Monday Morning Coffee

January 21, 2019

The Rams are back in the Super Bowl! It was just two seasons ago that this team was complete trash, and now they have a chance to win it all. I did not realize that you can now completely deck a receiver before he catches the ball. I feel bad that the Saints had to lose in that fashion, and I hate to see it happen to a guy as good as Drew Brees. However, they still had their chances. Sean McVay proved his genius once again, finding a way to make adjustments after his team went down 13-0 early on. As if blowing the lead wasn’t bad enough, you actually had to see Michael Thomas’ butt when he got tackled in the 1st quarter. I suppose it’s comforting knowing Todd Gurley just sucked, and isn’t really injured. Hopefully he gets his game back against the Patriots in two weeks.

Speaking of the Patriots, how could we be so foolish to bet against them? That’s like betting against Michael Jordan. Tom Brady must be so excited. I’m sure Giselle will reward him by allowing him to eat one extra almond. Just think how upset Andy Reid is knowing that he won’t get a free buffet at the White House. As great as Patrick Mahomes was this season, if the Chiefs can’t beat the Patriots this year, when will they ever beat them? New England is loaded with picks and cap space this coming offseason. As long as Brady is playing, the Pats will stay in contention.

Now that we learned that Kyrie Irving called Lebron to apologize to him, is it too early to start the highly irresponsible “Kyrie to the Lakers” rumor? It sure isn’t too early for Stephen A. Smith, who already floated the idea last week. Of course right when Lonzo Ball started to play well, he goes down with another injury. At least Lebron and Rondo will be coming back soon. Also, in case you haven’t noticed D’Angelo Russell is balling. So is Julius Randle. This is the same Russell and Randle everybody wanted to give up on. It’s a cautionary tale for those of you that want to trade Lonzo Ball, Brandon Ingram, or Kyle Kuzma for a bag of Doritos.

I have no idea what Andrew Friedman is trying to do for the Dodgers, but the optics are looking worse and worse by the day. He decided not to re-sign Yasmani Grandal, who only got a one year deal for $16 million. The Dodgers wouldn’t match that? Now Friedman is rumored to be shopping Joc Pederson, who is cheap and hits lots of home runs. In other words, the Dodgers have plenty of money, just added even more money, and aren’t spending it on anything to improve their team. I’ve never felt like Bryce Harper, Manny Machado, or Corey Kluber were necessary. Now I feel like they are or else this offseason is a total failure.

Then there’s the Angels, who have decided to take a different approach. Instead of not spending money, they have decided to spend it in a way that is similar to burning it. The latest blunder is signing Cody Allen to be their closer. Allen couldn’t close a hot dog stand last year, yet somehow will get $9 million. If the Halos are planning on keeping Mike Trout after two more seasons, they don’t seem to have a very good plan. They have signed a handful of players that have put them even further away from a playoff spot. I sure hope Trout likes Orange County, because that might be the only thing preventing him from signing with the Phillies in 2020.

I had no idea that tanking not only happened in the NBA, but also in the television industry. I mean that is the only explanation for why CBS decided to show the UCLA-USC basketball game on Saturday afternoon. UCLA should never lose to USC in basketball, yet somehow they managed to do it on national television. For just a moment, I was actually foolish enough to believe the Bruins might be able to win the PAC 12 after firing Steve Alford since the conference is so bad this year. However, it’s very clear that this team needs an elite coach to get back on track. Losing to your cross-town rival that is really a so called “football school” is unacceptable. Just ask USC how they feel about losing to UCLA this year in football.

Finally, episode 2 of The Bachelor went down on ABC last week. The woman with the air horn needed to be sent home immediately! Demi is like the “poor woman’s” version of Corrine, except I actually like Corrine and I can’t stand Demi. She looks like a woman that stars in a day-time drama on NBC that has an affair, poisons your kids, then kills you. How many Hannah’s and Ashley’s are on this show? I feel like the producers could easily be subbing contestants in and out during the commercials and we’d never know at this stage. It’s been two episodes and Nicole has cried twice already. Colton is so stressed he’s losing his eyelashes. How many times are you girls going to ask “why are you a virgin?” The more I see these girls, the more I understand that scene where Colton jumped over the fence. I didn’t realize the roses are like The Stanley Cup, where you can’t touch it unless you win it. Nobody has been this upset about a woman touching a rose since Beauty and The Beast. “Does she not have parents” is the new bachelor insult. Looking forward to watching more of this train wreck tonight.

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