Monthly Archives: March 2018

Monday Morning Coffee

March 19, 2018

What a surprise! Last week Steve Alford’s UCLA Bruins disappointed again in March.  They didn’t even make it into the tournament, losing to St. Bonaventure in the play-in game.  March Madness must be referring to Alford’s play calling, because he couldn’t even draw up a scheme to beat a mid-major’s zone defense.  Alford has also apparently never heard of a 2-for-1 at the end of the game.  The Bruins have missed the tournament or barely made the field as a #11 seed in three of his five season’s as head coach.  Surely UCLA deserves better.  However, now is probably not the time to fire him.  An FBI investigation is about to rock college basketball, and put a number of programs under sanctions.  Once that resolves itself, and this year’s high ranked recruiting class is secure, the Bruins will probably have some better replacements to choose from.

Have you used your NCAA Bracket as toilet paper yet? That’s probably all it’s good for since 25% of ESPN brackets completed had Virginia winning it all.  Thomas Jefferson must have been rolling over in his grave watching that Virginia first round upset.  After UMBC’s win, 16 seeds are now 1-135 against 1 seeds, or what the Cleveland Browns call “our record for the last decade”.  Of course Buffalo beat Arizona.  Skip Bayless picked Arizona to win it all.  We’re screwed if Skip predicts the sun is going to rise tomorrow.  Now that Oklahoma has been eliminated from the NCAA Tournament, ESPN will probably end their coverage of college basketball for the remainder of the season.  Michigan’s Jordan Poole hit the game-winenr against Houston, then celebrated like a kid who just got his drivers license, running from all his friends who wanted a ride…….
It’s great to see the Lakers winning games and all, but they have lost all sensibility when it comes to Luol Deng.  We all know that Deng is making a ridiculous $18 million this season, and another $36 million after that.  The Lakers are so desperate for wing players after all their recent injuries, they resorted to signing Travis Wear to a 10-day contract, and playing him meaningful minutes, along with G-Leaguer Alex Caruso.  Is Deng such a bad player that when the Lakers actually need wings, Caruso and Wear are that much better? If the goal is to actually trade Deng, then the Lakers aren’t helping themselves by chaining him to the bench.  If they have no intention of playing him, then release him and let him go find a team that will actually give him an opportunity (and trust me, somebody will).

The Rams bid farewell to Sammy Watkins last week, as the Chiefs signed the wide receiver to a contract worth $30 million guaranteed.  Watkins is a human ponzi scheme. He has cost teams two 1st round picks, a 2nd, a 4th, and $70m, and no investors have been paid back.  Watkins would have been nice luxury for the Rams to keep, but he’s been nothing more than an expensive decoy for them.  The Rams also lucked out and had him relatively healthy last year, which is frequently not the case for him.  The Watkins void can be addressed with some later picks in the draft.

NFL free agency is very overrated.  It’s a market filled with a bunch of rejects past their prime.  If the player gets to free agency, he has some serious flaws.  The Cardinals signed Sam Bradford, who will likely tear his rotator cuff signing his new contract.  The Broncos signed Case Keenum to replace Trevor Siemian and Brock Osweiler.  John Elway definitely suffers from CTE.  The only exception to this is Kirk Cousins signing with the Vikings, but that’s just because the Redskins were dumb enough to not work out a long-term deal with him.  Real contenders are build through the draft.  Just ask the Patriots.

Somebody needs to tell Matt Kemp to save some of his offense for the real season.  Kemp has been crushing it this spring, as I told you he would, hitting .333/.368/.722 with 4 home runs and 7 RBI.  Kemp may not be the best defender the Dodgers can put in left field, but he is far and away the best bat they can put in that spot.  Kemp has not only earned a starting spot in left field for the Dodgers, but he may end of being a key piece to what the team hopes to accomplish this year.  If only he could pitch out of the bullpen too.

One guy who looks like he can’t pitch or hit in the big leagues is Shohei Ohtani.  This spring Ohtani is hitting just .100 at that plate, and on the mound he has an ERA of 27.  Everyone thought this guy was the best of Babe Ruth and Ted Williams.  Right now he looks like the worst of Scott Kazmir and Joc Pederson combined.  While this isn’t a contractual disaster because Ohtani makes very little, this is potentially a devastating disappointment for the Halos.  If Ohtani is just a minor leaguer that needs to develop, he is far from the savior the Angels need to try to compete with Mike Trout still in the prime of his career.  Time to get depressed over the Halos again.

Finally, another episode of The Walking Dead went down on AMC last night.  Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if you plan on watching it later.  Rick was an actual trained cop?  How many opportunities does he need to kill Negan? He has more trouble killing Negan than Dr. Evil had killing Austin Powers.  Maggie must be 62 months pregnant by now.  You should never let woman who is 62 months pregnant make big decisions like she is.  Dwight just realized that Simon might actually be worse than Negan.  Simon’s not dead yet, but he’s about to be when Negan gets ahold of him.  Who knew that records could be so valuable in the apocalypse?  This episode had great action, but a frustrating and unsatisfying conclusion.  I definitely wouldn’t trust Georgie.  Mostly because she looks like the generic brand version of Hillary Clinton.

Monday Morning Coffee

March 12, 2018

The Lakers won the battle against Lebron last night, but the question remains will they win the battle for Lebron in July.  Interestingly enough, more and more Laker fans want the team to lose that battle.  Look I get it, this is a young team that’s exciting, and has lots of room to grow.  It’s far from the end of the world if they don’t get him.  However, if you have a chance to acquire the best player in basketball, you do it.  Even if Lebron isn’t the best player in basketball in 3-4 years, he’ll still be great enough to build your team around.  It’s been so long since the Lakers won a championship, apparently eating all that stale Staple Center sushi has made some fans forget that the objective is to actually try and win championships.  It’s not just to build some cute little team you claim “you want to be proud of”.  You’ll be proud of championships and the sooner we get them the better.  That’s more likely to happen sooner with Lebron, even if it means a lot more changes on the roster.

The Clippers have become yet another NBA team that has decided to put a sponsor on their team jersey.  Who is the sponsor? It’s Bumble.  For those of you unfamiliar with them, they are a dating app.  I’m not a fan at all of these sponsorships on the actual jerseys.  However, this partnership makes perfect sense.  Your odds of getting a ring on Bumble are just as bad as getting a ring if you are a member of the Los Angeles Clippers.

Let’s go to the insanity of college basketball where the Bruins found a way into the NCAA Tournament.  Sure the UCLA put up a nice fight against Arizona, but part of the Pac 12 Tournament should just make a Bruin fan want to pull their hair out.  UCLA should have won that tournament.  All year long we got to hear Steve Alford make excuses how the team has no depth because he suspended three rotation players.  That was four months ago! Instead of bitching about it, he could have developed some of the other talented players on his bench, like Chris Smith.  Did Alford even know Chris Smith’s name before last week? When this team wins it’s because they have some talent to get them by.  There’s never been any point where I feel like they are actually being coached or developed.  I fully expect that to be the case in the tournament this week.

I had no idea that the NCAA selection committee did shots of tequila before putting the brackets together.  That had to be the case because there’s no explanation for the decisions they made.  How the hell does USC finish 2nd in the Pac 12 and runner-up in the conference tournament and not make it? Even more baffling is the fact Oklahoma got in after sinking faster than the Titanic in the last 10 games.  Trae Young isn’t even playing that well against elite competition, and of course the committee just threw them in the tournament to get some ratings.  ASU finished 9th and under .500 in conference and made the cut.  Syracuse and Texas are a joke too.  Who sits on this committee? The same members of the IOC and FIFA? I haven’t even filled out my bracket and it’s already busted.

The Rams are going nuts.  After acquiring Aqib Talib, they have the best secondary in the NFC, and one of the best in the NFL.  This also means that when the Rams take on the Raiders next season, Talib will once again rip the chain necklace off of Michael Crabtree, and Marcus Peters will throw it into the stands.  The Rams have suddenly become a smart organization.  They realize their window to win with Jared Goff, Todd Gurley, and Aaron Donald on cheap contracts is small, and they need to take advantage of it.  They badly needed to get better at both cornerback and wide receiver, and they’ve already fixed one side of the ball.  It’s an arms race between the Eagles, Rams, and Vikings in the NFC.  The only bad news is if you want a PSL in the new stadium and you’re an average dude, you’ll probably be financing it until the time you die.

Another episode of The Walking Dead went down last night on AMC.  Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if you plan to watch it later.  The Saviors killed another doctor? We are losing doctors on this show faster than Judith is losing baby sitters.  It took Negan this long to figure out this idea of putting Walker guts on weapons?  Enid finding out that Carl died was more sad than Carl actually dying.  My conspiracy theory is that Daryl is keeping Dwight alive as a favor to Sherry, who let him out when he was captured by the Saviors.  Morgan better not leave that kid with Carol because she’s like 0-3 with kids.  Eugne got himself a promotion. Homeboy seems to keep failing upwards in the zombie apocalypse. I’m sure his momma’s proud.  Looking forward to the next episode.

Finally, The Bachelor finally came to an end on ABC last week.  This season was horribly boring, so they had to give us a controversial ending, with Arie changing his mind and going back to Lauren and leaving Becca after proposing to her.  I’ve said all along that Arie is boring and about as smart as a doorknob.  However, why are people so outraged? They get to see breakups every week when they watch reality TV, so how was this any different?  Besides, Arie gave Becca the greatest gift of all, which was enough sympathy from everyone to make her the next Bachelorette.  That’s a lottery ticket.  Arie clearly doesn’t understand what the meaning of “please leave” means.  Dude’s knees must be killing him from proposing twice in six weeks.  This guy has more commitment issues than Lebron James.  I still can’t believe that Arie proposed to Lauren in front of everybody, after he knew the crowd was going to be hostile.  I’ve seen a louder applause at the Olive Garden when they brought more breadsticks.  Thank god this season is over, but we all know no matter how bad it was, we’re going to watch the next season.


Monday Morning Coffee

March 5, 2018

I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but the Lakers have had one of the five best records in basketball since January 1st.  It just so happens that Brandon Ingram and Julius Randle have been killing it, and Lonzo Ball is actually really good.  Ingram is 20 years old.  Most 20 year olds can’t even take cash out of the ATM, and he’s a very good NBA player.  Call me crazy, and that I might even need professional help, but I think the Lakers could make it to 41 wins by the end of the season, and finish at an even .500 record.  If that happens, Luke Walton should be Coach of the Year, and you should be feeling like throwing a parade for this team.  Even if the results aren’t that impressive, the Lakers are definitely improving, and the decisions they make this summer might be more complex than we think.

In typical Steve Alford fashion, the Bruins managed to beat USC over the weekend.  I guess Alford decided for one weekend that he was going to urge his team not to completely embarrass themselves by losing to their non-basketball school cross-town rival.  It’s still shameful that USC finished 2nd in the Pac 12, while the Bruins settled for 4th.  Now UCLA has to win at least two games in the conference tournament next week to have any hope of sneaking into the NCAA tournament.  Were it not for the distractions of Lavar Ball, Donald Trump, and those three idiots that stole things in China, more people would be talking about how horrible of a job Alford is doing.

There’s good news and bad news for UCLA basketball fans.  The good news is they have a top 5 recruiting class coming in next year with the addition of Shaq’s son, Shareef O’Neal.  The bad news is Steve Alford is still going to be coaching that class, which means they probably won’t go that far.  It also means that Alford’s job is secure for at least another year with a solid recruiting class in place. Even if the Bruins don’t make the tournament this year, they wouldn’t dare jeopardize losing any of those recruits by firing Alford.  Even if they want to.

We’re just a week into spring training, and the Dodgers entire team has been suffering from a major illness.  This makes perfect sense.  After the Dodger players witnessed just how bad their bullpen and pitching has been in the first week, they are all obviously sick to their stomaches.  For some reason, Andrew Friedman thought he could take some of the worst relievers in baseball last season, and make them into great relievers this season.  I’m not sure which analytics convinced him that would be a good idea, but somehow he tortured enough numbers to tell himself it will work.  Not only does Tom Koehler stink, but now he’s injured.  Great start to the Dodgers’ season, and it hasn’t even really started yet.

The United States bid for the World Cup in 2026 is reportedly in jeopardy of falling apart.  I’ve never seen anything so absurd in my life.  FIFA and the IOC are two of the most corrupt organizations in the world.  FIFA is angry that the U.S. Department of Justice exposed just how corrupt their organization is after a recent investigation.  So instead of awarding the World Cup to a country that has the perfect infrastructure and security for it, they will instead award it to a country that has no business hosting it, and will probably end up bankrupt from it.  Just a couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of meeting Casey Wasserman, who led the efforts to secure the Olympic games in the U.S. in 2028.  Wasserman said that the IOC completely ignores the details of the plans for a city for the Olympic games, and simply votes for a city based on popularity.  This is exactly what FIFA does, but unfortunately, nobody will stop their corruption anytime soon.

I guess that makes it six wins in a row for the Lakers after Kobe Bryant won an Oscar last night.  The fact Kobe was even nominated, let alone won is unbelievable.  The Darkest Hour was not only a phenomenal movie, but also very historically significant.   Do yourself a favor and go see it, as it was very worthy of last night’s Oscar.  Kind of funny that Gary Oldman won an Oscar for playing an old man.  Jennifer Lawrence looked 11 feet tall last night.  Congrats to Frances McDormand on winning Best Actress, but she is one nutty fruit cake.  Don’t you just love Hollywood? In the year of #metoo and #timesup, Best Picture was awarded to a movie about a woman having sex with a fish.  They should just cancel next year’s show and hand all of the 2019 Oscar’s to Black Panther.

The Walking Dead was really jumping around a lot in last night’s episode.  After going through a full episode of finally saying goodbye to Carl, things had to slow down.  Simon is basically serving as the IRS of the apocalypse.  He came to collect debt from Jadis.  There really wasn’t too much of note in this episode, but am I the only one wondering……WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HEATH?

Finally, we’ve reached the last two episodes of the season of The Bachelor.  Arie has narrowed it down to two women, in what will finish as one of the worst seasons in the 22 the show has aired.  Lauren B says there aren’t words to describe how much she loves Arie.  However, if there were, she wouldn’t even know how to use them.  She’s a finalist, and she’s boring as hell.  If Kendall killed and stuffed Lauren like the rest of her taxidermy, I don’t think Arie would even know the difference.  I could swear Arie and Lauren were about to get in a twin bed in that fantasy suite.  Becca’s ex should have been the bachelor instead of Arie.    That says a lot more about just how blah Arie is, than anything about her ex.  If Ross can find Becca K in Peru, than why can’t Bekah M’s mom find her in NorCal?  Rumor has it that Arie did more flip flopping than Mitt Romney before the show ended.  I guess we’re about to find out.