Monday Morning Coffee

August 26, 2019

Dwight Howard has officially signed with the Lakers.  Since his contract isn’t guaranteed, I’m sure he will just rent a room at Bruce Jenner’s house for the time being.  This man actually had to beg and convince every player on the team that he has changed.  I guess they figure the last 6 teams he’s ruined we’re isolated incidents.  Either that or Anthony Davis really hates playing center.  Sure if he buys into this role he could be impactful, but I wouldn’t trust this dude to order lunch for me.  Buying into his role is something Dwight has never done.  This guy was a disgrace the last time he was a Laker, and should be cut after the first lame joke he makes in the locker room that nobody laughs at.

To the NFL where the Rams have announced they have added a new Casa Mexico Sky Deck to the Coliseum, where fans can enjoy watching the game.  The deck is sponsored by Casa Mexico Tequila, which makes sense because the Rams offense played like it had a Tequila hangover in Super Bowl.  I sure hope Todd Gurley is going to be durable enough this year to make the offense look like it did for most of last season.  He’s the difference.  As for Sean McVay, everyone is still looking for “the next Sean McVay” to be their head coach.  However, it would probably be a lot easier to just not play your starters in any preseason game like McVay does.  That goes for Bill O’Brien in Houston, who played Lamar Miller over the weekend, resulting in a season-ending ACL injury.

In baseball, the Dodgers went at it with Yankees over the weekend at the Ravine.  I’m not sure if anybody has actually told Andrew Friedman and Stan Kasten this, but the Dodgers don’t get to play the D’Backs or Rockies in the playoffs, or even the World Series if they are fortunate enough to get that far.  I’m having my doubts they are aware, because anytime the Dodgers play the likes of the Astros, Yankees, or other AL powerhouse teams, they look extremely exposed, if not over-matched at times.  Friday night was a classic example of that when the Yankees crushed homer after homer.  Then despite winning Saturday, Kenley Jansen continues to look like a batting practice pitcher.  It’s only getting worse by the outing, and this man is going to cost the Dodgers in the playoffs.  It’s inevitable.  Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be another replacement in the pen for him. Oh, and then they got crushed again yesterday against the Bronx Bombers, once again, in those silly pajamas they call uniforms.  This is going to be another terrible ending to a movie we’ve already seen a few times in October.

Angels GM Billy Eppler must think he’s playing poker and not running a baseball team.  The Angels have 3 five’s and a pair of threes, which would be a full house in poker.  However in the MLB, that means you have a bag of garbage and won’t win much.  The Halos need pitching, and they need to figure out why all their pitchers keep getting elbow injuries.  The latest is Griffin Canning, who is getting shut down for the season.  Knowing the Angels’ luck, we should expect him to get Tommy Johns next season.  Can’t blame this one on Mike Scioscia guys.  Time to find a new scapegoat.

Team USA Basketball actually lost a game  over the weekend to Australia.  It may have been an exhibition, but now Trump is probably going to build a wall around the Great Barrier Reef to prevent the Aussies from coming to the US.  In all seriousness though, the rest of the world has gotten so much better at basketball, we can’t even send the “B-Team” anymore and win.  For all of you that want to go back to sending college kids to the Olympics for basketball, we wouldn’t stand a chance.  Heck, most of these other international squads have multiple NBA players on them anyway, which would give college kids no chance to win anything.  Then again, I guess some of you just don’t like winning.

The College Football preseason polls are out and you would have an easier time trying to find a needle in a stack of needles than trying to find USC.  There are five Pac-12 teams in the Top 25 and none of them are USC.  Interestingly enough, the Trojans were picked to finish 2nd by the media in the Pac-12 South, yet the National Media doesn’t even consider them one of the 25 best teams in the country.  That tells you everything you need to know about what the media thinks of their coaching.   USC actually received exactly 1 vote from a media member in the AP Poll under “others receiving votes”.  Whoever that is must have been drinking with a couple of the fraternity houses when voting.  I also like how new Offensive Coordinator Graham Harrell says backup freshman QB, Kedon Slovis, is as good a talent as he’s ever seen.   Well if he’s that good then why isn’t he starting over JT Daniels? Sounds like more coaching disaster at USC.

Andrew Luck abruptly retired over the weekend, shocking the football world.  I guess he should have checked with all of you people on Twitter before doing so, because you obviously didn’t take the news too well.  Look, it’s sad we never got to see him have a long career, but the man has a right to do what he wants, so leave him alone.   In the case of you Fantasy Football idiots that are complaining, if any of you actually did your homework you would know that drafting him or any Colts player was risky, given the injury news surrounding him the last few weeks.  Then there’s Doug Gottlieb, who basically thinks that he’s quitting, and is soft because he’s “a millennial”.  Well gee Doug, stealing your roommate’s credit card, and bitching about Millennials is the most “Gen X thing” ever.

Finally, OJ Simpson actually drafted Andrew Luck in his fantasy football league, and as usual, he got roasted for bitching about it. It’s only fitting that Andrew Luck’s retirement murdered OJ Simpson’s fantasy football team, since he murdered his ex-wife and her boyfriend. I guess you won’t be able to slaughter the competition now OJ. Looks like he really stabbed you in the back OJ. Ok, I’m done now. However, it absolutely amazes me that there is somebody out there that wanted OJ Simpson in their fantasy football league.

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