Monday Morning Coffee

September 17, 2018

The Rams are pounding teams into dust.  Through two weeks, they already look like the best team in the NFL.  It’s early but I’m going to allow myself to become prisoner of the moment for now.  They are so good, they might not even need a kicker.  Turns out they might have to live without one for a while because Greg Zuerlein is hurt.  Their offense is clearly capable of scoring 30 points a game like they are playing a video game, and their defense can shut down opponents.  The only mystery is why they can’t sell out their games.  At one point yesterday, tickets for the home opener were going for as low as $4.  I can’t even go watch a crappy movie for that price.  My expectation is that the crowds will get bigger as the Rams continue to pile up the victories.  That’s just how it works in SoCal, but it doesn’t make people here bad sports fans because of it.

Meanwhile, the Chargers played a team that was so bad, their starting cornerback, Vontae Davis, decided to retire at halftime.  You would think that could only happen to the Cleveland Browns.  Honestly though, the Chargers should be ticked they gave up 20 points to a team as sorry as the Bills.  Buffalo should be demoted from the NFL to the MAC.  The bad news for the Bolts is that they have to go face the juggernaut that is the Rams next weekend at the Coliseum.  If the Bills can score 20 on the Chargers without Joey Bosa, aren’t the Rams going to be good for at least 40?  “The Battle For LA” might not be much of a battle at all.

Elsewhere around the NFL in Week 2, AJ Green has been charged with crimes against humanity for what he did to the Ravens on Thursday night.  Is Ryan Fitzpatrick the greatest quarterback of all-time, or just the greatest quarterback alive?  The Bucs took down the Eagles.  Pat Mahomes and the Chiefs are lighting the NFL on fire.  Mahomes is 19 years younger than Tom Brady, unless he’s actually God, which would make him much older.  Great News for Oakland marijuana dispensaries: Martavis Bryant is back! However, he couldn’t help the Raiders find the win column yesterday against the Broncos.  The Vikings found a new version of Blair Walsh, resulting in a tie with the Packers.  The Cleveland Browns did very Cleveland Brown like things against the Saints, losing in Brown like fashion.  Even Lebron was outraged by their kicker Zane Gonzales blowing the extra point…..

On to College Football where the Trojans got embarrassed by unranked Texas on Saturday night in Austin.  This isn’t 2005 and Texas doesn’t have Vince Young playing for them.  USC should have hammered Texas with all their blue chip talent.  Instead their offensive line got pushed around, and their play calling was as horrible as the food at the dive bars in Austin.  This is all on Clay Helton, and his Offensive Coordinator Tee Martin.  All of these guys are just nice guys, and not great leaders.  I’m beginning to think the same thing about Lynn Swann, who is starting to look like nothing more than a figurehead.  The players are talented, but every time I see them take the field, they look totally unprepared, and at this point, so do the coaches behind this mess.  The real issue though is that the Pac-12 South is awful, so it’s really not out of the question at all that USC could end up in the Conference Championship Game.  Then again, that might actually be the worst thing for the program because it would just keep them locked into a mediocre purgatory none of the Trojan faithful want to see.

I see you laughing Bruin fans, after reading that last paragraph.  I’m not sure why since your football team is garbage too.  I’ve seen very little that’s positive from the Chip Kelly era and when I look at the schedule, I’m beginning to ask myself when UCLA is even going to win a game.  They’ve been outscored 113-52, and the offense looks nothing like the innovative scheme we saw at Oregon.  At this rate, people are going to be boycotting Nike because they once made Chip Kelly look like a good coach.  I get that it’s early and I get that Kelly needs players, but there is a lot more to be concerned about than not with UCLA football.

Notre Dame has to be the worst 3-0 team in the country after escaping with a win against Vanderbilt. The Irish have looked worse than Catholicism in their last two wins.  BYU pulled off the upset over #6 Wisconsin.  The ginger ale was definitely flowing in Utah on Saturday night.  Florida State is now working on trying to schedule games against University of Phoenix, Devry, and Clarke School for the Deaf this season, so they actually have a chance to win a game.  Alabama went up 52-7 in their game against Mississippi, but Nick Saban was still losing his mind when his team settled for a field goal.  Ohio State is 3-0, Urban Meyer is coming back, and of course nobody at the school cares that he could care less about domestic abusers.

To baseball, where the Dodger performance against the Cardinals this weekend is another reason why this team is infuriating for fans to watch.  They take 3 of 4, and are still in the thick of the playoff race.  Yasiel Puig in particular, who decided for one weekend, he was going to show that when he’s focused, he can be one of the best players in baseball.  With two weeks to go, I wouldn’t be shocked if the Dodgers missed the post season completely, or went on a run and won the division and made it all the way to the World Series.  The inability to take care of business against the worst teams in the league could cost them.  So could their pathetic bullpen, and so could the front offices stupid computer program that switches the lineup everyday.  The computer program must have gotten a virus, because they actually played the hot hand this weekend in St. Louis.

We’re only 8 days away from start of Laker training camp.  With that being said, there’s tons of talk out there about who the Lakers should sign with their open roster spot after waiving Luol Deng.  Let me be clear about what they shouldn’t do with that spot.  Sign Andrew Bynum, Ray Allen, Jamal Crawford, or any other old guy.  No more old guys! I also don’t want to hear any more nonsense about Phil Jackson or Kobe Bryant.  Stop hanging on to the past people.  The Lakers always succeed when they turn the page and move on from their past, no matter how successful it was.  It worked when they hired Phil Jackson.  It worked when they traded Shaq.  It will work after they hired Magic Johnson.  Well…it will once Golden State decides to stop paying to keep a championship team together.

There’s usually nothing good to talk about when it comes to the Clippers.  Most of the time, they are nothing more than a great punching bag for bloggers, writers, and the Twitter universe.   However, perhaps the best thing about the Clippers is Ralph Lawler, their play-by-play man for the last four decades.  This season will be Ralph’s 40th, and just a few days ago, he announced he will be retiring upon its completion.  This man has endured 2,000 losses in more than 3,000 games.  While most of you probably think I’m trolling him, I’m really not.  He deserves to be inducted into the Hall of Fame.  For one man to endure that much losing and still bring the energy to the mic on a nightly basis, that takes some serious talent.  He is most definitely one of the better play-by-play men in the business, and should be honored for that.

Finally, I’m not saying that boxing is rigged or corrupt, but they certainly aren’t doing a lot to make us think that is isn’t corrupt after this weekend’s Canelo vs GGG fight.  Out of 51 media members polled, 34 scored the fight for GGG, 15 had it a draw, and 2 scored the fight for Canelo.  Yet Canelo still won.  I guess GGG’s check didn’t clear.  In any case, I’d gladly see these two guys fight again, but I don’t need to see Mayweather and Pacquiao hug each other in the ring for 2 hours, as Mayweather says is going to happen again.  I’m not sure how many of you are willing to fork over $100 for this nonsense, but I’m not one of them.

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