Monday Morning Coffee

July 16, 2018

Sometimes the summer is so boring when it comes to sports, people lose their minds and come up with some of the worst ideas in history.  The latest example of this is Stephen A Smith claiming that the Lakers should keep their eyes on Phil Jackson if things go badly this season with Luke Walton.  All this time I thought it was just the executives at ESPN that came up with stupid ideas, but it’s the broadcasters as well.  I guess everyone forgot that the last time Phil coached 7 years ago, he practically mailed it in, not even wanting to coach every game.  He also mailed it in during his latest gig as President of the Knicks.  Not to mention the fact that the game has also passed Phil by, since nobody even wants to run the triangle anymore.  I think the Lakers are just fine without Phil no matter what happens.  As for Luke Walton, he shouldn’t like the fact a story leaked that Tyronn Lue is giving him advice on how to coach Lebron.  Even if it’s true, i think most sensible people wouldn’t take advice on how to even wipe their ass from Tyronn Lue.

Meanwhile, Doc Rivers has got jokes, and he doesn’t even know it.  Most of us were pretty surprised  to see Rivers sign an extension with the Clips when they are faced with a rebuild, which was something he didn’t want to go through in Boston.  Rivers said “we haven’t won crap in LA but we’re trying to.”  He also commented on moving on from the failed Blake-CP-DeAndre era, explaining “it’s called being with the Clippers.”  Sometimes the funniest jokes are really funny because they are true, and that’s the harsh yet hilarious reality of what Doc said.  Still, it’s hard to see why he would want to stick around for all that, but I suppose everyone has their price.

We’ve reached the All-Star break in Major League Baseball, and the Dodgers are actually in 1st place in the NL West due to the fact the division is garbage.  I refuse to be fooled by the idea that the Dodgers are serious about acquiring Manny Muchado.  The day Andrew Friedman trades some quality prospects for an impact talent is probably the day the sun won’t rise.  It will also be the day that Siri stops telling that computer nerd how to build a team due to a software glitch.  The Dodgers window to win with Clayton Kershaw is shrinking fast, so Muchado would help maximize what’s left.  As great as the offense might seem, only Matt Kemp is hitting over .300, so it’s a feast or famine lineup.  Muchado is needed just as much as another bullpen arm or even a starter.  Too bad him being a Dodger probably won’t come to fruition.

Then there’s the Angels who’s season has now been completely obliterated by injuries.  The latest is Garrett Richards, who will finally be forced to undergo Tommy John surgery.  Richards should have had the surgery two seasons ago, because now he’s lost three seasons of his career, and has an even more questionable future in the MLB given his pending free agency.  I think it’s also high time someone launched an investigation into what the hell the front office and training staff are doing, because they’ve lost 7 pitchers in 3 years due to elbow injuries.  That doesn’t even include Shohei Ohtani, who may need the same surgery as well.  Ohtani had his bobble head night on Thursday.  When is UCL elbow injury bobble head night? It will probably take a full season to give out that many different pitching bobble heads, but that feels like the only thing to commemorate each Angels’ season by these days.

Congratulations to France! You may have lost all your wars, but you did manage to win the World Cup yesterday by defeating Croatia.  Apparently soccer fans in France are just as idiotic as soccer fans everywhere else in the world when they celebrate anything, because riots and looting occurred, and several people were killed amidst the chaos.  I thought sports were supposed to unite people rather than divide them? You definitely don’t see that with soccer, which always leads to more of a political or racial discussion than any other sport around the world (although the NFL seems to be doing it’s best to try and catch up).  The latest controversy was surrounding the fact that many of the French soccer plays are of African decent, and creating some sort of racially driven criticism out of that fact.  However, If you’re calling the French players “African”, regardless of your intention, that’s racist.  All of them are French, all but one were born in France. It means for you their skin color is more important than the country they have always known and represent.  It’s because of topics like this that make me glad we only have to watch the World Cup every 4 years.

The NFL is only 8 weeks away! That means we are only 8 weeks from learning Sam Bradford will be out 7-9 weeks with a paper cut.  The Patriots admitting to breaking only 37 NFL rules.  Joe Flacco getting benched and becoming an elite clipboard holder.  Dez Bryant giving up on the NFL and joining the YMCA, and Donald Trump upset with the Eagles for taking a knee to run out the clock.

Finally, The Bachelorette is back on ABC tonight.  After watching last week’s episode, I’m beginning to think that Arie made the right call to break up with Becca last season and go for Lauren.  You think Lauren is boring until you see a whole season of Becca with even more uninteresting guys.  Just when you hope the producers can give you something other than an obscure country artist during a dance date, they end up sticking you with Baja Men.  Chris must have written that ridiculous song.  Did anybody know that Baja Men had a song other than “Who Let The Dogs Out?”  That may be the biggest plot twist of the season.  The last episode was so bad, Trump interrupting the show for his Supreme Court nominee announcement actually made it entertaining.  Obama may have never interrupted The Bachelorette, but he didn’t need to because the show didn’t suck then.  My ultimate prediction for this week: Tia comes back on the show and tells Becca that she slept with Colton and he’s not really a virgin.  I’m not sure which is worse though: two Trump interruptions this season, or two Tia appearances? We’ll see if it gets any more interesting tonight.

 

 

Monday Morning Coffee

July 9, 2018

It’s fantastic the Lakers were able to sign Lebron and all, but apparently they decided it would be a good idea to make him feel at home by surrounding him with a bunch of useless role players that can’t shoot.  It’s like the guy never left Cleveland.  Lebron himself is apparently signing off on all these moves, just like he with the Cavs, which explains a lot.  They say every team needs a crazy guy to win a championship, but the Lakers now have 3 with Rajon Rondo, Javale McGee, and Lance Stephenson.  Now there’s all these rumors that the Lakers are going after Damian Lillard, but apparently the people that start these rumors are exempt from using their brains.  Why would the Blazers trade Lillard with 3 years left on his contract? I’m not sure why the Lakers would give up all their promising young players either if they wouldn’t do it for Kawhi Leonard, who is a better player than Lillard.  There’s also the ‘Melo rumors.  I realize many of you aren’t fans, but you can certainly do a lot worse than Carmelo Anthony on your team for a minimum salary.  I say inflate the Banana Boat!

Meanwhile the Clippers’ strategy is very clear now.  They want to be bad, get a high pick and be players in free agency in 2019.  The problem is, I’m not so sure the Clippers are bad as they need to be.  A starting lineup with Patrick Beverley, Avery Bradley, Tobias Harris, Danilo Gallinari, and Martin Gortat is capable of winning some games.  They won’t make the playoffs in the West, and obviously any team with Doc Rivers coaching it in this day and age will probably suck, but they probably won’t be one of the 5 or even 10 worst teams in the league.  Things are back to being so grim for the Clips that Clipper Darryl has officially jumped ship and is now a Laker fan.  I’d sure like to know how Vic “The BrIck” Jacobs feels about this before letting him on that bandwagon.

Thank god for NBA free agency during these boring dog days of summer.  I don’t know about the rest of you, but once DeMarcus Cousins decided to ruin the offseason by signing with the Warriors, I felt like jumping off the roof.  Then again, the joke is on Boogie.  A $5 million salary in San Francisco should afford him a studio apartment with 11 roomates.  Here’s a nice little recap of the last few weeks in three minutes.  Enjoy!

I’m still trying to figure out why the Dodgers alleged ownership scandal isn’t a bigger topic of conversation.  In case you aren’t familiar with it, Guggenheim is facing a lawsuit claiming it defrauded annuity investors in connection with its purchase of the Dodgers.  Look on the bight side though.  Even if the team goes through bankruptcy again, it isn’t really an issue because Andrew Friedman is already running them like a small market club with no money.  I keep hearing Manny Muchado’s name come up in trade rumors but Friedman never gives up big time prospects.  He would also never pay $400 million for a player.  When it comes to signing and trading for players, Friedman is like the son of a rich father who insists on eating at McDonalds and shopping at JC Penny.  Nobody ever said you have to blow money, but it’s ok to treat yourself to Morten’s or shop at Gucci every now and again if you can afford it.

It’s July and the Angels season is already over.  They are buried in both the AL West and the Wild Card.  They need to start playing these Freeway Series games before the middle of the summer because the Halos are almost always toast by the time they start playing the Dodgers.  Actually, the biggest issue with the Angels is just their lack of relevancy.  They have the best player in baseball and one of the best all-time, and he’s hardly talked about.  The rest of their team is always consumed by injuries.  Hard to imagine this changing anytime soon with it being an annual tradition.  Even with Trout, it feels like the Angels haven’t been really exciting since the days of Vlad Guerrero a decade ago.

We’re down to just four teams left in the World Cup.  Imagine how disappointed Trump was when Russia lost to Croatia.  I’m thinking he actually placed a bet on them at 500-1 before the tournament started, thinking his boy Putin would find a way to rig it.  If Hollywood needs to find some better actors who are of a variety of different ethnic backgrounds, they should start auditioning some of these soccer players.  The flopping is just non-stop.  England is going to be taking on Croatia, and the British haven’t been this excited since they learned what a dentist is.  If I add up the total population of England, France, Croatia, and Belgium, it doesn’t even equal half of the population in this country.  Yet we still can’t find 11 talented enough dudes to play soccer.

Very sad news about former UCLA and former NBA pro Tyler Honeycutt, who was shot was killed over the weekend in Sherman Oaks.  This story is not only sad, but shocking and very confusing.  It’s hard to imagine how a guy like that ended up in a situation where he was barricaded in a house and exchanging gunfire with police.  Nevertheless, my thoughts on prayers go out to the family.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelorette is going down tonight on ABC.  As if going to Virginia wasn’t bad enough for an episode, remember that Lauren B is from there.  They really are trying to make sure that Becca won’t forget will they? The devil works hard, but producers of The Bachelorette work harder.  This show is simply running out of date ideas though.  “We’re just going to walk around and explore the city together” is code for “we ran out of date ideas.”  Did anybody really remember anything about Connor prior to the last five minutes of the last episode?  It was definitely time for Chris to go.  The man was completely disrespectful to those of us with high cholesterol and who like to eat eggs on a daily basis, and clearly Becca agrees.  Leo seems like one of the most normal dudes we’ve ever seen on the show.  That’s probably why he’s going to get cut.  Colton is going to win this.  It’s practically a Bachelorette law that if you’re a failed ex pro athlete you’re going to last until the end.  Especially with Clay being gone, Becca had to have another football player sticking around.  Hopefully we get a better episode tonight.

 

 

Monday Morning Coffee

July 2, 2018

The best basketball player in the world and one of the biggest superstars in the world is going to be playing for the Los Angeles Lakers.  The Lakers are back on the map thanks to Magic Johnson and Rob Pelinka.  It was a scary couple of days there, but the Lakers are going to be fun again.  They might not be ready to win a championship, but I think we all have much more confidence that with Lebron and this front office, they can get there eventually.  I’m still not sure what the hell Paul George was thinking.  The man has a right to be happy, but nothing can explain his decision other than he didn’t want the pressure and expectations of having to win a championship.  Now we know who Lebron was referring to when he said “some guys don’t want to win a championship”.  I can’t wait to see part III of the Paul George documentary.  It’s probably going to be Paul George sitting in the corner while is Russell Westbrook is taking everyone’s shots…..at the bar.  Best of all, now Kobe fans and Lebron fans can hold hands and sing “Kum-By-Ya”

Then there’s the Clippers who officially said goodbye to the last of Lob City over the weekend, with DeAndre Jordan headed to Dallas.  The Clips totally mismanaged this one folks.  They should have moved him at the trade deadline for something, even if it was a low 1st round pick.  Is Jerry West going to get criticized for this one?  I like how he gets all the credit for the Clippers when anything they do looks good, yet he gets no criticism when anything goes wrong.  The truth really is that West is simply a consultant, who has major input and influence, but doesn’t actually go to the office everyday or is part of the daily grind as he once was.  I will give Doc Rivers credit for having the sensibility to trade his son, Austin, to try and make the team better.  I guess Austin didn’t get his dad a great Fathers Day gift.  They still have more guards on the team than Buckingham Palace, but maybe they can start admitting that they are actually rebuilding now.

Nobody in their right mind really thinks that Dave Roberts is making real managing decisions for the Dodgers right? I believe that only a computer owned by Andrew Friedman could decide that Walker Buehler should come off the disabled list, without a rehab stint and start against one of the best teams in baseball out the bullpen.  We’re now more than halfway through the season, and the Dodgers may not be in horrible shape like they were early on, but they still have issues.  More than anything, they have a pitching staff that can’t stay healthy, and bullpen that you wouldn’t trust to handle a cup of coffee.  This team doesn’t have nearly the magic of last year to try and get to the World Series again, and it’s going to hit their foolish front office like a bag of bricks come the fall.

As for the Halos, they are barely above .500, and buried in the AL West and the AL Wild Card race. You say the Angels should be sellers at the trade deadline? Who exactly do you think they should trade? Kole Calhoun? Dude is hitting .168.  Luis Valbuena? .211.  Ian Kinsler? Teams would laugh and hang up the phone.  This team is locked into mediocrity for quite some time, and with other teams having an enormous amount of spending power this winter, I can’t see this getting much better anytime soon.  Meanwhile Jerry Dipoto, the former Angels GM who didn’t get along with Mike Scioscia, is having a good laugh in Seattle where the Mariners are currently in the post season picture.

The LA Kings can take a huge sigh of relief now that they have re-signed Drew Doughty to an 8-year extension.  Doughty is the best defenseman in the NHL, and worth every penny of the $11 million cap hit he will cost the Kings.  This is usually a great time to make fun of the Toronto Maple Leafs, but since they just signed John Tavares over the weekend, I guess Kings fans will have to go back to making fun of the San Jose Sharks and their fans.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelorette is going down on ABC tonight.  When the season starts, I’m sure most of you say to yourself “how can so many great guys be single?” Then within two weeks it all becomes clear why they are all single.  The only remaining normal dudes on the show are Blake, Wills, and Colton.  Then again who has a name like Wills? That’s really a name?  Jordan is annoying but David is like the dude who reminded the teacher she forgot to collect the homework.  Then Jordan was dressed like he was trying to smuggle drugs across the border in an RV with his fake family.  That 2-on-1 date was some disaster.  “Well enough about me talking about me.  Now you talk about me.”  Imagine lasting 6 episodes and not even being able to go out of the country? I’d want to punch the producers.  Now they are going to Richmond, VA next? The government needs to issue a bailout on this show.  John should delete Becca’s Venmo account after she cut him.  ABC clearly missed the window where it was cool to meet Wayne Newton by about 40 years.  I’m not sure we’re all looking forward to tonight’s episode, but we’re too invested in this train wreck now.

 

 

Monday Morning Coffee

June 25, 2018

What an incredibly boring NBA draft.  It was so boring, I actually left to go see the Jurassic World movie while it was going on (more on that later).  The Lakers made some decent picks, but I’m sure everyone is disappointed they got rejected from trade talks with the Spurs like I would if I tried to ask Jennifer Lopez on a date.  I can’t believe the Clippers passed up on Michael Porter Jr! They had a chance to get a top 3 talent despite the injury risk, but now it just looks like they have a bottom 3 front office.  The next three weeks of NBA news are going to be way more interesting than the last 8 months of the NBA season.  I hope you’re all enjoying all the clickbait articles out there.  With the exception of a couple of folks, most people like Chris Broussard report news with the accuracy of Helen Keller throwing darts.  I’ll believe the real news about Lebron James and Paul George when I see it.

Elsewhere around the Association, Luka Doncic’s mother is so beautiful, Delonte West is probably going to come out of retirement and join the Mavs after seeing her at the draft.  DeAndre Ayton will actually have a pay decrease going from college to the NBA.  Poor Kevin Knox.  His NBA career ended the moment he was drafted by the Knicks.  Then there’s Dwight Howard who was traded again, and has now been passed around the NBA more than a Kardashian on All-Star weekend.  You’ve gotta give credit to Mitch Kupchak.  His first move looks bad to the average fan, acquiring Timofey Mozgov who has one of the worst contracts in the league, yet it actually put the Hornets under the luxury tax.  It also tells you just how unlikable Dwight Howard is.  You’ve gotta feel bad for LiAngelo Ball.  He didn’t get the invite to be on the Lakers summer league squad, and the Laker sources are letting the media know that it’s for reasons beyond basketball.  Way to go Lavar.  In case you had any doubt about the harm you’re doing to your kids.  You’re also getting crowds at the JBA as big as a Trump rally…..

To baseball where I’d sure like to know what Andrew Friedman’s computer has to say about Matt Kemp now.  The Dodgers would be in last place without Kemp right now, who has inserted himself into the MVP conversation in the National League.  The man deserves an apology letter from Friedman, his computer, and the fans for dogging him.  His contract doesn’t look so bad now does it?  Not only have the Dodgers been nagged by injuries all season, but Justin Turner, Cody Bellinger, and Chris Taylor haven’t exactly been what they were last season.  If LA can just get a couple of those guys straightened out and find a couple of reliable relievers along the way they can still win this crummy division.  Maybe if Friedman would stop playing Fortnight he might be able to do his job.

For some reason the Angels decided to have a “Christmas in June” theme over the weekend against the Blue Jays.  Funny because it looks like Santa has already put a lot of coal in the Angels’ stocking.  The division has completely gotten away from them, they have no bullpen, and none of their free agent signings seem to be working out.  To come to think of it, what was the last successful free agent signing the Angels had?  Ian Kinsler, Zach Cozart, and even Justin Upton are just the latest free agents busts.  The Halos might as well have taken a $40 million pile of cash and have the Joker light it on fire.  The last good signing had to have been Vlad Guerrero back in 2004.  it’s been a disaster since.

Apparently getting swept by an expansion team wasn’t a big enough wake up call for the LA Kings this spring.  Instead of realizing they need to get younger and faster, they decided to get older and lazier by spending $6.25 million for the next 3 years on Ilya Kovalchuk.  This dude hasn’t even played in the NHL in the last five years, and just wanted a retirement deal to hang by the beaches of Southern California.  The Kings are a team in desperate need of a new engine, and instead they just blew their entire budget on some “sweet looking rims.”

As I mentioned, I took the plunge and decided to go see Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom last week.  For many like myself, seeing the movie was more nostalgia than anything else, which is a big reason why it did $150 million in it’s first weekend and was #1 at the box office.  I had low expectations, because nothing beat the original Jurassic Park in 1993, which was impressive for its time, and still impressive to this day.  However, this movie was far more entertaining than I thought it would be, especially because Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard make a great onscreen duo.  Much of the fascination with the franchise is still related to the idea that through genetic engineering, one day we might be able to bring dinosaurs back.  That idea is still nowhere near happening 25 years after the original movie, despite the fact people have tried hard.  Nevertheless, that idea will keep the franchise going for at least another movie, no matter how ridiculous it sounds.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelorette went down on ABC last week, and the show returns tonight.  So last week we learned that this Jean Blanc dude claimed he was in love with Becca after four group dates, which people found ridiculous.  You guys find that ridiculous? It’s not anymore ridiculous than the concept of this whole show and anybody falling in love on it in general.  I think he was aiming to get his perfume back so he could sell it on Ebay.  Good thing Becca didn’t take Lincoln on the snowmobile date.  They might accidentally ride off the end of the earth.  I think I can actually feel my IQ dropping every time I listen to him talk.  Did anybody really expect Jordan not to get a rose? We have all watched the show long enough to know that there is going to be a 2-on-1 with him and the chicken suit.  Keep in mind, in the history of the show, no man bun has ever made it past the 5th rose ceremony.  I could swear that I see at least 3 new contestants I’ve never seen before in every rose ceremony.  I’m thinking the producers are switching people to see if we’ll actually notice.  How many weird one-liners does Jordan have?  “I’m like a sponge, you can squeeze me and get everything out of me…but you’ll never know until you try.”  I’m looking forward to more weirdness from the show tonight.

Monday Morning Coffee

June 18, 2018

Lebron James is about to hijack your summer.  People are losing their minds over tweets by Jeanie Buss that probably have nothing to do with basketball.  Now Kawhi Leonard apparently wants out, further causing people to think the next super team is forming in Lakerland.  Don’t hold your breath people.  Greg Popovich would probably cut off his arm and trade his star player to a WNBA team before sending him to the Lakers.  Kawhi would have to tell the Spurs he isn’t resigning with anybody else he’s traded to, which isn’t likely because nobody has ever heard Kawhi actually speak.  I’m not even sure he knows how to, further damaging the chances of a trade.

Has anybody noticed that nobody is putting a microphone in front of Lavar Ball anymore? That’s because there’s fewer and fewer people that care what he thinks.  He’s already played his 15 minutes of fame card, and now he just seems like a buffoon with no idea how to run a shoe company.  He should be getting nervous though because Lonzo and his idiotic teammate Kyle Kuzma are dissing each other with stupid rap songs.  That’s just another reason to trade all of them for a veteran star.  These guys have clearly watched the movie “8 Mile” a few too many times, and should be spending more time working on their game.  Magic scolded both, telling them to knock it off.  As if Lonzo and Kuzma’s behavior wasn’t dumb enough, Josh Hart felt the need to troll his boss, Magic, by sending out the tweet below.  These guys need their Twitter accounts suspended immediately!

To baseball where the Dodgers are breathing down the necks of the D’Backs in NL West.  LA has finally turned it around, despite having an entire pitching staff that is injured.  What’s gotten into Joc Pederson and Max Muncy? These guys suddenly look like Joe DiMaggio and Micky Mantle.  They probably would have swept the Giants too if they didn’t rest Matt Kemp and Chris Taylor.  With those two in the lineup, the Dodgers even got the best of Madison Bumgarner on Saturday, a motorcycle riding hillbilly, who will likely end up back on the DL next week after trying to tie his shoes.  I usually have my doubts about the Dodgers, but the division has been so crummy of late, I’m not even sure Andrew Friedman can screw it up.

Meanwhile, the Angels are getting hit with tons of injuries, and it looks like their season is about to collapse.  However, even without the injuries they had issues.  Their starters can’t get to the fifth inning, their bullpen is a liability, and portions of their lineup are wildly inconsistent.  GM Billy Eppler said that the trade market is flooded with relievers but not real ace starting pitchers.  Well if that’s the case Billy Boy, why don’t you go get one of these relievers so your pen doesn’t keep giving away games? The Angels might be slowly rebuilding their farm system, but some of their talent needs to hurry up and develop.  Mike Trout can walk out there door in two more years, an he’s not exactly replaceable.

College Football is right around the corner, and that means the LA Times  is forcing tons of Trojan coverage down your throat.  In their latest piece, they highlight the fact JT Daniels is basically an incoming freshman that might end up starting.  I will never understand parents like his, holding their kid back a grade purely for athletic reasons, or even the idea of graduating high school a year early to play college football, something Daniels helicopter dad made him do as well.  If your kid can play, he will get his opportunity.  Sometimes you still have to let your kids be kids, and that includes letting them finish high school to socially mature as well.  I’m sure you’ll be hearing plenty about Daniels and his dad in the coming months.

The World Cup has been exciting so far!  Lionel Messi also appears to be suffering from “The Curse of Yu Darvish” since he can’t make a penalty kick if his life depended on it.  Egypt waited twenty years to get back in the World Cup, yet decided it was a good idea to rest their best player in a 1-0 loss.  Hopefully Mohamed Salah will be rested enough for the next World Cup in 4 years.  After Saudi Arabia’s first game, their national team has been eliminated.  No seriously, the country has scheduled the players’ execution.  Big upset by Mexico over Germany yesterday.  Not only was that the game of the tournament so far, but Mexico can probably afford to pay for that wall now.  Also, congratulations to the US, Canada, and Mexico for being awarded the 2026 World Cup.  This means that we can still field an awful team and still make the tournament, unlike this year.  It also gives Americans 8 more years to start caring about soccer.

Finally, the Bachelorette is back on ABC tonight with another episode.  I’ve decided the show needs to relax the alcohol policy again.  They need more sloppiness early on for our entertainment, otherwise we are left with guys arguing over Tinder matches.  This is all Corrine’s fault! The show is also feeling more and more fake because girls from previous seasons show up and they are all friends, which would never happen in reality when girls compete for guys.  They would be lighting each other’s houses on fire instead.  I fear that I might not be watching the show anymore for “the right reasons” as Becca says.  Which reminds me, Becca clearly isn’t the smartest Bachelorette.  She asked if Colton went on the show hoping the Bachelorette would be Tia.  Hello? They were dating! Why would he break up with her to go on the show, only to compete over her with 25 other guys? You can’t fool me ABC…I knew that ambulance didn’t show up because there was actually a fight.  After Jordan called himself a golden retriever, dogs all over the world are like….

Monday Morning Coffee

June 11, 2018

Congratulations to the Warriors on winning their 3rd title in 4 years.  I’ve never been more unsurprised in my life.  We now live in a world where Nick Young and JR Smith have NBA titles.  Anything is possible in America kids.  As long as ownership is willing to foot the bill, the Warriors tyrannical dynasty isn’t going away for the next few years.  As for Lebron, I have no idea what he’s going to do.  However, I think he’s more than willing to have a sex change and join the WNBA than stay in Cleveland.  I also think there’s no way that Lebron hasn’t already decided what he’s going to do.  Do you really think he hasn’t been thinking about this at all for the last two years, and is suddenly going to make this huge decision in the next three weeks? No chance.  That may or may not bode well for the Lakers.

Jordan Clarkson had an absolutely awful NBA Playoffs and Finals.  However, I hate to take the microwave minute thinking of everyone who is saying the Lakers won the trade that sent him to Cleveland.  Clarkson was a productive player for the Lakers, even though he was awful with the Cavs.  Who’s to say that he wouldn’t have continued to be a productive player with the Lakers had he stayed with them?  He had a role he was more comfortable in where he would have had less pressure during his development.  As far as I’m concerned, the success of that trade for the Lakers will be defined by whether or not they can sign two max free agents this summer.

I still haven’t figured out yet how the Clippers are going to screw up this year’s NBA draft.  However, I think I might have an idea now.  There’s talk of the Clips trading their #12 and #13 picks to move up in the draft and select Slovenian Guard Luka Doncic.  This would be a dumb move that you would only expect from the Clippers.  Drafting NBA players these days is the equivalent of buying a Powerball ticket.  Your odds of hitting the jackpot are better with two tickets than one, so the Clips are better off trying their luck with #12 and #13 than trading up for a single pick.  Until the NBA raises the age limit, we’re going to be left with nothing but speculation on underdeveloped talent trying to go pro.

To baseball where the Dodgers are getting closer to hunting down first place in the NL West, creeping within 2.5 games of the 1st place D’Backs.  This should alleviate some of my complaining for this week, but not all of it.  Nearly every single one of their usual 5 starters is injured, which is only  going to overwork the bullpen even more than they are.  It’s also going to convince Andrew Friedman that his ridiculous theory that starting pitching is over valued is accurate.  The Boys In Blue might get out of the NL West.  However, if they don’t have healthy arms come October, their chances of winning anything are about as good as NBA players going to visit the White House.

Then there’s the Angels, who have run into typical Angels luck.  Shohei Ohtani is now on the disabled list with an inflamed elbow, and it looks like he might even be headed for Tommy John Surgery in short order.  However, I can’t understand why Billy Eppler is so determined to use him as a pitcher if he’s got this elbow issues.  His bat is just as valuable, and they don’t even need to put him in the outfield since they can use him as a DH.  I can’t say it’s terribly surprising that another Angel pitcher could potentially need his arm replaced.  Especially when you consider the fact everyone knew Ohtani could have elbow issues during his physical.

Congratulations to the Washington Capitals on their Stanley Cup Championship.  I’m assuming the entire Capitals team will be invited to the White House since the whole team is made up of Russians.     It must be really nice to win the Stanley Cup in Vegas and then actually party there.  Warrior fans must feel like they are the real Triple Crown Winner though since they’ve been a fan of the Warriors, Capitals, and Justify for a whole week and they all won titles on 3 consecutive days.

It’s that time again folks! The World Cup where you know, you actually pretend like you care about soccer for a couple of weeks every four years.  However, how much do you really care without the U.S. even playing this year? If it weren’t for the intrigue of seeing the phenomenon that is Mohamed Salah playing for Egypt, I could care less.  Since Egypt will probably be eliminated within a couple of games, my interest in the World Cup should last about as long as it does when the U.S. gets eliminated early most of the time.  Even if the U.S. ever did win the World Cup though, I don’t really think it would ever change the future growth of soccer in this country.  We are simply far too invested in other sports.

The Bachelorette is back on ABC tonight for those of you craving drama.  Who doesn’t wanna see a grown ass man throw a framed picture of a fake wedding frisbee style while screaming “send it”??!!  This TV show is the only world where it’s appropriate to hoe around with 20 guys at one time.  Gotta love the chicken guy accusing the model of “fowl play”.  If I had to take a drink every time i heard Arie’s name on the show I’d be dead within the first episode.  Jordan is clearly the new Corrine because he got naked in the first two episodes.  Wait until Krystal and Jordan end up on The Bachelor In Paradise.  That’s going to be a train wreck I can’t wait to watch.  I don’t want to see Rachel for another year.  She shows up more often on episodes than Drake shows up on NBA telecasts.

Finally, very sad news about the death of Anthony Bourdain last week.  Bourdain could make anybody that didn’t like to travel want to travel.  He could make any kind of food look very interesting and intriguing.  He found a way to inspire people, and in a world where people are not always so accepting of other cultures, he brought cultures closer together.  Nobody could tell stories around cultures like Bourdain, and his legacy can be defined by inspiring individuals in that way.

 

 

 

Monday Morning Coffee

June 4, 2018

The Cavs are now trailing the Warriors 2-0.  Has anybody told JR Smith that they aren’t leading the series?  Lebron James is playing like his house is on fire, and it doesn’t even matter.  This series is going to be a wrap this week.  JR Smith is now the Bill Buckner of basketball.  Lebron is playing against 4 all-stars, 2 MVP’s, 3 referees, JR Smith, Jordan Clarkson, and George Hill.  The man just can’t overcome all that, and after listening to his latest interview with Rachel Nichols, it doesn’t sound like he’s sticking around in Cleveland win or lose.

The fact the Lakers are even giving LiAngelo Ball an opportunity to workout for them is nothing more than a favor to Lavar Ball.  That’s also like doing a favor for a guy that smacks you upside the head every week.  LiAngelo can shoot, but he’s not an NBA prospect, and even Snoopy is six inches taller than him.  I suppose it might be a favor to Lonzo too, but if LiAngelo were to end up on the Lakers G-League team, or even their summer league team, it would be nothing more than a publicity stunt, and maybe a way to sell tickets.  I would like to think that Magic Johnson and Rob Pelinka are way above a publicity stunt like that.

If there’s one thing that might actually work in the Lakers’ favor when it comes to free agency, it’s that Philadelphia is much less of a destination for Lebron James after the Bryan Colangelo burner account incident.  In case you aren’t familiar with the story, the 76ers President had five different burner accounts on Twitter that are allegedly his, where he criticized his own players and other executives.  No way any big free agent signs with Philly if Colangelo sticks around since nobody would trust him.  Even Lebron’s got jokes about it…..

The good news for the Dodgers is that they are only 2.5 games out of 1st place because the NL West is sorry as hell, and Matt Kemp is having an MVP caliber season.  The bad news is that their entire regular starting rotation is injured.  Yes, I’m even including Alex Wood by giving him the courtesy of saying he’s injured, rather than total garbage.  The bigger problem though is Clayton Kershaw, and it feels like it’s the beginning of the end for him.  It was a really good ride while it lasted, but the man can no longer be counted on as a reliable ace that can stay healthy, and be your work horse all year long.  A few weeks ago the question was whether or not Kershaw would re-sign with the Dodgers when he opts out of his contract.  Now the question is if Kershaw will even opt out of that contract and at the moment, that answer has to be no.  This is another reminder to the Dodger front office that your window to win isn’t forever, and the Dodgers appear to have missed their window to win with Clayton Kershaw, who will go down as one of the greatest Dodger pitchers ever.

Meanwhile, Mike Scioscia picked up his 1600th win as the Angels’ skipper, putting him in 20th place all-time.  There’s no doubt that Scioscia should have been given the opportunity to manage the Dodgers after Tommy Lasorda, but people have lost some perspective.  In 18 years he has won one World Series, and lost three LCS appearances.  During that stretch the Dodgers have had five LCS appearances and one World Series appearance in which they lost in game 7.  The Dodgers have had five different managers over that stretch, so no way Scioscia’s track record would have kept him around as the Dodgers’ skipper to this day.  That also goes to show you where the level expectations are at for both franchises, whether that should or shouldn’t be the case. 

The Bachelorette is back on ABC, and episode 1 of the season just went down last Monday.  Does Becca get to keep that Ferrari she was driving? It certainly can’t be her’s and what a tragedy that she was driving it in automatic transmission.  I definitely feel like I need name tags for the first episode with all these guys.  Sorry Joe, I guess owning a grocery store doesn’t get you very far on this show.  The good news though is you’ve got plenty of women after you on social media who will be showing up at your grocery store in the next few weeks.  Joe does kind of look like a human Shrek though.  Too bad he wasn’t the villain or he’d be “Traitor Joe.”  This show is entertaining, but it’s getting harder and harder to convince the average person it’s not the dumbest show on television.  Still, we all watch, talk, write, and podcast about it.  If Colton is a virgin, then I’m Justin Timberlake.  Jordan is clearly the male version of Krystal.  Dude thinks this is Project Runway rather than The Bachelorette.  The more you listen to that guy talk, you just want to gargle with razor blades.  Looking forward to the next episode. Finally, The Walking Dead may be off the air right now, but some horribly disappointing news just leaked out relating to the show.  This is a major spoiler alert for those of you that don’t want to know, so read no further if that is the case.  Andrew Lincoln, the lead character who plays Rick, will be leaving the show after the first six episodes of the next season.  It’s also likely that Lauren Cohen, who plays Maggie, will be leaving the show as well.  Norman Reedus, who plays Daryl, is being offered $20 million to take the lead role.  This show is sinking faster than the Titanic.  No way Reedus can hold the show down by himself.  They already deviated from the comic tremendously with the death of Carl, and by eliminating 2 more major characters, I highly doubt this show survives beyond another two seasons, if that.  AMC needs to go back to the drawing board.

Monday Morning Coffee

May 28, 2018

Remember when Andrew Friedman and the rest of you naive haters thought Matt Kemp was acquired to be a salary dump? Well let’s review the timeline of Kemp’s revenge tour.  In December you thought it was just a salary dump when he was acquired.  In January you said he probably won’t even be at Spring Training.  In February, you said he was here, but probably won’t even make the team.  In March you thought he might make the team.  In April he was suddenly your opening day left fielder.  Now in May, he’s 3rd in the NL in hitting, and tops with runners in scoring position.  Most of you that don’t like him are probably just upset it wasn’t you that got the chance to get an STD from Rihanna.  The bottom line is that Kemp has always been able to hit, he is still one of the best offensive players on the team, and loves being a Dodgers.  Thanks to him, the Dodgers are still in the NL West hunt.

Meanwhile, it’s been a very rough month of May for the Angels.  The Halos should ask the league if they can just play all their games on the road because they are 10 games above .500 away from Anaheim, but just 5 games under at home.  Of course it would probably help if Kole Calhoun, Ian Kinsler, and Zack Cozart, weren’t hitting like little leaguers.  Not even Mike Trout can make up for the fact that 1/3rd of the lineup isn’t pulling their weight, especially when Shohei Ohtani can’t be an everyday player.  I don’t know if anybody has noticed but the Angels no longer have the worst farm system in baseball.  In fact, far from it.  Maybe it’s time Mike Scioscia play some of these kids like Jose Briceno, who hit a home run in his debut on Saturday.  How did Scioscia reward him? By chaining him to the bench on Sunday.

That should be the Celtics new logo after last night.  Nothing Lebron does amazes me anymore because I think he’s just that great.  His team is going to get waxed in the finals though when the Warriors play them.  Somehow the Rockets turned a 17-point lead into a 29-point loss in game 6. I’m not even sure the Clippers could have done that.  When the Warriors go into NBA 2K mode like that, Jesus Christ can’t beat them.  Now that CP3 is probably out tonight for game 7, the Rockets will definitely need Jesus to have a shot, and I have my doubts he’s available.  It’s no wonder James Harden never has enough energy to finish a game in this series.  He takes 10,000 dribbles and does 5,000 head fakes on nearly every isolation possession.  It was a nice ride for the Rockets, but the Warriors have got this.

What exactly is Paul George’s agent, Aaron Mintz trying to pull here? Mintz is the agent for Julius Randle as well, and felt the need to tell the media he doesn’t know where Randle is as a priority for the Lakers come July.  I don’t really think Mintz is this dumb.  Anyone with half a brain knows the Lakers priority is Lebron James, Paul George, and then Julius Randle.  According to Dean Blevins, a sports anchor in Oklahoma City, Mintz has been telling people George is going to re-sign.  Blevins also reported that Kevin Durant was going to re-sign with the Thunder two years ago, and we know how that went.   However, my conspiracy theory is that Mintz is telling people that George might really re-sign in OKC to get the Lakers to focus more attention on Randle, and possibly come to a satisfactory agreement with him as soon as the free agency period begins.

The Clippers finally made it official last week, signing Doc Rivers to a contract extension.  We live in a world where the Coach of the Year, Dwayne Casey, gets fired, and Doc Rivers misses the playoffs and gets extended.  I guess Steve Ballmer thought the saying goes “if it’s broke, don’t fix it.”  I nearly fell out of my chair laughing when I heard Ballmer say “Doc is one of the top coaches in the NBA.”  Has anybody told Steve this isn’t 2008 anymore?  Ballmer has probably advised his new front office to pursue Tim Duncan in free agency as well.  Like players, coaches’ performance can decline over time, and that’s exactly what has happened with Doc.  He built a culture that fell short of expectations, and wasn’t even compatible.  He’s a players coach and deserves another shot somewhere, but both sides need to move on from each other if the Clippers are truly serious about rebuilding.

Don’t let this NFL National Anthem story distract you from the fact that Tom Brady lost to a backup quarterback in the Super Bowl.  Seriously though, I’ve heard so much about this kneeling nonsense that I’d rather not even hear the National Anthem anymore before football games if it’s going to just divide people.  The NFL policy on the National Anthem has divided America. However America is united in agreeing that Joe Flacco is NOT an elite quarterback.  If the league were smart, this is the new policy they would implement……

The Stanley Cup Finals start tonight.  Before we get too caught up in it, let’s take a moment to pause and reflect that the Vegas Golden Knights or the Washington Capitals will win the Stanley Cup before the San Jose Sharks, St. Louis Blues or Vancouver Canucks.  I like how both Vegas and Washington totally defied tradition and touched the conference championship trophy.  I’ve never really understood the idea that road teams would be more distracted in Vegas than any other city.  Are there no distractions in New York, LA, Chicago, or Miami?  They travel to those cities all the time to play games and it’s never an issue.  The media made it a topic of conversation when speaking with Alex Ovechkin on media day.  Nevertheless, Vegas looks like a team of destiny, poised to take this series in no more than six games.

It’s the year 2018, which means you’re probably only watching network television shows if The Bachelor or The Bachelorette is on.  Well that means tonight you’re watching The Bachelorette, which has it’s season premier on ABC.  They say that Becca Kufrin, the new Bachelorette, has now forgiven Arie Luyendyk for dumping her on national TV.  Forgiven him? At this point she should be sending him as many thank you cards as you’ve received private policy emails in the last week.  Kufrin is entering this season as America’s sweetheart, who can probably do no wrong after the entire country is sympathizing with her.  Luyendyk has basically given her a lottery ticket that she is going to cash in.  Nevertheless, the real winners in all of this is America, which gets to be entertained by trash TV for the next couple of months.

Monday Morning Coffee

May 21, 2018

The only thing saving the Dodgers right now is that the NL West is trash, and that they have the Washington Nationals number.  Max Muncy sounds like the biggest scrub name of all-time, and the Dodgers have been counting on guys like that to keep their season afloat.  Pedro Baez has to be the worst Dodger of all-time, yet somehow he’s still on this team.  Andrew Friedman and Farhan Zaidi have been doing damage control all week long in the media.  I wonder why nobody asked them who picks out the lineup everyday: Siri or Alexa? Is it possible to demote these two clowns to Oklahoma City and bring up a new front office from the minors?  These analytics geeks in the front office keep focusing on stats like “launch angle”, but all I’ve seen this year from the team is a failure to launch.  When do pitchers and catchers report for 2019?

The Dodgers aren’t the only baseball team in SoCal having issues with their bullpen.  The other is the Angels, who’s biggest problem seems to be Mike Scioscia.  He completely blew it against the Astros last week letting a lefty face Jose Altuve with the bases loaded, while having a righty ready in the pen.  He refuses to let his starters go deeper into games, and instead chooses to rely on a mediocre pen.  As if that’s not bad enough, suddenly the Halos can’t hit pitchers who shouldn’t even be in the big leagues, which was the case against Tampa over the weekend.  Scioscia says he won’t stop Shohei Ohtani from participating in the Home Run Derby.  Will anybody stop Mike Scioscia from managing?  Probably not since Arte Moreno is more in love with him than everyone is with The Royal Wedding.

Now that the NBA lottery is behind us, the Lakers have officially paid their debt for the Steve Nash trade.  It only took six years.  However, it could have been a lot worse.  The trade cost the Lakers four draft picks, the most valuable being only the 10th pick this year.  How come nobody is talking about the free agency of Chris Paul? If things end badly in this playoff series for the Rockets, I wouldn’t count out the Lakers from pursuing him this summer, especially since he’s always wanted to play with Lebron.  It would also be sweet justice to finally have CP3 in purple and gold.  Now there’s even rumors that Karl-Anthony Towns is unhappy in Minnesota.  Perhaps Tom Thibodeau might be interested in a trade for his old pal Luol Deng? Even for Thibs, it would take a few shots of tequila to consider taking on Deng’s contract.

I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome back the LA Clippers to their rightful place: the NBA lottery.  The Clips will have the 12th and 13th pick in the NBA draft next month, but it would have been extremely “Clipper-esque” had one of their picks landed in the top 3, and going back to the Pistons.  i also love how the Clippers were not invited to the California Classic Summer League Tournament in Sacramento in early July.  Apparently nobody knows the Clippers play in LA, let alone in California, so they invited the Miami Heat instead.

The NBA Conference Finals has been more disappointing than surprising so far.  Just about every game has been a blowout.  Even the Washington Capitals and Chris Paul each have more conference finals wins than Lebron James this year.  After game 2, I was beginning to think Kevin Durant would try to find a way to sign with the Rockets before the series was over.  Brad Stevens has become such a good coach, some people would actually consider starting a franchise with him rather than a superstar player? More reasons why the NBA is a league where the fans and media become prisoner of the moment.  Here’s the difference between the Celtics at home and on the road…. Three years ago the internet melted down over a dress.  This past week it had a meltdown over some recording where you either hear “Yanny” or “Laurel”.  The way I see it, you either die a Yanny, or live long-enough to hear Laurel.  It’s Laurel all-day.  People who think it’s Yanny eat pizza with a fork and knife, don’t use turn signals, ask for SnapChat streaks, and film fights vertically on their phone.  More than anything though, people have way too much time on their hands.  I think it’s very clear what the recording is saying…..

Finally, why do we have such an obsession with The Royal Wedding? Didn’t we win a war hundreds of years ago so we didn’t have to care about it?  Besides, I’ve seen more pictures of David Beckham from the wedding than the royal couple themselves.  I’m sure that Trump is about to demand the DOJ to look into if Obama conspired to keep him from getting an invite to the wedding.  I didn’t realize that Meghan Markle was really marrying Carson Wentz…..

Monday Morning Coffee

May 14, 2018

Is it still too early for the Dodgers to panic? It’s their worst start since 1958, so it’s definitely time to jump off the Santa Monica pier.  They just got swept in four games at home by a team that isn’t even trying to win.  Joc Pederson is not only a useless Major League hitter, but he should be traded just for having a lame walk up song.  Cody Bellinger and Chris Taylor have regressed, doing nothing but swinging for the parking lot.  Even the front office nerds are getting nervous.  They have been trying to live off the young talent they didn’t even bring in years ago, and not supplement it with the pieces needed to make this team a World Champion by now.  Useless veterans like Brett Anderson, Scott Kazmir, Brandon McCarthy, and Logan Forsythe were never the answer.  Justin Verlander, Johnny Cueto, and Brian Dozier were.  It’s finally catching up to a team that just doesn’t look motivated, and whose window to win may actually be closing with Clayton Kershaw and Kenley Jansen on the decline.  Time to start trading pieces, but too bad one of them can’t be Andrew Friedman.

Meanwhile in Anaheim, the Angels are playing fantasy baseball.  Shohei Ohtani is dominating on the mound and at the plate.  He has more wins than Clayton Kershaw, a higher batting average than any Dodger, and more home runs than almost every player on that team.  Mike Trout is also having another MVP season as well, but apparently nobody has noticed.  If it weren’t for Cam Bedrosian giving away leads like he’s some type of charity, the Halos might actually be one of the best teams in the American League.  Oh, and most of you can actually watch their games too.  The Dodgers should try that sometime.

To the NBA, where the Cavs got blown out by the Celtics in game 1 of the East Finals.  With Cleveland losing by 20 at the end of the 1st quarter on a Sunday, it felt like football season never ended.  It was so bad that Lebron was trying to figure out how to sign with the Rockets by halftime. I still like the Cavs to win this series, but this is a gigantic coaching mismatch.  Brad Stevens vs Tyron Lue is like a high school senior vs a preschooler.  It’s adorable that some people actually think the Rockets can beat the Warriors in a 7-game series.  It’s also going to be funny when the series ends much faster than everyone anticipates.

You know it’s the NBA offseason in LA when people are making a big deal of Kawhi Leonard at a Dodger game, and Paul George at Disneyland.  The only amusing part of that story is the fact that Kawhi didn’t actually attend any Spurs playoff games, yet attended a Dodger game.  I’m still not convinced Kawhi is getting traded, let alone to the Lakers, but the odds of Paul George signing with the Lakers are excellent according to Vegas.  Heck, if Paul George doesn’t sign with the Lakers, it would be like Magic Johnson blowing a layup.

Do you realize that Clippers forward Danilo Gallinari is still injured? His hand has apparently yet to heal.  This guy is softer than cotton, and the $64 million they are paying him is looking worse by the minute.  The Clips might as well have invested in The Big Baller Brand.  The real investment question were waiting on is if DeAndre Jordan is going to opt out of the final year of his contract.  In other words, is there somebody dumb enough out there to pay him $20 million a year or more?  It’s the NBA, there’s always a sucker.

The Vegas Golden Knights may have lost game 1 of the conference finals, but they are changing the way you’re going to look at expansion teams from now on.  The Knights didn’t have to compete with another expansion team for players, and they had the benefit of teams only being able to protect 11 players rather than 15 in previous drafts.  It’s no wonder this team is contending for the cup! They were picking 1st and 2nd line players off of quality teams.  They weren’t going to pay a $500 million expansion fee unless the rules were favorable, and they were more than that.  Now you can expect any other expansion team coming in, like Seattle, to pillage other teams of their quality players when they come into the league.

Finally, do you guys realize that Ahmad Rashad has been married five times? His most recent was in 2016, to a woman who is 30 years younger than him.  You would think you’d probably throw in the towel on marriage after your third try.  Then again, when you see who he picked as his groomsmen for one of his weddings, you can see why he probably doesn’t have the best judgement.