but twice from the All-Star game! With all due respect to Damian Lillard, the Clippers would be in the NBA cellar without Lou this season.  The Blazers and Thunder have been consistently inconsistent, and after DeMarcus Cousins got hurt, Williams should have gotten the nod.  I can’t believe what kind of cry babies the NBA is made up of.  I thought this only extended to players whining about officiating but it’s far worse than that.  Lillard cried about his frustration for not being an All-Star days before the results were released.  In the early 2000’s the West was stacked at Power Forward with Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, Chris Webber, and Dirk Nowitzki.  I never heard Karl Malone, Pau Gasol, or Antawn Jamison complain about not being an All-Star at that time.  Stop whining and raise your game! Damn Millenials.

Congratulations to Vladimir Guerrero for being inducted into the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame, and congratulations to the Angels for finally having someone from their franchise inducted into the hall.  It definitely helped the Angels cause that the Expos no longer exist.  It’s also easy to forget that the Halos were in the postseason in five of Guerrero’s six seasons on the team.  Were it not for the annual abuse they took from the Boston Red Sox, he might even have a World Series ring or two to add to his legacy.  Meanwhile, Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens still haven’t been voted in which is just plain stupid.  Apparently the writers know for a fact that Jim Thome and Chipper Jones didn’t take steroids, yet Clemens and Bonds definitely did.  I guess sensibility is not a requirement to be a baseball writer.

As many of you know, I’ve been as critical as anyone of the Dodgers’ front office.  However, one thing I haven’t been critical of is the fact that they have consistently raised ticket prices.  The LA Times always feels the need to write articles about the team raising prices, inducing a reaction from angry fans on their message boards.  Apparently some people, including the LA Times writers, don’t understand the concept of supply and demand.  The Dodgers can raise ticket prices because there’s enough demand for them.  In case nobody noticed, the Dodgers were the best team in the National League last year and they played in the World Series.  People paid $1,000 just to stand in the building for a World Series Game.  If you are going to charge me premium ticket prices, that’s fine, you just better not put a bunch of garbage on the field.  Besides, by now the LA Times should have learned that the garbage that is in some of their columns does not command the prices they are charging their diminishing number of subscribers.

In last week’s edition of Joe Lunardi’s Bracketology from ESPN, UCLA isn’t even in the first four out. They are the next four out of the tournament.  I don’t think the Bruin wins’ over Cal and Stanford did anything to improve this.  That also didn’t do anything to improve the attendance at Pauley Pavilion.  I sure hope the Bruins plan on sweeping Arizona, Arizona State, and making the finals of the Pac 12 Tournament, because that’s their only way of playing in NCAA Tourney this year.  I also love how Steve Alford is suggesting that losing LiAngelo Ball, Cody Riley, and Jalen Hill made it tougher for the Bruins to play on the defensive end.  The only thing that makes it tough for the Bruins to play defense is having Alford as their head coach.  Every UCLA fan needs to be hoping things go bad for the Oklahoma City Thunder, and Billy Donovan becomes available.  That’s the Bruins best hope for a return to respectability.

Vince McMahon has announced that the XFL is coming back!  The league accepts outcasts, criminals, & outlandish behavior. That means the entire roster of the Cincinnati Bengals will be the perfect fit.  The Cleveland Browns also applied to be in the new league, and were rejected. Vince McMahon told them “try the YMCA.”

The NHL has done a lot of stupid things, but one thing they have done right is fix their All-Star game.  It’s a great showcase for the game, and one that is far more competitive than most of the other all-star games.  However, After watching Anze Kopitar and Drew Doughty in the NHL Skills Challenge, I now see why the LA Kings have been struggling to score……

These days, I guess it would be impossible to actually watch an entertaining event like the Grammy’s without getting exposed to some form of politics.  I mean we even got a Hilary Clinton appearance, although it was funny.  I’m waiting for the Donald Trump tweet in response to this any moment now, and it will probably come out by the time you read this edition of Monday Morning Coffee.  I’ve never understood why so many actors, actresses, and musicians are so far left.  It’s like they feel guilty for all the money they make.  As for the music itself, Bruno Mars and Elton John killed it, and that’s as normal as I’ve seen Miley Cyrus look in a long time.  I love the song by Logic, but I feel like it would cause more people to commit suicide than prevent it.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelor went down last week on ABC.  I’ve come to the conclusion that this season has really become about getting over the shock and awe of an older dude trying to make moves on girls who are about 15 years younger than him.  That’s also why a lot of people who watch the show normally have decided to pass on this season.  Nevertheless, there’s still some hilarious characters trying to come out on top.  I love how Krystal felt the need to say she’s flawless and because of that fact she doesn’t want to intimidate people.  It’s like she took that comment straight out of the Lebron James playbook.  Would you rather listed to Krystal’s voice for a full hour, or make out with someone that just drank their own urine? I know it’s a difficult choice, but before you respond remember, urine is only water.  Then there’s Lauren, who told Arie that she wants a relationship with an equal partnership.  Am I the only one that found that strange? I’m pretty sure that was pretty normal in all relationships formed after 1974.  If not you’re a complete scumbag.  Not sure what’s scarier: Bekah only being 22, or the fact that Arie could have ripped off her ear.

Monday Morning Coffee

January 22, 2018

The Lakers are what they are.  A bad team with a few decent young players.  However, a coaching change at this point is the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.  I’ve been as critical of Luke Walton as anybody, but he’s young and developing just like his players.  The idea of replacing him with David Fizdale because he has a relationship with Lebron is ridiculous.  Lebron has played for a number of coaches who are as bad at coaching as the Lakers are at free throw shooting.  He’s also been the one to pick most of those coaches, so no reason to think hiring Fizdale is going to lure Lebron to LA. Fizdale has experienced no more NBA success than Walton.  If you think letting free agents pick the coach is a good strategy, then you didn’t watch the last time this movie played, starring Mitch Kupchak and Jim Buss.

Across the hall, the Clippers have actually turned into an interesting story.  First off all, with apologies to Damian Lillard, Lou Williams has earned a spot on the all-star team.  The man is playing out of his mind, and has single-handedly picked the Clippers up by their boot straps and into the 8th seed in the West.  Some players only have the possibility of making an all-star team once in their career, and this is that time for Lou-Will.  Ironically though, he and DeAndre Jordan may not be with the team beyond the trade deadline because the Clipps know they need to get younger.  As for the drama that ensued earlier in the week with the Rockets, the confrontational incident is a reminder that CP3 was just as much of a problem while he was in LA as he was a solution.  If you’re going to be a jerk to your teammates, you better win a lot, and CP hasn’t won nearly enough for people to put up with him.  I also like how the NBA and Paul’s teammates were trying to protection his reputation.  Hello? Wearing a Clipper uniform at any point in your career is embarrassing enough.

To the NFL, where the league is breathing a huge sigh of relief this morning.  Had the Jaguars defeated the Patriots and ended up in the Super Bowl, the ratings would have been lower than the IQ’s of the owners that thought it was a good idea to move the Chargers to LA.  After the first half, I was beginning to think that Bill Belichick was going to ask Bryan Hoyer to cut off his hand and give it to Tom Brady.  I’m also surprised Rob Gronkowski didn’t pass the concussion protocol.  Knowing Gronk they probably asked him to do a keg stand in order to pass, but he failed.  The Pats win and America loses.  The Eagles destroyed the Vikings, and Case Keenum definitely remembered that he was Case Keenum.  Felt like Aaron Rodgers should have taken off the Nick Foles costume.  Everybody is going to be cheering for the Eagles.

UCLA basketball is looking more like a debacle with each game they play.  This time they suffered a pair of road losses to Oregon State followed by Oregon.  The Bruins are now in serious jeopardy of not making the tournament, and Steve Alford looks totally clueless.  Against Colorado, he apparently couldn’t tell that Thomas Welsh had the hot hand, and admitted he should have kept going to him.  They’ve lost three straight, the team looks totally unprepared, and their offense looks more disjointed than the United States government.  The play of Aaron Holiday is so symbolic of Alford.  Very good player with lots of talent, but can’t take his game to that next level when he’s plagued by bonehead plays and constant turnovers.  That lack of development for a teenager falls at the feet of Alford, who might as well be rolling the ball out at practice and letting the players try and figure it out on their own.  On the bright side, Bill Walton can tell you all about mushrooms.  Not surprising at all.

The Dodgers long-term strategy is very confusing.  They are clearly determined not to spend anymore money this offseason, despite the fact the value of guys like Yu Darvish is sinking faster than Bitcoin.  Aside from getting under the luxury tax and staying within the MLB debt rules, Andrew Friedman essentially indicated the team is going to pursue some big names next offseason.  However, this has never been Friedman’s style, so why would I believe him now? Friedman has never even spent $100 million on one contract.  He’s always gone after cost-controlled relievers, he’s never liked giving any player big money into their late 30’s, and you really think he would spend $400 million on a Bryce Harper, Manny Muchado, or even re-sign Clayton Kershaw? This feels like a public bamboozling, when in reality, the Dodgers just don’t plan to spend much money at all in the years to come.  That’s pretty upsetting for the fans who are getting stuck with higher ticket prices for a team that’s on the verge of a World Series title.

The NHL owners are downright foolish.  They have absolutely no idea how to market their sport and grow it, and not sending their players to the Olympics is a perfect example.  The owners didn’t want to have a 17-day shutdown of the NHL schedule during a time when the NFL and college football was over.  The problem with that rationale is that the NHL will be competing with the Winter Olympics for television ratings.  Would you rather watch some meaningless regular season hockey in February, or watch hockey played for a prize that is awarded every four years? The answer seems pretty obvious to me, especially considering the NHL players would love to participate.

Finally, another episode of the The Bachelor went down last week on ABC.  How could they do my girl Bibiana like that? I thought she would have lasted at least a few more weeks, but they might as well start welcoming her to Bachelor in Paradise.  What’s with Arie’s attraction to that woman who looks like a Lesbian?  The way things are going, Annaleise is going to have a traumatic experience in a garden one year from now and no longer be able to accept roses from a guy.  If you are afraid of bumper cars and dogs, it makes total sense to go after a husband who is a race car driver, right?  It’s hard to tell if the girls are more upset with Lauren S leaving, or the fact that Krystal is talking.

Monday Morning Coffee

January 15, 2018

NBA executives have lost their minds.  Lavar Ball ran his mouth saying nobody wants to play for Luke Walton.  Just because the Lakers didn’t make some statement supporting Walton, they think he’s going to get fired.  The Lakers don’t make statements supporting their coaches when I rip them on Jock Talk LA, or when some guy at the barber shop talks badly about them.  Lavar Ball is entertaining, but his opinions carry no more weight than mine or barber shop guy, so no need for the statement.  In fact, they are handling it well by not even addressing it.  By the way, the Lakers have won 4 in a row and are finally beating crummy teams they were losing to before.

Meanwhile, there’s actually quite shocking news related to the Clippers.  They recently talked to Minnesota about a Blake Griffin for Karl-Anthony Towns trade.  Forget the fact the Timberwolves would never do that deal.  The story is that the Clipps are actually ready to move on from Blake.  This guy has been the face of the franchise for the last 7 years, but it’s clear they are not looking to rebuild around him, but rather just blow it up.  A Blake trade will probably come later, but the DeAndre Jordan trade looks like it could be coming before February’s trade deadline.

To the NFL where it was a wild divisional round weekend.  Marcus Williams was trying to tackle Manti Te’o’s girlfriend on that last play in the Saints-Vikings game.  That was a great game with an unbelievable finish.  Sean Payton will probably get up this morning and throw a challenge flag disputing the fact the sun actually rose.  Steeler fans better put some chloroform on those terrible towels to knock themselves out.  So much for that Patriots re-match they were talking about all week.     The Falcons loss capped a rough week for football fans in the state of Georgia.  Marcus Mariotta needed to throw a lot more touchdown passes to himself if he was going to beat the Patriots.  Can’t wait for the Nick Foles vs Case Keenum battle next week in the “Jeff Fisher Can’t Hurt Us Anymore Bowl”.

The Chargers will apparently be playing in London next season.  Great! Maybe the NFL will consider leaving them there after the game! The Chargers may have had an improved ending to their season, but their ownership is clueless, and so are the other NFL owners that thought it was a good idea to put two teams in LA.  I give it five years before they pack up and move back down the freeway,

I don’t know what was more disappointing this weekend.  Reading about Dan Guerrero’s interview with the LA Times, or seeing UCLA basketball lose at home to Colorado.  Guerrero found a way to say a whole lot without actually saying anything.  He also claimed that the expectations at UCLA are to win national championships.  If that’s the case, I’m not sure why the follow up question to that wasn’t “well then why is Steve Alford still coaching the basketball team then?”  Then Alford’s team takes the floor and looks completely unprepared to play against Colorado.  No defense, no offensive flow, and it doesn’t look like the players are even developing.  UCLA is hardly even a lock to make the tournament right now.  Remember when everyone said the Bruins were going to be even better this year? Apparently not.

Yu Darvish reminds me of a woman who thinks she’s super hot and over exaggerates the level of interest a handful of guys have in her.  Darvish tweeted five teams are interested in him: the Yankees, the Astros, the Rangers, the Twins, and the Cubs.  Except the Yankees pulled their offer for him after 48 hours, the Astros made a trade for Gerrit Cole, the Cubs can bring back Jake Arrieta for less, and the Rangers don’t seem to want to spend.  Meanwhile the Twins are ready to show him the money, but it’s clear he has no interest in going there.  I won’t be surprised if he takes a 1-year deal somewhere with a “mystery team”.  Hopefully that mystery team isn’t the Dodgers.

Finally, we’re headed for episode 3 of The Bachelor on ABC tonight.  However, episode 2 was bizarre.  It felt like we were watching episode 8 of the season given that Arie basically had a hometown date.  Best line on the show: “I’m not sad about leaving you I’m sad about leaving all my new friends.”  Krystal’s smile and laugh are already giving me a headache.  Why doesn’t anybody ever eat their food on these dates?  Bibiana is tailor made for Bachelor in Paradise.  I get that she’s playing the role of the “hot tempered Latina”, but ABC doesn’t need to top if off with the Mariachi music they play when she’s on screen.  Becca clearly went on the best date in the show’s history because she got to keep all that designer gear.  If she was smart thought she’d sell it  for a nice chunk of change.  Annalise’s bumper car trauma is the whitest thing I’ve ever heard.  “Bumper Car Trauma” is going to be my new excuse for everything.  Here’s a reenactment of her trauma.





Monday Morning Coffee

January 8, 2018

The fans finally showed up to the Coliseum on Saturday.  Unfortunately, the Rams didn’t, as they got upset by the Falcons in the opening round of the playoffs.  At least the fans got to see Snoop Dog perform.  Snoop must have smoked out with some of the players before the game, because the Rams’ offense looked pretty stoned.  Sean McVay, Jared Goff, and Todd Gurley had no playoff experience, and they all played and coached like it.  The Falcons looked like that old guy at the YMCA you think you can destroy with your youth, yet you get dismantled by his savvy smooth moves.  This is why you shouldn’t rest your starters in the last game of the season  I’ve gotta give the team credit for a great year, but you can’t deny the disappointment.  They had a chance to capture the fans, but now nobody will show up until they get to the playoffs again.  I’d say the future is bright, but you never really know in the NFL from year-to-year, so they might have blown an opportunity even bigger than you think.

Elsewhere around Wild Card Weekend, the Saints won but they were lucky.  Sean Payton got away with some stupid play-calling, like a sugared up 16-year old playing Madden 18.  For a second I thought Doc Rivers was coaching the Saints.  That Bills vs Jags game set NFL Football back about 20 years.  That game film should be used to torture POW’s.  The Chiefs blew a 21-3 lead and lost to the Titans.  This explains a lot though…….

To the NBA, where Lavar Ball has done it again running his mouth.  Looks like that talk Magic and Pelinka had with Lavar really set him straight a couple of weeks ago.  Nice job guys.  Now Lavar is claiming that Luke Walton should be fired, the players have tuned him out, and of course that Lonzo isn’t being coached properly.  There’s no question that some of Walton’s decision making can be questioned, but the fact Lavar is being given a platform for this is insane, and the Lakers are only enabling him to do so.  Walton shouldn’t be fired, but its clear that at the moment the team isn’t responding to whatever he is preaching.  If the Laker front office wasn’t screaming from the mountain top that they plan on getting rid of everybody and signing free agents, Walton’s job would be a lot easier.  That parts not his fault.  By the way, the Lavar Ball 30 for 30 is going to be amazing.

Blake Griffin just can’t catch a break.  He’s injured again after taking an elbow to his grill in Saturday’s loss to the Warriors.  If the league really cared about Blake’s well being, they would keep him in the concussion protocol until he stopped dating Kendall Jenner.  As if the guy doesn’t have enough problems dealing with the Clipper Curse, so now he has to deal with a Kardashian one too?  Sources say the Clippers would consider parting with DeAndre Jordan if the Cavs would throw in the Nets draft pick in a deal.  We’re reaching the point where the Clippers should part ways with Blake Griffin before he becomes labeled as “damaged goods”.

Some of the things that Andrew Friedman does make absolutely no sense.  Friedman seems committed to acquiring cheap relievers to fortify the Dodger bullpen every year, and not overpay for relievers that may have overachieved in one particular year.  That’s fine, but why is Pedro Baez still on this team after four years of playoff failures? Why is Friedman so obsessed with this guy? He was so bad last year that he wasn’t even usable in the postseason.  Sounds like his super computer has a virus.

The longer a pitcher like Yu Darvish remains unsigned, the more likely it is he goes for a much lower price than he is asking for.  That means a team like the Angels could still swoop in and sign him.  The Halos could easily sign Darvish to a contract paying him $20 million per year, while remaining below the luxury tax threshold.  The Halos need to spend money now, because everybody will have money next season.  They also need more pitching, and Darvish doesn’t have to be a #1 for them, but just a solid piece of the rotation.  He’ll also fit in perfectly with the other Angel pitchers because he’s had Tommy John’s surgery.

How does UCLA basketball manage to go into Kentucky and take care of the #7 team in the country, yet blows it against lowly Stanford? Oh that’s right, it’s because they are coached by Steve Alford.  Alford is probably teaching his team the fundamentals of defense by showing them YouTube video of James Harden.  The worst part is for as great of an offensive coach as Alford is supposed to be, the team isn’t even exciting to watch! Gone is the buzz of Bruin basketball.

Finally, what the hell was ABC thinking? They air the season premier of The Bachelor on New Years Day, competing with the College Football Playoff.  The show’s ratings suffered, and you can be sure they will suffer tonight when the show competes with the National Championship.  I guess you can eliminate anybody in the south from watching the show.  ABC is also bringing in Arie Luyendyk as the Bachelor, five seasons removed from being on the show.  I actually like this move because he’s past the reality show life and car racing, which makes him an even better character.  The first women that said “I grew up around cars” to impress him had to have meant that she grew up in a house where her mom and dad owned two cars.  Tia, who is from Weiner, Arkansas, is a clone of Raven from the last couple of seasons.  It’s like the show has to fill a quota of Arkansas contestants.  Those girls that got sent home after the 1st show and didn’t even get time with Arie deserve to get sent home, and I don’t care if they are crying a river.  It’s a competition ladies, so compete!


Monday Morning Coffee

January 1, 2018

Could the Lakers be any more disappointing?  They are clearly a lottery team once again, and this time they don’t have a lottery pick.  They may have stabilized their front office, but on the court they are still as shaky as Donald Trump’s approval rating.  They never show up to play against teams they should beat, they play too much isolation ball, and Julius Randle doesn’t play nearly enough minutes.  If they’ve given up on trading Luol Deng as reports suggest, why don’t they just waive him or play him instead of leaving him in limbo? I also don’t understand why Luke Walton won’t play Ivica Zubac, rather than Andrew Bogut and Brook Lopez, who won’t be with the team next year.  This is a total disaster, and it’s a locker room that’s going to get further splintered in the coming weeks.  The only way to turn this thing around is to get free agents to come here, but why would they? This feels like the same movie that starred Mitch Kupchak and Jim Buss, only with a new cast of characters.

Meanwhile, the Clippers got Blake Griffin back in the lineup on Friday, and Doc Rivers probably thinks they can win an NBA Championship.  This is really the worst thing to happen to the Clippers since they decided to change their uniforms into those ugly pajamas.  The Clips are just delaying the inevitable rebuild.  They need to trade DeAndre, Blake, and the disaster that is Danilo Gallnari.  They’ll be locked in NBA purgatory until they do.

To College Football where the Trojans got blown off the field against Ohio State in the Cotton Bowl.  USC looked so bad, Sam Darnold might have been playing bad purposely so the Browns don’t draft him.  It was typical Sam.  Make a handful of highlight throws that the scouts will drool over, then serve up a handful of turnovers like Betty Crocker.  However, the real problem the Trojan faithful can point to is Clay Helton.  Once again, against a nationally elite opponent, USC looked like they had no business being on the field, and completely unprepared.  The Trojans got beat badly on the line of scrimmage, and the play calling was completely unimaginative.  Darnold would be foolish to come back to school with Helton there, but if USC is serious about having a legitimate national powerhouse, they will find themselves an elite coach.

The Bruins didn’t fare much better in their bowl game against Kansas State, but it was hard to expect them to since Josh Rosen was sidelined with an injury.  The real story here is Rosen suggesting that he would return to school just so he won’t get drafted by the Browns.  Let’s be honest Josh, we all know you aren’t stupid enough to turn down $20 million in guaranteed money just to avoid Cleveland.  If he’s dumb enough to do that, then it’s clear he didn’t get any education at UCLA.  The Bruins and every other team in the Pac-12 didn’t exactly make the conference look good this bowl season…..

Sean McVay and the Rams almost pulled it off.  By losing yesterday, they nearly took the #4 seed, setting themselves up for a showdown with a wounded Philadelphia team.  Instead, they’ll have to go through Atlanta, and then Minnesota if they advance.  The road is going to be tough, but I really like the Rams chances to make it out of the NFC.  Their offense is as good as anyones, and their defense has the ability come up with big plays.  As long as McVay doesn’t take the boys to Catch LA the night before and overload on sushi and saki, I fully expect the Rams to take care of business against the Falcons next week.  I also fully expect the Coliseum to actually have fans in it for at least one week.

As for the Chargers, maybe next year they will remember that the season starts in September, rather than October.  The Bolts 0-4 start killed them, and despite yesterday’s big win against the Raiders, they didn’t get the help they needed from other teams to sneak into the postseason.  Sure we’re going to hear for the next 6 months how the Bolts are building momentum for next year.  However, the Raiders are talented and about to bring back Jon Gruden.  The Chiefs are oozing with talent and aren’t going anywhere.  The Chargers still can’t be trusted to win close games, and I’m not so sure that changes in the Philip Rivers’ era.  I’m also not so sure they last five years in LA with the lack of support they are getting.

Wow, that Ravens season disappeared quicker than Ray Lewis’ bloody white glove.  Watching Joe Flacco play football is like some form or cruel and unusual punishment.  Andy Dalton really is an expert at taking teams out of the playoffs: his own and other teams.  I guess that was the closest Marvin Lewis will come to winning a playoff game.  It was so cold in New England yesterday, the football were naturally deflated.  I’d like to congratulate the Browns on fulfilling my hopes and dreams and finishing the season a perfect 0-16.  Cheer up Cleveland, you still have another beating to look forward to from the Warriors in the NBA Finals.