Monday Morning Coffee

August 13, 2018

Since Lebron signed with the Lakers, I’ve heard nothing but hypocrisy and and hate from the national media regarding the teams outlook.  Apparently prior to signing with the Lakers, Lebron James was viewed as being able to take any team he’s on to the finals.  Now that he’s on the Lakers, the media says he might not even make the playoffs.  The media also seems to think that every other group of young players in the league are going to improve, most notably in Boston and Philadelphia, yet that couldn’t possibly happen in LA.  Every team also improved themselves in free agency according to the media, except for the Lakers, who added the best player in basketball.  And to think that all this time I thought it was just the people that work in the NBA that weren’t very smart.  It’s the folks that cover the NBA that are equally as dumb.

You’re now seeing just how bad the Dodger bullpen is now that Kenley Jansen is out for a month with an irregular heartbeat.  I’ve been telling you just how flawed the bullpen is for years, but now you can actually witness it.  They couldn’t close a game in Colorado over the weekend, and they probably couldn’t even close a hot dog stand.  It also doesn’t help that for all the power in their lineup, the team can’t advance a runner, hit and run, steal a base, or do anything that resembles small ball.  The irony of all this is that Dave Roberts was probably the ultimate small ball player, yet Andrew Friedman and his front office of nerds have handed him a bullpen that is a dumpster fire, and a lineup that doesn’t play to the Manager’s strengths.  I guess that doesn’t matter to Friedman anyway, since he’s the one actually dictating who is in the lineup everyday, and how quickly his starters are removed.  I’m beginning to wonder if the Dodgers are even going to win the NL West.

You’ve gotta wonder who it was that leaked the rumor that Mike Scioscia was stepping down at the end of the season.  I’m thinking it was somebody in the Angels’ front office, and that the front office doesn’t really want him back.  Scioscia claims he’s not stepping down, but with with no playoff wins in almost a decade, it’s safe to say he already has.  For just a moment it looked like the Halos might be making a charge back into the pennant race.  However, after coming up short in Oakland over the weekend, and 24 of their last 36 games against teams with a winning record, my odds of winning the Powerball are better than the Angels making the postseason.

Rams General Manager Les Snead told the media on Saturday that contract talks with Aaron Donald were “in the same zip code”.  Anybody that lives in LA knows that even though you are in the same zip code, you are actually really far apart because with traffic it takes forever to get there.  You can’t blame Donald at all, but if the man wants quarterback money, I don’t see this ending anytime soon.  Unfortunately for Donald, the Rams have all the leverage here.  They have his rights, they aren’t going to trade him, they already have a great team, and 3 very winnable games to start the season.

We’re just a few weeks away from the start of college football season, and Clay Helton has a dilemma on his hands at quarterback for USC.  The obvious choice seems like JT Daniels, but he needs both Jack Sears and Matt Fink in case things don’t work out with Daniels.  It’s sort of like making sure you still have a side piece or two, hedging your bet in case things don’t work out with your girlfriend.  This is exactly what happened with Max Browne and Sam Darnold.  The Trojans had to keep Browne on the bench for a while and make him think he had a shot in case things didn’t work out with Darnold.  The quarterback business in college football is brutal.

Yesterday was unbelievable at the PGA Championship.  Tiger came in second and the crowd went nuts. Brooks Koepka  won it all and I’ve heard louder hand shakes after Sunday service than cheers for him.  3,709 days since Tiger won a major. 3 different Presidents, 3 different Spider-Men, 11 different iPhones, every team in the AL except for the Mariners has won their division at least once, including the Astros, who joined the AL in 2013. It’s a really long time.  Still, the man has incredible star power.  It’s going to be a long winter without seeing him back on the course, but hopefully he can build off of it for the sake of the sport, and our excitement.  Not hard to understand why Tiger has so many back problems when he’s been carrying an entire sport for 20 years.

Finally, I had the pleasure of attending the taping of The Final Rose last Monday on ABC for the season finale of The Bachelorette.  For a season that frankly wasn’t all that good, I have to say that the experience at the taping was phenomenal.  This was a 3-hour show, yet during the commercial breaks they keep the energy going by getting you to dance, interact with the MC, and Chris Harrison himself keeps you entertained.  Harrison comes up into various portions of the crowd and interacts with as many people as he can to keep that energy going.  They don’t lie, you will be on camera, as they do a lot of audience shots.  As for the finale itself, couldn’t somebody have handed Blake a towel or tissue so he didn’t have to blow his nose and wipe his tears in his suit?  Of course Becca ended up with Garrett because ABC loves racists and homophobes.  Nevertheless, Blake couldn’t keep it together when he met her family.  He was more nervous than Dwight Howard on Fathers Day.  You’ve also gotta love the fact that Becca is a publicist and completely crafted Garrett’s statement on the show in response to his homophobic social media behavior.  Don’t feel bad Blake, you’re about to have about 10,000 girls slide into your DM’s on IG.  As usual, the show ended for most people in disappointing fashion, yet you’ll all be back in a few months watching this train wreck again, if you’re not already watching The Bachelor in Paradise.

 

Monday Morning Coffee

August 6, 2018

There i was just minding my own business on a Friday until the President of the United States took down Don Lemon and Lebron James, and then somehow Jock Talk LA got dragged into the battle.  There’s a lot of folks in the wrong here.  If Lebron wants to make political and social statements that’s his right, but he’d probably be a lot more effective if he didn’t take shots at the President every time he spoke about him.  Then there’s President Trump, who apparently has nothing better to do with his time than blast the intelligence of Don Lemon and Lebron on social media.  It’s not like he has a country to run or anything.  It’s all just very unnecessary.  The Lakers did make the savvy move though by coming out and supporting Lebron publicly, which is something that Dan Gilbert hardly did in Cleveland.

I can’t believe some of you actually believed these ridiculous rumors started by Shaq that Kobe was coming out of retirement.  It was fun to talk about for a few days, even for most of us that knew it wasn’t going to happen.  However, his wife, Vanessa Bryant, had to come in and ruin all the fun by posting a very serious message on Instagram telling everybody that he is definitely not coming back. Thanks Vanessa.  You completely ruined the joke.

Lou Williams actually believes that the Clippers are still better than the Lakers. Lou also thinks that the earth is flat, Kim Kardashian is a virgin, and that people on the The Bachelorette are actually going to have successful marriages.  I’m thinking he spent his summer on Mars and didn’t get the memo that the Lakers signed the best player in basketball.  By the way, by season’s end, the Lakers were arguably better than the Clippers when they were healthy, even before adding Lebron.  Little does Lou also know that the Clippers front office isn’t trying to win this year.

The Dodgers just finished a brutal 17-game stretch after getting slaughtered by the Astros over the weekend.  I think it’s safe to say that this team is definitely not ready for prime time.  Andrew Friedman’s strength was supposed to be building bullpens.  Not only has he not done that, he’s built a lineup that either hits solo home runs or strikes out.  This team is going to be prone to some serious slumps against good pitching in October, similar to what we’ve seen over the past couple of weeks.  Brian Dozier is more of the same.  A player with lots of power, but this season has looked like he can’t hit little league pitching.  That 14-0 loss to the Astros felt like Pedro Baez was pitching the entire game. This team has some serious flaws, and apparently Siri couldn’t figure out a way to help Friedman spent $197 million more effectively.

Rumors began to leak out over the weekend that Mike Scioscia was going to step down as skipper of the Halos when the season ends.  Scioscia described the rumors as “poppycock”.  They are clearly true because who uses the word “poppycock” other than Christopher Walken?  This needs to happen.  Scioscia is the greatest Manager in club history, but it’s time for a new voice and a new approach for the Angels to try and turn their franchise around.  In a much more analytically driven league, the Halos should probably think outside the box for their next hire, and also have somebody who sees more eye-to-eye with the front office.

The Chargers haven’t even played a game yet and their season is already looking very Charger like. They just lost Pro Bowl cornerback Jason Verrett to an ACL injury for the season.  I’m assuming that this is going to be the first of a number of devastating injuries to some Charger players because that seems to be how their season always goes.  More than anything though, I just don’t trust this team to win the games that really matter and come through in critical moments.  They always seem to have the talent, but not the intestinal fortitude to get it done.  That’s why I’m shocked at the number of analysts that think the Chargers are going to win the AFC West.

How do you know it’s college football season? There’s a scandal at a big program. This time it’s Urban Meyer, who looks like another scum bag who only cares about winning. Ohio State is ranked #3 in the the Preseason Coach’s Poll. When asked to comment on his team’s ranking Urban Meyer stated: “I have zero knowledge about this and was never told about this.” Urban knew he had a domestic abuser on his coaching staff, and a number of other incidents that went down at OSU and even Florida. This is just the only incident we know about. If Michigan State can keep a large majority of their staff employed after the total loss of control there, I’m sure OSU will find any reason to keep Urban around if they can.  It’s college football where programs pretend like character actually means something.

Finally, the season finale of The Bachelorette is going down tonight and I’m fortunate enough to be able to attend the live show. Before I get to my thoughts last week, can we talk about why everybody keeps using the phrase “living their best life”? We are now almost two full seasons removed from that annoying finish to Rachel’s season, which was when she coined that phrase. What does that even mean? I don’t think anybody actually knows, which makes it even more ridiculous. As for this season and last week’s “Men Tell All”, the one-liners were epic. Jean-Blanc: “Colton you act like a bitch but you’ve never been inside one”. I nearly fell out of my chair. Not nearly enough time was dedicated to Venmo John’s masterful Tinder breakdown. Jean Blanc is literally those Mall employees that shove perfume at you when you’re trying to walk through Macy’s real fast. If you think that I’m going to waste 2 hours of my life watching grown ass men embarrass themselves on national television then you are absolutely right. Looking forward to seeing the season finale of that embarrassment tonight.

Monday Morning Coffee

July 30, 2018

The Lakers are going to need the world’s best sports team psychiatrist to get through next season. Luke Walton might be getting the most use out of that person given the personalities he’s going to have to deal with. It’s almost like the Lakers asked themselves how they can build the perfect roster to get a coach fired. Hopefully that’s not how it goes for Walton’s sake because he has the potential to be a great coach. Michael Beasley defended the Lakers’ acquisitions last week though, which is surprising because Beasley has never defended anybody during his erratic NBA career. I don’t expect that to change this season just because he’s a Laker.

Meanwhile, Tobias Harris shockingly turned down the Clippers offer for a 4 year $80 million extension. I guess Harris doesn’t seem to like money or the Clippers. I highly doubt even if he plays great basketball this year, he will find another team willing to pay him more than $20 million a year. This isn’t 2016. After seeing how quickly the Clips traded Blake Griffin after re-signing him, Harris probably wouldn’t trust the team to even order him his next lunch. As for the Clippers, if their goal is to just spend money on a couple of max free agents next summer, then they’ll be just fine if Tobias walks away from them in a year anyway.

The Rams will likely give their janitor a raise before giving Aaron Donald an extension. After giving out another $45 million guaranteed to Todd Gurley, the Rams have now paid Ndamukong Suh, and Brandin Cooks, but not one of the best players in the NFL. This is looking worse and worse by the day. It’s not an issue that has gone on for a few months. It’s been a full year of putting this off, so you can’t blame Donald for holding out until he gets paid. The NFL has the weakest players union in all of sports. There are certain players however, that deserve guaranteed contracts on every team, and not just guaranteed money. Donald has proven to be one of those types of players, so at this point the Rams just need to get the deal done.

The Dodgers are in the midst of a brutal road stretch but they are holding up. However, we learned something important about the bullpen over the past week. It stinks. In fact, Kike Hernandez now has a career 81.00 ERA after his one relief appearance. That makes me feel just as comfortable with him on the mound as Pedro Baez. Manny Muchado is nice, but the Dodgers need to add a quality reliever or two to their bullpen before Wednesday’s deadline. A starting pitcher probably wouldn’t hurt either considering Ross “Chicken Strips” Stripling has turned into chicken shit.

There’s two months to go in a dreadful season for the Angels, and I find myself about to say something that I’ve said last year. I think I said it the year before that too, and the one before that. The Halos have a lot of players who aren’t good at baseball. By my count, they are about 7 players away from contending, and maybe even the Astros moving their team to a Japanese league. Other than Mike Trout and Andrelton Simmons, there’s nobody on the team that is critical. They also desperately need two good starting pitchers who’s arms can remain intact for a full season. Unless they plan on overpaying for an older Clayton Kershaw or gutting their limited farm system in a trade for Jacob DeGrom, that probably won’t get fixed anytime soon. Better enjoy Mike Trout for the final two seasons here’s here. Come 2020, it might take a $600 million commitment to sign him.

I can just see the outrage now. USC was picked to lose the Pac-12 Championship game to Washington by the media in overwhelming fashion. The Trojan student body is so angry they are going to burn down the 9-0. Then again it needs to be burned down because it’s kind of a dump for a USC bar. The fact the Trojans weren’t projected to win speaks volumes about the uncertainty of their quarterback situation and how good Washington has become. I find it more shocking that UCLA was picked to finish a distant 4th in the Pac-12 South. Apparently nobody thinks Chip Kelly can coach anymore.

Finally, The Bachelorette is back on ABC tonight with “The Men Tell All”. We’re down to two underwhelming choices left for Becca. It’s starting to look obvious that Garret is going to win this. It’s a perfect match for ABC who loves casting racists, and Becca, who loves boring guys. Jason has class and everybody else in his shoes would have just gotten angry with how Becca ended things with him. You know that game marry, kill, f***? Fantasy suite night seems like the real life edition of that. One of these days ABC is going to come up with a Fantasy Suite spinoff series where the Bachelorette gets pregnant but nobody knows who the father is. We’re at the last week so why are we still hearing Aries name? That guy deserves a “Best Supporting Actor” award this season. The biggest question that remains unanswered though is whether or not they broke the headboard in the Fantasy Suite?

Monday Morning Coffee

July 23, 2018

Let’s start with the latest piece of good news for the Lakers. Josh Hart is balling, and he might even be in line to be starting next season after winning the Summer League MVP. The bad news is that the Lakers keep signing crazy people, with the latest being Michael Beasley. I guess Lebron told Magic to do whatever he can to make Lavar irrelevant. All he needs to do is sign Kim Jong-un and Dennis Rodman and the mission will be accomplished.

To baseball, where somehow the Dodgers acquired Manny Muchado from the Orioles last week. Never could I ever image that Andrew Friedman would give up 5 prospects in a trade for anyone. The Orioles must have thrown in a free Fortnight subscription under the table to sweeten the pot and get the deal done. Muchado was much needed and he’s going to help, but the Dodgers aren’t as good as last year and still need pitching. The good news however, is that Matt Kemp is still on fire. With Muchado hitting in front of him, Kemp hasn’t had this much protection since dating Rihanna a few years ago.

Meanwhile, the Angels did a nice job of coming to Mike Trout’s defense, after Commissioner Rob Manfred suggested Trout isn’t doing enough to market himself. That’s the only positive thing the team has done in weeks. If Manfred knew anything at all about marketing or even cared, he probably would have made sure 70% of the LA market could watch the Dodgers on TV, which isn’t the case today. Even if I look at the biggest stars in baseball in the biggest markets, they are much smaller than stars in the NBA and even NFL. Clayton Kershaw is the best pitcher of his generation in the 2nd largest media market, and he should be a much bigger superstar. Kris Bryant drove an Uber around Chicago several years ago, and nobody recognized him. I guess Rob Manfred is just as clueless as Bud Selig was, because baseball has no idea how to market toward the younger generation of fans they need to make the game more popular than it is now.

Speaking of baseball stars, is there a more overrated star than Bryce Harper? For years, we’ve seen ESPN trip over themselves covering this guy the way they cover Lebron and Tiger Woods. Harper is nothing more than a .214 hitter, who’s advanced statistics make him look even worse in an era dominated by analytics. Somehow, some moronic team is going to pay him $400 million over the next 10 years beginning this winter. It’s amazing that he was once compared to the greatness of Mike Trout.

I sure hope the Rams are planning on getting a deal done with Aaron Donald any second now. Brandin Cooks hasn’t even played a single down for the team yet he was guaranteed $50 million. Donald is only one of the best players in the entire league, yet the Rams keep waiting to pay him the way most people keep delaying paying off their credit card statement. Even if a deal does get done soon, it’s a really bad look for the Rams to pay Cooks first, and can’t be sitting very well with Donald if this negotiation goes on for some time.

I have been a massive fan of Shark Week for 20 years, and I’m beyond excited it’s back on this week. However, I don’t need all the celebrity cameos. If I wanted to see Shaq, I’d just watch Inside The NBA. If I wanted to see Ronda Rousey, I’d watch the WWE, but if that ever happened I’d probably be doing drugs. I like how she’s too scared to get back in the octagon, but perfectly fine swimming with sharks without a cage. In any case, I don’t need celebrities, and I don’t need the sensationalism of Shark attacks, or any more history on Jaws. I want to know what more we’ve learned about Sharks lately, and about some of the crazy alien like species we’ve seen little of. That’s what Shark Week should always be about. Increasing our fascination with these amazing animals, and not making us more terrified of them.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelorette is going down tonight on ABC. Is Tia supposed to be The Bachelorette or is Becca? You’d never know from the last episode. I guess she thinks she’s already in Paradise where it’s perfectly acceptable to steal another dude. Tia is that friend who secretly hates you and is fake happy for your success. Colton says he’s never brought a girl home, but the Internet has the receipts when he dated Aly Raisman. There’s deleted scenes somewhere of Chris Harrison using a banana to teach Colton how to put on a condom. Can’t believe he kept a straight face during that fantasy suite conversation. He deserves an Oscar. That was also the most obvious rose ceremony ever. Could have saved everybody a lot of trouble just by sending Colton an email saying “you’re out.” I would be pissed if I was a high school teacher and had to come in on a weekend to film an episode of the Bachelorette. Who is Betty Lou?? I like how Becca wraps her legs around every dude like he just got back from war in Afghanistan when she meets them. Hopefully we get a good last few episodes but I’m not so optimistic.

Monday Morning Coffee

July 16, 2018

Sometimes the summer is so boring when it comes to sports, people lose their minds and come up with some of the worst ideas in history.  The latest example of this is Stephen A Smith claiming that the Lakers should keep their eyes on Phil Jackson if things go badly this season with Luke Walton.  All this time I thought it was just the executives at ESPN that came up with stupid ideas, but it’s the broadcasters as well.  I guess everyone forgot that the last time Phil coached 7 years ago, he practically mailed it in, not even wanting to coach every game.  He also mailed it in during his latest gig as President of the Knicks.  Not to mention the fact that the game has also passed Phil by, since nobody even wants to run the triangle anymore.  I think the Lakers are just fine without Phil no matter what happens.  As for Luke Walton, he shouldn’t like the fact a story leaked that Tyronn Lue is giving him advice on how to coach Lebron.  Even if it’s true, i think most sensible people wouldn’t take advice on how to even wipe their ass from Tyronn Lue.

Meanwhile, Doc Rivers has got jokes, and he doesn’t even know it.  Most of us were pretty surprised  to see Rivers sign an extension with the Clips when they are faced with a rebuild, which was something he didn’t want to go through in Boston.  Rivers said “we haven’t won crap in LA but we’re trying to.”  He also commented on moving on from the failed Blake-CP-DeAndre era, explaining “it’s called being with the Clippers.”  Sometimes the funniest jokes are really funny because they are true, and that’s the harsh yet hilarious reality of what Doc said.  Still, it’s hard to see why he would want to stick around for all that, but I suppose everyone has their price.

We’ve reached the All-Star break in Major League Baseball, and the Dodgers are actually in 1st place in the NL West due to the fact the division is garbage.  I refuse to be fooled by the idea that the Dodgers are serious about acquiring Manny Muchado.  The day Andrew Friedman trades some quality prospects for an impact talent is probably the day the sun won’t rise.  It will also be the day that Siri stops telling that computer nerd how to build a team due to a software glitch.  The Dodgers window to win with Clayton Kershaw is shrinking fast, so Muchado would help maximize what’s left.  As great as the offense might seem, only Matt Kemp is hitting over .300, so it’s a feast or famine lineup.  Muchado is needed just as much as another bullpen arm or even a starter.  Too bad him being a Dodger probably won’t come to fruition.

Then there’s the Angels who’s season has now been completely obliterated by injuries.  The latest is Garrett Richards, who will finally be forced to undergo Tommy John surgery.  Richards should have had the surgery two seasons ago, because now he’s lost three seasons of his career, and has an even more questionable future in the MLB given his pending free agency.  I think it’s also high time someone launched an investigation into what the hell the front office and training staff are doing, because they’ve lost 7 pitchers in 3 years due to elbow injuries.  That doesn’t even include Shohei Ohtani, who may need the same surgery as well.  Ohtani had his bobble head night on Thursday.  When is UCL elbow injury bobble head night? It will probably take a full season to give out that many different pitching bobble heads, but that feels like the only thing to commemorate each Angels’ season by these days.

Congratulations to France! You may have lost all your wars, but you did manage to win the World Cup yesterday by defeating Croatia.  Apparently soccer fans in France are just as idiotic as soccer fans everywhere else in the world when they celebrate anything, because riots and looting occurred, and several people were killed amidst the chaos.  I thought sports were supposed to unite people rather than divide them? You definitely don’t see that with soccer, which always leads to more of a political or racial discussion than any other sport around the world (although the NFL seems to be doing it’s best to try and catch up).  The latest controversy was surrounding the fact that many of the French soccer plays are of African decent, and creating some sort of racially driven criticism out of that fact.  However, If you’re calling the French players “African”, regardless of your intention, that’s racist.  All of them are French, all but one were born in France. It means for you their skin color is more important than the country they have always known and represent.  It’s because of topics like this that make me glad we only have to watch the World Cup every 4 years.

The NFL is only 8 weeks away! That means we are only 8 weeks from learning Sam Bradford will be out 7-9 weeks with a paper cut.  The Patriots admitting to breaking only 37 NFL rules.  Joe Flacco getting benched and becoming an elite clipboard holder.  Dez Bryant giving up on the NFL and joining the YMCA, and Donald Trump upset with the Eagles for taking a knee to run out the clock.

Finally, The Bachelorette is back on ABC tonight.  After watching last week’s episode, I’m beginning to think that Arie made the right call to break up with Becca last season and go for Lauren.  You think Lauren is boring until you see a whole season of Becca with even more uninteresting guys.  Just when you hope the producers can give you something other than an obscure country artist during a dance date, they end up sticking you with Baja Men.  Chris must have written that ridiculous song.  Did anybody know that Baja Men had a song other than “Who Let The Dogs Out?”  That may be the biggest plot twist of the season.  The last episode was so bad, Trump interrupting the show for his Supreme Court nominee announcement actually made it entertaining.  Obama may have never interrupted The Bachelorette, but he didn’t need to because the show didn’t suck then.  My ultimate prediction for this week: Tia comes back on the show and tells Becca that she slept with Colton and he’s not really a virgin.  I’m not sure which is worse though: two Trump interruptions this season, or two Tia appearances? We’ll see if it gets any more interesting tonight.

 

 

Monday Morning Coffee

July 9, 2018

It’s fantastic the Lakers were able to sign Lebron and all, but apparently they decided it would be a good idea to make him feel at home by surrounding him with a bunch of useless role players that can’t shoot.  It’s like the guy never left Cleveland.  Lebron himself is apparently signing off on all these moves, just like he with the Cavs, which explains a lot.  They say every team needs a crazy guy to win a championship, but the Lakers now have 3 with Rajon Rondo, Javale McGee, and Lance Stephenson.  Now there’s all these rumors that the Lakers are going after Damian Lillard, but apparently the people that start these rumors are exempt from using their brains.  Why would the Blazers trade Lillard with 3 years left on his contract? I’m not sure why the Lakers would give up all their promising young players either if they wouldn’t do it for Kawhi Leonard, who is a better player than Lillard.  There’s also the ‘Melo rumors.  I realize many of you aren’t fans, but you can certainly do a lot worse than Carmelo Anthony on your team for a minimum salary.  I say inflate the Banana Boat!

Meanwhile the Clippers’ strategy is very clear now.  They want to be bad, get a high pick and be players in free agency in 2019.  The problem is, I’m not so sure the Clippers are bad as they need to be.  A starting lineup with Patrick Beverley, Avery Bradley, Tobias Harris, Danilo Gallinari, and Martin Gortat is capable of winning some games.  They won’t make the playoffs in the West, and obviously any team with Doc Rivers coaching it in this day and age will probably suck, but they probably won’t be one of the 5 or even 10 worst teams in the league.  Things are back to being so grim for the Clips that Clipper Darryl has officially jumped ship and is now a Laker fan.  I’d sure like to know how Vic “The BrIck” Jacobs feels about this before letting him on that bandwagon.

Thank god for NBA free agency during these boring dog days of summer.  I don’t know about the rest of you, but once DeMarcus Cousins decided to ruin the offseason by signing with the Warriors, I felt like jumping off the roof.  Then again, the joke is on Boogie.  A $5 million salary in San Francisco should afford him a studio apartment with 11 roomates.  Here’s a nice little recap of the last few weeks in three minutes.  Enjoy!

I’m still trying to figure out why the Dodgers alleged ownership scandal isn’t a bigger topic of conversation.  In case you aren’t familiar with it, Guggenheim is facing a lawsuit claiming it defrauded annuity investors in connection with its purchase of the Dodgers.  Look on the bight side though.  Even if the team goes through bankruptcy again, it isn’t really an issue because Andrew Friedman is already running them like a small market club with no money.  I keep hearing Manny Muchado’s name come up in trade rumors but Friedman never gives up big time prospects.  He would also never pay $400 million for a player.  When it comes to signing and trading for players, Friedman is like the son of a rich father who insists on eating at McDonalds and shopping at JC Penny.  Nobody ever said you have to blow money, but it’s ok to treat yourself to Morten’s or shop at Gucci every now and again if you can afford it.

It’s July and the Angels season is already over.  They are buried in both the AL West and the Wild Card.  They need to start playing these Freeway Series games before the middle of the summer because the Halos are almost always toast by the time they start playing the Dodgers.  Actually, the biggest issue with the Angels is just their lack of relevancy.  They have the best player in baseball and one of the best all-time, and he’s hardly talked about.  The rest of their team is always consumed by injuries.  Hard to imagine this changing anytime soon with it being an annual tradition.  Even with Trout, it feels like the Angels haven’t been really exciting since the days of Vlad Guerrero a decade ago.

We’re down to just four teams left in the World Cup.  Imagine how disappointed Trump was when Russia lost to Croatia.  I’m thinking he actually placed a bet on them at 500-1 before the tournament started, thinking his boy Putin would find a way to rig it.  If Hollywood needs to find some better actors who are of a variety of different ethnic backgrounds, they should start auditioning some of these soccer players.  The flopping is just non-stop.  England is going to be taking on Croatia, and the British haven’t been this excited since they learned what a dentist is.  If I add up the total population of England, France, Croatia, and Belgium, it doesn’t even equal half of the population in this country.  Yet we still can’t find 11 talented enough dudes to play soccer.

Very sad news about former UCLA and former NBA pro Tyler Honeycutt, who was shot was killed over the weekend in Sherman Oaks.  This story is not only sad, but shocking and very confusing.  It’s hard to imagine how a guy like that ended up in a situation where he was barricaded in a house and exchanging gunfire with police.  Nevertheless, my thoughts on prayers go out to the family.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelorette is going down tonight on ABC.  As if going to Virginia wasn’t bad enough for an episode, remember that Lauren B is from there.  They really are trying to make sure that Becca won’t forget will they? The devil works hard, but producers of The Bachelorette work harder.  This show is simply running out of date ideas though.  “We’re just going to walk around and explore the city together” is code for “we ran out of date ideas.”  Did anybody really remember anything about Connor prior to the last five minutes of the last episode?  It was definitely time for Chris to go.  The man was completely disrespectful to those of us with high cholesterol and who like to eat eggs on a daily basis, and clearly Becca agrees.  Leo seems like one of the most normal dudes we’ve ever seen on the show.  That’s probably why he’s going to get cut.  Colton is going to win this.  It’s practically a Bachelorette law that if you’re a failed ex pro athlete you’re going to last until the end.  Especially with Clay being gone, Becca had to have another football player sticking around.  Hopefully we get a better episode tonight.

 

 

Monday Morning Coffee

July 2, 2018

The best basketball player in the world and one of the biggest superstars in the world is going to be playing for the Los Angeles Lakers.  The Lakers are back on the map thanks to Magic Johnson and Rob Pelinka.  It was a scary couple of days there, but the Lakers are going to be fun again.  They might not be ready to win a championship, but I think we all have much more confidence that with Lebron and this front office, they can get there eventually.  I’m still not sure what the hell Paul George was thinking.  The man has a right to be happy, but nothing can explain his decision other than he didn’t want the pressure and expectations of having to win a championship.  Now we know who Lebron was referring to when he said “some guys don’t want to win a championship”.  I can’t wait to see part III of the Paul George documentary.  It’s probably going to be Paul George sitting in the corner while is Russell Westbrook is taking everyone’s shots…..at the bar.  Best of all, now Kobe fans and Lebron fans can hold hands and sing “Kum-By-Ya”

Then there’s the Clippers who officially said goodbye to the last of Lob City over the weekend, with DeAndre Jordan headed to Dallas.  The Clips totally mismanaged this one folks.  They should have moved him at the trade deadline for something, even if it was a low 1st round pick.  Is Jerry West going to get criticized for this one?  I like how he gets all the credit for the Clippers when anything they do looks good, yet he gets no criticism when anything goes wrong.  The truth really is that West is simply a consultant, who has major input and influence, but doesn’t actually go to the office everyday or is part of the daily grind as he once was.  I will give Doc Rivers credit for having the sensibility to trade his son, Austin, to try and make the team better.  I guess Austin didn’t get his dad a great Fathers Day gift.  They still have more guards on the team than Buckingham Palace, but maybe they can start admitting that they are actually rebuilding now.

Nobody in their right mind really thinks that Dave Roberts is making real managing decisions for the Dodgers right? I believe that only a computer owned by Andrew Friedman could decide that Walker Buehler should come off the disabled list, without a rehab stint and start against one of the best teams in baseball out the bullpen.  We’re now more than halfway through the season, and the Dodgers may not be in horrible shape like they were early on, but they still have issues.  More than anything, they have a pitching staff that can’t stay healthy, and bullpen that you wouldn’t trust to handle a cup of coffee.  This team doesn’t have nearly the magic of last year to try and get to the World Series again, and it’s going to hit their foolish front office like a bag of bricks come the fall.

As for the Halos, they are barely above .500, and buried in the AL West and the AL Wild Card race. You say the Angels should be sellers at the trade deadline? Who exactly do you think they should trade? Kole Calhoun? Dude is hitting .168.  Luis Valbuena? .211.  Ian Kinsler? Teams would laugh and hang up the phone.  This team is locked into mediocrity for quite some time, and with other teams having an enormous amount of spending power this winter, I can’t see this getting much better anytime soon.  Meanwhile Jerry Dipoto, the former Angels GM who didn’t get along with Mike Scioscia, is having a good laugh in Seattle where the Mariners are currently in the post season picture.

The LA Kings can take a huge sigh of relief now that they have re-signed Drew Doughty to an 8-year extension.  Doughty is the best defenseman in the NHL, and worth every penny of the $11 million cap hit he will cost the Kings.  This is usually a great time to make fun of the Toronto Maple Leafs, but since they just signed John Tavares over the weekend, I guess Kings fans will have to go back to making fun of the San Jose Sharks and their fans.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelorette is going down on ABC tonight.  When the season starts, I’m sure most of you say to yourself “how can so many great guys be single?” Then within two weeks it all becomes clear why they are all single.  The only remaining normal dudes on the show are Blake, Wills, and Colton.  Then again who has a name like Wills? That’s really a name?  Jordan is annoying but David is like the dude who reminded the teacher she forgot to collect the homework.  Then Jordan was dressed like he was trying to smuggle drugs across the border in an RV with his fake family.  That 2-on-1 date was some disaster.  “Well enough about me talking about me.  Now you talk about me.”  Imagine lasting 6 episodes and not even being able to go out of the country? I’d want to punch the producers.  Now they are going to Richmond, VA next? The government needs to issue a bailout on this show.  John should delete Becca’s Venmo account after she cut him.  ABC clearly missed the window where it was cool to meet Wayne Newton by about 40 years.  I’m not sure we’re all looking forward to tonight’s episode, but we’re too invested in this train wreck now.

 

 

Monday Morning Coffee

June 25, 2018

What an incredibly boring NBA draft.  It was so boring, I actually left to go see the Jurassic World movie while it was going on (more on that later).  The Lakers made some decent picks, but I’m sure everyone is disappointed they got rejected from trade talks with the Spurs like I would if I tried to ask Jennifer Lopez on a date.  I can’t believe the Clippers passed up on Michael Porter Jr! They had a chance to get a top 3 talent despite the injury risk, but now it just looks like they have a bottom 3 front office.  The next three weeks of NBA news are going to be way more interesting than the last 8 months of the NBA season.  I hope you’re all enjoying all the clickbait articles out there.  With the exception of a couple of folks, most people like Chris Broussard report news with the accuracy of Helen Keller throwing darts.  I’ll believe the real news about Lebron James and Paul George when I see it.

Elsewhere around the Association, Luka Doncic’s mother is so beautiful, Delonte West is probably going to come out of retirement and join the Mavs after seeing her at the draft.  DeAndre Ayton will actually have a pay decrease going from college to the NBA.  Poor Kevin Knox.  His NBA career ended the moment he was drafted by the Knicks.  Then there’s Dwight Howard who was traded again, and has now been passed around the NBA more than a Kardashian on All-Star weekend.  You’ve gotta give credit to Mitch Kupchak.  His first move looks bad to the average fan, acquiring Timofey Mozgov who has one of the worst contracts in the league, yet it actually put the Hornets under the luxury tax.  It also tells you just how unlikable Dwight Howard is.  You’ve gotta feel bad for LiAngelo Ball.  He didn’t get the invite to be on the Lakers summer league squad, and the Laker sources are letting the media know that it’s for reasons beyond basketball.  Way to go Lavar.  In case you had any doubt about the harm you’re doing to your kids.  You’re also getting crowds at the JBA as big as a Trump rally…..

To baseball where I’d sure like to know what Andrew Friedman’s computer has to say about Matt Kemp now.  The Dodgers would be in last place without Kemp right now, who has inserted himself into the MVP conversation in the National League.  The man deserves an apology letter from Friedman, his computer, and the fans for dogging him.  His contract doesn’t look so bad now does it?  Not only have the Dodgers been nagged by injuries all season, but Justin Turner, Cody Bellinger, and Chris Taylor haven’t exactly been what they were last season.  If LA can just get a couple of those guys straightened out and find a couple of reliable relievers along the way they can still win this crummy division.  Maybe if Friedman would stop playing Fortnight he might be able to do his job.

For some reason the Angels decided to have a “Christmas in June” theme over the weekend against the Blue Jays.  Funny because it looks like Santa has already put a lot of coal in the Angels’ stocking.  The division has completely gotten away from them, they have no bullpen, and none of their free agent signings seem to be working out.  To come to think of it, what was the last successful free agent signing the Angels had?  Ian Kinsler, Zach Cozart, and even Justin Upton are just the latest free agents busts.  The Halos might as well have taken a $40 million pile of cash and have the Joker light it on fire.  The last good signing had to have been Vlad Guerrero back in 2004.  it’s been a disaster since.

Apparently getting swept by an expansion team wasn’t a big enough wake up call for the LA Kings this spring.  Instead of realizing they need to get younger and faster, they decided to get older and lazier by spending $6.25 million for the next 3 years on Ilya Kovalchuk.  This dude hasn’t even played in the NHL in the last five years, and just wanted a retirement deal to hang by the beaches of Southern California.  The Kings are a team in desperate need of a new engine, and instead they just blew their entire budget on some “sweet looking rims.”

As I mentioned, I took the plunge and decided to go see Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom last week.  For many like myself, seeing the movie was more nostalgia than anything else, which is a big reason why it did $150 million in it’s first weekend and was #1 at the box office.  I had low expectations, because nothing beat the original Jurassic Park in 1993, which was impressive for its time, and still impressive to this day.  However, this movie was far more entertaining than I thought it would be, especially because Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard make a great onscreen duo.  Much of the fascination with the franchise is still related to the idea that through genetic engineering, one day we might be able to bring dinosaurs back.  That idea is still nowhere near happening 25 years after the original movie, despite the fact people have tried hard.  Nevertheless, that idea will keep the franchise going for at least another movie, no matter how ridiculous it sounds.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelorette went down on ABC last week, and the show returns tonight.  So last week we learned that this Jean Blanc dude claimed he was in love with Becca after four group dates, which people found ridiculous.  You guys find that ridiculous? It’s not anymore ridiculous than the concept of this whole show and anybody falling in love on it in general.  I think he was aiming to get his perfume back so he could sell it on Ebay.  Good thing Becca didn’t take Lincoln on the snowmobile date.  They might accidentally ride off the end of the earth.  I think I can actually feel my IQ dropping every time I listen to him talk.  Did anybody really expect Jordan not to get a rose? We have all watched the show long enough to know that there is going to be a 2-on-1 with him and the chicken suit.  Keep in mind, in the history of the show, no man bun has ever made it past the 5th rose ceremony.  I could swear that I see at least 3 new contestants I’ve never seen before in every rose ceremony.  I’m thinking the producers are switching people to see if we’ll actually notice.  How many weird one-liners does Jordan have?  “I’m like a sponge, you can squeeze me and get everything out of me…but you’ll never know until you try.”  I’m looking forward to more weirdness from the show tonight.

Monday Morning Coffee

June 18, 2018

Lebron James is about to hijack your summer.  People are losing their minds over tweets by Jeanie Buss that probably have nothing to do with basketball.  Now Kawhi Leonard apparently wants out, further causing people to think the next super team is forming in Lakerland.  Don’t hold your breath people.  Greg Popovich would probably cut off his arm and trade his star player to a WNBA team before sending him to the Lakers.  Kawhi would have to tell the Spurs he isn’t resigning with anybody else he’s traded to, which isn’t likely because nobody has ever heard Kawhi actually speak.  I’m not even sure he knows how to, further damaging the chances of a trade.

Has anybody noticed that nobody is putting a microphone in front of Lavar Ball anymore? That’s because there’s fewer and fewer people that care what he thinks.  He’s already played his 15 minutes of fame card, and now he just seems like a buffoon with no idea how to run a shoe company.  He should be getting nervous though because Lonzo and his idiotic teammate Kyle Kuzma are dissing each other with stupid rap songs.  That’s just another reason to trade all of them for a veteran star.  These guys have clearly watched the movie “8 Mile” a few too many times, and should be spending more time working on their game.  Magic scolded both, telling them to knock it off.  As if Lonzo and Kuzma’s behavior wasn’t dumb enough, Josh Hart felt the need to troll his boss, Magic, by sending out the tweet below.  These guys need their Twitter accounts suspended immediately!

To baseball where the Dodgers are breathing down the necks of the D’Backs in NL West.  LA has finally turned it around, despite having an entire pitching staff that is injured.  What’s gotten into Joc Pederson and Max Muncy? These guys suddenly look like Joe DiMaggio and Micky Mantle.  They probably would have swept the Giants too if they didn’t rest Matt Kemp and Chris Taylor.  With those two in the lineup, the Dodgers even got the best of Madison Bumgarner on Saturday, a motorcycle riding hillbilly, who will likely end up back on the DL next week after trying to tie his shoes.  I usually have my doubts about the Dodgers, but the division has been so crummy of late, I’m not even sure Andrew Friedman can screw it up.

Meanwhile, the Angels are getting hit with tons of injuries, and it looks like their season is about to collapse.  However, even without the injuries they had issues.  Their starters can’t get to the fifth inning, their bullpen is a liability, and portions of their lineup are wildly inconsistent.  GM Billy Eppler said that the trade market is flooded with relievers but not real ace starting pitchers.  Well if that’s the case Billy Boy, why don’t you go get one of these relievers so your pen doesn’t keep giving away games? The Angels might be slowly rebuilding their farm system, but some of their talent needs to hurry up and develop.  Mike Trout can walk out there door in two more years, an he’s not exactly replaceable.

College Football is right around the corner, and that means the LA Times  is forcing tons of Trojan coverage down your throat.  In their latest piece, they highlight the fact JT Daniels is basically an incoming freshman that might end up starting.  I will never understand parents like his, holding their kid back a grade purely for athletic reasons, or even the idea of graduating high school a year early to play college football, something Daniels helicopter dad made him do as well.  If your kid can play, he will get his opportunity.  Sometimes you still have to let your kids be kids, and that includes letting them finish high school to socially mature as well.  I’m sure you’ll be hearing plenty about Daniels and his dad in the coming months.

The World Cup has been exciting so far!  Lionel Messi also appears to be suffering from “The Curse of Yu Darvish” since he can’t make a penalty kick if his life depended on it.  Egypt waited twenty years to get back in the World Cup, yet decided it was a good idea to rest their best player in a 1-0 loss.  Hopefully Mohamed Salah will be rested enough for the next World Cup in 4 years.  After Saudi Arabia’s first game, their national team has been eliminated.  No seriously, the country has scheduled the players’ execution.  Big upset by Mexico over Germany yesterday.  Not only was that the game of the tournament so far, but Mexico can probably afford to pay for that wall now.  Also, congratulations to the US, Canada, and Mexico for being awarded the 2026 World Cup.  This means that we can still field an awful team and still make the tournament, unlike this year.  It also gives Americans 8 more years to start caring about soccer.

Finally, the Bachelorette is back on ABC tonight with another episode.  I’ve decided the show needs to relax the alcohol policy again.  They need more sloppiness early on for our entertainment, otherwise we are left with guys arguing over Tinder matches.  This is all Corrine’s fault! The show is also feeling more and more fake because girls from previous seasons show up and they are all friends, which would never happen in reality when girls compete for guys.  They would be lighting each other’s houses on fire instead.  I fear that I might not be watching the show anymore for “the right reasons” as Becca says.  Which reminds me, Becca clearly isn’t the smartest Bachelorette.  She asked if Colton went on the show hoping the Bachelorette would be Tia.  Hello? They were dating! Why would he break up with her to go on the show, only to compete over her with 25 other guys? You can’t fool me ABC…I knew that ambulance didn’t show up because there was actually a fight.  After Jordan called himself a golden retriever, dogs all over the world are like….

Monday Morning Coffee

June 11, 2018

Congratulations to the Warriors on winning their 3rd title in 4 years.  I’ve never been more unsurprised in my life.  We now live in a world where Nick Young and JR Smith have NBA titles.  Anything is possible in America kids.  As long as ownership is willing to foot the bill, the Warriors tyrannical dynasty isn’t going away for the next few years.  As for Lebron, I have no idea what he’s going to do.  However, I think he’s more than willing to have a sex change and join the WNBA than stay in Cleveland.  I also think there’s no way that Lebron hasn’t already decided what he’s going to do.  Do you really think he hasn’t been thinking about this at all for the last two years, and is suddenly going to make this huge decision in the next three weeks? No chance.  That may or may not bode well for the Lakers.

Jordan Clarkson had an absolutely awful NBA Playoffs and Finals.  However, I hate to take the microwave minute thinking of everyone who is saying the Lakers won the trade that sent him to Cleveland.  Clarkson was a productive player for the Lakers, even though he was awful with the Cavs.  Who’s to say that he wouldn’t have continued to be a productive player with the Lakers had he stayed with them?  He had a role he was more comfortable in where he would have had less pressure during his development.  As far as I’m concerned, the success of that trade for the Lakers will be defined by whether or not they can sign two max free agents this summer.

I still haven’t figured out yet how the Clippers are going to screw up this year’s NBA draft.  However, I think I might have an idea now.  There’s talk of the Clips trading their #12 and #13 picks to move up in the draft and select Slovenian Guard Luka Doncic.  This would be a dumb move that you would only expect from the Clippers.  Drafting NBA players these days is the equivalent of buying a Powerball ticket.  Your odds of hitting the jackpot are better with two tickets than one, so the Clips are better off trying their luck with #12 and #13 than trading up for a single pick.  Until the NBA raises the age limit, we’re going to be left with nothing but speculation on underdeveloped talent trying to go pro.

To baseball where the Dodgers are getting closer to hunting down first place in the NL West, creeping within 2.5 games of the 1st place D’Backs.  This should alleviate some of my complaining for this week, but not all of it.  Nearly every single one of their usual 5 starters is injured, which is only  going to overwork the bullpen even more than they are.  It’s also going to convince Andrew Friedman that his ridiculous theory that starting pitching is over valued is accurate.  The Boys In Blue might get out of the NL West.  However, if they don’t have healthy arms come October, their chances of winning anything are about as good as NBA players going to visit the White House.

Then there’s the Angels, who have run into typical Angels luck.  Shohei Ohtani is now on the disabled list with an inflamed elbow, and it looks like he might even be headed for Tommy John Surgery in short order.  However, I can’t understand why Billy Eppler is so determined to use him as a pitcher if he’s got this elbow issues.  His bat is just as valuable, and they don’t even need to put him in the outfield since they can use him as a DH.  I can’t say it’s terribly surprising that another Angel pitcher could potentially need his arm replaced.  Especially when you consider the fact everyone knew Ohtani could have elbow issues during his physical.

Congratulations to the Washington Capitals on their Stanley Cup Championship.  I’m assuming the entire Capitals team will be invited to the White House since the whole team is made up of Russians.     It must be really nice to win the Stanley Cup in Vegas and then actually party there.  Warrior fans must feel like they are the real Triple Crown Winner though since they’ve been a fan of the Warriors, Capitals, and Justify for a whole week and they all won titles on 3 consecutive days.

It’s that time again folks! The World Cup where you know, you actually pretend like you care about soccer for a couple of weeks every four years.  However, how much do you really care without the U.S. even playing this year? If it weren’t for the intrigue of seeing the phenomenon that is Mohamed Salah playing for Egypt, I could care less.  Since Egypt will probably be eliminated within a couple of games, my interest in the World Cup should last about as long as it does when the U.S. gets eliminated early most of the time.  Even if the U.S. ever did win the World Cup though, I don’t really think it would ever change the future growth of soccer in this country.  We are simply far too invested in other sports.

The Bachelorette is back on ABC tonight for those of you craving drama.  Who doesn’t wanna see a grown ass man throw a framed picture of a fake wedding frisbee style while screaming “send it”??!!  This TV show is the only world where it’s appropriate to hoe around with 20 guys at one time.  Gotta love the chicken guy accusing the model of “fowl play”.  If I had to take a drink every time i heard Arie’s name on the show I’d be dead within the first episode.  Jordan is clearly the new Corrine because he got naked in the first two episodes.  Wait until Krystal and Jordan end up on The Bachelor In Paradise.  That’s going to be a train wreck I can’t wait to watch.  I don’t want to see Rachel for another year.  She shows up more often on episodes than Drake shows up on NBA telecasts.

Finally, very sad news about the death of Anthony Bourdain last week.  Bourdain could make anybody that didn’t like to travel want to travel.  He could make any kind of food look very interesting and intriguing.  He found a way to inspire people, and in a world where people are not always so accepting of other cultures, he brought cultures closer together.  Nobody could tell stories around cultures like Bourdain, and his legacy can be defined by inspiring individuals in that way.