Category Archives: Morning Coffee

Monday Morning Coffee

March 11, 2019

Things keep going from bad to worse for the Lakers. The optics are probably much worse than things really are, but optics matter with free agency meaning so much to them this summer. Those optics make the team look like they have reincarnated the twighlight years of Kobe’s career with Lebron in LA. Of course things looked like they were going well before Lebron got hurt, but shortly after that the team decided to give up playing defense for Lent. If this is going to work moving forward, the Lakers need to make sensible decisions around keeping and developing the young players they have drafted and developed. Hopefully Brandon Ingram will be ok and be part of that future. In the meantime though, they would be wise to lose as many games as possible between now and the end of the season to get another high draft pick.

Speaking of optics, the media is suddenly driving a narrative that the Clippers are the more stable and better franchise currently in LA. Except Stephen A Smith is hearing that Doc Rivers of all people could be a strong candidate to replace Luke Walton as the Lakers head coach. Seeing Doc Rivers coaching the Lakers would be more awkward than seeing Donald Trump at a women’s rights march. However, the simple fact that this is even being floated as a possibility tells you everything you need to know about the Clippers. If they are such a stable and desirable franchise, why would Doc Rivers even consider leaving for the more unstable franchise across the hall?

To baseball where the Dodgers are already having injury problems. Let me get this straight: Joe Kelly can stand up for the duration of the National Anthem, but he injures his back while cooking Cajun food standing too long in the kitchen? This kind of nonsense could only happen to baseball players, and usually ones that are signed by Andrew Friedman. Let’s just hope that Clayton Kershaw doesn’t injure his arm eating that food, or that Kenley Jansen doesn’t get heartburn from eating it. If Kershaw and Jansen aren’t as elite as they have been in the past, this Dodger team has no chance of winning a World Series. Without them they have depth, but not enough quality talent in crucial roles to finally win a championship. So far, it looks like those two pitchers are in decline this spring, so keep and eye on that. I’m also keeping an eye on Stan Kasten, who says he’s been working on the TV deal everyday. Since the Dodgers are only on one cable provider for the 6th straight year, Kasten is either a liar, or really bad at his job.

Meanwhile, the Angels are in the midst of trying to manage the slowly escalating drama surrounding Mike Trout’s free agency in two years. The Halos tattling to the MLB about Bryce Harper tampering with Trout is like calling the FBI when someone steals $5 from you. Trout is phenomenal, but the Angels haven’t won anything with him, so I can’t imagine they would be far less successful without him, especially if they can get some nice assets for him. If Trout doesn’t sign an extension in the next year, the sensible thing to do would be to trade him, and nobody should lose any sleep over it. It’s probably going to take more than the 10 years and $350 million though that the Angels are considering offering.

You didn’t really think that UCLA basketball was going to avoid disappointing you this weekend did you? Just when you thought they were going to get a first round bye in the Pac 12 Tournament, they lose to Colorado and Utah and free fall to the 7th seed. There’s part of me that just wants this embarrassment to end on Wednesday night with a loss to Stanford. Every time this team takes the court they find a way to make themselves look worse in front of every single coach in the nation that might be considering taking the job. Whether it’s lack of fan support or mediocre talent, I feel like the less we see from them between now and next year the better.

The Raiders might be interesting this year, but I wouldn’t count on them being very good. Acquiring Antonio Brown from the Steelers, even for just a 3rd and 5th round pick, is like buying a Ferrari when you need to put a new roof on top of your house, and fix a giant hole in the floor. Now there’s talk of Jon Gruden trying to sign Le’Veon Bell. There’s nothing like recreating a team that won absolutely nothing together during the most productive years of their career. It’s like Al Davis is still running the Raiders.

Last night another episode of The Walking Dead went down on AMC. Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if you plan on watching it later. That was one hell of a fight between Beta and Daryl, and more than lived up to the hype of the previews. It was like watching Daryl fight The Undertaker. I have a feeling most of you were just concerned that the dog was going to die. It’s going to take more than a fall down an elevator shaft though to kill that beast. Henry is killing me. That dude is about two seconds away from “looking at the flowers.” Daryl is a badass and all, but even Henry is getting tail during the apocalypse, while Daryl has been shutdown for nine seasons. How can you trust a girl who eats worms? These last three episodes are going to be epic. Something tells me though we’re going to see some shocking deaths by the time it’s over though.

Finally, the final two episodes of The Bachelor are going down on ABC the next two nights. Colton finally jumped the fence last week! That fence got more air time than half the girls on the show this season. I like how Colton birdboxed this whole situation when every girl on the show warned him that Cassie wasn’t ready for marriage. All I heard from Cassie for two hours straight was “so like I am like not sure like I am like in love with you like I don’t know.” This women is actually a speech pathologist? Chris Harris was probably really upset he had to put down his mimosa and get dressed really fast for “the most dramatic moment in Bachelor history”, or so he described. Next season, Chris should make sure they order electric fences to prevent this from happening. How is Colton going to go out on a date with Hannah or even go back to Taysha pretending like nothing happened? Then again, Hannah is probably more concerned with coming up with her next rap song. The Women Tell All was a little underwhelming though. I don’t feel like anybody in the back row even spoke. However, I did get a good laugh out of Demi calling Courtney a bed bug. Looking forward to seeing how this thing ends!

Monday Morning Coffee

March 4, 2019

It’s bad Laker fans. The playoffs aren’t happening anymore. It’s so bad, that the fans are hitting more shots at halftime than many players are during the games. 19 games aren’t enough time to make up a 4.5 game deficit. However, don’t try to tell me Lebron is too old. His numbers are in line with his career averages, and he’s got the highest PER in the league. Don’t also try to tell me that the young players suck, because Brandon Ingram looks one of the best young players in the league. Luke Walton’s lineups might have some issues, but this is ultimately flawed roster construction on the part of the front office, and Lebron because he signed off on most of these veteran clowns. Now it feels like the odds of signing a big time free agent this summer are worse than the odds of winning the Power Ball. At least we can try to enjoy some of the humor coming out of this.

Stephen A. Smith on the Lakers and Lebron James 🗣🏀😂— Cool Slim (@Ayye_pap) March 3, 2019

I’ll give the Clippers credit for playing hard every night and pushing for the playoffs. However, they are still the Clippers, and can’t get out of their own way when it comes to embarrassing themselves one way or another. The latest example of this is when Ralph Lawler and Don MacLean mocked Robert “Tractor” Traylor the other night, suggesting he is playing in the YMCA. For those you too young to remember this, Traylor died in 2011. Slightly insensitive, and even though Ralph Lawler apologized for it, if this happened with another franchise that people gave a damn about it would make far more headlines.

I’m not terribly upset that the Dodgers didn’t sign Bryce Harper to a ridiculous 13-year deal that he signed with the Phillies. Frankly, even the $180 million they offered him for 4 years was ridiculous enough for a guy who hit .240. What does kill me though is the fact the Dodgers gave away Yasiel Puig and Matt Kemp for nothing. That’s 40 home runs at a great value they gave away and got nothing in return for. At this point if there is one thing the Dodgers need it’s an elite starter. Corey Kluber should have been that guy, but instead Friedman was content to do little to improve the team.

The Angels don’t have many options for a new stadium. They can’t move to LA County, and it’s hard to imagine them getting a new stadium in a place like Tustin or Irvine. That’s why this story about them looking into a new stadium in Long Beach made headlines last week. A waterfront stadium would be interesting and could be the 2nd coming of AT&T Park, one of the most beautiful stadiums in the country. However, the traffic is going to be hell, there’s not a chance the taxpayers would pay for it, and the Halos really belong in Anaheim. Ultimately, this is just to create more leverage with the city to make improvements to Anaheim Stadium.

UCLA beat USC on the basketball court last week. And barely. Should we be excited? Should we throw a parade in Westwood? It’s gotten so pathetic that UCLA gymnastics is suddenly the profile sport at the school. Every time this team plays it makes me think that there chance of landing an elite coach gets further damaged. However, the Pac-12 is so awful, I would not be shocked at all if the Bruins won the Pac-12 tournament. The winner of that tournament should be the only one in the conference that plays in field of 68.

Another episode of The Walking Dead went down on AMC last night and it was pretty solid. Henry is such a fool. I can’t say I would have been terribly heartbroken had he been killed by the Whisperers. However, it was pretty amusing seeing his reaction to Alpha killing two people. Apparently when you interview for a spot in the Whisperer’s camp, if you can custom fit masks out of human flesh you’re in. If I were Negan, I wouldn’t want to leave my cell either after seeing Beta and Alpha in action. Alpha passed some dude his wife’s head like she was passing the potatoes at dinner. Judith totally just dropped the mic on her mom, by telling Michonne that she changed. I can’t wait for Carol to find out about Alpha and take her on. That’s going to be one gigantic clash of the titans. I’m also looking forward to the epic showdown between Daryl and Beta next week.

Finally, The Bachelor is back on ABC tonight and we’re down to just 3 girls for Colton. I still can’t believe some of you really thought Cassie was going home last week. You can’t hate on his choices though. He wants someone to push him out of his comfort zone, and Caelynn just took him to get ice cream. I still think Caelynn was a better choice than Tayshia though. This must be your first time watching the show if you fell for that. Colton just jumped out a plane that was 13,000 feet in the air, but we’re all more excited to see him jump over an 8 foot fence. It is so incredibly awkward and such an eye rolling moment seeing Colton ask four different fathers for permission to marry their daughters, and try to explain that he’s falling in love with each of them. You know it’s sad when Hannah rapping is the most personality she’s ever shown. I still like Cassie to win the whole thing, but looking forward to seeing the finale.

Monday Morning Coffee

February 25, 2019

I know I’ve been pretty optimistic about the Lakers getting back in the playoffs, but it’s hard to after this weekend. Lebron has gone from throwing his teammates under the bus to driving the team bus away without Luke Walton on it. I have no problem with Lebron questioning the commitment of certain guys on the team, but it is fair to question his commitment to playing defense. It’s hard to imagine a team with Lebron James on it not making the playoffs, but if it happens, the blame falls on both James and the front office. They are the lunatics that put this roster together, when most of the lunatics on this team should be put in an insane asylum. Better start getting some W’s fast.

Then there’s the Clippers, are who still clinging to a playoff spot the way that red head clung to Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers. The Clips are actually living proof that tanking occurs at the front office level, but not at the player level. How else do you explain the team trading their best player for a bag of potato chips, yet the players are still playing hard enough to be in the playoffs? I don’t buy Steve Ballmer’s act for one second, when he came on Inside The NBA last week and said that he wants the team to make the playoffs. That appearance made me think that Ballmer has to be doing cocaine.

To baseball where the Angels have to be in total denial to not be devastated by Mike Trout’s comments on his future with the Halos. Last week Trout said “I don’t want to comment on that” when asked if he wanted to remain in an Angels uniform after the next two seasons. I’d give this one more season, then move him for as many assets as you can get. This isn’t the NBA folks. One player doesn’t make or break your franchise, even if Trout is one of the best of all-time. This has nothing to do with money. I think the Angels would pay what they had to, but Trout sounds like a guy who has already decided he’s going to play for the Phillies. On the bright side though, the Angels would probably get some really good Major League talent for him. Good thing Artie Moreno is committed to lowering beer prices because the fans are going to need a lot of booze to get through this season.

Don’t be fooled by the rumors folks. The Dodgers aren’t going to sign Bryce Harper. Andrew Friedman will show up naked at a nerdy Star Wars convention before signing anybody to a 10-year deal, let alone one for over $300 million. This is nothing but smoke and mirrors to make the Dodgers look like they tried to appease their fans.

UCLA managed to beat Oregon on Saturday night at Pauley. Oregon was probably too blinded by the ugliness of their jerseys to play well. As if the Bruins Basketball Program isn’t embarrassing enough these days, the athletic department thought it would be a good idea to put bright white signs on the empty seats in the arena. Brilliant! Let’s make it 10x more obvious that nobody goes to watch UCLA basketball anymore! I think the crowd cared a lot more about that free sandwich that is normally 2 dollars than the Bruins have cared about basketball all season. By the way, UCLA’s combined basketball and football record in 2018-2019 is 17-23. That’s 2nd worst in the Pac-12 to only Cal. Nice job Dan Guerrero.

So Zion Williamson’s shoe exploded on Wednesday night and everybody thinks he shouldn’t play college basketball anymore. I’m sure everyone that paid $3k for a ticket to that game had their head explode as well. Look, I’ve come around to the idea that the NCAA should compensate their athletes in some form or another that’s more than scholarships. However, Zion is also using the College Basketball platform in some ways, just like the NCAA is using him. If he doesn’t like that, he can go to Europe to get paid. Zion is also the exception to the rule. For every Zion, Lebron, and Kobe, there’s a ton of other kids that think they are going to the NBA but really have no chance. Allowing high school kids to enter the NBA draft will only continue to ruin the quality of NBA and NCAA basketball.

It’s only February and the USC football program is insisting on making itself a public disaster. Last week they got a bunch of concerned alums together and Lynn Swann could only make people feel worse. He basically said success is defined as keeping the program out of trouble and graduating kids. He didn’t even say winning the Pac-12. He also implied that Clay Helton is a guy who is mediocre but good enough to get the job done. Well at least if you paid $85 for that event you got to hear Swann sing. The Trojans are now resorting to humiliating themselves and their alums both on and off the field.

In the NFL, I know you’re asking the question: should the Rams trade for Antonio Brown? The answer is definitely not. Sean McVay is a genius and all, and while he’d probably get Brown to shut up and play good football, it’s just not necessary. The Rams need to spend their money keeping their offense together, and upgrading their defense. Not on some prima donna receiver who should be keeping his phone in airplane mode.

The Oscars went down last night in case you didn’t know. The show is much better without a host. How was Ron Miller, the former CEO of Disney who just passed away, not honored? Those saying Rami didn’t deserve best actor “because he lip-synched” don’t get it. His performance goes way beyond that. Glad Black Panther took home some hardware. I need to see Green Book.

Another intense episode of The Walking Dead went down on AMC last night. Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if you plan on watching it later. These were the most horrifying minutes on the walking dead ever! A deaf person holding a crying baby escaping from walkers was just bone chilling. Every time Henry does something stupid I want to throw my TV set across the room. Jerry and Ezekiel are getting a lot of screen time of late. That makes me think they are going to die before the season is over. Plus, seeing Henry get all this screen time when Carl is dead makes me angry. The entire episode was the intense run-in with the Whisperers, but not much happened beyond that. I’m looking forward to seeing how this story with the Whisperers evolves.

Finally, The Bachelor is going down again on ABC tonight. Every week Colton says this has been the most challenging week yet. That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard because WHERE IS THE DAMN FENCE JUMPING? You can’t string me along like this ABC! We’ve been waiting for his! Admit it, you did a little fist pump when Kirpa got sent home. Caelynn coming in to save her girl Cassie was one of the best moments in Bachelor history. If you don’t have a friend who will storm a house like a mini SWAT team the way she did, then you need a new friend. Hannah B might actually be in the running for the next Bachelorette. Looking forward to tonight’s episode, although I’m running out of hope that Colton is really going to jump a fence.

Monday Morning Coffee

February 18, 2019

Entertaining NBA All-Star game last night. Why was I not surprised to see Team Lebron dog it for more than half the game, only to start caring in the 2nd half? Of course everybody was having the time of their life except Kevin Durant, who was probably tweeting from his burner account while he was on the bench. Kawhi never smiles, but I’ve never seen the man grin so much over the course of one evening. Ben Simmons must have felt more awkward than a junior high school girl with all those 3-pointers being shot by everyone else. I’m also shocked that Kyle Kuzma won the MVP of the Rising Stars Game. I thought Jayson Tatum was the greatest player of all-time according to all Adrian Wojnarowski’s Celtic sources. I’m not a huge Meek Mill fan but the time halftime show was 10x better than that of the Super Bowl. Take note NFL.

In just over a month the perception of the Lakers has completely changed. Suddenly everyone thinks Magic and Pelinka are idiots, Luke Walton should be coaching a women’s 8th grade team, the young core should be playing in the WNBA, and Lebron should be traded. After most of you take a Xanax, maybe you’ll come back to earth and gain perspective. Just because you’ve never done a job before, doesn’t mean you can’t be great at it. Magic, Pelinka, and Walton are all taking on new roles for the first time in their careers. That means they are going to make mistakes, but eventually grow. Just like Lonzo, Ingram, and Kuzma are all going to get even better. You just have to give it time, even if that doesn’t sit well with Lebron. Even Magic can learn from his mistakes though, which he showed a few days ago when asked about Kemba Walker. Prior to this the man seemed to have no sense of self-awareness when it came to tampering.

Last week Steve Ballmer told ESPN that he wouldn’t sell the Clippers for $80 billion. It’s that kind of stupidity that makes me realize why this man no longer runs Microsoft anymore. If that’s the case then why doesn’t he just move the team to Seattle? Let’s be honest, if he did, there might be 10 people in LA that actually care that he did, and Seattle would finally get the team it deserves. Some of you are arguing that the Clippers are a free agent destination because nobody wants to deal with the Lakers circus and Lebron drama. However, none of those free agents would want to be a second fiddle star in a town Lebron owns.

Spring training has started and we’re still waiting on two of baseball’s best players to be employed. That got me wondering if things would be any different if Mike Trout were on the free market. Although it only takes one stupid team to give Machado and Harper a big contract, there aren’t a number of teams lining up for their services at their asking price. I don’t get the feeling that even Mike Trout would change that. Teams have convinced themselves that star power isn’t a franchise changing quality, and Trout has already shown that not even his greatness can lead an Angels team to a title. On the other hand, this may actually help the Halos keep Trout beyond 2020 if the market for him isn’t very deep.

Meanwhile, Andrew Friedman is at it again playing PR Guy. Last week he claimed that the Dodgers have a chance to be an elite team, and that they have no weakness. I guess they have no weakness, except for the fact they have an analytical fool running their front office, a pair of catchers that hit like little leaguers, and a TV channel that nobody can see. This franchise is committed to being just not good enough. It’s remarkable really. However, Stan Kasten knows all about that from his continuous playoff failures in Atlanta.

It’s been two weeks since the Super Bowl. Will we ever find out what happened to Todd Gurley? Sean McVay has been more evasive about this topic than Ted Bundy slipping out of jail. I refuse to believe that Todd Gurley just suddenly started playing like garbage. The man was one of the best running backs in football all season, and suddenly McVay barely uses him in the most important game of his life? If this wasn’t a health issue, the Rams have a much bigger problem on their hands considering they just paid Gurley $40 million guaranteed.

Another episode of The Walking Dead went down last night on AMC. Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if you plan on watching it later. This was one of those episodes where I found myself wanting to reaching into the TV and strangle Henry for all the stupid things he was telling Lydia. I think it’s time for Carol to make him “look at the flowers.” They needed Negan to come back and interrogate Lydia with Lucille. Alpha isn’t playing around. She strangled some dude with her bare hands just 43 days in the apocalypse. If Lydia wants to know Daryl’s story she should binge watch the last 8 seasons. Daryl was eating worms before it was cool. I’m not sure I can even eat Gummy Worms after watching that. Alpha’s backstory is kind of like Carol’s, only Alpha is a little more psycho. She says she wants her daughter back. I’m surprised she doesn’t want a wash cloth and skin care products instead. Very good episode and looking forward to more next week!

Finally, The Bachelor returns to ABC tonight. I feel like all the virgin references in the show have been replaced by Colton saying “that’s my greatest fear.” It’s gotta be tough for him to figure out which of these 22 year old Instagram models isn’t ready for marriage. I think Bachelor Nation is way more excited to see Colton jump over the fence than lose his virginity. I was also excited to see Colton send Nicole and Onyeka home after all their drama. I like how Demi said she was going to take Colton’s virginity, but Colton basically told her that I’m going to take you off the show. I am rather upset that we won’t get to meet her mom during hometowns though. Demi and Jordan are going to make a great Bachelor In Paradise couple. This season proves that if you are blond, a size 4 or smaller, unemployed, and a human with an instagram, you have the opportunity of a life time. Next time Hannah makes an animal sound I’ll be ready to call the police. Gott love how the runner up from Miss USA just said that Hannah G has relied on her looks her whole life. I’m a little paranoid that we didn’t see Cassie on the hometown previews. Hopefully it’s just the show playing mind tricks on us.

Monday Morning Coffee

February 11, 2019

The Lakers didn’t get Anthony Davis, but once everybody checks their sanity, they will realize it’s perfectly fine. Contrary to what some of you shortsighted folks think, the Lakers have three promising young players who are improving. They shouldn’t need to give up everything for a player that wants to be in LA. Especially not with seven all-star players on the free agent market this summer. However, one thing is clear. When the league refers to “big markets” they are only referring to the Lakers. Heck, why don’t we just make up rules to prevent the Lakers from being good again, since certain small markets refuse to do business with them. I guess it would also help if Magic wasn’t so cavalier about trying to trade everybody. Still, the Lakers were a good team when they were healthy, so no reason they can’t get back to that level.

Meanwhile, I’ll give the Clippers credit for being smart. They traded away Tobias Harris, knowing it would hurt their playoff chances. However, the front office knows they are better off not making the playoffs so they can keep their 1st round pick. Yes it was cagey, but stop giving Jerry West credit for this move. West is great and all, but the man collects a $1 million paycheck to come to the office once or twice a week and give some input. Does anybody know who Michael Winger and Lawrence Frank are? Also, the narrative about the Clippers is hilarious. They trade their best player to clear cap space, get draft picks, and chase free agents. The Lakers have the best player on the planet, still have cap space, and are still the Lakers, yet everyone thinks the franchise is in the toilet. It just goes to show you how real the Clipper inferiority complex is, and how great the Laker hate is around the Association.

Kevin Durant is great at basketball, but he’s a cry baby. Durant avoided the media for a week after the Knicks made a cap clearing move by trading Kristaps Porzingas. Then he decided to go off on them last week for asking about his free agency. He says he just wants to “go to the gym, play ball, and go home.” He told them to “grow up.” Really dude? The guy making burner Twitter accounts to argue with 12 year olds about how good he is needs to “grow up”? If you want to just go to the gym and go home, then go play at the YMCA. Yes you’re obligated to speak to the media because they help promote the game and help you cash those million dollar paychecks. If KD thinks his life sucks now, wait until he gets to the Knicks where the media will be up in his business all day long.

To baseball where pitchers and catchers will report for the Dodgers on Wednesday. I’d like to congratulate Andrew Friedman on using his computer to find a way to make the Dodgers worse while having about $100 million to spend. No Bryce Harper, Manny Machado, Corey Kluber, or JT Realmuto. The Dodgers had the means to easily acquire at least two of those three players, but were content not to. Realmuto and Kluber could have been had for two prospects that weren’t even in the top 100 in baseball. Oh and the best part is the team is raking in millions with their own TV channel that 70% of you can’t see, while more fans keep showing up at Dodger Stadium like sheep. Dodger Baseball everyone!

National signing day was this past Wednesday, and it’s interesting that you didn’t hear much about it locally. That’s because both USC and UCLA football were a complete recruiting disaster. USC did not pick up a single five star recruit, and UCLA had only 1 four star recruit. For SC, which identifies itself as a “football school” it can no longer keep talent in its own backyard. Clay Helton is having a horrible enough time developing players, and now he can’t even recruit them. Then there’s UCLA, which is spending millions to not only have a bad football team, but also to completely flounder when it comes to recruiting. This is totally unacceptable for a school that just blew its wad on Chip Kelly. College football in SoCal is a complete embarrassment right now.

At least UCLA considers itself a basketball school right? Oh wait their basketball team stinks too. For about 20 minutes, they looked like a team with Top 25 talent on Saturday against Utah. Then in the last 20 minutes, they looked like the most mentally fragile team I had ever seen. I’m not sure what’s a bigger miracle at this point: Utah winning that game after being down by 22 points in the 2nd half, or UCLA winning 12 games this season? It’s just sad to see the Bruins in this state, and there are fewer and fewer coaches that are going to be interested in taking over this dumpster fire the more games they play.

I don’t know about you but I give the Grammy’s about a 5 out of 10 last night, and that’s probably generous. Those who won awards had a nice year, but are far from the biggest stars in the music industry currently. Most of us watch the Grammy’s for great performances, but it’s hard to see that when you have a show without Taylor Swift, Beyoncé, Ariana Grande, or Drake performing. However, if you saw SNL over the weekend you saw an amazing performance from Halsey, who hosted and performed. She also took the meaning of music “artist” to a different level. Check it out.

The Walking Dead was back on AMC last night! I’m liking how the show is re-inventing itself but we’ll see how long it can last or if this is just some early momentum that will die. Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it so skip this paragraph if you plan on watching it later. It wouldn’t be worth surviving if I had to wear a dead guys face to do it. Where did those dogs come from? No way they could survive the Apocalypse. These people really let Judith walk around by herself? I like how Negan’s first order of business after being locked up for six years was shopping, and how he somehow found a leather jacket. Homie is sweating in a t-shirt yet still put on the jacket. Gotta love the commitment to aesthetic. Is anyone going to tell the Kingdom what is going on? Henry is going to be the dude to screw things up. Rosita is the apocalyptic version of The Bachelorette. Pregnant with Siddiq’s baby, dating Gabriel, but Eugene’s in love with her. Lydia is gonna find a way out of her cell. It’s only a matter of time.

Finally, The Bachelor returns to ABC tonight! How much longer do we have to wait for Colton to jump over the fence? I was devastated to learn that there was no fence on that beach. All these cliffhangers but I’m just wondering what happened to Kirpa’s chin. She did a great job spending her limited screen time flossing Colton’s teeth. Onyeka can’t complain about wanting to move on from drama that she started. She’s apparently never been called a bully, yet she said she’s capable of saying things to tear you down? Makes sense. Neither of those girls are going to end up in the finals, so their inevitable 2-on-1 is a waste of time. However, Onyeka vs Nicole is still more exciting than the Super Bowl we saw last week. Congrats to Heather who waited 23 years for her first kiss with a dude that has 15 girlfriend’s and makes out with multiple women a day. The Women Tell All is going to be lit! It still sucks we didn’t get a Rose ceremony though. Looking forward to more action tonight!

Monday Morning Coffee

February 4, 2019

I think I just witnessed the worst Super Bowl of all-time. The Rams offense disappeared faster than Adam Levine’s shirt at halftime. The offensive line couldn’t protect Jared Goff or open any holes for Todd Gurley. I doubt Gurley is healthy, and the Rams missed Cooper Kupp more than ever. We also didn’t see the offensive creativity of Sean McVay we saw in previous weeks. The best quarterback at the Super Bowl yesterday was actually Tony Romo, and he didn’t even play. It was a great season for the Rams, and you can’t be upset about losing to the greatest QB and coach of all-time, but the way they lost was disheartening. The Rams might contend again, but to make matters worse, their road to get back here won’t be easy with the Saints, Bears, and Eagles ready to re-load. The Patriots won’t be going away anytime soon either.

Imagine paying $7000 to attend that Super Bowl. That was a bigger rip off than attending Fyre Festival. I’d be wondering if there was a soccer game I could go watch, in hopes of finding more scoring. Even watching at home was terrible because the commercials were AWFUL. The only decent commercial was the Bud Light Game of Thrones ad. As for the halftime show, I consider Adam Levine talented, but watching him dance reminded me of that dad who tries to keep up to date with all the “hip fads”. Sorry but I think most people were more offended seeing Adam Levine’s nipples at halftime than Janet Jackson’s a few years ago. Levine also looks like a Chipotle Bag.

On to the NBA, where the Lakers are doing everything they can to acquire Anthony Davis before Thursday’s trade deadline. I’m sure the Pelicans would be willing to trade him for Lonzo Ball, Brandon Ingram, Kyle Kuzma, Wilt Chamberlain in his prime, a re-do of the NFC Championship game, and some smog to be named later. I have my doubts the Pelicans will be motivated enough to do a deal before Thursday. The Lakers just need to get Lebron playing every game the rest of the way to make the playoffs. However, Lebron is likely going to sit out Tuesday’s game with carpel tunnel for using the ESPN Trade Machine every 5 minutes.

😂😂😂— The Fake ESPN (@TheFakeESPN) January 29, 2019

I’ve maintained the belief for quite some time that the NBA is full of executives and owners that are idiots. The New York Knicks are only strengthening my belief in that idea, especially after trading Kristaps Porzingas to the Mavericks for nothing more than cap space. If the Knicks proposed this deal on Shark Tank, Mark Cuban would have laughed them out of the room and Mr. Wonderful would have insulted them. You don’t trade a 23-year old cost controlled all-star to go chase free agents. Even if the Knicks are lucky enough to sign Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving, at minimum this is poor planning because they knew this free agent class was going to be great. Whenever you feel bad about your team, just be thankful it’s not the Knicks.

In completely unsurprising college basketball news, UCLA got blown out by Washington on Saturday. Cody Riley missing a dunk and then getting a technical foul for hanging on the rim is 2019 UCLA Basketball at its finest. They turned the ball over 18 times in the first half alone. I haven’t seen basketball that bad since the last time they played. Even more ridiculous is the internet generating rumors that Luke Walton should be the next UCLA head coach. The more I watch this team play, the more ill I feel. It also makes me a lot warmer to the idea of Rick Pitino coaching the team. Not only does UCLA need to figure out how to win, they also need to figure out how to make themselves relevant in the Los Angeles sports market. Only Pitino can do that.

The USC football program finally hired an offensive coordinator. It was Graham Harrell, who was previously the Offensive Coordinator at North Texas. This is like making a movie where you have to settle for Liam Hemsworth as the lead actor because you can’t get Ryan Gosling. That’s what it’s come to folks. Hiring a Sunbelt coach as your OC who didn’t even call the plays. I realize that beggars can’t be choosers given the position the program is in, but this is a completely unimaginative hire by Lynn Swann, who is totally in over his head. I guess Swann was looking for anybody who is young, looks like Sean McVay, and has heard of the Air Raid offense. It feels like we are are inevitably reaching the point in a year from now where the Trojans will be looking for a new Head Coach, if not a new Athletic Director.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelor went down on ABC last week, and it returns tonight. I love when Chris Harrison parachutes in at the beginning of the episode fresh off of 9 holes of golf and a massage. Must be a tough life. If everyone that hated Demi is gone, and Hanna B and Caelynn are good, why would Colton still be jumping over the fence? Suddenly, Demi is really growing on me. Heather is definitely going to have her first kiss on national TV next week. I like how Colton really had to muster up some mental strength just to remember who Courtney is. Cassie is looking really strong right now and a good bet to win this. If she doesn’t I can easily see her as the next Bachelorette. Colton has no problem calling these girls out, and seems like a much better dude than the previous two Bachelor’s, who had the combined personality of a raisin. I believe last week was the first time in the history of the show that two people had beef, talked it over, and actually worked something out. I’m not sure what’s gotten into the producers. I didn’t actually think Colton was a virgin until I saw this photo of him.

Monday Morning Coffee

January 28, 2019

I still don’t believe Anthony Davis will become a Laker. However, the possibility just got slightly more realistic than me dating Jennifer Lopez. Davis demanding a trade is very timely and strategic, because the Lakers can get into the bidding before the Celtics can due to a CBA quirk that doesn’t allow Kyrie Irving and Davis to play on the same team until July 1st. In other words, it’s not an accident the trade demand came before the deadline, and it’s not an accident Lebron and AD share the same agent.

Speaking of Lebron, he isn’t back yet, but if he doesn’t show up soon he should start booking his vacation plans during the NBA Playoffs. He should also tell his camp to shut up when it comes to their thoughts on Luke Walton. There is no available coach that could replace Walton that would be an upgrade. Firing Walton would also undermine the work Magic Johnson and Rob Pelinka have done to stabilize the franchise and the culture since Jim Buss and Mitch Kupchak were ousted. Getting input from your star is one thing, but letting him create a circus is another. The Lakers also don’t need to sign Carmelo Anthony so he can drink wine with Lebron after every game. I like ‘Melo as a person, but I’d only be ok with the Lakers signing him if one of their players on a guaranteed contract accidentally died.

We’re less than a week away from Super Bowl LIII between the Rams and Patriots. The Rams better be careful though. Bill Belichick has been filming the other teams plays for so long, he started when Sean McVay wasn’t even alive. The Rams received a visit from the Dodgers this week, wishing them luck. They probably also offered advice on how to lose to a team from New England in the post season. Don’t worry though, the Rams will actually have a chance because Andrew Friedman isn’t calling the shots. Nevertheless, the Rams have to go up against arguably the greatest coach and quarterback of all-time. It’s going to be tough to win, but I expect a close one. I think it’s safe to say we know who America is rooting for…..

I can’t believe the NFL still plays the Pro Bowl. It’s like the league has decided to troll everyone by giving us this god awful product for one Sunday because they know the rest of their product is the market leader. Even more embarrassing is the fact that anyone would buy a ticket to go to the game. I’d rather watch the two worst teams play for the #1 overall draft pick. I’d also rather gargle with razor blades.

On the other hand, the NHL has found a way to make their All-Star game much more entertaining with an exciting 3-on-3 tournament. Saturday night saw the Metro Division winning the tournament and Sidney Crosby coming away with the MVP. The real question though is if you play in the “Metro Division” are you required to shave your legs? It’s no surprise though that the Pacific Division looked like the “Pathetic Division”, getting blown out in their game against the Central. Pathetic definitely applies to the Kings, who are in last place. However, Drew Doughty said he thinks they can still make the playoffs. He said “I know everyone is thinking I’m an idiot right now but that’s the truth.” That’s right Drew. The truth is you’re an idiot.

Ugh…on to the Dodgers. Another underwhelming move by Andrew Friedman when he signed AJ Pollock. Makes sense that Friedman would burn $50 million for the next four years on a guy who is always injured. Friedman loves his defense and his power, but not sure how you can provide any of that from the DL. Andrew Friedman’s idea of analytics is to sign injured players. Pollock is this year’s Dodger that is sure to miss time when he tears some elbow ligaments throwing out the trash on his driveway. Of course Stan Kasten defended Friedman and his moves during the Dodger Fan Fest over the weekend. However, Kasten knows all about consistent post season failures from his time with the Braves, so why should we believe this will be any different?

Speaking of baseball, Giants 3rd Baseman Evan Longoria posted a rant on Instagram about how baseball players are being “devalued” by analytics, and that the fans shouldn’t care about “value” because it’s not their money. Longoria must have missed out on that economics class at Long Beach State. The one where they teach you about supply and demand. I’m always for people being able to maximize their earnings, especially if they are in the top 1% of your profession like baseball players. However, you can’t expect a guy who hit .240 to get $300 million, or a guy who doesn’t want to hustle. Also, there needs to be some level of self awareness for your audience. The average person would read that post and could only think about how entitled baseball players must feel, since they make more in a year than most make in a life time.

UCLA Basketball is amazing. I’ve never seen a team look so unimpressive in a 20-point victory over Arizona. It almost looked like Arizona wasn’t cheating anymore. Then again, I’ve never seen the PAC-12 look so unimpressive as a whole. You have no idea what team you’re going to see every time they take the floor. The team that played Arizona State two nights earlier is one where you would always bet the house that they are going to blow a lead. UCLA has talent and size, but it feels like they are frequently outmuscled. There is a new weight room in the Wooden Center, but apparently nobody knows where it is. This program can’t be overhauled soon enough.

Finally, episode 4 of The Bachelor went down last week on ABC, and it’s back tonight as well. Caitlin looks like Caelynn and Hannah combined. Colton wanted to get to know her and she told him nothing. I love how her true aspirations in life were to have him go out with her friends and have a good time. That’s setting the bar high! She blew it so badly that he needed to send her home. “Never been kissed” is a snake. I see you. She’s probably never kissed anybody because it would cut into her pot stirring time. I watched the whole episode and I can’t believe Colton didn’t even jump the fence yet. We all thought Catherine was going to be the villain all this time! So much for that. Gotta love how the dates consisted of baby sitting and working out. This shows budget is in worse shape than the U.S. government. What’s next pulling weeds and doing taxes? Hannah B’s growl is making a great internet meme. You really thought she was going home? This show is getting more predictable than Tom Brady in the Super Bowl every year. Kirpa had the lowest screen time of anybody to get to Episode 4. It was nice to see an entire episode without a mention of virginity. Bet that won’t last long though.

Monday Morning Coffee

January 21, 2019

The Rams are back in the Super Bowl! It was just two seasons ago that this team was complete trash, and now they have a chance to win it all. I did not realize that you can now completely deck a receiver before he catches the ball. I feel bad that the Saints had to lose in that fashion, and I hate to see it happen to a guy as good as Drew Brees. However, they still had their chances. Sean McVay proved his genius once again, finding a way to make adjustments after his team went down 13-0 early on. As if blowing the lead wasn’t bad enough, you actually had to see Michael Thomas’ butt when he got tackled in the 1st quarter. I suppose it’s comforting knowing Todd Gurley just sucked, and isn’t really injured. Hopefully he gets his game back against the Patriots in two weeks.

Speaking of the Patriots, how could we be so foolish to bet against them? That’s like betting against Michael Jordan. Tom Brady must be so excited. I’m sure Giselle will reward him by allowing him to eat one extra almond. Just think how upset Andy Reid is knowing that he won’t get a free buffet at the White House. As great as Patrick Mahomes was this season, if the Chiefs can’t beat the Patriots this year, when will they ever beat them? New England is loaded with picks and cap space this coming offseason. As long as Brady is playing, the Pats will stay in contention.

Now that we learned that Kyrie Irving called Lebron to apologize to him, is it too early to start the highly irresponsible “Kyrie to the Lakers” rumor? It sure isn’t too early for Stephen A. Smith, who already floated the idea last week. Of course right when Lonzo Ball started to play well, he goes down with another injury. At least Lebron and Rondo will be coming back soon. Also, in case you haven’t noticed D’Angelo Russell is balling. So is Julius Randle. This is the same Russell and Randle everybody wanted to give up on. It’s a cautionary tale for those of you that want to trade Lonzo Ball, Brandon Ingram, or Kyle Kuzma for a bag of Doritos.

I have no idea what Andrew Friedman is trying to do for the Dodgers, but the optics are looking worse and worse by the day. He decided not to re-sign Yasmani Grandal, who only got a one year deal for $16 million. The Dodgers wouldn’t match that? Now Friedman is rumored to be shopping Joc Pederson, who is cheap and hits lots of home runs. In other words, the Dodgers have plenty of money, just added even more money, and aren’t spending it on anything to improve their team. I’ve never felt like Bryce Harper, Manny Machado, or Corey Kluber were necessary. Now I feel like they are or else this offseason is a total failure.

Then there’s the Angels, who have decided to take a different approach. Instead of not spending money, they have decided to spend it in a way that is similar to burning it. The latest blunder is signing Cody Allen to be their closer. Allen couldn’t close a hot dog stand last year, yet somehow will get $9 million. If the Halos are planning on keeping Mike Trout after two more seasons, they don’t seem to have a very good plan. They have signed a handful of players that have put them even further away from a playoff spot. I sure hope Trout likes Orange County, because that might be the only thing preventing him from signing with the Phillies in 2020.

I had no idea that tanking not only happened in the NBA, but also in the television industry. I mean that is the only explanation for why CBS decided to show the UCLA-USC basketball game on Saturday afternoon. UCLA should never lose to USC in basketball, yet somehow they managed to do it on national television. For just a moment, I was actually foolish enough to believe the Bruins might be able to win the PAC 12 after firing Steve Alford since the conference is so bad this year. However, it’s very clear that this team needs an elite coach to get back on track. Losing to your cross-town rival that is really a so called “football school” is unacceptable. Just ask USC how they feel about losing to UCLA this year in football.

Finally, episode 2 of The Bachelor went down on ABC last week. The woman with the air horn needed to be sent home immediately! Demi is like the “poor woman’s” version of Corrine, except I actually like Corrine and I can’t stand Demi. She looks like a woman that stars in a day-time drama on NBC that has an affair, poisons your kids, then kills you. How many Hannah’s and Ashley’s are on this show? I feel like the producers could easily be subbing contestants in and out during the commercials and we’d never know at this stage. It’s been two episodes and Nicole has cried twice already. Colton is so stressed he’s losing his eyelashes. How many times are you girls going to ask “why are you a virgin?” The more I see these girls, the more I understand that scene where Colton jumped over the fence. I didn’t realize the roses are like The Stanley Cup, where you can’t touch it unless you win it. Nobody has been this upset about a woman touching a rose since Beauty and The Beast. “Does she not have parents” is the new bachelor insult. Looking forward to watching more of this train wreck tonight.

Monday Morning Coffee

January 14, 2019

That was a tough battle the Rams had on their hands against the Cowboys before coming away with the win. I can’t tell if CJ Anderson was running for his next contract, or his next meal. Either way, he’s an inspiration to “Dad Bods” all over the country. Much of that can be attributed to Sean McVay’s brilliant offense, which he got back to basics to get the win. I’m a little worries about Jared Goff, but hopefully it was just a tough defense and wet weather that slowed him down. Mind you, Saturday’s game was not just a battle between the Rams and the Cowboys. It was In-N-Out and Cali-Mex vs Whataburger and Tex-Mex. The former wins everyday of the week. Meanwhile, the Cowboys attempted the first “Heimlich maneuver” during a game in NFL history.

Speaking of firsts, the Chargers-Patriots game was filled with them. It was the first time a woman officiated a playoff game, and the first time a team has played a playoff game without a defense. Well at least that’s how it felt for most of the game, where the Patriots abused the Bolts. The Patriots treated the Chargers like the Chargers treated the city of San Diego. It’s a little tough to win a playoff game when your starting quarterback has more children than your team has points. The only chance they had was if this game wasn’t in New England, but even then they still could have been outclassed. Feels like this team has no chance to get by New England or Kansas City anytime soon.

Elsewhere around the Divisional Sunday, Alshon Jeffrey’s new best friend is going to be Cody Parkey. That drop was much worse than Parkey’s field goal miss because it was even easier. Somewhere, Keyshawn Johnson is saying how great nepotism is, since every week he picks the Saints because his nephew, Michael Thomas, plays for them. Thomas was dominant on Sunday, which launched the Saints into the NFC title game. Meanwhile, Patrick Mahomes was amazing in Kansas City, as the Chiefs dominated the Colts. It’s even more amazing that Mahomes can perform this well with a sprained knee and Chris Collinsworth clinging to his nuts. I also love the “Helen Keller” audibles that Mahomes call out at the line. The Chiefs look like a machine that can’t be stopped.

Speaking of football, how could we forget the fact that Alabama got crushed by Clemson last week in the National Championship game. Notre Dame allowed fewer points to Clemson in the semi-finals than Bama did in the Championship. I guess that means that Bama should join a real conference. Actually, they probably belong in a women’s powder puff league. Since this is the logic we have to hear when Notre Dame loses in the playoffs, it should apply to Alabama too right? ‘Bama fans haven’t been this upset since the Brown vs Board of Education decision.

USC should now stand for “U Stupid Clowns.” Cliff Kingsbury was the offensive coordinator for about 5 minutes, then was named Head Coach of the Arizona Cardinals. I really need to have a cup of coffee with Sean McVay, then I might get an NFL team to hire me as their Head Coach. The Kingsbury era was probably more successful than the Lane Kiffin era though. I will remember it mostly for the government shutdown. At least there were no NCAA sanctions that resulted from his employment. It’s looking especially disastrous right now for the Trojan football program, and doesn’t look like it will be getting better anytime soon.

Andrew Friedman is making moves! The Dodgers President of Baseball Operations just traded for former Dodger catcher, Russell Martin, over the weekend. Martin hit a whopping .170 last year. This is what Friedman is doing with the $40 million he just saved? I can’t wait to see what’s next. Is he going to sign James Loney and Chad Billingsley? This is why you shouldn’t let small market thinkers run big market clubs, especially when you are one or two pieces away from winning the World Series. Also, if you think Friedman is going to sign Bryce Harper and give him $300 million, you haven’t been paying attention.

What a total disgrace the Lakers were last night. I don’t care if they don’t have Lebron right now. If the Lakers can’t beat the Cavs and Knicks at home without Lebron, they don’t deserve to make the playoffs. I’ve seen nothing but a complete lack of professionalism from a bunch of 20-year olds who think they can show up like they do at Equinox and run people off the court. Chicago is coming in on Tuesday, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they lost that one too. I also didn’t realize the Lakers utilize the “Bird Box Challenge” while shooting three pointers every game. If Lebron doesn’t make it back soon, this season could very well be lost.

I thought girls I went to high school with held bigger grudges than I had every seen before, then I saw Blake Griffin play against the Clippers over the weekend. He scored 40+ points against his former team, but that wasn’t even half the story. Griffin ignored Steve Ballmer while running by him after warm ups, when Ballmer reached out to him to try and shake his hand. I like how Griffin claimed this story was bullshit because he always does this during his warm up. The only bullshit is Blake’s explanation, which was exposed when he was asked if he would shake Ballmer’s hand in another circumstance, and his response was “I’m not here to talk about hypotheticals.” Don’t be passive aggressive Blake. Own up to the fact you don’t like what the Clippers did and move on. However, nobody believes this was an accident…..

The LA Kings have been a total disaster this season. They need to completely blow up the team and rebuild, and clean house in the front office. However, on Saturday night against the Penguins, the fans got to experience the highlight of the season: Snoop Dog joining the broadcast team for some play-by-play. Snoop should do play-by-play for nearly every team. It’s way too entertaining. Here’s the entirety of it, and you’ll enjoy every second.

Finally, the Bachelor returned to ABC last week, and that means the spotlight is on Colton. I admit that I had a ton of fun with the virgin jokes for a while, but are we going to have to hear about this for an entire season? This is totally ABC’s next best attempt since Tim Tebow turned them down. Any woman that says she hasn’t been with a virgin since she was 12 automatically qualifies as the biggest slut in Bachelor history. I completely forgot how boring Becca was until she made another appearance on the show. I’d much rather hear Bri’s fake Australian accent for a whole season, as opposed to Krystal’s voice for one minute. You’ve gotta love Catherine’s five attempts to talk to Colton. The show did not not need to be three hours. We had to wait a whole hour before we saw the limo entrances! The show had more filler than Catherine’s lips! I definitely thought sloth girl was really Tia trying to sneak back onto the show. I really wanted her to get a rose though. However, even Helen Keller could see that finale rose going to Catherine. That has producer pick written all over it. The sloth must have been a metaphor for the pace of the first episode.

Monday Morning Coffee

January 7, 2019

Lebron says he’s the greatest player ever. If he said it now after watching Brandon Ingram and Lonzo Ball play for the last 5 games, I don’t think anybody would argue. Ingram and Lonzo might have had moments where they put up numbers, but they are empty when the team doesn’t win. They’ve been asked to do more in Lebron’s absence, and it’s a major indictment on them that they haven’t been able to. I’m also disgusted by the entire team’s free throw shooting, which is worse than Philip Seymour Hoffman’s shooting in “Along Came Polly”. If the Lakers can’t beat teams like the Knicks and Timberwolves without Lebron, their young core probably isn’t more than nice support players. That’s been a disappointing reality of the last week.

To the NFL, where the Chargers almost “Chargered” that game yesterday. However, thank goodness for them that the Ravens had more fumbles than people murdered by Ray Lewis. Speaking of Lewis, he really “killed” that pregame dance. The MVP of the game had to be Bolts kicker Michael Badgley. The Chargers must be ready to induct him into the Hall of Fame after making nearly all his field goal attempts, which is unheard of for any Charger kicker. I still don’t understand why Joe Flacco didn’t play in the 2nd half. My only explanation is that Lamar Jackson had a sex tape of John Harbaugh he was threatening to release. The showdown with the Patriots next week is going to be fun, but it’s hard to imagine the Chargers coming out of New England with a victory.

The Eagles v Bears game was unbelievably boring, unless you like punts and bad officiating. The ending may have been exciting but that’s it. The best thing to happen to the Rams and the NFL was the Bears getting eliminated yesterday. Jared Goff had trouble with the Bears defense, and even though tackling Ezekiel Elliott 30 times a game won’t be fun, the Cowboys aren’t great on the road in the playoffs. The Bears also make for a boring low scoring football game in whatever game they are playing in. On the other hand, scoring off the field for Nick Foles shouldn’t be very hard.

Elsewhere around Wild Card Weekend, if that was college football, the Colts wouldn’t be in the playoffs, but they would have been playing the Texans in the Taxslayer Bowl. The ESPN broadcast was the playoff version of the Houston Texans. Imagine paying hundreds of dollars to sit in a stadium, only to have your favorite team get “R. Kelly’d“ for 3 hours. That’s what it was like for Texans fans, as the team logged off about 3 minutes into that game. Meanwhile, it was like Clay Helton was calling the plays for the Seahawks, who lost a close one to the Cowboys. Russell Wilson was dominating in the first half, yet they were running the ball like it was 1996. That onside kick was almost as bad as Seattle throwing the ball at the one yard line in the Super Bowl. To think that we all thought it was Jason Garrett who was the liability in this game. Troy Aikman must have forgotten to take his Visine after getting high before the game.

To College Basketball where Bruins actually started PAC-12 play with a 2-0 record. It certainly helps that the conference is trash, but it also helps that they have a coach who isn’t clueless. It’s nice to see someone who decides to keep it simple, play uptempo, full court-press, and use the team’s athleticism to its advantage. Imagine how much better they could be with an elite coach? Rumors have it that elite coach could be Rick Pitino, because several boosters are pushing for him. Nothing says UCLA like hot tubs, honeys, and cash. Sure Pitino would make the program elite, but at what cost? When it comes to college sports, there still needs to be some level of morality here. This isn’t Michigan State or Ohio State. I can just see Oprah yelling “you get a stripper and you get a strippper!” I also love the shade that Jay Bilas threw at Dan Guerrero by saying “If you know what you’re doing, you don’t need a search committee for a coach.” Nice to see somebody else realizes that Dan Guerrero doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Much like UCLA basketball, USC football is struggling for relevancy in the LA sports market. What’s been happening with Cliff Kingsbury isn’t helping fix that. Kingsbury took the Trojan offensive coordinator job, was seen as the savior to the program, and now NFL teams want to interview him. In a total rookie move by Lynn Swann, he is blocking him from interviewing with NFL teams. This marks the first time anybody at USC has blocked anything in months. Not only is this a rookie move by Swann because it looks terrible to block a coordinator from the NFL, but it was stupid to not add a clause in his contract preventing Kingsbury from interviewing for a year. It turns out Dan Guerrero isn’t the only clueless AD in Los Angeles.

What happened to all the money the Dodgers were supposed to spend? You can’t fool the fans. The Dodgers just dumped $40 million in payroll without getting anything in return, and for the last two years Andrew Friedman insinuated they were saving up for this big 2018 free agent class. Instead they have done nothing with the savings, and spring training starts in 39 days. Mind you, this is a team with the richest TV contract in baseball, and some of the highest ticket prices in the game, with fans coming to Dodger Stadium like sheep. I’m not saying the team needs to spend money on Bryce Harper, but they have money and have done little to nothing to improve the team this offseason. Stop pretending like the luxury tax is some crippling impediment for the franchise. The team is much worse than last year, and even two years ago. Meanwhile Andrew Friedman is probably planning on spending the savings on a costume for Comicon and a new Xbox.

Finally, Saturday night was supposed to by 90’s night at Staples Center for the LA Kings. The Kings ended up winning 4-0 against the Oilers. If it were really 90’s night the Kings would have lost 5-0 to the Oilers and would have used 3 goalies. Fox Sports also brought back the glowing puck on its telecast, and could track the MPH of the puck. What should be tracked is the deterioration of the Kings the longer they stubbornly keep their expensive core together. This team is in cap hell, and has won one playoff game in four years since winning their last Cup. Time to turn the page but unfortunately, their front office remains in denial about it. They should be trying to tank games and get the #1 pick in this year’s draft, but they refuse to see the big picture.