August 9, 2021

One-week later, I suddenly don’t mind the Lakers adding Russell Westbrook to their team. That’s because Rob Pelinka should be arrested for shoplifting. Kendrick Nunn for the tax payer MLE? Malik Monk for the minimum? Carmelo and Dwight for the minimum? They now have the shooting they were missing, they can still defend, and they aren’t nearly as old as you think they are. Heck, the average age of the Nets is older than the Lakers. Then there’s Dennis Schroder, who really flexed his muscle didn’t he? He’s probably calling Verizon and asking why his phone isn’t working because nobody is calling him. I wonder who fires who first: him or his agent? In all seriousness though, he’s still a solid player who made a poor decision, but it’s unfortunate the Lakers have no place for him now. Glad to see Frank Vogel get the contract extension he deserved because the Lakers typically pay as much for coaches as you pay for chicken nuggets. I’m super disappointed about Alex Caruso though. As punishment for tampering, the Bulls should have to pay Caruso’s salary against the cap and send him back to LA. However, the bottom line is that if the Lakers stay healthy, they have a great chance to come out of the West and potentially win an NBA Championship.

As for the Clippers, their offseason has been rather uneventful and that’s probably the way they preferred it. Kawhi waited for five days to tell the Clippers he was coming back. However, that’s also because nobody was willing to wait around for him while other free agents were signed. I’m sure they also didn’t want to listed to Uncle Dennis ask for Yachts and Private Planes in Kawhi’s next contract. The Clips did manage to sign Justice Winslow, while retaining Nic Batum and Reggie Jackson. Given that Kawhi didn’t exactly make his commitment public, it probably made it difficult for the Clips to do anything beyond that anyway, since free agents had to be wondering about him. Everyone is also wondering about his health, and Lawrence Frank didn’t make anybody feel better about it because he suggested he’s going to be out for a while. A while might be all of next season, which definitely puts a limit on how far the Clippers might be able to go.

Elsewhere around NBA free agency, it’s safe to say the biggest winners were the Lakers, Suns, Kyle Lowry’s tax returns, Trevor Ariza’s real estate broker, FIBA, and Duncan Robinson’s podcast producer. The biggest losers were the Kings, Colby White, the NFL Players Association, all of Chris Broussard’s “sources”, Cameron Payne’s agent, and whoever cleaned Benny The Bull’s popcorn mess. Also, the Blazers, T-Wolves, and Pelicans might as well just trade their stars now since the executives running those teams look they can’t even run a hot dog stand right now.

To baseball, where the Dodgers continue to frustrate their fans. Or maybe it’s just that the Giants are frustrating the Dodgers because their NL West lead keeps getting bigger. The Dodgers took 2 of 3 from the Angels over the weekend, but there is concern. Max Scherzer and Trea Turner look amazing, but Clayton Kershaw is not coming back until September, and Trevor Bauer doesn’t appear to be coming back at all. Bauer’s attorneys keep leaking text messages that might as well be straight out of Porn Hub due to their graphic nature. I’m beginning to lose confidence in the bullpen, and when the game goes into extra innings this season, you might as well beat the traffic because the Dodgers are going to lose. I’m also still wondering what the hell is up with Cody Bellinger’s swing. This dude was an MVP two years ago, and now he can’t even bat .200. I feel like the Dodgers hitting coaches should be fired just for mismanaging that. Yes, on paper this team looks amazing. But right now they don’t play on paper which is a problem.

Meanwhile, the Angels sound like they are waiving the white flag on the season, even before their series with the Dodgers. The Halos started Sunday 7 games back in the AL Wild Card and 10 games back in the AL West. Anthony Rendon is now out for the season and Mike Trout might be done as well. Reid Detmers and Chris Rodriguez are getting called up, along with Jo Adell and Brandon Marsh. This is as close to a rebuild as the Angels can get. They have refused to admit they are rebuilding with Mike Trout on their roster. Now that Trout is hurt, they can at least pretend like they are. The Halos did a pretty good job of pretending to be buyers at the trade deadline, and now they are pretending to rebuild. It’s cute and all, but ultimately this team needs to figure out how to get wins against Oakland and Houston. Every time you think the team is going to turn the corner, the A’s smack them right back into their place and remind them just how far away they are. That feeling is probably here to stay for at least the rest of the season.

The Summer Olympics wrapped up last night with the closing Ceremony. After all that talk about the US disappointing, They finished with the most medals and most gold medals of any country, . Sure, we didn’t see as much of Simone Biles as we wanted. Sure, we wanted more gold medals from the men’s track team. However, men’s and women’s basketball, women’s water polo, and women’s beach and indoor volleyball claimed gold. Watching Allyson Felix was a pleasure, and I’m very happy she won a gold in her last Olympic event. Also, when the US gets a medal over a Kenyan in any long distance running event, it might as well count as multiple golds. There were plenty of wonderful moments for the athletes that represented our country. I also love how the Russian team, who cannot call themselves “The Russian Team” because they’ve been banned for cheating, is outraged at the possibility that there may be cheating going on in rhythmic gymnastics judging. I’m gonna miss the games, but I’m definitely worried about their future. There’s only a few countries that can support hosting the games without bankrupting their entire country. If the IOC actually gave a damn, they would do something about this. However, why would we think one of the most corrupt organizations in the world would care?

Finally, the Bachelorette is back tonight on ABC with the season finale. Well we’re down to two dudes left. One of them is nothing but an expert in funny faces, and the other is as boring as watching paint dry. I’m not sure which side of the Greg-Katie breakup you’re on, but I’m on Team Greg here. Say what you will about his obnoxious attachment style, but he poured his heart out to Katie. Instead all he heard back was “I love looking at you.” Sure he needs a good therapist, but who on that show doesn’t? For those of you that say she didn’t need to say she loves him in that moment, this is The Bachelorette. She’s dating 2 other dudes, so of course he needs to hear it. Anybody that uses the word “gaslighting” when describing Greg must have some kind of emotional PTSD from a bad relationship. Homie is supposed to propose in two weeks so he needs at least a little affirmation.