Monthly Archives: December 2019

Monday Morning Coffee

December 30, 2019

Tough week for the Lakers.  They snapped a 4-game skid but not before losing some games to some quality competition, namely the Clippers.  On top of that, I’m pretty sure Kyle Kuzma’s trainer isn’t going to be invited to Taco Tuesday at Lebron’s house, after firing off some highly critical tweets.  Lebron is already sending a strongly worded letter to the Santa at the North Pole demanding that he takes a crap in the trainer’s stocking next year.  I don’t know if Kawhi is better than Lebron on a nightly basis, but he certainly makes the matchup difficult.  In all seriousness though, Lebron is going to have to figure out how to be the smarter and more skillful player against the Clippers, rather than the most athletic guy.  That’s the only difference between the Lakers and Clippers right now, but I think Lebron is capable of figuring out that challenge.

As for the Clippers, yes they are basking in the glory of a win over the Lakers on Xmas Day, but then they followed that up by laying an egg against Utah.  Doc Rivers blamed the loss on the fact his team is sick, but they are probably sick from watching Paul George shoot 30% from the field the last 4 games.  He been awful lately, and nobody cares unless your name is Lebron, Harden or Westbrook.  Then there’s Kawhi Leonard, who won the AP Male Athlete of the Year, but I’m sure he’s going to miss the ceremony due to load management.  The Clippers are winning but they are annoying.  So is Kawhi’s Uncle, who probably asked Jeannie Buss for sexual favors while negotiating with the Lakers over the summer.  This dude reminds me of the Uncle in the movie “He Got Game”.

The Rams may have found the win column yesterday to finish the season over .500, but it was a lost cause. Todd Gurley just isn’t getting enough work, and whatever happens next season, he and Sean McVay need to hold hands and sing ” Kum-By-Ya” until they resolve whatever weird beef they have. They are also going to be a team that is shopping at the “99 Cent Store” this off-season, since they have paid everybody already, and still need to pay Jalen Ramsey. Despite that, I see no reason why the Rams can’t get back to the playoffs next year if they get creative with the cap, and fix the offensive line. There is still talent on this team.

The Chargers’ season also mercifully came to an end yesterday, but sadly the Charger career of Philip Rivers probably did as well. After watching Rivers get emotional at the post game press conference yesterday, I was thinking how much respect I had for the guy. I’ve gotta admit, I’ve always been a Drew Brees guy over Philip Rivers, but Rivers played so hard and didn’t care about the interceptions. He was always about going for it, even if the ride with the Bolts was bumpier than the Matterhorn. For Philip’s sake, and the sake of his 22 children, I hope he goes someplace else next year where he can win. For the Chargers, it’s going to be a disaster either way moving into a new stadium and losing name players like Rivers and Melvin Gordon, while having no fans.

Elsewhere around Week 17, America is cracking the champagne open after the Patriots lost to the Dolphins, which means they have to play next weekend in the playoffs. Marshawn Lynch was serving tequila shots at a parking lot tailgate in Oakland two weeks ago for the Raiders’ last game there. Last night he started for the Seahawks on Sunday Night Football.  Legend.  The NFC East playoff spot should go to LSU instead of the Eagles. More on them in a moment. Jameis Winston has thrown 30 interceptions this season, and he’s asking for $30 million next season. Isn’t this country amazing? The Bengals are so bad, even their celebrations suck.

USC football finished up their season with a Holiday Bowl loss against Iowa State. The only thing worse than the SC coaching is Qualcomm stadium.  The seats in that stadium look like they were recovered from the Titanic.  As if Trojan fans aren’t mad enough, now USC AD Mike Bohn is blaming the fans for the Trojans’ poor recruiting class. Maybe it’s because recruits don’t want to join a Clay Helton-coached team that consistently gets embarrassed by good competition.  Not because the fans want to see them fail.  Helton has embarrassed USC Athletics more than Lori loughlin.  Anybody that wants to point out that USC lost Kedon Slovis, Slovis doesn’t play defense or special teams, where much of their problems were against Iowa State.  USC was supposed to finish strong in the Holiday Bowl.  Instead, it validated every concern its frustrated fan base has levied against Clay Helton.

As for the College Football Playoff, the United Nations has charged LSU with crimes against humanity for what they did against Oklahoma.  Oh should Oklahoma join a conference now? Or maybe they should be relegated to Division II.  Look, for all the “Prisoner of The Moment People”  saying Oklahoma didn’t belong in this game, yes they did. They had the fourth best season in the country. This happens sometimes.  The top teams are just really good.  The same thing can be said for Division II and Division III College Football, which has the larger playoff format most people are pushing for.  Meanwhile Ohio State and Oklahoma have agreed to play a 3rd place game and Ohio State is already up 28-0 before the game started.  Hopefully the Championship game is a little more competitive.

I don’t even know what to say anymore about UCLA Basketball.  They lost at home to Cal State Fullerton.  UCLA should NEVER lose to Fullerton.  Now Coach Mick Cronin issued an apology to all the fans for the poor defense that they played Saturday.  However, it’s actually their offense that is far more offensive to watch.  Cronin is basically saying he doesn’t have enough talent.  He also said he plans on talking to Chip Kelly and borrowing some of his football players to work on post defense with his players in practice.  That’s like asking Chris Brown for advice on domestic abuse prevention.    Kelly’s players have no talent, and they sure don’t win.  Things look like they are going to get worse in Westwood before they get better.

For those of you that missed it, Dodger free agent pitcher Rich Hill and his wife were arrested at a Patriots game last week.  This arrest makes him a great candidate for the Astros to sign, since it’s pretty much a requirement to have a criminal record to play for them.  This also validates the  “Dick Mountain” nickname he gave himself for being so ballsy.   Have you seen Hill get angry and throw water coolers when he gets removed from a regular season game by Andrew Friedman’s computer? Imagine what he did to those cops if he did that to a water cooler.  Probably took the whole squad to take him down.

OJ Simpson Twitter is still great for jokes that simply write themselves.  OJ’s latest Twitter debacle was after he won his fantasy football championship, and showed up on social with a belt hours later.  I’m beginning to think the league doesn’t really exist because it usually take a while to get your league’s belt or trophy if you win.  Juice got his hands on it like he was given the Stanley Cup, which seems unlikely.  Kirk Cousins should be a little nervous since OJ thinks he nearly “murdered” his chances.  Clearly, OJ is still “killing” the competition.  But seriously though: who would play in a Fantasy Football League with OJ, let alone invite him to one?

Monday Morning Coffee

December 23, 2019

I read a headline on ESPN yesterday that actually said: “Lebron Not Managing His Load”. The journalists that cover the NBA are severely underestimating the maturity level of their fan base. In all seriousness though, LBJ missing last night’s game is no big deal, but he should take a few games off, even if it means we’re going to be disappointed not seeing him on Christmas Day. The Laker losing streak isn’t a big deal either. Meanwhile, Magic Johnson still can’t shut up. He felt the need to tell the LA Times that the Lakers wouldn’t be where they are today without him. Actually Magic, the Lakers are where they are today despite your stupidity. There’s no way Magic had any idea who Josh Hart was when he was in college, and it’s not terribly difficult to “evaluate talent” like Lonzo Ball when he is in your backyard playing Oregon on a Thursday night. Something tells me Magic wasn’t exactly going to scout Colgate vs Monmoth in January, and it was his scouts doing that, and Pelinka doing the real roster manipulation. If anything, had Magic not been an idiot, Kawhi would be on this team with Lebron and AD, and the league would be over.

Meanwhile, Doc Rivers is talking trash about load management. Doc claims that the Lakers load management philosophy is “whatever Lebron says it is.” That’s funny Doc, but the Lakers aren’t load managing at all, and it’s really you that is load managing Kawhi because that’s how Kawhi says it’s going to be. However, it doesn’t seem to matter how much Kawhi is load managing, because right now Giannis and the Bucks look like the best team in the NBA. Giannis isn’t the same player Kawhi locked down in the playoffs last year, and he’s suddenly making three-pointers like he’s Reggie Miller. For now, the Lakers and Clippers might just be battling it out for 2nd place.

That was a spirited effort by the Rams on Saturday against the 49ers, but their playoff hopes got crushed like everyone’s hope of Trump actually leaving office. I don’t really subscribe to the theory that the Rams are done being competitive in the NFC, but this is definitely going to be looked at as a season of missed opportunities. The Rams should have handled business against the Bucs, Cowboys, and Seahawks on the road. Even if they win two of those games it’s a different story. I’m also not sure what the weird dynamic between Sean McVay and Todd Gurley is. Gurley rarely touches the ball 20 times a game anymore, and it’s like McVay got offended he was hitting on his fiance or something. Whatever the case is, these two guys better work it out before next season.

Then there’s the Chargers, who are just a sad football team at this point. They lose to the Raiders, they have to rely on silent counts because they are basically playing a road game in their own stadium, and then Philip Rivers complains about how much the lack of support hurts. Melvin Gordon also re-iterated how tough it was to play in that stadium for the last 3 years. Don’t worry Melvin, I don’t think the Bolts are interested in paying you even $5 million next year, so you won’t have to play in LA anymore. Even more ridiculous is the Chargers making a joke out of the Raiders leaving Oakland. Apparently when the Bolts left San Diego it was all business, but when the Raiders leave Oakland it’s all one big joke.


Elsewhere around the NFL in Week 15, Jameis Winston is the first quarterback to ever throw an interception during a commercial. Lamar Jackson is so good, at this point he’s trolling people on the field.
With the Bengals clinching the #1 overall pick, every single draft eligible player has announced they are all returning to school. The Dolphins are so bad, they couldn’t even tank properly this season. The Seahawks are about to hold tryouts with their fans for their starting running back position next week. Stay positive Cowboys fans you still have the Lakers and Yankees seasons to look forward to!

To baseball where the Dodgers have yet to do anything of significance to improve their club, and we are nearly at Christmas time. I did not expect the Dodgers to bring back Hyun Jin Ryu. However, I did expect them to do something to improve their bullpen, starting pitching, and their lineup to a lesser extent. I get it Andrew Friedman, you don’t want to give out long term deals. However, you also don’t like giving up high end prospects in trades. So in case nobody has told you, you can’t improve your baseball team if you aren’t willing to do either. I’ve been hearing names like Lindor, Clevinger, and Arrenado since the off-season ended, but I’m having a hard time seeing the Dodgers actually do anything because that has never been Friedman’s style. Here’s to hoping I’m wrong by the time you read this.

As for the Angels, they desperately need pitching and still haven’t gotten it. No Cole, no Wheeler, Bumgarner, Keuchel, or Ryu. They probably needed two of those guys, and not Julio Teheran. I realize the Angels are paying for durability on their pitching staff, but maybe they can start paying for talent while they are at it. It’s going to take some creative trades by the Halos to find some impact arms to help them get in the playoffs at this point. David Price seems like the best bet, especially with only 3 years left on his deal, and still performing at a reasonably high level.

Does anybody actually care that USC will be playing in the Holiday Bowl on Thursday? Anyone? Bueller? I guess we’ll get the true answer on Thursday when no Trojan fans show up, or a bunch of angry ones. I hear Clay Helton is counting 7-on-7 workouts as real practices to claim that USC would have practiced 15 times in preparation for the game. The only thing worse than the people that run USC is the stadium this game is going to be played in. That’s another reason why San Diego needs another new stadium. By the way, USC’s recruiting class is now worse than Bowling Green’s. Keeping Clay Helton is going really well so far guys.

Monday Morning Coffee

December 16, 2019

The Lakers keep winning, and keep winning on the road. If Lebron keeps this up, pretty soon he’s going to start giving away his underwear to fans, in addition to his shoes. Not only are they winning, they are having fun and enjoying playing with each other. This week it gets real with a showdown against the Bucks, and the following week a Xmas Day showdown with the Clippers. Get your popcorn ready!  Those Laker haters are going to have to block Laker fans on Twitter if the Lakers keep winning on the road.

As for the Clippers, they should have been able to beat a team like the Bulls, even when Kawhi sits out. Then there’s Paul George, who felt the need to bring up what happened when he left Indiana to the media earlier in the week. PG13 sure talks a lot for a guy who doesn’t say much. One thing we can say about him though is that he clearly doesn’t like pressure or accountability. That’s exactly why he’s a Clipper and not a a Laker, and exactly why he has never wanted to play with Lebron.

RIP to the Rams playoff hopes. I don’t know what the hell happened but the Rams played that game with the intensity of a preseason game. The Cowboys have been losing games left and right until Sunday. At least Sean McVay should get coach of the year for allowing us to score all the garbage time fantasy points. I’m also done with Jared Goff. I just can’t defend him anymore for his play.  McVay has gone from genius to lunatic.  He’s allowing Goff to throw 51 times, instead of giving the ball to Todd Gurley.  If everything is perfect with the protection, Goff is solid.  If not, he’s pretty mediocre.  It’s been a season of squandered opportunities that have killed their playoff hopes.

Meanwhile, the Chargers got bombed by the Vikings.  Melvin Gordon went from potentially getting $10 million a year to getting benched.  This man is losing money faster than Lehman Brothers.  Even Phil Rivers realizes that he’s making more turnovers than Martha Stewart, and that his future is in doubt.  It’s no wonder this team can’t sell tickets in their brand new stadium next year.    There is already nobody that cares about them, they stink, and they don’t have any young players to get excited about.  Again, 80% Vikings fans during a Charger home game, and even the Vikings fans know where the Bolts belong.


Elsewhere around Week 15, I’m not even sure Jesus Christ could lead the Browns to the playoffs.  The Bears figure if they don’t make the playoffs, then a kicker can’t actually lose them a playoff game.  Now that the Bills have actually clinched a playoff spot, Bills mafia will probably be breaking even more tables at tailgates.  Most teams prepare for the Bengals by just taking a nap.  However, the Patriots actually needed to tape their opponents.

It’s time for a Dodger cold stove update.  That’s right people.  As usual Andrew Friedman is 100% full of crap telling you he expects big changes.  The only change this guy makes is upgrading his Windows software.   The Dodgers could have outbid the Yankees for Gerrit Cole, or even acquired Corey Kluber for pennies on the dollar,  but Friedman overvalued his prospects like he usually does.  I’m not sure why anybody is surprised.  He spent another $10 million on a reliever coming off a terrible season as well.  Typical Dodger blueprint for “success”.

As for the Angels, signing Antony Rendon is mice and all, but it’s like buying a Ferrari when you need to fix your roof.  The Halos desperately need pitching, or they aren’t making the playoffs.  Last I checked, Rendon can’t pitch.  With Cole, Kluber, and now MadBum off the market, there’s not many more places they can go to get it.   Not that the Dodgers were desperate for Rendon, but the notion that it was the Hollywood lifestyle that kept him from LA is ridiculous.  I’m pretty sure Clayton Kershaw isn’t living the Hollywood lifestyle.

Monday Morning Coffee

December 9, 2019

I don’t understand how the Lakers are winning all these games against good teams. I mean they just played a road back-to-back against teams with an over .500 record. I was told they only play against WNBA teams and that they’re sure to get bombed against real competition. This can’t be true because the people that told me this cover this sport for a living. I mean it’s impossible anybody could be that bad at their job right? Maybe the Lakers strength of schedule is bad because most every team they play loses to them. This team is damn good, and at this point there are probably two or three teams at most that stand in their way between them and the title. Wait until Kuzma gets his act together and this team will be really unstoppable.

Then there’s the Clippers. I see the Bucks took advantage of their weak schedule on Friday. Paul George is already in playoff form against elite teams, but hey…. at least Kawhi is well rested. I’m sure all 5 of you Clipper fans are still confident. In all seriousness though, it’s clear the Clippers are playing the long game with Kawhi, PG, and how they are approaching a lot of these big matchup regular season games. At a certain point though this team needs time to build chemistry to succeed against the elite, and since they aren’t even practicing together very much, I’m not so sure they are setting themselves up to do that.

Where has this Rams team been all season? After dismantling the Seahawks last night at the Coliseum, LA is still only on game back of the last playoff spot in the NFC playoff chase. Suddenly Jared Goff and Todd Gurley look like themselves. I’m just not sure it’s going to be in time to make the playoffs. Thanks to Sean McVay for “not being an idiot” as he claimed, and giving Gurley the ball. I’m suddenly not so worried about the Rams beating up on the Cowboys next week, and might not even be shocked if they beat the 49ers at Levi Stadium. However, it’s the Vikings schedule, or lack therof that makes me think the Rams will be watching the playoffs at home.

The Chargers actually won a game, after the destroying the Jaguars on the road. That kind of beat down makes you realize just how much this team has underachieved. They have unbelievable talent, but they can’t beat anybody at the most critical times. If only Philip Rivers could play like it was his birthday everyday. Now that their season is meaningless, the Bolts will probably win every game.

Elsewhere around Week 14, NFL Sunday’s don’t officially start until Jameis Winston throws an interception, and he did plenty of that yesterday. Let’s be honest….it was probably Bill Belichick that managed to get the Chiefs equipment sent to New Jersey. Funny how Mitch Trubisky looks like Lamar Jackson against the Cowboys. The Texans showed up dressed like Average Joe’s, and they played like Average Joe’s against the Broncos.

To College Football where Mike “Bohn-head” made a move that every Trojan fan feared. He kept Clay Helton as his head coach. I realize that the University is trying to clean up scandals and lawsuits, but one can still do that and win football games by hiring a coach that isn’t Clay Helton or Urban Meyer. Also, anybody that thinks the boosters and the fan base aren’t important doesn’t get it. The Trojans are going to cost themselves millions of dollars in donations and revenue with the poor decision they just made. If they don’t realize that, then Carol Folt and Mike Bohn are completely clueless as to the significance of USC’s place in the Los Angeles sports landscape.

As for UCLA, Chip Kelly said he’s excited for what’s ahead with UCLA football. Let’ see: the man is owed another $15 million for three more season, his job is safe, his defensive coordinator is going to take all the heat, and he doesn’t have to coach another embarrassing loss for 9 more months. Of course he’s excited!

Ok ESPN I get it. The Yankees like Gerrit Cole. I don’t need to see it in headlines 80 times. The Yankees want to make Cole a priority. That’s a cute story. I want to make Jennifer Aniston a priority as well, but that probably doesn’t matter because she won’t date me. The same goes for Cole, who we know prefers the Angels or Dodgers. Let’s be honest though, Andrew Friedman isn’t going to pay $250+ million for any player. The real question is simply whether or not the Angels are going to make a bid high enough, knowing Cole already wants to be here. They don’t actually need to outbid the Yankees.

Monday Morning Coffee

December 2, 2019

Relax everybody.  The Lakers were going to lose again at some point.  Frankly, they only really played badly for one quarter yesterday that cost them.  Yesterday’s game also had  that “fines all around after the game for ripping refs” feel to it.  The officiating has been pretty bad league wide though.  I’m not sure what the point of giving these refs replay is when they still get the calls wrong.  The Lakers just need to clean up the consistency on defense, and get Kyle Kuzma going.  I am getting really annoyed with people pretending like they have only played against WNBA teams, and haven’t actually beaten good teams like the Mavs, Jazz, Suns, and Heat.  Meanwhile Denver loses to Sacramento, and Houston loses to some tomato can and it’s all good. We get it. The schedule gets tougher, but don’t pretend like the Lake Show isn’t a contender.

Then there’s the Clippers who admittedly are good, but NBA Twitter fawns over them like they are the 1996 Chicago Bulls.  The Spurs got some revenge on Kawhi on Friday, and Paul George was already in playoff form, shooting about 20% from the field.  I’m still waiting for some solid media coverage about the Clippers without knocking the Lakers in the process, or trying to provide some lame Laker hater comparison. By the way, if you think the Lakers schedule is tough in December, you should see the Clippers schedule, which is littered with back-to-backs. Hopefully Kawhi puts his other part-time job on the back burner so he can actually play in those games and help the Clips.

To the NFL, where the Rams got back in the win column yesterday with a win over Arizona. Putting Blake Bortles in the game was like lighting up a human victory cigar. It was good to see Jared Goff and Todd Gurley get right because just 6 days earlier, Lamar Jackson burned the Sean McVay coaching tree to the ground. It was like watching Rams march to a slaughter house. The Rams look nothing like the Super Bowl contender of last year, but don’t count them out of the playoff picture just yet. Minnesota’s schedule isn’t so easy, and they could still blow it.

Then there’s the Chargers. Even for the Bolts, yesterday was a rough loss to the Broncos. They’ve now lost 8 games by 7 or fewer points, but have collectively outscored all their opponents this year. It’s like when the 4th quarter rolls around, they start looking around for someone to give them the Heimlich maneuver.  I’ve gotta hand it to them though. It had been a whole six days since they figured out a new way to lose.   Charger games are like SAW movies. They are predictable and get more outrageous every time, to the point that they are almost comical. But I still can’t look away. With all this talk about the Chargers moving on from Philip Rivers, I’m not sure how they can if they are moving into a new stadium next year. I realize he’s been handing out interceptions like he’s Oprah, but they are already pleading with people to buy PSL’s next year. I’m sure they won’t exactly be replacing Rivers with Tom Brady, so losing Rivers probably won’t help their cause.

Elsewhere around Week 13 in the NFL, Jason Garrett has reportedly been put up for sale for $5 as part of a Black Friday special at Dallas WalMart. So far, no takers. That stiff arm on Matt Ryan put him back in grade school. If you see any Eagles players on the street, kindly pick them up and put them in a waste win. You see, the Eagles are trash. The Giants lost again, and Saquon Barkley is busy liking porn on social media. The Browns just lost to a QB named “Duck”. America sleeps better when the Patriots lose. Enough said. Here’s a live look at the NFC East standings.


It’s really nice to see USC is upset about apparently erroneous reports that Clay Helton should be fired. Perhaps they should be steamed over the fact that they are 13-11 in their last 24 games. I don’t know whether or not Clay Helton is going to remain the USC Head Football Coach. But I do know that the University Leadership has already fumbled this process like a 4th string running back. The fact they have not provided any clarity one way or another spells indecisiveness and disaster. One could also argue that by not firing Helton, the school will lose about $200 million in donations from alums, while saving only $20 million to keep him. I’m already skeptical that this new leadership team will come up with an elite replacement if the job becomes available.

On the other side of town, for about five minutes Bruin fans got excited when they heard rumors that Chip Kelly and UCLA might mutually part ways. That unfortunately, was not true after Kelly refuted the rumors. In other words, you can expect one more year of this mess before both sides move on. My favorite part of the Chip Kelly era is when Chip was hired, UCLA fans were saying “imagine Chip’s Oregon teams but with more talent?!” Then Chip went on to purge all that talent, replace them with walk-ons and 3-stars, & then tell us UCLA sucks because it doesn’t have talent. Kelly has been so bad he should face a class action lawsuit for destroying a football program. Chip Kelly isn’t even the Steve Alford of College Football. That’s how bad it is. It’s not going to get better for a while.

Speaking of UCLA, the basketball squad performed like we expected in Maui. They beat the second tier teams, and couldn’t hang with anybody in the Top 25. I realize they put up a good fight against Michigan State for a while, but this team is what it is. I’m already severely questioning if they are going to make it to the NCAA tournament. On the other hand though, thank God for Bill Walton. While some of you hate him, you fail to realize that he is providing great entertainment value on the ESPN broadcasts. He might be the highest man on the planet, but he’s a National treasurer and I hope he lives to about 150.


Finally, the baseball Hot Stove hasn’t felt very hot this off-season for the Dodgers so far. I can’t say I’m surprised though. Every day you can find some rumor connecting the Dodgers to names like Mookie Betts and Francisco Lindor. However, in reality, this is not what Andrew Friedman does. Friedman was probably shopping for some 99 cent reliever on Black Friday, and will probably look for some useless starter on Cyber Monday. As for the Angels, Mike Trout is like that woman you’ve been married to for years that’s subtly telling you that you need to buy her something nice. Trout went on the MLB Radio Network last week and said he’s waiting by the phone to hear the Halos made a big acquisition. Memo to Billy Eppler: dude is telling you to sign Gerrit Cole.

MLB: World Series-Houston Astros at Washington Nationals