Monday Morning Coffee

April 15, 2019

Remember when I said the optics on the Lakers were worse than they are? Nope, things are actually worse than the optics. Magic Johnson is a complete embarrassment. Now we know that they call him Magic because he disappeared on the job like Houdini. He quit like he was working at Walmart for a couple of weeks. This man beat HIV, but when things got a little rough he quit, and it came at the 11th hour of a plan that was 2 years in the making, which included sacrificing promising young talent. Meanwhile, Rob Pelinka is the exact equivalent of Littlefinger on Game of Thrones. You can’t trust him and he’s doing everything to gain more power. However, this is all on Jeanie Buss, who has nobody left to blame but herself. Now she’s looking even worse by not doing the sensible thing and hiring a President to clean house and build the organization the right way. This whole thing could be turned around in five minutes, but instead we’re in for more years of dysfunction.

Meanwhile, that was a cute little effort by the Clippers in game 1 against the Warriors. This team can start booking their flights to Cancun because they’ll be done playing basketball this season in just a couple of days. On the bright side for the players, Steve Ballmer probably rewarded them with Microsoft Office Suite upgrades. Congrats to Ralph Lawler though on a fantastic career. The man who has spent the last 40 years as the Clippers’ play-by-play man is easily the best thing to ever happen to the franchise.

To College Hoops where UCLA finally ended weeks of embarrassment and hired Mick Cronin as their new basketball coach. To his credit, Cronin already seems very likeable, and you can be sure his team’s are going to play very hard nosed defense. However, the spotlight should be on just how bad of a job Dan Guerrero has done with both the Football and Basketball program, and the embarrassment continued during last week’s press conference introducing Cronin. Guerrero said there was never going to be a consensus among fans about anything. That’s just silly because every UCLA fan knows he’s doing a terrible job. Too bad the Chancellor can’t see this because he’s already working on an extension with him. If only Guerrero would be one to pay the price for some of the “cash-for-admission” scandal. The University would only be so lucky.

Looks like things are going exactly according to plan for the Dodgers. Beat up on all the crummy teams in the NL West, and then pretend like you can hang against the rest of the NL. That’s exactly how it has looked after getting dismantled by the Cardinals and Brewers in the past week. I’m sure if you ask Andrew “Small Market” Friedman, or Stan “I won 14 Division Titles but only 1 World Series” Kasten, they won’t be worried at all. With Clayton Kershaw coming back tonight, the Dodgers better hope he looks like an ace, because their entire pitching staff has been beaten like a drum lately.

Meanwhile, Mike Trout needs to get back in the lineup fast to keep the Angels from being eliminated from the postseason just a few weeks into the season. Imagine how much easier this would be if half the Halos’ lineup weren’t hitting like they were swinging blindfolded at a Pinata. Most of these guys aren’t even hitting above the Mendoza Line. This feels like it’s going to be a very long season.

We’ve been waiting about a decade, but now we can finally say it. Tiger is back! He finally won another major. It was wonderful to see. Golf needed it badly. As talented as many of the PGA’s up and comers are, none of them are must watch like Tiger. It was greatness on display yesterday, and that’s why we watch sports. Also, for the guy that wants to dislike Tiger because he cheated on his wife, you probably need to stop watching sports if you can’t separate the performance from the person. I have come to grips with this concept. For example, Kevin Durant the basketball player is a bitch. However, Kevin Durant the person is also a bitch.

Finally, the final season of Game of Thrones premiered last night on HBO. Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if you plan on watching it later. That dragon waking up reminded me of what I look like trying to wake up for work on Monday morning. Not sure who would win a staring contest between Bran and that dragon since neither blink. You may not have put it together, but Bran said he was “waiting for an old friend” and knew that it was Jamie. I think that dragon also recognized who the true King was the moment Jon rode him. Jon was doing some serious incest math when he found out that he was the true King. It’s great to have the show back, but I’m shocked that it was only 1 hour, and that not that much happened. I expected some rapid plot development, and I sure hope it will pick up next week, as it did last season.

Monday Morning Coffee

April 8, 2019

It turns out the South Bay Lakers are a lot more interested in winning games than the Los Angeles Lakers. Alex Caruso, who looks like a high school math teacher, is on fire. It will be great when Lebron gets healthy because Caruso can finally get the help he needs to win a title. In all seriousness though, I’m getting really sick of the fake and manufactured stories the media is coming up with on this team. They didn’t make the playoffs because of injuries, and to a lesser extent roster construction. Not because the front office was “misaligned”, not because “they don’t develop players well”, or because of some “instability”. This is exactly what the “reporting” of Adrian Wojnarowki, Chris Mannix, and others have become. It’s probably also because other insecure GM’s around the league with an inferiority complex are perpetuating this fake narrative.

Speaking of ESPN and their fake news, I feel bad for Paul Pierce, who was torn apart by the internet over the weekend. Pierce said he’s had a better career than Dwyane Wade when asked about it during ESPN’s NBA coverage. The idea that Pierce had a better career, or even that he’s a better player is preposterous. Wade is an 8-time All-NBA player and two time All-Defense Player, compared to Pierce’s 4-time All-NBA appearances. Wade also has three championships compared to Pierce’s one. However, he was asked a question by his colleagues and he gave them the answer the network wanted. He shouldn’t really be roasted the way he was, and on top of that, this tweet by Gabrielle Union, Wade’s wife, was totally unnecessary and misinformed. The internet is simply feeding the trolls.

This @paulpierce34 thing is wrong on many obvious levels but what I find most troublesome is this idea of a man trying to diminish another man that looks like him, was raised like him, in order to shine a tad brighter. Shit isnt entertaining, it’s sad. ❤ & 💡good people.— Gabrielle Union (@itsgabrielleu) April 6, 2019

To College Basketball where the UCLA Basketball search is reaching new levels of embarrassment. The Bruins are like that guy walking around the bar writing his phone number on a napkin and giving it to every girl in hopes that one will call him. The Bruins went from talking to John Calipari and offering him $8 million a year, to suddenly chasing Jamie Dixon and Rick Barnes? It feels like there are a lot of candidates in between a Calipari, and Dixon or Barnes that would be much better than the latter two. Why am I not surprised this is going badly with Dan Guerrero leading the search? Maybe next time he talks to a good candidate like Calipari, he’ll be smart enough to offer him more than he’s actually making in his current gig. I thought the Bruins luckily dodged a bullet by not agreeing with Dixon, but the program and their fans probably won’t be as lucky when it comes to Barnes.

When Duke got eliminated from the Final Four, all you haters loved it but look what we were left with. A bunch of garbage we had no interest in. Had it not been for that Auburn fan that poured a beer on his head and got kicked out, or the woman in the bar that acted like Auburn won before fouling on the three-point shot, there wouldn’t have been many highlights from the two games to watch. This is exactly the problem with one-and-done. It can’t go away soon enough and is ruining the NBA and College Basketball.

The Dodgers are on fire! Right now it feels like the only thing that can stop them are Andrew Friedman and his analytics. Friedman is probably the Dodgers biggest rival considering how bad the rest of the NL West is. Cody Bellinger looks amazing and is playing like an MVP in the early going. I just hope he can play this well in October. I sure hope Joe Kelly can too, because he’s been awful so far. I guess it doesn’t matter who he plays for. Kelly’s best work always seems to come against the Dodgers.

I sure hope that Mike Trout is planning on being the entire Angels offense. He’s hit homers in four straight games, while the rest of the lineup couldn’t hit water if they fell out of a boat. The pitching hasn’t exactly been all that sharp either. I now see why they call Matt Harvey “the Dark Knight”, since he got beat up like Batman when Bane broke his back. Feels like this team is going to be eliminated from the postseason before the month is over.

Finally, for months all I heard from people is that the American Football Alliance was going to take off and be very viable during the NFL offseason. Here we are just a few months later and the league is announcing it’s folding. I’ve seen Kardashian relationships last longer than this league did. I’m really not sure why anybody thought this league would be viable. The NFL is already suffering from over-saturation by force feeding us Thursday Night Football, along with Sunday and Monday Night Football. Not to mention the fact that even people that live in crummy cities with crummy weather have lives too, outside of watching football. It’s only a matter of time before the XFL runs into a cash problem too.

Monday Morning Coffee

April 1, 2019

Oh so now the Lakers decided to start winning again? Of course it happens right after they get eliminated from the playoffs. Clearly Magic, Rob, and Luke don’t understand this whole tanking thing. Lebron should have been shut down weeks ago. Meanwhile, I love how Jason Kidd is publicly campaigning for the Laker job through the media. Kidd was a great player, but would not represent any kind of upgrade over Luke Walton. Then there’s Lonzo Ball, who is finally taking control of his life while Big Baller Brand is collapsing. BBB lasted about as long as the rap career of Vanilla Ice. For those of you that actually bought shoes from them, did you actually receive them?

Only the Clippers would pop champagne after clinching a playoff spot. What’s next….building a statue for Doc Rivers if they win a playoff game? This is simply embarrassing. We get it. You did better than all of us predicted. But I thought athletes and executives never paid attention to what we say anyway? I guess Doc does deserve a lot of credit for getting the team this far, and should get consideration for Coach Of The Year. I mean it’s pretty hard to coach with the broadcast team swinging from your nuts all season.

To baseball where the Dodgers are off to a nice start to the season, taking 3 out of 4 against the D’Backs. However, I can’t help but poke fun of the analytical stupidity that they are continuing to use. Look, I love analytics and I’m an analytics guy. However, when a starter like Ross Stripling is throwing a shutout in the 6th inning and thrown only 76 pitches, you let him keep going! You know why the Dodger bullpen sucks in the playoffs? Because they overuse it. Analytics will tell you that. The Dodgers should have swept that series against a crummy Arizona team were it not for that.

Then there’s the Angels, who struggled against the A’s over the weekend. After the Halos won their only game of the series, Brad Ausmus said “I didn’t think we’d go scoreless the whole year.” Well Brad, after scoring one run off a starter in 24 innings, I’ m surprised you aren’t going scoreless for the year. Four of their everyday players are hitting like little leaguers. The Halos pitching is sketchy enough, but if they aren’t going to score runs, they might as well pack it in and spend their summer at Disneyland. Better find the win column fast or else it will be another season that ends before Memorial Day.

United Airlines decided to pull out of a negotiation with USC for naming rights to the Coliseum. They made this move after being criticized by veterans who believed the sponsorship disrespected those who fought in World War I. This is actually very surprising because it seemed like a modern day match made in heaven. The airline that hands over paid seats to their employees, then drags their customers off their planes partnering with one of the most corrupt universities in the country. There wouldn’t be a more iconic duo in history. Too bad isn’t not happening now. Looks like top UAL executives will have to find another way to get their kids into USC.

On to College Basketball where you bracket is busted and the Final Four is set. Texas Tech, Auburn, Virginia, and Michigan State. If you had all that just buy a lottery ticket. Yesterday was a sad day for Zion Williamson, RJ Barrett, and Cam Reddish. They’re now officially college dropouts so keep your thoughts and prayers with them. Stay positive Kentucky Fans! You still have chewing tobacco and RV’s. With the way Bruce Pearl sweats I think he’s going to need a few extra shirts for the Final Four. At least Magic Johnson finally got to see some postseason basketball yesterday. I’m sure he’ll tell you he was there just for scouting.

Finally, the Season Finale of The Walking Dead went down last on AMC. Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if you plan on watching it later. The finale was actually a rather lame episode, but I can’t say it wasn’t unexpected. They walked for an hour in the snow for nothing but radio static. But the show couldn’t kill anybody after the carnage of the week before. Negan’s got jokes and I loved seeing Eugene try not to laugh when he was ripping Father Gabriel. This episode was nothing but a weak attempt to make you feel like you were watching Game of Thrones. Nice try AMC! I get the real thing in two weeks! However, overall Season 9 of TWD was better than I thought it would be.

Monday Morning Coffee

March 25, 2019

The Lakers were officially eliminated from the playoffs on Friday.  It’s very fitting that they were eliminated while wearing the ugliest uniforms in team history.  It’s disappointing but don’t write this team off from being really good next year, even though the optics look bad right now.  They have the tools to improve drastically.  I love how the Lakers probably leaked nothing, Doc Rivers rumors started, he squashed them, and some people think that alone damages the Laker brand.  Rivers is barely an upgrade over Luke Walton.  He’s like a car salesman that makes you feel good before the sale, but terrible right after you drive off the lot.  Rivers also said “I’m going nowhere”.  You coach the Clippers Doc.  Everybody already knows that!

The NCAA Tournament has been great even though I’m about ready to burn my bracket.  Admit it…you were dying to see UVA upset again by a #16 seed, even if it meant your bracket was going to be destroyed.  UCI may have lost to Oregon, but they haven’t  been this excited since In-N-Out opened across the street from campus. Louisville lost in round 1, and Rick Pitino’s semen is still haunting the basketball team.  Auburn dude passed up an open layup to tie it on Thursday, despite their win.  Auburn and New Mexico State should write a book on how not to finish a game.  Ja Morant looked so good in the tourney, ESPN decided to show 5 whole seconds of him between Zion highlights.  Eric Musselman must have thought by losing early in the tourney he’d be a great fit for UCLA.  Glad Duke is still alive because Zion is just too entertaining not to watch for two more weeks.

Carol Folt is now the president of USC.  Let’s hope her performance is better than the reviews she’s getting.   According to the LA Times, sources at the UNC campus  described her as not a strong leader, aligning herself with censorship of a history course, and refusing to acknowledge the culture of white supremacy on  campus. This is setting up well isn’t it?  Her final act was recommending the removal of a confederate statue on campus.  Her first USC act should be the removal of Lynn Swann and Clay Helton from their current positions.  This is a University that’s a disaster right now, and is bringing in a President that has just faced a disaster and did ok, not great.  Only time will tell.  No NCAA or NIT for USC Hoops.  Instead it’s the FBI!

To baseball where the Angels shocked the world and extended Mike Trout for 12 years and $430 million.  Another 10+ year contract? I guess That’s because baseball games take two years to finish. Trout’s first move should be to use some of that money to buy out the remainder of Pujols contract.  Trout’s new contract could also pay for 860 of Lori Loughlin’s kids to get into USC.  These contracts are never good deals for the owners, but congrats to Arte Moreno and the Angels for biting the bullet to win the PR battle with their fans.  It’s going to take a couple of years for the Angels to get back to the playoffs though.  They’ll need a lot better pitching and the Astros to get a lot worse.  On the bright side, they have the benefit of time now that Trout is locked up.  I don’t want to hear another baseball player whining about their compensation.  $430 million? Put your kids in travel ball folks.

I know we adjusted the clocks an hour forward recently, but Rams GM Les Snead must have turned the clock back to 2010.  That’s because he signed Eric Weddle and Clay Matthews instead of retaining LaMarcus Joyner and Ndamukong Su.  The Rams strength was on defense last year, and that defense played very well in the Super Bowl.  However, they may have just gotten slightly worse in a very competitive NFC.  While both Weddle and Matthews may be great in the locker room, they were let go from two teams who are desperate for defensive help.  Even if the 49ers got a little better, I don’t see the Rams having trouble in the NFC West.   However, getting back to the Super Bowl will be tough with these senior citizens now anchoring the defense.

The LA Kings brought in Will Ferrell to play Ron Burgundy and join the broadcast team the other night.  Seriously? Did they think that the teams play wasn’t laughable enough? The Kings pretended like they were Stanley Cup contenders up until the beginning of this season.  That was 5 years ago!!!! Now the highlight of their season was putting Snoop Dog and Ron Burgundy on their broadcasts.  This is pathetic.  Just air all the games on Comedy Central while you’re at it.  Time to blow it up and rebuild the right way.  Just like they did before they won their first Cup in 2012.

Finally, a shocking episode of The Walking Dead went down last night on AMC. Major spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if you plan to watch it later. This was by far the most shocking and devastating episode we’ve seen since the death of Glenn and Abraham. This time we lost 10 people. But in reality you only care about 3: Enid, Tara, and Henry. Frankly, you probably only care about two since most of you wanted Henry to die because he was an annoying little bitch. The scene was very well done, dramatic, and frankly, the show just couldn’t afford to lose the characters that were taken in the comic in this scene. That’s why Ezekiel and Rosita were probably spared by the producer. Somebody get Negan a bat and let him go to work on Alpha. Gotta feel bad for those Highway Men though. They lost their lives protecting people they didn’t even know, and they didn’t even get to see that movie! It feels like I just watched “The Red Wedding” episode of Game of Thrones again.

Monday Morning Coffee

May 18, 2019

Are you guys gonna act like this every time the Lakers lose over the last 12 games? It’s time to tank, and the Lakers are doing an excellent job of that. The team has been so bad I’m not even sure the NIT would invite them to play in their tournament. You can’t judge Lebron on what he’s doing right now because he’s completely checked out. Mind you, he’s still putting up triple doubles and 30-point games while being checked out. That’s why the idea of trading him makes no sense, which I know some of you have thought about. The only thing that would make me consider is if they won the lottery and drafted Zion Williamson #1. Even then it’s still is a stretch.

Then there’s the story that leaked out this week about the Lakers previously investigating a move to Inglewood once their lease at Staples Center was up in 2024. This story is really not as crazy as it sounds. Staples is twenty years old, despite the fact it’s in great shape. Inglewood could also be revitalized the way downtown was, once the Rams stadium is finished. However, it would never happen as long as Philip Anchutz owns 27% of the Lakers, since he owns Staples and would never let them leave. However, the fact the Lakers are keeping an eye on the future is impressive. If only their basketball operations team would do the same.

Thankfully, the UCLA basketball season has ended. Not only do I want to see a completely new coach, but I want to see a completely new team on the floor next season. Hardly anybody even noticed the Bruins aren’t even in the tournament because people just lost interest. Moses Brown, Jaylen Hands, and Kris Wilkes can all go to the NBA for all I care. Everybody wants Tony Bennett to be the next coach until they realize his team never wins in the NCAA Tournament. I still think if UCLA wants to win and gain relevance again very quickly, they should hire Rick Pitino. That will pale in comparison to any of the controversies going on at USC.

Elsewhere around college ball, you haven’t even filled out your bracket yet and it’s already busted. Virginia is pumped up they get a #1 seed until they realize that they have to play another #16 seed this year. I guess nobody is too surprised that Duke not only got a #1 seed, but got an easy path to the Final Four. Only Bill Walton would leave a broadcast to pee like he did during Oregon vs Arizona State. Lori Laughlin is going to fill out her bracket according to how much she paid each school to admit her kids. Meanwhile your mom is going to fill out her bracket according to who has the cutest mascot and will probably win the whole thing.

Imagine paying $500K to get USC to admit your kid. These days I wouldn’t send my kid to USC if they offered me $500K! USC has a lot bigger problems right now than Clay Helton and their football program. The entire school is a walking embarrassment. There may have been 8 schools implicated in the college admissions scandal, but only one had it’s Senior Associate Athletic Director implicated in taking bribes and had another employee guilty of taking bribes 18 months ago. You can’t do much without a school President, so they’ll need to handle that first, but once that is done they need to clean house. The Trojans should change their mascot to “The Ostriches” since Lynn Swann and the whole Athletic Department have their heads in the sand. Their statements regarding the incident are even more embarrassing. Of course Swann was “blindsided”. He’s been doing nothing but playing golf during his tenure.

How do you know it’s baseball season? Angel pitchers are already getting injured. Spring Training isn’t even over yet and Andrew Heaney is headed to the DL. Then there’s Matt Harvey who looked great for five minutes, and then a disaster after that. Funny how Billy Eppler said the Angels are “comfortable” with their staff. Really? I guess he means the Halos are ok with their crummy pitching. Not even a short-term deal with Dallas Keuchel or Craig Kimbrel would help eh? I guess it’s a requirement that in order to pitch for the Angels you need to have problems with your arm, so they clearly aren’t a fit.

Another episode of The Walking Dead went down on AMC last night and it was a good one. I like how Daryl searched for Rick all the way to the Ocean, but Lori couldn’t even swing by the hospital to leave a note in case he woke up. Meanwhile, Michonne is out here killing kids and all along we thought Carol was the killer. The idea of Michonne killing the “Children of The Corn” would have been more shocking several seasons ago, but I think we are de-sensitized to this now after all of the difficult decions characters have had to make over 9 seasons. It needed to be done. Only two episodes left and I have a feeling if it resembles anything like the comic, we could be in for something similar to “The Red Wedding” episode of Game of Thrones.

Finally, the Bachelor came to an end last week, and as we expected, Colton bailed on the show to be with Cassie. If there’s one thing you ladies should learn from this season it’s that you don’t have a guy that wants you until he jumps an 8-foot fence for you. This is on the producers though, who must not have completely explained to Colton that he can’t prematurely end the show like he did. Still, it’s amusing that Cassie said she wasn’t ready for marriage. Her dad said she’s not ready. Every single girl on the show this season told Colton she’s not ready. Chris Harrison told Colton she’s not that into you. All that and Colton said he doesn’t care and went for it. Whoever decided that Hannah B should be the next Bachelorette and that the last show should have Air Supply singing should be fired. Hannah B can’t even complete a sentence without saying “ummm” and doesn’t blink. The next season has the makings of something very underwhelming. You know you’re going to watch it anyway.

Monday Morning Coffee

March 11, 2019

Things keep going from bad to worse for the Lakers. The optics are probably much worse than things really are, but optics matter with free agency meaning so much to them this summer. Those optics make the team look like they have reincarnated the twighlight years of Kobe’s career with Lebron in LA. Of course things looked like they were going well before Lebron got hurt, but shortly after that the team decided to give up playing defense for Lent. If this is going to work moving forward, the Lakers need to make sensible decisions around keeping and developing the young players they have drafted and developed. Hopefully Brandon Ingram will be ok and be part of that future. In the meantime though, they would be wise to lose as many games as possible between now and the end of the season to get another high draft pick.

Speaking of optics, the media is suddenly driving a narrative that the Clippers are the more stable and better franchise currently in LA. Except Stephen A Smith is hearing that Doc Rivers of all people could be a strong candidate to replace Luke Walton as the Lakers head coach. Seeing Doc Rivers coaching the Lakers would be more awkward than seeing Donald Trump at a women’s rights march. However, the simple fact that this is even being floated as a possibility tells you everything you need to know about the Clippers. If they are such a stable and desirable franchise, why would Doc Rivers even consider leaving for the more unstable franchise across the hall?

To baseball where the Dodgers are already having injury problems. Let me get this straight: Joe Kelly can stand up for the duration of the National Anthem, but he injures his back while cooking Cajun food standing too long in the kitchen? This kind of nonsense could only happen to baseball players, and usually ones that are signed by Andrew Friedman. Let’s just hope that Clayton Kershaw doesn’t injure his arm eating that food, or that Kenley Jansen doesn’t get heartburn from eating it. If Kershaw and Jansen aren’t as elite as they have been in the past, this Dodger team has no chance of winning a World Series. Without them they have depth, but not enough quality talent in crucial roles to finally win a championship. So far, it looks like those two pitchers are in decline this spring, so keep and eye on that. I’m also keeping an eye on Stan Kasten, who says he’s been working on the TV deal everyday. Since the Dodgers are only on one cable provider for the 6th straight year, Kasten is either a liar, or really bad at his job.

Meanwhile, the Angels are in the midst of trying to manage the slowly escalating drama surrounding Mike Trout’s free agency in two years. The Halos tattling to the MLB about Bryce Harper tampering with Trout is like calling the FBI when someone steals $5 from you. Trout is phenomenal, but the Angels haven’t won anything with him, so I can’t imagine they would be far less successful without him, especially if they can get some nice assets for him. If Trout doesn’t sign an extension in the next year, the sensible thing to do would be to trade him, and nobody should lose any sleep over it. It’s probably going to take more than the 10 years and $350 million though that the Angels are considering offering.

You didn’t really think that UCLA basketball was going to avoid disappointing you this weekend did you? Just when you thought they were going to get a first round bye in the Pac 12 Tournament, they lose to Colorado and Utah and free fall to the 7th seed. There’s part of me that just wants this embarrassment to end on Wednesday night with a loss to Stanford. Every time this team takes the court they find a way to make themselves look worse in front of every single coach in the nation that might be considering taking the job. Whether it’s lack of fan support or mediocre talent, I feel like the less we see from them between now and next year the better.

The Raiders might be interesting this year, but I wouldn’t count on them being very good. Acquiring Antonio Brown from the Steelers, even for just a 3rd and 5th round pick, is like buying a Ferrari when you need to put a new roof on top of your house, and fix a giant hole in the floor. Now there’s talk of Jon Gruden trying to sign Le’Veon Bell. There’s nothing like recreating a team that won absolutely nothing together during the most productive years of their career. It’s like Al Davis is still running the Raiders.

Last night another episode of The Walking Dead went down on AMC. Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if you plan on watching it later. That was one hell of a fight between Beta and Daryl, and more than lived up to the hype of the previews. It was like watching Daryl fight The Undertaker. I have a feeling most of you were just concerned that the dog was going to die. It’s going to take more than a fall down an elevator shaft though to kill that beast. Henry is killing me. That dude is about two seconds away from “looking at the flowers.” Daryl is a badass and all, but even Henry is getting tail during the apocalypse, while Daryl has been shutdown for nine seasons. How can you trust a girl who eats worms? These last three episodes are going to be epic. Something tells me though we’re going to see some shocking deaths by the time it’s over though.

Finally, the final two episodes of The Bachelor are going down on ABC the next two nights. Colton finally jumped the fence last week! That fence got more air time than half the girls on the show this season. I like how Colton birdboxed this whole situation when every girl on the show warned him that Cassie wasn’t ready for marriage. All I heard from Cassie for two hours straight was “so like I am like not sure like I am like in love with you like I don’t know.” This women is actually a speech pathologist? Chris Harris was probably really upset he had to put down his mimosa and get dressed really fast for “the most dramatic moment in Bachelor history”, or so he described. Next season, Chris should make sure they order electric fences to prevent this from happening. How is Colton going to go out on a date with Hannah or even go back to Taysha pretending like nothing happened? Then again, Hannah is probably more concerned with coming up with her next rap song. The Women Tell All was a little underwhelming though. I don’t feel like anybody in the back row even spoke. However, I did get a good laugh out of Demi calling Courtney a bed bug. Looking forward to seeing how this thing ends!

Monday Morning Coffee

March 4, 2019

It’s bad Laker fans. The playoffs aren’t happening anymore. It’s so bad, that the fans are hitting more shots at halftime than many players are during the games. 19 games aren’t enough time to make up a 4.5 game deficit. However, don’t try to tell me Lebron is too old. His numbers are in line with his career averages, and he’s got the highest PER in the league. Don’t also try to tell me that the young players suck, because Brandon Ingram looks one of the best young players in the league. Luke Walton’s lineups might have some issues, but this is ultimately flawed roster construction on the part of the front office, and Lebron because he signed off on most of these veteran clowns. Now it feels like the odds of signing a big time free agent this summer are worse than the odds of winning the Power Ball. At least we can try to enjoy some of the humor coming out of this.

Stephen A. Smith on the Lakers and Lebron James 🗣🏀😂— Cool Slim (@Ayye_pap) March 3, 2019

I’ll give the Clippers credit for playing hard every night and pushing for the playoffs. However, they are still the Clippers, and can’t get out of their own way when it comes to embarrassing themselves one way or another. The latest example of this is when Ralph Lawler and Don MacLean mocked Robert “Tractor” Traylor the other night, suggesting he is playing in the YMCA. For those you too young to remember this, Traylor died in 2011. Slightly insensitive, and even though Ralph Lawler apologized for it, if this happened with another franchise that people gave a damn about it would make far more headlines.

I’m not terribly upset that the Dodgers didn’t sign Bryce Harper to a ridiculous 13-year deal that he signed with the Phillies. Frankly, even the $180 million they offered him for 4 years was ridiculous enough for a guy who hit .240. What does kill me though is the fact the Dodgers gave away Yasiel Puig and Matt Kemp for nothing. That’s 40 home runs at a great value they gave away and got nothing in return for. At this point if there is one thing the Dodgers need it’s an elite starter. Corey Kluber should have been that guy, but instead Friedman was content to do little to improve the team.

The Angels don’t have many options for a new stadium. They can’t move to LA County, and it’s hard to imagine them getting a new stadium in a place like Tustin or Irvine. That’s why this story about them looking into a new stadium in Long Beach made headlines last week. A waterfront stadium would be interesting and could be the 2nd coming of AT&T Park, one of the most beautiful stadiums in the country. However, the traffic is going to be hell, there’s not a chance the taxpayers would pay for it, and the Halos really belong in Anaheim. Ultimately, this is just to create more leverage with the city to make improvements to Anaheim Stadium.

UCLA beat USC on the basketball court last week. And barely. Should we be excited? Should we throw a parade in Westwood? It’s gotten so pathetic that UCLA gymnastics is suddenly the profile sport at the school. Every time this team plays it makes me think that there chance of landing an elite coach gets further damaged. However, the Pac-12 is so awful, I would not be shocked at all if the Bruins won the Pac-12 tournament. The winner of that tournament should be the only one in the conference that plays in field of 68.

Another episode of The Walking Dead went down on AMC last night and it was pretty solid. Henry is such a fool. I can’t say I would have been terribly heartbroken had he been killed by the Whisperers. However, it was pretty amusing seeing his reaction to Alpha killing two people. Apparently when you interview for a spot in the Whisperer’s camp, if you can custom fit masks out of human flesh you’re in. If I were Negan, I wouldn’t want to leave my cell either after seeing Beta and Alpha in action. Alpha passed some dude his wife’s head like she was passing the potatoes at dinner. Judith totally just dropped the mic on her mom, by telling Michonne that she changed. I can’t wait for Carol to find out about Alpha and take her on. That’s going to be one gigantic clash of the titans. I’m also looking forward to the epic showdown between Daryl and Beta next week.

Finally, The Bachelor is back on ABC tonight and we’re down to just 3 girls for Colton. I still can’t believe some of you really thought Cassie was going home last week. You can’t hate on his choices though. He wants someone to push him out of his comfort zone, and Caelynn just took him to get ice cream. I still think Caelynn was a better choice than Tayshia though. This must be your first time watching the show if you fell for that. Colton just jumped out a plane that was 13,000 feet in the air, but we’re all more excited to see him jump over an 8 foot fence. It is so incredibly awkward and such an eye rolling moment seeing Colton ask four different fathers for permission to marry their daughters, and try to explain that he’s falling in love with each of them. You know it’s sad when Hannah rapping is the most personality she’s ever shown. I still like Cassie to win the whole thing, but looking forward to seeing the finale.

Monday Morning Coffee

February 25, 2019

I know I’ve been pretty optimistic about the Lakers getting back in the playoffs, but it’s hard to after this weekend. Lebron has gone from throwing his teammates under the bus to driving the team bus away without Luke Walton on it. I have no problem with Lebron questioning the commitment of certain guys on the team, but it is fair to question his commitment to playing defense. It’s hard to imagine a team with Lebron James on it not making the playoffs, but if it happens, the blame falls on both James and the front office. They are the lunatics that put this roster together, when most of the lunatics on this team should be put in an insane asylum. Better start getting some W’s fast.

Then there’s the Clippers, are who still clinging to a playoff spot the way that red head clung to Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers. The Clips are actually living proof that tanking occurs at the front office level, but not at the player level. How else do you explain the team trading their best player for a bag of potato chips, yet the players are still playing hard enough to be in the playoffs? I don’t buy Steve Ballmer’s act for one second, when he came on Inside The NBA last week and said that he wants the team to make the playoffs. That appearance made me think that Ballmer has to be doing cocaine.

To baseball where the Angels have to be in total denial to not be devastated by Mike Trout’s comments on his future with the Halos. Last week Trout said “I don’t want to comment on that” when asked if he wanted to remain in an Angels uniform after the next two seasons. I’d give this one more season, then move him for as many assets as you can get. This isn’t the NBA folks. One player doesn’t make or break your franchise, even if Trout is one of the best of all-time. This has nothing to do with money. I think the Angels would pay what they had to, but Trout sounds like a guy who has already decided he’s going to play for the Phillies. On the bright side though, the Angels would probably get some really good Major League talent for him. Good thing Artie Moreno is committed to lowering beer prices because the fans are going to need a lot of booze to get through this season.

Don’t be fooled by the rumors folks. The Dodgers aren’t going to sign Bryce Harper. Andrew Friedman will show up naked at a nerdy Star Wars convention before signing anybody to a 10-year deal, let alone one for over $300 million. This is nothing but smoke and mirrors to make the Dodgers look like they tried to appease their fans.

UCLA managed to beat Oregon on Saturday night at Pauley. Oregon was probably too blinded by the ugliness of their jerseys to play well. As if the Bruins Basketball Program isn’t embarrassing enough these days, the athletic department thought it would be a good idea to put bright white signs on the empty seats in the arena. Brilliant! Let’s make it 10x more obvious that nobody goes to watch UCLA basketball anymore! I think the crowd cared a lot more about that free sandwich that is normally 2 dollars than the Bruins have cared about basketball all season. By the way, UCLA’s combined basketball and football record in 2018-2019 is 17-23. That’s 2nd worst in the Pac-12 to only Cal. Nice job Dan Guerrero.

So Zion Williamson’s shoe exploded on Wednesday night and everybody thinks he shouldn’t play college basketball anymore. I’m sure everyone that paid $3k for a ticket to that game had their head explode as well. Look, I’ve come around to the idea that the NCAA should compensate their athletes in some form or another that’s more than scholarships. However, Zion is also using the College Basketball platform in some ways, just like the NCAA is using him. If he doesn’t like that, he can go to Europe to get paid. Zion is also the exception to the rule. For every Zion, Lebron, and Kobe, there’s a ton of other kids that think they are going to the NBA but really have no chance. Allowing high school kids to enter the NBA draft will only continue to ruin the quality of NBA and NCAA basketball.

It’s only February and the USC football program is insisting on making itself a public disaster. Last week they got a bunch of concerned alums together and Lynn Swann could only make people feel worse. He basically said success is defined as keeping the program out of trouble and graduating kids. He didn’t even say winning the Pac-12. He also implied that Clay Helton is a guy who is mediocre but good enough to get the job done. Well at least if you paid $85 for that event you got to hear Swann sing. The Trojans are now resorting to humiliating themselves and their alums both on and off the field.

In the NFL, I know you’re asking the question: should the Rams trade for Antonio Brown? The answer is definitely not. Sean McVay is a genius and all, and while he’d probably get Brown to shut up and play good football, it’s just not necessary. The Rams need to spend their money keeping their offense together, and upgrading their defense. Not on some prima donna receiver who should be keeping his phone in airplane mode.

The Oscars went down last night in case you didn’t know. The show is much better without a host. How was Ron Miller, the former CEO of Disney who just passed away, not honored? Those saying Rami didn’t deserve best actor “because he lip-synched” don’t get it. His performance goes way beyond that. Glad Black Panther took home some hardware. I need to see Green Book.

Another intense episode of The Walking Dead went down on AMC last night. Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if you plan on watching it later. These were the most horrifying minutes on the walking dead ever! A deaf person holding a crying baby escaping from walkers was just bone chilling. Every time Henry does something stupid I want to throw my TV set across the room. Jerry and Ezekiel are getting a lot of screen time of late. That makes me think they are going to die before the season is over. Plus, seeing Henry get all this screen time when Carl is dead makes me angry. The entire episode was the intense run-in with the Whisperers, but not much happened beyond that. I’m looking forward to seeing how this story with the Whisperers evolves.

Finally, The Bachelor is going down again on ABC tonight. Every week Colton says this has been the most challenging week yet. That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard because WHERE IS THE DAMN FENCE JUMPING? You can’t string me along like this ABC! We’ve been waiting for his! Admit it, you did a little fist pump when Kirpa got sent home. Caelynn coming in to save her girl Cassie was one of the best moments in Bachelor history. If you don’t have a friend who will storm a house like a mini SWAT team the way she did, then you need a new friend. Hannah B might actually be in the running for the next Bachelorette. Looking forward to tonight’s episode, although I’m running out of hope that Colton is really going to jump a fence.

Monday Morning Coffee

February 18, 2019

Entertaining NBA All-Star game last night. Why was I not surprised to see Team Lebron dog it for more than half the game, only to start caring in the 2nd half? Of course everybody was having the time of their life except Kevin Durant, who was probably tweeting from his burner account while he was on the bench. Kawhi never smiles, but I’ve never seen the man grin so much over the course of one evening. Ben Simmons must have felt more awkward than a junior high school girl with all those 3-pointers being shot by everyone else. I’m also shocked that Kyle Kuzma won the MVP of the Rising Stars Game. I thought Jayson Tatum was the greatest player of all-time according to all Adrian Wojnarowski’s Celtic sources. I’m not a huge Meek Mill fan but the time halftime show was 10x better than that of the Super Bowl. Take note NFL.

In just over a month the perception of the Lakers has completely changed. Suddenly everyone thinks Magic and Pelinka are idiots, Luke Walton should be coaching a women’s 8th grade team, the young core should be playing in the WNBA, and Lebron should be traded. After most of you take a Xanax, maybe you’ll come back to earth and gain perspective. Just because you’ve never done a job before, doesn’t mean you can’t be great at it. Magic, Pelinka, and Walton are all taking on new roles for the first time in their careers. That means they are going to make mistakes, but eventually grow. Just like Lonzo, Ingram, and Kuzma are all going to get even better. You just have to give it time, even if that doesn’t sit well with Lebron. Even Magic can learn from his mistakes though, which he showed a few days ago when asked about Kemba Walker. Prior to this the man seemed to have no sense of self-awareness when it came to tampering.

Last week Steve Ballmer told ESPN that he wouldn’t sell the Clippers for $80 billion. It’s that kind of stupidity that makes me realize why this man no longer runs Microsoft anymore. If that’s the case then why doesn’t he just move the team to Seattle? Let’s be honest, if he did, there might be 10 people in LA that actually care that he did, and Seattle would finally get the team it deserves. Some of you are arguing that the Clippers are a free agent destination because nobody wants to deal with the Lakers circus and Lebron drama. However, none of those free agents would want to be a second fiddle star in a town Lebron owns.

Spring training has started and we’re still waiting on two of baseball’s best players to be employed. That got me wondering if things would be any different if Mike Trout were on the free market. Although it only takes one stupid team to give Machado and Harper a big contract, there aren’t a number of teams lining up for their services at their asking price. I don’t get the feeling that even Mike Trout would change that. Teams have convinced themselves that star power isn’t a franchise changing quality, and Trout has already shown that not even his greatness can lead an Angels team to a title. On the other hand, this may actually help the Halos keep Trout beyond 2020 if the market for him isn’t very deep.

Meanwhile, Andrew Friedman is at it again playing PR Guy. Last week he claimed that the Dodgers have a chance to be an elite team, and that they have no weakness. I guess they have no weakness, except for the fact they have an analytical fool running their front office, a pair of catchers that hit like little leaguers, and a TV channel that nobody can see. This franchise is committed to being just not good enough. It’s remarkable really. However, Stan Kasten knows all about that from his continuous playoff failures in Atlanta.

It’s been two weeks since the Super Bowl. Will we ever find out what happened to Todd Gurley? Sean McVay has been more evasive about this topic than Ted Bundy slipping out of jail. I refuse to believe that Todd Gurley just suddenly started playing like garbage. The man was one of the best running backs in football all season, and suddenly McVay barely uses him in the most important game of his life? If this wasn’t a health issue, the Rams have a much bigger problem on their hands considering they just paid Gurley $40 million guaranteed.

Another episode of The Walking Dead went down last night on AMC. Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if you plan on watching it later. This was one of those episodes where I found myself wanting to reaching into the TV and strangle Henry for all the stupid things he was telling Lydia. I think it’s time for Carol to make him “look at the flowers.” They needed Negan to come back and interrogate Lydia with Lucille. Alpha isn’t playing around. She strangled some dude with her bare hands just 43 days in the apocalypse. If Lydia wants to know Daryl’s story she should binge watch the last 8 seasons. Daryl was eating worms before it was cool. I’m not sure I can even eat Gummy Worms after watching that. Alpha’s backstory is kind of like Carol’s, only Alpha is a little more psycho. She says she wants her daughter back. I’m surprised she doesn’t want a wash cloth and skin care products instead. Very good episode and looking forward to more next week!

Finally, The Bachelor returns to ABC tonight. I feel like all the virgin references in the show have been replaced by Colton saying “that’s my greatest fear.” It’s gotta be tough for him to figure out which of these 22 year old Instagram models isn’t ready for marriage. I think Bachelor Nation is way more excited to see Colton jump over the fence than lose his virginity. I was also excited to see Colton send Nicole and Onyeka home after all their drama. I like how Demi said she was going to take Colton’s virginity, but Colton basically told her that I’m going to take you off the show. I am rather upset that we won’t get to meet her mom during hometowns though. Demi and Jordan are going to make a great Bachelor In Paradise couple. This season proves that if you are blond, a size 4 or smaller, unemployed, and a human with an instagram, you have the opportunity of a life time. Next time Hannah makes an animal sound I’ll be ready to call the police. Gott love how the runner up from Miss USA just said that Hannah G has relied on her looks her whole life. I’m a little paranoid that we didn’t see Cassie on the hometown previews. Hopefully it’s just the show playing mind tricks on us.

Monday Morning Coffee

February 11, 2019

The Lakers didn’t get Anthony Davis, but once everybody checks their sanity, they will realize it’s perfectly fine. Contrary to what some of you shortsighted folks think, the Lakers have three promising young players who are improving. They shouldn’t need to give up everything for a player that wants to be in LA. Especially not with seven all-star players on the free agent market this summer. However, one thing is clear. When the league refers to “big markets” they are only referring to the Lakers. Heck, why don’t we just make up rules to prevent the Lakers from being good again, since certain small markets refuse to do business with them. I guess it would also help if Magic wasn’t so cavalier about trying to trade everybody. Still, the Lakers were a good team when they were healthy, so no reason they can’t get back to that level.

Meanwhile, I’ll give the Clippers credit for being smart. They traded away Tobias Harris, knowing it would hurt their playoff chances. However, the front office knows they are better off not making the playoffs so they can keep their 1st round pick. Yes it was cagey, but stop giving Jerry West credit for this move. West is great and all, but the man collects a $1 million paycheck to come to the office once or twice a week and give some input. Does anybody know who Michael Winger and Lawrence Frank are? Also, the narrative about the Clippers is hilarious. They trade their best player to clear cap space, get draft picks, and chase free agents. The Lakers have the best player on the planet, still have cap space, and are still the Lakers, yet everyone thinks the franchise is in the toilet. It just goes to show you how real the Clipper inferiority complex is, and how great the Laker hate is around the Association.

Kevin Durant is great at basketball, but he’s a cry baby. Durant avoided the media for a week after the Knicks made a cap clearing move by trading Kristaps Porzingas. Then he decided to go off on them last week for asking about his free agency. He says he just wants to “go to the gym, play ball, and go home.” He told them to “grow up.” Really dude? The guy making burner Twitter accounts to argue with 12 year olds about how good he is needs to “grow up”? If you want to just go to the gym and go home, then go play at the YMCA. Yes you’re obligated to speak to the media because they help promote the game and help you cash those million dollar paychecks. If KD thinks his life sucks now, wait until he gets to the Knicks where the media will be up in his business all day long.

To baseball where pitchers and catchers will report for the Dodgers on Wednesday. I’d like to congratulate Andrew Friedman on using his computer to find a way to make the Dodgers worse while having about $100 million to spend. No Bryce Harper, Manny Machado, Corey Kluber, or JT Realmuto. The Dodgers had the means to easily acquire at least two of those three players, but were content not to. Realmuto and Kluber could have been had for two prospects that weren’t even in the top 100 in baseball. Oh and the best part is the team is raking in millions with their own TV channel that 70% of you can’t see, while more fans keep showing up at Dodger Stadium like sheep. Dodger Baseball everyone!

National signing day was this past Wednesday, and it’s interesting that you didn’t hear much about it locally. That’s because both USC and UCLA football were a complete recruiting disaster. USC did not pick up a single five star recruit, and UCLA had only 1 four star recruit. For SC, which identifies itself as a “football school” it can no longer keep talent in its own backyard. Clay Helton is having a horrible enough time developing players, and now he can’t even recruit them. Then there’s UCLA, which is spending millions to not only have a bad football team, but also to completely flounder when it comes to recruiting. This is totally unacceptable for a school that just blew its wad on Chip Kelly. College football in SoCal is a complete embarrassment right now.

At least UCLA considers itself a basketball school right? Oh wait their basketball team stinks too. For about 20 minutes, they looked like a team with Top 25 talent on Saturday against Utah. Then in the last 20 minutes, they looked like the most mentally fragile team I had ever seen. I’m not sure what’s a bigger miracle at this point: Utah winning that game after being down by 22 points in the 2nd half, or UCLA winning 12 games this season? It’s just sad to see the Bruins in this state, and there are fewer and fewer coaches that are going to be interested in taking over this dumpster fire the more games they play.

I don’t know about you but I give the Grammy’s about a 5 out of 10 last night, and that’s probably generous. Those who won awards had a nice year, but are far from the biggest stars in the music industry currently. Most of us watch the Grammy’s for great performances, but it’s hard to see that when you have a show without Taylor Swift, Beyoncé, Ariana Grande, or Drake performing. However, if you saw SNL over the weekend you saw an amazing performance from Halsey, who hosted and performed. She also took the meaning of music “artist” to a different level. Check it out.

The Walking Dead was back on AMC last night! I’m liking how the show is re-inventing itself but we’ll see how long it can last or if this is just some early momentum that will die. Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it so skip this paragraph if you plan on watching it later. It wouldn’t be worth surviving if I had to wear a dead guys face to do it. Where did those dogs come from? No way they could survive the Apocalypse. These people really let Judith walk around by herself? I like how Negan’s first order of business after being locked up for six years was shopping, and how he somehow found a leather jacket. Homie is sweating in a t-shirt yet still put on the jacket. Gotta love the commitment to aesthetic. Is anyone going to tell the Kingdom what is going on? Henry is going to be the dude to screw things up. Rosita is the apocalyptic version of The Bachelorette. Pregnant with Siddiq’s baby, dating Gabriel, but Eugene’s in love with her. Lydia is gonna find a way out of her cell. It’s only a matter of time.

Finally, The Bachelor returns to ABC tonight! How much longer do we have to wait for Colton to jump over the fence? I was devastated to learn that there was no fence on that beach. All these cliffhangers but I’m just wondering what happened to Kirpa’s chin. She did a great job spending her limited screen time flossing Colton’s teeth. Onyeka can’t complain about wanting to move on from drama that she started. She’s apparently never been called a bully, yet she said she’s capable of saying things to tear you down? Makes sense. Neither of those girls are going to end up in the finals, so their inevitable 2-on-1 is a waste of time. However, Onyeka vs Nicole is still more exciting than the Super Bowl we saw last week. Congrats to Heather who waited 23 years for her first kiss with a dude that has 15 girlfriend’s and makes out with multiple women a day. The Women Tell All is going to be lit! It still sucks we didn’t get a Rose ceremony though. Looking forward to more action tonight!