Monday Morning Coffee

February 4, 2019

I think I just witnessed the worst Super Bowl of all-time. The Rams offense disappeared faster than Adam Levine’s shirt at halftime. The offensive line couldn’t protect Jared Goff or open any holes for Todd Gurley. I doubt Gurley is healthy, and the Rams missed Cooper Kupp more than ever. We also didn’t see the offensive creativity of Sean McVay we saw in previous weeks. The best quarterback at the Super Bowl yesterday was actually Tony Romo, and he didn’t even play. It was a great season for the Rams, and you can’t be upset about losing to the greatest QB and coach of all-time, but the way they lost was disheartening. The Rams might contend again, but to make matters worse, their road to get back here won’t be easy with the Saints, Bears, and Eagles ready to re-load. The Patriots won’t be going away anytime soon either.

Imagine paying $7000 to attend that Super Bowl. That was a bigger rip off than attending Fyre Festival. I’d be wondering if there was a soccer game I could go watch, in hopes of finding more scoring. Even watching at home was terrible because the commercials were AWFUL. The only decent commercial was the Bud Light Game of Thrones ad. As for the halftime show, I consider Adam Levine talented, but watching him dance reminded me of that dad who tries to keep up to date with all the “hip fads”. Sorry but I think most people were more offended seeing Adam Levine’s nipples at halftime than Janet Jackson’s a few years ago. Levine also looks like a Chipotle Bag.

On to the NBA, where the Lakers are doing everything they can to acquire Anthony Davis before Thursday’s trade deadline. I’m sure the Pelicans would be willing to trade him for Lonzo Ball, Brandon Ingram, Kyle Kuzma, Wilt Chamberlain in his prime, a re-do of the NFC Championship game, and some smog to be named later. I have my doubts the Pelicans will be motivated enough to do a deal before Thursday. The Lakers just need to get Lebron playing every game the rest of the way to make the playoffs. However, Lebron is likely going to sit out Tuesday’s game with carpel tunnel for using the ESPN Trade Machine every 5 minutes.

😂😂😂— The Fake ESPN (@TheFakeESPN) January 29, 2019

I’ve maintained the belief for quite some time that the NBA is full of executives and owners that are idiots. The New York Knicks are only strengthening my belief in that idea, especially after trading Kristaps Porzingas to the Mavericks for nothing more than cap space. If the Knicks proposed this deal on Shark Tank, Mark Cuban would have laughed them out of the room and Mr. Wonderful would have insulted them. You don’t trade a 23-year old cost controlled all-star to go chase free agents. Even if the Knicks are lucky enough to sign Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving, at minimum this is poor planning because they knew this free agent class was going to be great. Whenever you feel bad about your team, just be thankful it’s not the Knicks.

In completely unsurprising college basketball news, UCLA got blown out by Washington on Saturday. Cody Riley missing a dunk and then getting a technical foul for hanging on the rim is 2019 UCLA Basketball at its finest. They turned the ball over 18 times in the first half alone. I haven’t seen basketball that bad since the last time they played. Even more ridiculous is the internet generating rumors that Luke Walton should be the next UCLA head coach. The more I watch this team play, the more ill I feel. It also makes me a lot warmer to the idea of Rick Pitino coaching the team. Not only does UCLA need to figure out how to win, they also need to figure out how to make themselves relevant in the Los Angeles sports market. Only Pitino can do that.

The USC football program finally hired an offensive coordinator. It was Graham Harrell, who was previously the Offensive Coordinator at North Texas. This is like making a movie where you have to settle for Liam Hemsworth as the lead actor because you can’t get Ryan Gosling. That’s what it’s come to folks. Hiring a Sunbelt coach as your OC who didn’t even call the plays. I realize that beggars can’t be choosers given the position the program is in, but this is a completely unimaginative hire by Lynn Swann, who is totally in over his head. I guess Swann was looking for anybody who is young, looks like Sean McVay, and has heard of the Air Raid offense. It feels like we are are inevitably reaching the point in a year from now where the Trojans will be looking for a new Head Coach, if not a new Athletic Director.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelor went down on ABC last week, and it returns tonight. I love when Chris Harrison parachutes in at the beginning of the episode fresh off of 9 holes of golf and a massage. Must be a tough life. If everyone that hated Demi is gone, and Hanna B and Caelynn are good, why would Colton still be jumping over the fence? Suddenly, Demi is really growing on me. Heather is definitely going to have her first kiss on national TV next week. I like how Colton really had to muster up some mental strength just to remember who Courtney is. Cassie is looking really strong right now and a good bet to win this. If she doesn’t I can easily see her as the next Bachelorette. Colton has no problem calling these girls out, and seems like a much better dude than the previous two Bachelor’s, who had the combined personality of a raisin. I believe last week was the first time in the history of the show that two people had beef, talked it over, and actually worked something out. I’m not sure what’s gotten into the producers. I didn’t actually think Colton was a virgin until I saw this photo of him.

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