Category Archives: Morning Coffee

Monday Morning Coffee

February 24, 2020

It’s always nice to beat the Celtics like the Lakers did yesterday. Hopefully the referees are going to see some good ophthalmologists this morning. The Lakers are comfortably in 1st place in the West with 27 games left so stop finding things to complain about like a nagging house wife. What you should be thrilled about is the fact that Giannis has already fueled speculation that he might come to LA to play with the Lake Show in the Summer of 2021. I’m sure some of you are already designing your knock off Laker Giannis jersey. As for the Markieff Morris addition, it’s fine and he does improve their shooting a bit, but he doesn’t fill a glaring need. He’s not a playmaker, nor is he guy who can defend big wing players. I feel bad for DeMarcus Cousins after he got waived. He’s still allowed to stay with the Lakers to use their practice facility to workout and rehab. That’s like your girl cheating on you, the new guy moves in, but she invites you to stay in the guest room so you can hear them hooking up. Pretty brutal. Still, Morris is still probably the best player that is available now that the Lakers could get their hands on without giving up anybody.

Meanwhile, the team across the hall, the Clippers, is struggling to find chemistry. I guess that’s what happens when your most key players can’t even practice because of load management. Doc Rivers uses more lineups than Andrew Friedman’s computer. He had to start Reggie Jackson in his first game, who’s really an awkward fit because he’s just another guy that needs to ball. That’s the case with the Clippers’ best players. Funny how last year everybody was riding the Lakers about lack of chemistry, and this year they have great chemistry. On the other hand, the Clippers are led by a mega billionaire that’s really trying to buy a championship, might have bought Kawhi a house, probably paid off Darren Collison to stay retired, and probably paid millions in untraceable crypto to buyout guys to not join the Lakers. Too bad you can’t buy chemistry.

Is it possible that it took until January for UCLA to realize that Mick Cronin was actually their head basketball coach? The Bruins are suddenly a possibility to be a tournament team, and at the moment there probably aren’t 15 teams that are better right now. If Cronin keeps slaying Top 25 teams like this, we’re going to start calling him “Cronin The Barbarian”. After beating Colorado, that’s the Bruin’s fifth Quad 1 win, and even though they have some glaring flaws, if they win out in the regular season they might win the PAC 12, and should very much be an at-large team. More than anything though, Cronin just has this team playing hard. Cronin is more consistent than A Few Good Men on a rainy Sunday. Keep it up Bruins!

The new proposed NFL CBA is ridiculous. These owners don’t give a crap about player safety, no matter how much they pretend to. The idea of adding two more playoff spots is silly too, because it’s just going to further dilute their product with more potentially meaningless games with under .500 teams. With 7 playoff spots in the AFC and NFC, the CBA might as well say the Browns and Cowboys will still be excluded. Also that with a 17-game season, that gives the Lions a chance to go 0-17. The two extra active roster spots will allow the Patriots to carry two extra referees on game day. And ultimately more money for the NFL, which is all they care about.

Look guys, spring training is here, and I am still not ready for Dodger baseball. I’m still going through therapy after what happened to Clayton Kershaw in Game 5 of the NLDS in October. Not to mention the fact we have to hear about the Astros screwing the Dodgers out of the World Series in 2017 on a daily basis and Rob Manfred doing nothing about it. It’s also going to get pretty awkward if these findings come out about the Red Sox cheating against the Dodgers in 2018 with Mookie Betts on the team now. What’s he going to say? “Sorry I cheated against you guys in 2018. I promise I’ll make it up to you by cheating this year to help us win.”

The Walking Dead is back! I was excited until I had to see Negan and Alpha getting naked with each other in the forest. Oh yea, spoiler alert if you have yet to see it so read no further if that is the case. Carol is such a stone cold killer that she even killed off any potential relationship she had with Daryl. You can’t get a Daryl and Carol sex scene but you can get one of Negan and Alpha. Too bad it was virtually impossible to see anything going on in the cave. The producers needed to hand everyone night vision goggles to get a good view. Connie and Magna really gonna get trapped in a Cave but Jerry got his fat butt outta there? Sheesh. Tough first episode of the mid-season premiere.

Finally, The Bachelor is back tonight on ABC and Peter has narrowed it down to three women. Peter’s choices are worse than your choices for Democratic Presidential Candidates. Peter and Victoria need to stop going to country concerts because country sucks, and because they keep running into exes. I’m convinced the only reason Peter is keeping her around is to hit it on fantasy suite night. If any of these girls end up as The Bachelorette next season we should all just feel like jumping off the roof. The scripting of this show is just getting to be too much though. Of course an ex gf is going to go on TV and bash the new girl you’re dating. Peter is a dope. We’ll see where this goes, but there are sure to be more complaints when this is over.

Monday Morning Coffee


February 17, 2020

I don’t know about you but the Lakers should be very pleased where they are at the All-Star break. For a team that you thought would need time to gel compared to every other team, it’s not so bad being in 1st place. Bet you also didn’t expect that a guy who looked like a high school math teacher, Alex Caruso, would be helping the Lakers win in crunch time. The only teams the Lakers should be concerned about are the Clippers and Bucks, but they can beat them as currently constructed. As for buyout candidates, the guy the Lakers should consider is Lance Stephenson. He’s played with Lebron, he’s played for Frank Vogel, he’s a solid wing defender, and he’s a play maker, Plus every championship team needs at least one crazy guy. Do it Pelinka!

As for the Clippers, Stephen A. Smith said they have “5 dogs”. If that’s true, Paul George must be a poodle, while Pat Beverly is a mini Chihuahua, Kawhi is the robot dog from Jimmy Neutron, and Montrezl is Chinese Crested because he is ugly as hell. How did Paul George convince Kawhi he’s a better #2 than Pascal Siakam? George disappears like Houdini in every big game, and wants no part of the big stage. This may cost the Clippers in the playoffs like they don’t even know.

As for All-Star Weekend, it was wonderful seeing a very competitive 4th quarter, and see these guys actually compete. Kobe would have been proud. Chaka Kahn singing the National Anthem made my ears bleed. Might as well have sung “Happy Birthday Mr. President.” Jennifer Hudson’s tribute to Kobe was phoenomenal, and Common was sensational introducing all the All-Stars. Aaron Gordon is the Rodney Dangerfield of the NBA Slam Dunk Contest: “No Respect!” Aaron Gordon basically flew over the Pacific Ocean, smacked the Statue of Liberty on the butt, took a self in mid-air with the ball, then landed in the United Center and dunks it, but the judges were like…..


To baseball where the Astros are now saying that they had nothing to do with the sign stealing allegations, the equipment wasn’t their’s. They were just holding it for a friend and testing it through the year to make sure it still worked. Sure. That’s basically what Carlos Correa said when he angrily responded to Cody Bellinger’s comments ripping their players. Correa can rationalize what they were doing to make it palatable in his own mind that the Astros won the 2017 World Series “fair and square”, but you don’t get to pick and choose when stealing signs was right and when it was wrong. Also, Commissioner Rob Manfred is unfit to run a hot dog stand, let alone Major League Baseball. The fact he won’t strip the Astros of their title simply means he has no principles and integrity.

I need to issue an apology to Mick Cronin and the UCLA Basketball team. I was wondering about Cronin and if he was really Steve Lavin. Cronin knows infinitely more basketball than Lavin. However, he’s really more like Ben Howland. He’s all about defense and the grind mentality. The Bruins are embracing this and after sweeping the Washington schools, they may be building some momentum toward being a bubble team.

I think the Rams would be foolish to trade Todd Gurley. The Rams real problems are their offensive line. I don’t know what Gurley did to Sean McVay, but he must have hit on his hot new Euro fiance to piss him off and not give him a consistent work load. Gurley can still play if you get the right guys to open holes for him.

Do you really think the Chargers are going to pick up Tom Brady or Cam Newton? The fact Coach Anthony Lynn said that Tyrod Taylor has a chance to be the starting QB should tell you everything you need to know. They have no intention of paying big money for anybody because that’s what they’ve done historically. They also are clueless about the importance of big names and selling tickets when moving into a new stadium.

Arte Moreno is a fool. The man could have had a very useful left fielder in Joc Pederson and an even more useful starter in Ross Stripling had he just been a little more patient. I thought Arte stopped interfering with transactions after the Josh Hamilton debacle a few years ago. Apparently he got tired of not screwing things up himself anymore, so he’s back at it.

Finally, The Bachelor went down on ABC last week, and it’s back tonight with home town dates. Victoria F finds a way to complain every time she gets a rose from Peter. Peter was really dodging questions about his religion like Trump dodges questions at an impeachment hearing during his date with Madison. Do you realize the most mature contestant of the final four just spilled champagne all of her face? Can the producers just send Peter home already? I can already tell this season is going to end and we’re going to tell ourselves “why do I watch this show again?”

Monday Morning Coffee

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February 10, 2020

Relax Laker fans.   So they didn’t make a trade at the deadline and they shouldn’t have.  Every team was asking for multiple starters, the Laker girls, a dinner with Jack Nicholson, and a chance to touch the championship trophy.  Props to Rob Pelinka for at least trying to get a deal done with limited assets.   This team looks physically and mentally exhausted, and needs the All-Star break to recover. Seeing the best player in franchise history pass away will do that to you.   Yes Darren Collison or Andre Iguodola would have been nice, but they have enough to win as is. Collison must have really just wanted a free dinner at The Palms and courtside seats to a game with Jeanie, because that meeting was a serious waste of time.  By the way, this man has a $100 million contract with the Knicks in his future….

Meanwhile, the Clippers took advantage of the Knicks and acquired Marcus Morris.  After firing their President, the Clips took advantage of them like that new guy in your fantasy basketball league that has no idea what he’s doing.  Interestingly enough, Mo Harkless could get bought out by the Knicks, who could be a good buyout candidate the Lakers could sign.  Harkless probably has all kinds of inside info on what kind of personality disorder Kawhi has that led him to sign with the Clippers.  By the way, the Clippers lost by 30 to the Wolves, and of course nobody talks about it.  That’s because nobody cares about them.

Elsewhere around the NBA Trade deadline, the Pistons traded Andre Drummond to the Cavs for a can of Coke, and a pair of nose bleed seats to a Browns game.  Andre Iguodola just sat out for 6 months and is getting another $30 million.  This country is amazing.  Everyone and their aunts, uncles, cousins, lions, tigers, and bears got traded as part of the Hawks, Nuggets, Rockets, and Wolves trade.

As you all know, Dodger President of Baseball Operations Andrew Friedman is my whipping boy on Jock Talk LA. However, I’m going to take this opportunity to actually give him credit for making a great trade now that it’s official. Mookie Betts, the 2nd best player in baseball, and David Price are now Dodgers, and Friedman gave up nothing more than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Congrats Andrew. You’ve earned yourself a good two weeks without me complaining about your penny pinching philosophy. I have to say that the Angels really got screwed in this deal though by the Red Sox waffling, because they really could have used Joc Pederson and Ross Stripling. As nice as it would be for Friedman to keep those guys though, they should try to move them for a high leverage bullpen arm. That way we won’t all be sweating bullets come October with the likes of Kershaw, Price, and Jansen on the mound.

The LA Kings are a disaster. We’re talking Iowa Caucuses level disaster. They are bleeding losses, and while you think it’s great they are going to get another great draft pick it doesn’t mean anything. The Kings have the #1 ranked farm system in the league already. However, their system is broken, their culture has disappeared like Joe Biden, and their front office has no idea what they are doing. The latest trade by GM Rob Blake demonstrates a complete mismanagement of the trade value of goalie Jack Campbell, and the complete mismanagement of the salary cap by retaining salary for Kyle Clifford. Blake is now responsible for putting $11 million in dead money on the salary cap. This guy is burning money faster than Enron did. That’s 2-3 quality players they could use with that money. It doesn’t matter what the Kings do in the draft if they don’t fix their misguided system, their inept front office, and their leadership.

I can’t tell if UCLA basketball is really making progress, or if they are just re-living the Steve Lavin era. The Bruins dismantled Arizona over the weekend, and have now won five of their last seven games, including wins over Top 25 ranked Arizona and Colorado. In the Lavin era, they got up for good teams, and lost to bad ones. The fact the Bruins are playing lock down defense at times makes me think it might be more of an effort issue. Only time will tell with another month to go before PAC 12 Tournament time.

That was very bold of ABC to assume that we had five hours to spend watching The Bachelor this week. Gotta love how Hannah Ann didn’t love someone she dated for over 3 years but she thinks she can fall in love with Peter in 6 weeks. Did anybody else open a bottle of champagne when Victoria P, Tammy, Mykenna, and Sydney all went home in the same night? It had to be fun when Mykenna and Tammy ran into each other at the airport. I can’t decide if all the girls are awful, if Peter is a terrible Bachelor, or all of the above? This outfit makes me think the producers are intentionally sabotaging the season:


Finally, the Oscars went down on ABC last night! Florence Pugh and Margot Robbie really lost to Laura Dern? They should have just asked Chris Rock and Steve Martin to host the entire show. Pretty savage that they didn’t nominate any female directors, yet Rock had to make jokes about the fact there are no women. They are probably going to lose their Amazon Prime status though. Brad Pitt definitely destroyed the GOP with his comment on John Bolton. Holy 2002! Eminem brought the house down with “Lose Yourself”. Who knew that Chrissy Metz could sing? They had presenters for presenters, but nobody to introduce her. Someone tell Diane Keaton we get it….she had sex with Keanu Reeves. That felt more like the Grammy’s than the Oscar’s and I’m perfectly alright with it.

Monday Morning Coffee

February 3, 2020

Last week was a tough week. Friday’s Laker game felt more like a memorial than a basketball game. I have no idea how they played. It was hard enough just being in the building and watching. However, everyday is getting a little better, even though we’ll probably never get over it. I also don’t think anybody can accuse Lebron of not being a true Laker or part of the Laker family after what he said before Friday’s game. Meanwhile, Kobe probably thinks we’re soft as Charmin toilet paper for crying over him for a week. By the way, the trade deadline is in 3.5 days. Kyle Kuzma might need to have his bags packed because the Lakers reportedly offered him in a trade to the Sacramento Kings last week. However, the Lakers just need to hope nothing much happens at the deadline, and that Andre Iguodola and Darren Collison are available on the free agent market.

Meanwhile, Doc Rivers says the Clippers can honor Kobe best by just winning. I respect the love you’ve shown Kobe the last week Doc, but let’s be real. The Clippers can honor Kobe best by packing their bags and moving to Seattle. You people also can’t be surprised that Paul George didn’t make the All-Star Team. The man has been injured for most of the season, and he’s been defending more like Boy George. It also seems like load management doesn’t seem to be inhibiting Kawhi Leonard’s ability to frequent LA strip clubs, since there’s plenty of photos and videos of him there.

To the NFL, where Super Bowl Sunday went down yesterday with the Chiefs taking down the 49ers. Congratulations to Andy Reid, who finally gets that all-you-can-eat fast food buffet at the White House. They say no lead is safe with Patrick Mahomes on the other side, but the real truth is no lead is safe with Kyle Shannahan on your side. I think it’s safe to say that Patrick Mahomes broke The Madden Curse. Donald Trump deleted this tweet but not before the internet had the receipt and roasted him for it. I think Missouri just turned blue.


Damn you Google! Nobody wants to cry in Super Bowl commercials. My biggest takeaway from the Super Bowl commercials is that car brands are dominating alcohol brands. Rookie move by Mike Bloomberg to air an anti-gun commercial on Super Bowl Sunday. His Presidential campaign will be shorter than the rap career of Vanilla Ice. Walmart using all this money on commercials, but how about you hire more people so I don’t have to scan & bag my own groceries?? 14 years later, Shakira’s hips still don’t lie. Shakira is 43 and J-Lo is 50, yet they look more amazing than most 25-year-olds. Makes you think twice about grabbing that 2nd helping of nachos.


The Dodgers need to stop whining about the Astros cheating scandal and do something to improve their club. We keep hearing about Mookie Betts, but until it’s a done deal, I’m going to remain skeptical. Andrew Friedman has more money and high-end prospects to work with than anybody else in baseball, yet he’s got this weird FOMO. That’s Fear of Missing Out on affordable prospects. Of course he wants Betts because he is only under contract for one more year. There’s not a chance in hell that Friedman is going to pay Betts more than the $300 million he just turned down from the Red Sox. Friedman would rather rent an elite player for a year giving up average talent than acquire an elite player like Nolan Arrenado who is under contract for 8 more years. He’s the dumbest smart guy I’ve ever seen.

We might not want to write off the UCLA Bruin basketball team just yet. The Bruins have won two straight, including a win over #20 Colorado on Friday night. Now they travel to Arizona for duel in the desert with the Wildcats and Sun Devils next weekend. Nice to see the Bruins finally get some offense going. Prior to Friday, they were scoring less than Urkel on Prom night. I’m still wondering though why Shareef O’Neal couldn’t get any playing time for the Bruins. They are so desperate for elite talent, and I can’t imagine this guy just simply couldn’t play. I guexs we’ll find out soon enough if he can’t crack a rotation at a 3rd division I school.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelor is going down on ABC tonight. You know how you know the show is going downhill? They are now having dates in Cleveland. Can you imagine lasting this long and going out on dates in freaking Cleveland? I’m offended just watching. Did Peter really suggest that Chase Rice could maybe sing at his and Victoria’s wedding? Gotta love all the women complaining about busting their humps on the football field, and then seeing Alayah come back. Have these women never actually watched this show? Peter should send them home in two seconds if they aren’t having fun. I only know four names at this point and it’s because Peter only talks to about 4 people. Looking forward to seeing more of this train wreck tonight, but first, in case you missed it check out the SNL spoof on The Bachelor.

Monday Morning Coffee

Image result for Kobe Bryant scorers table

January 27, 2020

This is by far the hardest Monday Morning Coffee I have ever had to write. Let me start by saying my heart goes out to Vanessa and the entire Bryant family, as well as the families of all the other people that were on that flight. Obviously, everyone is going to talk about Kobe, but there were 8 other people on that flight that were people with families as well, and some people that were even close to some of my own family members. Yesterday’s helicopter crash was a shocking tragedy that left me shaken, and like many of you, I’m sobbing and sick to my stomach.

It’s amazing that the man that at times appeared to be invincible died yesterday. As a life-long Laker fan, and a Newport Beach resident, Kobe has felt like a part of my life, and that of many other Southern Californians for the last twenty years. We watched him grow up and mature before our very eyes, and captivate us for decades. It was easy to take for granted, but he was an absolute privilege to watch. Every time he took the court, you knew that you were watching greatness, and waiting for what he was going to do next.

I love the fact that Kobe defied logic on the basketball court. He built his career on making impossible shots. These impossible shots that he made were the shots that his opponents were hoping he would take, yet that’s how he succeeded.

Kobe also commanded respect from everyone. Even his most hated rivals, and those that hated him as a player or person. His work ethic and his ability to push through pain was second to none. I always loved it when over the years someone would tell me how much they hated Kobe, yet how much they had to respect him for all that. That work ethic is what’s so inspirational to people around the world.

What makes me even more sad is knowing how much closer it felt Kobe got to the current Laker players over the last few weeks. He finally started going to games again because Gigi got him into it. Dwight Howard is going to be in the Slam Dunk Contest next month at All-Star Weekend, and he wanted to have Kobe be a part of his routine. Their relationship had come so far. Then Kobe had expressed his support for Lebron before LBJ eclipsed his scoring mark on Saturday night.

Coincidentally, in recent days I began asking myself about Kobe’s legacy as Lebron approached his scoring mark. I thought to myself that Kobe’s legacy was largely around basketball. However, after seeing everyone’s reaction the last 24 hours, it solidified the fact that Kobe’s legacy goes beyond basketball. First of all, thanks to Kobe, he set a ridiculous standard for winning in Los Angeles. If you aren’t in the business of competing for championships, then we think you suck. Why do you think I complain about Andrew Friedman and the Dodgers every week?

More than anything though, Kobe Bryant’s “Mamba Mentality” is a metaphor for life. Kobe gave every ounce of his body on the basketball court until he physically had nothing left give and his body couldn’t handle it anymore. He also took that approach after basketball, and even won an Oscar. The metaphor is that if you don’t give it your all no matter what you’re doing in life, you will wake up one day with a lot of regret. In other words, live life every day like Kobe did…..pretending like your house is on fire, and strive to be great. You only have one life to live and approaching it with that mentality is this reason why Kobe inspires people around the world. Thank you Kobe for inspiring us all.

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Monday Morning Coffee

January 20, 2020

The Lakers have won 12 games in a row against teams over .500. That can’t be correct right? I mean we were all told that the Lakers only beat bad teams and couldn’t compete against the elite. Did I mention the fact they beat the Rockets on the road without Anthony Davis? Suddenly I don’t hear anybody complaining about Kentavious Caldwell-Pope anymore. At this point the Lake Show needs to figure out how to match up better with the Clippers and Bucks, as well as stay healthy. That’s it. That’s a pretty damn good position to be in. Also, those of you that want to trade Kyle Kuzma need to take an elementary school math class. You can’t trade a guy making $2 milion for a guy making $20 million in the NBA. This also goes for “Scream’in A Smith” who thinks the Lakers should trade Kuzma to Phoenix for Devin Booker. Kuz isn’t going anywhere.

Meanwhile, the Clippers are still approaching each game like a high school Senior that’s been accepted to college. I realize the Clips want to load manage not just Kawhi, but their entire approach to these games. However, they probably don’t want to settle for anything less than a top 3 seed. Otherwise they could potentially face the Lakers before the conference finals. For all the depth the Clips have as well, they sure could use some bigger bodies on the front line. There is some wild speculation out there about what the team could do, but I can’t see them moving Harrell or Lou Williams without seeing what this group can do in the playoffs first.

To the NFL where the 49ers ran over the Packers yesterday and are in the Super Bowl. This Packer loss must be Mike McCarthy’s fault too right? Aaron Rodgers just lost the NFC Championship Game to a Backstreet Boy with a nice defense. State Farm’s hopes and dreams were completely shattered after their two biggest celebrity endorsers won’t meet in the Super Bowl. The Chiefs handled business yesterday against the Titans and are in the Super Bowl. Andy Reid is pumped he’s only one win away from an epic fast food buffet at The White House. The only thing more impressive than the Chief’s comeback is the fact Andy Reid did it without blowing all his timeouts like he usually does. Patrick Mahomes may be the man, and he may be a very rich man this off-season, but he still has to go home to a very annoying girlfriend. I’m not even dating her and I want to break up with her.

So let me get this straight. You think that Tom Brady is actually going to play for the Chargers next season? Dean Spanos is so cheap, he breathes through his nose to keep from wearing out his teeth. Tom Brady is too smart to play for a bum owner like Dean Spanos. Not to mention it wouldn’t even make sense for the franchise. If they are going to replace Philip Rivers, they shouldn’t replace him with an old quarterback when they can draft a good one this year with their 1st round pick. Even if they are just trying to sell tickets in the new stadium, they are better off doing it with a young player.

To baseball where the cheating scandal the Astros and Red Sox were a part of is only getting worse, as we hear more about it. This completely altered the legacy of Clayton Kershaw, and the career and earnings of Yu Darvish. Everybody owes these two men a serious apology, because the cheating qualifies what happened in 2017, and even in 2018. As for the MLB, they should absolutely strip the title from the Astros. The fact Rob Manfred won’t tells me the Commissioner earned his degree from the Vince McMahon School of Ethics in Sports. This doesn’t excuse the Dodger front office from not doing enough. Andrew Friedman is so saavy with his analytics, yet his software can’t figure out that the opponent is cheating. I think the only solution is for the Dodgers to cheat to win the 2020 World Series. That way they win and Andrew Friedman gets fired. Sounds like a win-win for everybody.

Did you watch the NCAA Championship Football game last week? They should have just saved everyone a lot of time and had the Republican National Convention at halftime. Trump was cheering for Clemson right? I mean they are both Orange. Ed Oregeron needs to be the new voice on the Waze app. I guess it makes sense why USC didn’t want him as their coach. He’s a winner, which does’t fit their culture. When exactly did College Football give up on playing defense? That game is more reason that the playoff shouldn’t be expanded. The difference between the top team in nation and everybody else is usually pretty significant. LSU crushed it, and was far and away the best college football team in the country this year. However, Joe Burrow will probably retire now that he’s going to be drafted by the Bengals.

I can’t believe you suckers paid $65 to watch Conor McGregor fight for 40 seconds on Saturday night. I saw the entire fight on YouTube through somebody sitting in the front row and I paid nothing. What’s the ROI on your $65 investment? Meanwhile you’re all like…..

Finally, another episode of The Bachelor went down on ABC last week, and it’s back tonight. The last episode proved nothing other than HANNAH B IS STILL OUR NEXT BACHELORETTE. The season will probably end with Peter as Hannah’s boyfriend. Something tells me the majority of these girls don’t need $20,000 of Revolve clothing. They seriously brought Demi back for an episode? I love how Kelsey just gave Peter a $5 bottle of Andre to replace her expensive bottle of Dom. Gotta love Kelsey trying to explain that bullying only counts if you do it more than once. Here’s a full recap of the episode:


Monday Morning Coffee

January 13, 2020

You guys still want to trade Amber Rose…..I mean Kyle Kuzma? Kuz has been balling since the trade rumors started, but most of you Laker fans have the patience of a 5-year old. You can’t trade a guy with that much potential for spare parts, which is the only thing he can bring back at the moment. Meanwhile, Lebron played Friday’s game against the Mavericks like Luka Doncic was hitting on his wife. I wish Lebron would take these games against Kawhi and the Clippers that personal, because he’s going to need to for the Lake Show to beat them. Anybody still think Rob Pelinka doesn’t know what he’s doing? Congrats to him for getting a promotion and an extension despite having to deal with Magic Johnson, who probably didn’t even know how to turn his computer on in the Laker front office. I love seeing Alex Caruso being 6th in All-Star voting for West guards. For any player that has a problem with it, I suggest you call your agent and demand a trade to the Lakers.

Meanwhile, the Clippers are acting like they are in the 3rd year of a championship run with the way they are not showing up against crummy teams. It’s like they have a championship hangover without the championship, and without the alcohol. It shouldn’t take Paul George and Kawhi Leonard to beat the Grizzlies, and even without them, they should have handled the Warriors and Knicks easily. Instead, it was a struggle. Apparently this team only shows up to play against the Lakers. That’s great, except they don’t get to play the Lakers 82 times a year. Ironically, the Clips don’t matchup as well with everybody else as they matchup with the Lakers. Nevertheless, if they don’t start bringing it against everybody else, we might not get to see Lakers v Clippers in the playoffs like we all hope to.

To the NFL where the Houston Texans need to start cheating like the Astros to win in the playoffs. The Falcons blew a 28-3 lead in a half, but the Texans said “hold my beer” and blew a 24-0 lead in one quarter. Pete Caroll must have been shocked to learn that Marshawn Lynch could score from the one yard line, and we were shocked to learn he punted to Aaron Rogers down 5 with 2:50 left. The Ravens lost as well, which is the worst thing to happen to the franchise since they erected a statue of a murderer. The 49ers won again, and Bill Belichick is going to drown himself in the Boston Harbor if Jimmy G makes it to the Super Bowl. This Packers lineman is actually wearing a thong!

Somebody neesds to take Keenan Allen’s Twitter account away from him. He didn’t seem to realize that Mike McCarthy didn’t coach the Packers anymore when the Cowboys hired him. You you would think someone with as much time on his hands would know what’s going on in the NFL. Then again, he might have been doing some day drinking.

It’s going from bad to worse for UCLA Basketball. They’ve lost 5 of their lat 6 games, and are already near the bottom of the PAC-12 after losing to USC. The Bruins are just 8-8, and they are scoring less than a pimple faced high schooler on Prom night. There is no elite scorer on this team, and defensively can only take them so far. I have no idea how good of a coach Mick Cronin is yes, but I sure hope he has the ability to recruit, because he will need to in order to get Bruin basketball back to a respectable level. UCLA should never lose to USC in basketball, let alone on their home floor. It’s going to be a rough couple of months ahead.

We are exactly a month away from pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training and the Dodgers haven’t done crap in the offseason. They should change their name to “The Bears” since their front office goes into hibernation during the winter. The worst part is that Stan Kasten is claiming that they will surpass the luxury tax this year. The Dodgers are about $25 million away from the tax, which tells me that they will be spending money on some very mediocre players left in free agency if they plan on spending that much more. Then again, they signed a mediocre player yesterday in Alex Wood, so maybe I shouldn’t be all the surprised. Nolan Arrenado, Kris Bryant, Francisco Lindor, and Mookie Betts are all available, the Dodgers have the assets to get one, yet they don’t want to do anything to make their club better. This front office is pathetic.

Then there’s the Angels, who are really going to go into another season without any pitching. The Halos blew all their money on Anthony Rendon, which is nice and all, but it’s like buying a nice car when you need fix your roof. The Halos need to hope that Shohei Ohtani turns into Nolan Ryan and that he can stay healthy. Otherwise, you can count on the Astros running over them again in the division, and another wasted year of Mike Trout.

Every time I hear about the LA Kings these days, all I hear about is how they will be good in two years when their young prospects arrive in the NHL. I’d feel pretty good about that if it wasn’t Rob Blake who drafted them. Blake’s coach hiring decisions have been uninspiring, his free agent signings have been disastrous, and he’s made 15 trades that have resulted in almost no current NHL players. That’s tough to get excited about. Now the trade deadline is coming up, and he’s sure to not move any of the veterans on the roster that are expensive, and have some value left.

Finally, The Bachelor is back! Another season of this train wreck television show you can’t stop watching. This time it’s Peter Weber who is The Bachelor this season. I love how Hannah Brown walked into Peter’s group date to remind all the women that she had sex with him 4 times in a windmill. There’s nothing quite like watching 30 women cry over a man they’ve known for 48 hours. Then again, what do you expect from a group that largely thought the cow that appeared on the show was a horse. I guess it wouldn’t be The Bachelor without that and hearing about a childhood trauma, which in this season is some woman who had a traumatic experience riding the teacups. Anybody else mad that Kelly cheated on the obstacle course? Victoria F modeled for a company called “White Lives Matter”. Where do they find these people? You clearly have to be abnormal to be on the show, otherwise it’s not happening. In any case, looking forward to seeing where it goes from here this season.

Monday Morning Coffee

January 6, 2020

The Lakers are back to beating crummy teams again, and everyone should be perfectly ok with it.  They lost 4 straight in the month of December, yet still have a 4 game lead in the West.  Kudos to the Suns on still clearly finding a way to enjoy New Year’s Eve in L.A. last week despite it being a work trip. That’s work/life balance we should all strive for.  Did Darren Collison find God already?  That was a quick retirement and search for the man upstairs, if he’s really coming back next month.  The Lake Show really needs him to help their bench.  ESPN is the new CNN when it comes to covering the Lakers.  Woj harped on the relationship Collison has with Doc Rivers because he played for him, but conveniently failed to mention he played for Frank Vogel too.

Meanwhile, The Clippers sure do have a lot of games where they don’t show up for a team whose entire ad campaign is built around how real they are.   “Earned, not given” is acting like a team in the 3rd year of a three-peat run?  Lay off Kawhi though.  He must be EXHAUSTED after playing 4 in a row!  WHY DID KAWHI PLAY 35 MINS IN A BLOWOUT AND A MEANINGLESS REGULAR SEASON GAME???  I still don’t get this bizarre load management schedule they have him on, and I’m not sure anybody other than Kawhi does because he’s the one telling the Clips what he’s doing.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the family of former NBA Commissioner David Stern, who passed away last week.  Stern’s legacy will always be remembered as the man who helped globalized the NBA, and taking it from a sport few cared about to one of the top sports leagues in the world.  Also, as much as Laker fans want to hate him for vetoing the Chris Paul trade, the Lakers are the greatest franchise in the NBA partially because Stern knew the importance of big markets during his tenure.

That was a shocking Wild Card Weekend in the NFL.  Bill Simmons is in tears right now trying to figure out how the Patriots loss is somehow like Rocky III or Road Rules Challenge.  Tom Brady was doing his best Jameis Winston impression on Saturday.  You think the dynasty is over until Belichik signs 13 new refs and finds a new way to cheat.  Patriots haven’t won a playoff game since they arrested Rich Hill.  Then there’s the Bills who choked away their game against the Texans.  Bills Mafia bought all those tables to break at the tailgate for nothing.  I feel terrible for Drew Brees, but you can always count on the Saints and their fans complaining that the refs screwed them instead of holding themselves accountable for missed opportunities.   The Seahawks won and that means Beast Mode gets to continue entertaining us for another week.

I don’t usually agree with Scott Kaplan on much, and definitely not when it comes to his feminine orders at Starbucks.  However, I do agree on the fact that the Charger franchise really screwed Philip Rivers, when he’s shown loyalty to them.   Rivers could have “Bolted” to a better situation, but instead, showed faith in a franchise that set him up to fail.  The Bolts never added the final pieces to even put themselves in position to get to the Super Bowl, and it wasn’t like it was only Tom Brady that prevented them from doing so.   Now Rivers’ frustration has boiled over with the move to LA, where he knows the team has no fans.  At this point you can only feel bad for the guy.

Although this is quickly looking like a down year for UCLA Basketball, I was really happy to see freshman Jake Kyman not only get some minutes, but also take advantage of them.  Kyman looked like Klay Thompson against Washington with all his clutch shooting, and made a solid contribution in the loss against Washington State yesterday. There hasn’t been a lot to get excited about, but as long as this kid continues to develop, he can be a really important player for the program for the next 4 years.

It’s January and as usual, the Dodgers have done nothing to improve their ball club.  Also as usual, Stan Kasten is in damage control mode with the media.  He’s trying to tell us this is a successful team already that is still determined to win the World Series.  You could have fooled me.  If the Dodgers were really concerned that Gerrit Cole wanted to be a Yankee, why didn’t they try to outbid them instead of telling us they could have?  Everyone knows Scott Boras clients always go to the highest bidder.  I have never blamed the Dodgers for making the TV deal they did, but I do blame them for not spending the money, and spending it the right way. They didn’t even spend the money to bring back Rich Hill, who is on the MLB equivalent of welfare. Kasten also thinks that just because we show up to his games we agree with how his team does things.  The man is simply out of touch with reality.  Here’s to proving me wrong Stan, but based on what you did in Atlanta, this looks like the sequel to a bad movie.

Finally, CNN is unbelievable.  I remember when they were a respectable network.  You knew that had a little bit of an agenda before, but it was professional.   Now they have become far more embarrassing than Fox News.  These people actually cried on election night in 2016 when Trump won.  Now they are getting drunk on New Years Eve, and talking about penises on the air.

Monday Morning Coffee

December 30, 2019

Tough week for the Lakers.  They snapped a 4-game skid but not before losing some games to some quality competition, namely the Clippers.  On top of that, I’m pretty sure Kyle Kuzma’s trainer isn’t going to be invited to Taco Tuesday at Lebron’s house, after firing off some highly critical tweets.  Lebron is already sending a strongly worded letter to the Santa at the North Pole demanding that he takes a crap in the trainer’s stocking next year.  I don’t know if Kawhi is better than Lebron on a nightly basis, but he certainly makes the matchup difficult.  In all seriousness though, Lebron is going to have to figure out how to be the smarter and more skillful player against the Clippers, rather than the most athletic guy.  That’s the only difference between the Lakers and Clippers right now, but I think Lebron is capable of figuring out that challenge.

As for the Clippers, yes they are basking in the glory of a win over the Lakers on Xmas Day, but then they followed that up by laying an egg against Utah.  Doc Rivers blamed the loss on the fact his team is sick, but they are probably sick from watching Paul George shoot 30% from the field the last 4 games.  He been awful lately, and nobody cares unless your name is Lebron, Harden or Westbrook.  Then there’s Kawhi Leonard, who won the AP Male Athlete of the Year, but I’m sure he’s going to miss the ceremony due to load management.  The Clippers are winning but they are annoying.  So is Kawhi’s Uncle, who probably asked Jeannie Buss for sexual favors while negotiating with the Lakers over the summer.  This dude reminds me of the Uncle in the movie “He Got Game”.

The Rams may have found the win column yesterday to finish the season over .500, but it was a lost cause. Todd Gurley just isn’t getting enough work, and whatever happens next season, he and Sean McVay need to hold hands and sing ” Kum-By-Ya” until they resolve whatever weird beef they have. They are also going to be a team that is shopping at the “99 Cent Store” this off-season, since they have paid everybody already, and still need to pay Jalen Ramsey. Despite that, I see no reason why the Rams can’t get back to the playoffs next year if they get creative with the cap, and fix the offensive line. There is still talent on this team.

The Chargers’ season also mercifully came to an end yesterday, but sadly the Charger career of Philip Rivers probably did as well. After watching Rivers get emotional at the post game press conference yesterday, I was thinking how much respect I had for the guy. I’ve gotta admit, I’ve always been a Drew Brees guy over Philip Rivers, but Rivers played so hard and didn’t care about the interceptions. He was always about going for it, even if the ride with the Bolts was bumpier than the Matterhorn. For Philip’s sake, and the sake of his 22 children, I hope he goes someplace else next year where he can win. For the Chargers, it’s going to be a disaster either way moving into a new stadium and losing name players like Rivers and Melvin Gordon, while having no fans.

Elsewhere around Week 17, America is cracking the champagne open after the Patriots lost to the Dolphins, which means they have to play next weekend in the playoffs. Marshawn Lynch was serving tequila shots at a parking lot tailgate in Oakland two weeks ago for the Raiders’ last game there. Last night he started for the Seahawks on Sunday Night Football.  Legend.  The NFC East playoff spot should go to LSU instead of the Eagles. More on them in a moment. Jameis Winston has thrown 30 interceptions this season, and he’s asking for $30 million next season. Isn’t this country amazing? The Bengals are so bad, even their celebrations suck.

USC football finished up their season with a Holiday Bowl loss against Iowa State. The only thing worse than the SC coaching is Qualcomm stadium.  The seats in that stadium look like they were recovered from the Titanic.  As if Trojan fans aren’t mad enough, now USC AD Mike Bohn is blaming the fans for the Trojans’ poor recruiting class. Maybe it’s because recruits don’t want to join a Clay Helton-coached team that consistently gets embarrassed by good competition.  Not because the fans want to see them fail.  Helton has embarrassed USC Athletics more than Lori loughlin.  Anybody that wants to point out that USC lost Kedon Slovis, Slovis doesn’t play defense or special teams, where much of their problems were against Iowa State.  USC was supposed to finish strong in the Holiday Bowl.  Instead, it validated every concern its frustrated fan base has levied against Clay Helton.

As for the College Football Playoff, the United Nations has charged LSU with crimes against humanity for what they did against Oklahoma.  Oh should Oklahoma join a conference now? Or maybe they should be relegated to Division II.  Look, for all the “Prisoner of The Moment People”  saying Oklahoma didn’t belong in this game, yes they did. They had the fourth best season in the country. This happens sometimes.  The top teams are just really good.  The same thing can be said for Division II and Division III College Football, which has the larger playoff format most people are pushing for.  Meanwhile Ohio State and Oklahoma have agreed to play a 3rd place game and Ohio State is already up 28-0 before the game started.  Hopefully the Championship game is a little more competitive.

I don’t even know what to say anymore about UCLA Basketball.  They lost at home to Cal State Fullerton.  UCLA should NEVER lose to Fullerton.  Now Coach Mick Cronin issued an apology to all the fans for the poor defense that they played Saturday.  However, it’s actually their offense that is far more offensive to watch.  Cronin is basically saying he doesn’t have enough talent.  He also said he plans on talking to Chip Kelly and borrowing some of his football players to work on post defense with his players in practice.  That’s like asking Chris Brown for advice on domestic abuse prevention.    Kelly’s players have no talent, and they sure don’t win.  Things look like they are going to get worse in Westwood before they get better.

For those of you that missed it, Dodger free agent pitcher Rich Hill and his wife were arrested at a Patriots game last week.  This arrest makes him a great candidate for the Astros to sign, since it’s pretty much a requirement to have a criminal record to play for them.  This also validates the  “Dick Mountain” nickname he gave himself for being so ballsy.   Have you seen Hill get angry and throw water coolers when he gets removed from a regular season game by Andrew Friedman’s computer? Imagine what he did to those cops if he did that to a water cooler.  Probably took the whole squad to take him down.

OJ Simpson Twitter is still great for jokes that simply write themselves.  OJ’s latest Twitter debacle was after he won his fantasy football championship, and showed up on social with a belt hours later.  I’m beginning to think the league doesn’t really exist because it usually take a while to get your league’s belt or trophy if you win.  Juice got his hands on it like he was given the Stanley Cup, which seems unlikely.  Kirk Cousins should be a little nervous since OJ thinks he nearly “murdered” his chances.  Clearly, OJ is still “killing” the competition.  But seriously though: who would play in a Fantasy Football League with OJ, let alone invite him to one?

Monday Morning Coffee

December 23, 2019

I read a headline on ESPN yesterday that actually said: “Lebron Not Managing His Load”. The journalists that cover the NBA are severely underestimating the maturity level of their fan base. In all seriousness though, LBJ missing last night’s game is no big deal, but he should take a few games off, even if it means we’re going to be disappointed not seeing him on Christmas Day. The Laker losing streak isn’t a big deal either. Meanwhile, Magic Johnson still can’t shut up. He felt the need to tell the LA Times that the Lakers wouldn’t be where they are today without him. Actually Magic, the Lakers are where they are today despite your stupidity. There’s no way Magic had any idea who Josh Hart was when he was in college, and it’s not terribly difficult to “evaluate talent” like Lonzo Ball when he is in your backyard playing Oregon on a Thursday night. Something tells me Magic wasn’t exactly going to scout Colgate vs Monmoth in January, and it was his scouts doing that, and Pelinka doing the real roster manipulation. If anything, had Magic not been an idiot, Kawhi would be on this team with Lebron and AD, and the league would be over.

Meanwhile, Doc Rivers is talking trash about load management. Doc claims that the Lakers load management philosophy is “whatever Lebron says it is.” That’s funny Doc, but the Lakers aren’t load managing at all, and it’s really you that is load managing Kawhi because that’s how Kawhi says it’s going to be. However, it doesn’t seem to matter how much Kawhi is load managing, because right now Giannis and the Bucks look like the best team in the NBA. Giannis isn’t the same player Kawhi locked down in the playoffs last year, and he’s suddenly making three-pointers like he’s Reggie Miller. For now, the Lakers and Clippers might just be battling it out for 2nd place.

That was a spirited effort by the Rams on Saturday against the 49ers, but their playoff hopes got crushed like everyone’s hope of Trump actually leaving office. I don’t really subscribe to the theory that the Rams are done being competitive in the NFC, but this is definitely going to be looked at as a season of missed opportunities. The Rams should have handled business against the Bucs, Cowboys, and Seahawks on the road. Even if they win two of those games it’s a different story. I’m also not sure what the weird dynamic between Sean McVay and Todd Gurley is. Gurley rarely touches the ball 20 times a game anymore, and it’s like McVay got offended he was hitting on his fiance or something. Whatever the case is, these two guys better work it out before next season.

Then there’s the Chargers, who are just a sad football team at this point. They lose to the Raiders, they have to rely on silent counts because they are basically playing a road game in their own stadium, and then Philip Rivers complains about how much the lack of support hurts. Melvin Gordon also re-iterated how tough it was to play in that stadium for the last 3 years. Don’t worry Melvin, I don’t think the Bolts are interested in paying you even $5 million next year, so you won’t have to play in LA anymore. Even more ridiculous is the Chargers making a joke out of the Raiders leaving Oakland. Apparently when the Bolts left San Diego it was all business, but when the Raiders leave Oakland it’s all one big joke.


Elsewhere around the NFL in Week 15, Jameis Winston is the first quarterback to ever throw an interception during a commercial. Lamar Jackson is so good, at this point he’s trolling people on the field.
With the Bengals clinching the #1 overall pick, every single draft eligible player has announced they are all returning to school. The Dolphins are so bad, they couldn’t even tank properly this season. The Seahawks are about to hold tryouts with their fans for their starting running back position next week. Stay positive Cowboys fans you still have the Lakers and Yankees seasons to look forward to!

To baseball where the Dodgers have yet to do anything of significance to improve their club, and we are nearly at Christmas time. I did not expect the Dodgers to bring back Hyun Jin Ryu. However, I did expect them to do something to improve their bullpen, starting pitching, and their lineup to a lesser extent. I get it Andrew Friedman, you don’t want to give out long term deals. However, you also don’t like giving up high end prospects in trades. So in case nobody has told you, you can’t improve your baseball team if you aren’t willing to do either. I’ve been hearing names like Lindor, Clevinger, and Arrenado since the off-season ended, but I’m having a hard time seeing the Dodgers actually do anything because that has never been Friedman’s style. Here’s to hoping I’m wrong by the time you read this.

As for the Angels, they desperately need pitching and still haven’t gotten it. No Cole, no Wheeler, Bumgarner, Keuchel, or Ryu. They probably needed two of those guys, and not Julio Teheran. I realize the Angels are paying for durability on their pitching staff, but maybe they can start paying for talent while they are at it. It’s going to take some creative trades by the Halos to find some impact arms to help them get in the playoffs at this point. David Price seems like the best bet, especially with only 3 years left on his deal, and still performing at a reasonably high level.

Does anybody actually care that USC will be playing in the Holiday Bowl on Thursday? Anyone? Bueller? I guess we’ll get the true answer on Thursday when no Trojan fans show up, or a bunch of angry ones. I hear Clay Helton is counting 7-on-7 workouts as real practices to claim that USC would have practiced 15 times in preparation for the game. The only thing worse than the people that run USC is the stadium this game is going to be played in. That’s another reason why San Diego needs another new stadium. By the way, USC’s recruiting class is now worse than Bowling Green’s. Keeping Clay Helton is going really well so far guys.