June 24th, 2013
Donald Sterling was hoping he could take the easy way out again. He was going to tell Chris Paul he tried to give him what he wanted and thought that would be good enough. Sterling turned out to be more naive than Manti Te’o, because Chris Paul wasn’t going to let up. Paul convinced Sterling to fork over 3 years and $21 million to Doc Rivers after a week of public pressure. The Clippers have now taken a huge step in transforming the culture of their team by adding one of the top coaches in the NBA. As a result, Paul is now expected to re-sign with Clippers in one week for 5 years and $107 million.
Now comes the tricky part. The Clippers would complete their identity change by acquiring Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce, but that will be impossible in a two team deal. David Stern has already informed both teams he will impose his dictatorship and veto this deal for no other reason, other than being an a-hole, and pissing off Marcellus Wiley and the remaining 10 Clipper fans. However, the Clippers may still be able to acquire Garnett in a 3 team trade, which would be hard for Stern to veto. At that point, how could Stern argue that the Rivers deal and the Garnett trade were contingent upon one another? Garnett may be older than the bible, but he could vault the Clippers into championship contention.
Meanwhile, the Lakers are bracing themselves for the departure of Dwight Howard. Laker general manager Mitch Kupchak mentioned to the media that Phil Jackson was serving as an un-official consultant for the team. Dwight has expressed his desire for Phil to be part of the organization, but we all know that really can’t happen until Jimmy Buss starts to play nice with his future brother in law. Maybe Jimmy is banking on the fact that Dwight changes his mind more than a teenage girl, however, even Donald Sterling was convinced to bring in someone to appease his star player. Are you really going to let Donald Sterling outsmart you Jimmy?
Yasiel Puig needs to be an all-star. In 19 games this season, he has easily been the best Dodger player, and the most exciting in the entire league. Of course baseball purists will say he hasn’t earned it, but I hear those people also enjoy watching paint dry. The MLB instituted a rule that every team needs to have at least one all-star, and Puig should certainly be that for the Dodgers, with all due respect to Clayton Kershaw. Besides, now that Bud Selig decided to make the all-star game determine home field advantage in the World Series, it’s that much more important to have a player like Puig in there, who is one of the hottest hitters in baseball. That would be a small consolation in a season from hell for the Dodgers.
Speaking of hell, the Angels were swept away by the Pittsburgh Pirates at the Big A this weekend. Does anybody realize how bad the pitching is for these guys? The Halos have now lost 8 times when they score at least 6 runs. If they had won just 5 of those games, they would be back at .500. Only 3 teams in all of baseball have a worse team ERA than the Angels, and one of them is the Houston Astros, who aren’t even trying!
Many Kings fans were surprised they didn’t get a bigger return for backup goaltender Jonathan Bernier, however, general manager Dean Lombardi really pulled off highway robbery. The only thing that pisses me off is that we helped out that two-face bastard Tim Leiweke. That guy deserves to go find his own damn goaltender after trashing Kings fans! In any case the Kings got two useful players, and Toronto payed a third of their salary. Sending Bernier out also improves their reputation of how they develop players. Plus, how can you not love your new backup goalie when he posts this on his twitter feed?
I’m hip! I’m with it! https://vine.co/v/bVUnQKwBLKl
I hope nobody in my keeper fantasy football league was planning on having Aaron Hernandez on their team this season. Even if he is somehow able to avoid jail time, Rodger Goodell is going to suspend this guy for eternity for being a dumb ass. Why does this guy feel the need to carry so many guns? He’s busy carrying guns, while Tom Brady is carrying the Patriots.
I just have one question for Kim and Kanye: WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? North West? I wonder how old that child will be when she comes to the realization that her parents were senseless morons? Then again, by that age, I’m pretty sure that her parents will be long separated by then, since Kim changes partners more frequently than a Nascar Driver changes tires.
Doesn’t the name “Edward Snowden” make you think we are talking about some Game of Thrones character? Everyone is all up in arms about their rights when this story came out, but people are freaking out over nothing. The US government isn’t reading emails and listening to phone conversations to find out what color panties your girlfriend is wearing. As long as you aren’t talking to Al Qaeda, or some other terrorist group, I’m pretty sure the government doesn’t really care. I don’t complain when I have to go through a long security process at the airport because it keeps the airport safe. I see this the same way. As for Snowden, who is now in Russia, here’s an idea: Putin should give the U.S. Snowden and Robert Craft’s Super Bowl Ring, and we’ll give them George Zimmerman and Frank McCourt.
Finally, watching Nic Wallenda’s high wire across the Grand Canyon on Discovery was one of the most amazing, and simultaneously, one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen. For a man who has made Christianity such a focal point in his life, even Jesus has to be wondering what kind of idiot would high wire across the Grand Canyon in jeans? Obviously, if this guy were blacked out drunk he could still pass a sobriety test with skills like that. I love how he jogged across the wire for the last few feet as well.