Category Archives: Morning Coffee

Monday Morning Coffee

January 14, 2019

That was a tough battle the Rams had on their hands against the Cowboys before coming away with the win. I can’t tell if CJ Anderson was running for his next contract, or his next meal. Either way, he’s an inspiration to “Dad Bods” all over the country. Much of that can be attributed to Sean McVay’s brilliant offense, which he got back to basics to get the win. I’m a little worries about Jared Goff, but hopefully it was just a tough defense and wet weather that slowed him down. Mind you, Saturday’s game was not just a battle between the Rams and the Cowboys. It was In-N-Out and Cali-Mex vs Whataburger and Tex-Mex. The former wins everyday of the week. Meanwhile, the Cowboys attempted the first “Heimlich maneuver” during a game in NFL history.

Speaking of firsts, the Chargers-Patriots game was filled with them. It was the first time a woman officiated a playoff game, and the first time a team has played a playoff game without a defense. Well at least that’s how it felt for most of the game, where the Patriots abused the Bolts. The Patriots treated the Chargers like the Chargers treated the city of San Diego. It’s a little tough to win a playoff game when your starting quarterback has more children than your team has points. The only chance they had was if this game wasn’t in New England, but even then they still could have been outclassed. Feels like this team has no chance to get by New England or Kansas City anytime soon.

Elsewhere around the Divisional Sunday, Alshon Jeffrey’s new best friend is going to be Cody Parkey. That drop was much worse than Parkey’s field goal miss because it was even easier. Somewhere, Keyshawn Johnson is saying how great nepotism is, since every week he picks the Saints because his nephew, Michael Thomas, plays for them. Thomas was dominant on Sunday, which launched the Saints into the NFC title game. Meanwhile, Patrick Mahomes was amazing in Kansas City, as the Chiefs dominated the Colts. It’s even more amazing that Mahomes can perform this well with a sprained knee and Chris Collinsworth clinging to his nuts. I also love the “Helen Keller” audibles that Mahomes call out at the line. The Chiefs look like a machine that can’t be stopped.

Speaking of football, how could we forget the fact that Alabama got crushed by Clemson last week in the National Championship game. Notre Dame allowed fewer points to Clemson in the semi-finals than Bama did in the Championship. I guess that means that Bama should join a real conference. Actually, they probably belong in a women’s powder puff league. Since this is the logic we have to hear when Notre Dame loses in the playoffs, it should apply to Alabama too right? ‘Bama fans haven’t been this upset since the Brown vs Board of Education decision.

USC should now stand for “U Stupid Clowns.” Cliff Kingsbury was the offensive coordinator for about 5 minutes, then was named Head Coach of the Arizona Cardinals. I really need to have a cup of coffee with Sean McVay, then I might get an NFL team to hire me as their Head Coach. The Kingsbury era was probably more successful than the Lane Kiffin era though. I will remember it mostly for the government shutdown. At least there were no NCAA sanctions that resulted from his employment. It’s looking especially disastrous right now for the Trojan football program, and doesn’t look like it will be getting better anytime soon.

Andrew Friedman is making moves! The Dodgers President of Baseball Operations just traded for former Dodger catcher, Russell Martin, over the weekend. Martin hit a whopping .170 last year. This is what Friedman is doing with the $40 million he just saved? I can’t wait to see what’s next. Is he going to sign James Loney and Chad Billingsley? This is why you shouldn’t let small market thinkers run big market clubs, especially when you are one or two pieces away from winning the World Series. Also, if you think Friedman is going to sign Bryce Harper and give him $300 million, you haven’t been paying attention.

What a total disgrace the Lakers were last night. I don’t care if they don’t have Lebron right now. If the Lakers can’t beat the Cavs and Knicks at home without Lebron, they don’t deserve to make the playoffs. I’ve seen nothing but a complete lack of professionalism from a bunch of 20-year olds who think they can show up like they do at Equinox and run people off the court. Chicago is coming in on Tuesday, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they lost that one too. I also didn’t realize the Lakers utilize the “Bird Box Challenge” while shooting three pointers every game. If Lebron doesn’t make it back soon, this season could very well be lost.

I thought girls I went to high school with held bigger grudges than I had every seen before, then I saw Blake Griffin play against the Clippers over the weekend. He scored 40+ points against his former team, but that wasn’t even half the story. Griffin ignored Steve Ballmer while running by him after warm ups, when Ballmer reached out to him to try and shake his hand. I like how Griffin claimed this story was bullshit because he always does this during his warm up. The only bullshit is Blake’s explanation, which was exposed when he was asked if he would shake Ballmer’s hand in another circumstance, and his response was “I’m not here to talk about hypotheticals.” Don’t be passive aggressive Blake. Own up to the fact you don’t like what the Clippers did and move on. However, nobody believes this was an accident…..

The LA Kings have been a total disaster this season. They need to completely blow up the team and rebuild, and clean house in the front office. However, on Saturday night against the Penguins, the fans got to experience the highlight of the season: Snoop Dog joining the broadcast team for some play-by-play. Snoop should do play-by-play for nearly every team. It’s way too entertaining. Here’s the entirety of it, and you’ll enjoy every second.


Finally, the Bachelor returned to ABC last week, and that means the spotlight is on Colton. I admit that I had a ton of fun with the virgin jokes for a while, but are we going to have to hear about this for an entire season? This is totally ABC’s next best attempt since Tim Tebow turned them down. Any woman that says she hasn’t been with a virgin since she was 12 automatically qualifies as the biggest slut in Bachelor history. I completely forgot how boring Becca was until she made another appearance on the show. I’d much rather hear Bri’s fake Australian accent for a whole season, as opposed to Krystal’s voice for one minute. You’ve gotta love Catherine’s five attempts to talk to Colton. The show did not not need to be three hours. We had to wait a whole hour before we saw the limo entrances! The show had more filler than Catherine’s lips! I definitely thought sloth girl was really Tia trying to sneak back onto the show. I really wanted her to get a rose though. However, even Helen Keller could see that finale rose going to Catherine. That has producer pick written all over it. The sloth must have been a metaphor for the pace of the first episode.

Monday Morning Coffee

January 7, 2019


Lebron says he’s the greatest player ever. If he said it now after watching Brandon Ingram and Lonzo Ball play for the last 5 games, I don’t think anybody would argue. Ingram and Lonzo might have had moments where they put up numbers, but they are empty when the team doesn’t win. They’ve been asked to do more in Lebron’s absence, and it’s a major indictment on them that they haven’t been able to. I’m also disgusted by the entire team’s free throw shooting, which is worse than Philip Seymour Hoffman’s shooting in “Along Came Polly”. If the Lakers can’t beat teams like the Knicks and Timberwolves without Lebron, their young core probably isn’t more than nice support players. That’s been a disappointing reality of the last week.

To the NFL, where the Chargers almost “Chargered” that game yesterday. However, thank goodness for them that the Ravens had more fumbles than people murdered by Ray Lewis. Speaking of Lewis, he really “killed” that pregame dance. The MVP of the game had to be Bolts kicker Michael Badgley. The Chargers must be ready to induct him into the Hall of Fame after making nearly all his field goal attempts, which is unheard of for any Charger kicker. I still don’t understand why Joe Flacco didn’t play in the 2nd half. My only explanation is that Lamar Jackson had a sex tape of John Harbaugh he was threatening to release. The showdown with the Patriots next week is going to be fun, but it’s hard to imagine the Chargers coming out of New England with a victory.

The Eagles v Bears game was unbelievably boring, unless you like punts and bad officiating. The ending may have been exciting but that’s it. The best thing to happen to the Rams and the NFL was the Bears getting eliminated yesterday. Jared Goff had trouble with the Bears defense, and even though tackling Ezekiel Elliott 30 times a game won’t be fun, the Cowboys aren’t great on the road in the playoffs. The Bears also make for a boring low scoring football game in whatever game they are playing in. On the other hand, scoring off the field for Nick Foles shouldn’t be very hard.

Elsewhere around Wild Card Weekend, if that was college football, the Colts wouldn’t be in the playoffs, but they would have been playing the Texans in the Taxslayer Bowl. The ESPN broadcast was the playoff version of the Houston Texans. Imagine paying hundreds of dollars to sit in a stadium, only to have your favorite team get “R. Kelly’d“ for 3 hours. That’s what it was like for Texans fans, as the team logged off about 3 minutes into that game. Meanwhile, it was like Clay Helton was calling the plays for the Seahawks, who lost a close one to the Cowboys. Russell Wilson was dominating in the first half, yet they were running the ball like it was 1996. That onside kick was almost as bad as Seattle throwing the ball at the one yard line in the Super Bowl. To think that we all thought it was Jason Garrett who was the liability in this game. Troy Aikman must have forgotten to take his Visine after getting high before the game.

To College Basketball where Bruins actually started PAC-12 play with a 2-0 record. It certainly helps that the conference is trash, but it also helps that they have a coach who isn’t clueless. It’s nice to see someone who decides to keep it simple, play uptempo, full court-press, and use the team’s athleticism to its advantage. Imagine how much better they could be with an elite coach? Rumors have it that elite coach could be Rick Pitino, because several boosters are pushing for him. Nothing says UCLA like hot tubs, honeys, and cash. Sure Pitino would make the program elite, but at what cost? When it comes to college sports, there still needs to be some level of morality here. This isn’t Michigan State or Ohio State. I can just see Oprah yelling “you get a stripper and you get a strippper!” I also love the shade that Jay Bilas threw at Dan Guerrero by saying “If you know what you’re doing, you don’t need a search committee for a coach.” Nice to see somebody else realizes that Dan Guerrero doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Much like UCLA basketball, USC football is struggling for relevancy in the LA sports market. What’s been happening with Cliff Kingsbury isn’t helping fix that. Kingsbury took the Trojan offensive coordinator job, was seen as the savior to the program, and now NFL teams want to interview him. In a total rookie move by Lynn Swann, he is blocking him from interviewing with NFL teams. This marks the first time anybody at USC has blocked anything in months. Not only is this a rookie move by Swann because it looks terrible to block a coordinator from the NFL, but it was stupid to not add a clause in his contract preventing Kingsbury from interviewing for a year. It turns out Dan Guerrero isn’t the only clueless AD in Los Angeles.

What happened to all the money the Dodgers were supposed to spend? You can’t fool the fans. The Dodgers just dumped $40 million in payroll without getting anything in return, and for the last two years Andrew Friedman insinuated they were saving up for this big 2018 free agent class. Instead they have done nothing with the savings, and spring training starts in 39 days. Mind you, this is a team with the richest TV contract in baseball, and some of the highest ticket prices in the game, with fans coming to Dodger Stadium like sheep. I’m not saying the team needs to spend money on Bryce Harper, but they have money and have done little to nothing to improve the team this offseason. Stop pretending like the luxury tax is some crippling impediment for the franchise. The team is much worse than last year, and even two years ago. Meanwhile Andrew Friedman is probably planning on spending the savings on a costume for Comicon and a new Xbox.

Finally, Saturday night was supposed to by 90’s night at Staples Center for the LA Kings. The Kings ended up winning 4-0 against the Oilers. If it were really 90’s night the Kings would have lost 5-0 to the Oilers and would have used 3 goalies. Fox Sports also brought back the glowing puck on its telecast, and could track the MPH of the puck. What should be tracked is the deterioration of the Kings the longer they stubbornly keep their expensive core together. This team is in cap hell, and has won one playoff game in four years since winning their last Cup. Time to turn the page but unfortunately, their front office remains in denial about it. They should be trying to tank games and get the #1 pick in this year’s draft, but they refuse to see the big picture.

Monday Morning Coffee

December 31, 2018

This is going to be one of the more brutal stretches of the NBA season for the Lakers. Lebron is injured, and could be out for a few more games. Rajon Rondo is out again, and Javale McGee has the plague. That means it’s all on the kids. That was cute when the Lakers were a lottery team, but now it’s just scary. Even if the Lakers tread water at .500 while Lebron is out, they could easily drop from say 4th place to 11th or 12th in the West. That’s a scary thought when the Western Conference playoff race is tighter than a Beyoncé jumpsuit. I like what I’ve seen from Ivica Zubac though. If he keeps playing this well, Mitch Kupchak might end up giving up $72 million this offseason. Speaking of Lebron, how much of a bad ass do you have to be to walk into an NBA arena drinking a glass of wine on game night?

The Rams took care of business yesterday against the 49ers to lock up the #2 seed. That’s a big relief because I was rather concerned about Sean McVay’s competency as a head coach when I learned earlier in the week that he didn’t consider “Die Hard” a Christmas movie. Nevertheless, I feel a little bit better about the way the defense has performed the last couple of weeks. Jared Goff still hasn’t gotten his groove back though. That bye week is going to be critical to getting Todd Gurley healthy. The idea of playing Seattle, Dallas, or even Chicago doesn’t sound very appealing, but the Rams should be ok with home field advantage and the extra rest. I’m still expecting a big showdown in the Super Dome between the Saints and Rams for the right to go to the Super Bowl, in another game between these two teams that should break the scoreboard.

The Chargers won, but played yesterday’s game like they knew the Chiefs weren’t going to lose to the Raiders. If you love touchbacks, you must have loved watching that game. It was threatening to be the worst game of all-time early on, and there wasn’t even any bad weather. I have a very hard time seeing the Bolts beating Baltimore, Kansas City, and then New England on the road in order to get to the Super Bowl. The Bolts have to play at 10:00 am PST next week. They are toast. Dean Spanos is such a cheap skate he might as well just save the money and not charter a plane to Baltimore. This team is talented, but not more talented than the Chiefs, not as well coached as the Patriots, and will have a difficult time with the Ravens defense.

Elsewhere around Week 17 in the NFL, Kirk Cousins will have to use the money from his contract to dry his tears after the Vikings were eliminated from the playoffs. I have no idea how Nick Foles did it, but he got the Eagles back to the playoffs. What the hell were the Giants and Cowboys thinking playing their starters in a meaningless game? The Cowboys were risking injury and the Giants were ruining their draft position. Somewhere, Tiki Barber is rolling over in his high heel boots. The Bills won, and Kyle Williams scored more touchdowns this season than Kelvin Benjamin. The Packers got blown out by the Lions to end the season, and somehow people will still pick them to win the Super Bowl next year. The Patriots beat the Jets to clinch the #2 seed. Next year the rest of the AFC East will need to kidnap Tom Brady and feed him unhealthy food to give themselves a chance.

It was finally time. Steve Alford has been fired by UCLA. Where the hell is Liberty? UCLA is now losing to schools on their home floor where you wouldn’t even be able to find them on a map. I’ve never missed the days of Ben Howland so much. At least that team had a coach who could convince his players to play tough defense and to do the fundamentals. Steve Alford couldn’t even convince his freshman 5-star recruits to complete basketball basics that 6th graders are able to execute. I don’t care if the whole PAC 12 stinks. UCLA should never be this bad. At least with this move the Bruins have a chance to salvage some of their season, and see what an interim like say, Tyus Edney might look like. Still, I have little faith Dan Guerrero will make a good hire. He doesn’t even care anymore and is just drinking latte’s in his office while counting the days until his retirement. Better hope Casey Wasserman is willing to rally the alums.


Cris Cyborg put up more of a fight in 51 seconds than Notre Dame did against Clemson. That was embarrassing, and even more embarrassing was Brian Kelly’s explanation that the loss had nothing to do with talent, but lack of execution. That’s like saying “We just got outcoached.” As painful as it was to watch for the Irish faithful, the Irish went undefeated on a tough schedule. It would be hard to put any other team in, and even more difficult to find any teams that could compete with Clemson and Alabama on the big stage. Just ask Oklahoma, who was getting abused by Alabama just a few minutes into the game. Kyler Murray should have retired by halftime and started his baseball career.

I’ve beaten up the Angels all offseason for dumpster diving. However, I have to give them credit for signing Jonathan Lucroy. They badly needed a catcher, and Lucroy is a good value that isn’t far removed from being an all-star. If anything, this might even screw over Yasmani Grandal, who is looking for big money. The Dodgers are hoping Grandal returns on an inflated on year deal, and Lucroy’s move to the Halos might actually make that happen.

I have three words for the LA Kings: BLOW IT UP. They are dead last in the league at almost the halfway mark of the season. Worst offense in the league, among the worst in special teams, and no longer an elite defensive team. The Dallas Stars, who are holding the final Wild Card spot, are underperforming and their CEO just came out and publicly said their team is playing like garbage. If the President of the LA Kings came out and said that it would be considered a compliment right now. At this point the dumbest thing the Kings could do is win. Tanking would make the most sense so they can secure the top pick in the draft.

Monday Morning Coffee

December 24, 2018

The Lakers have been losing to some teams they shouldn’t over the last week. But that’s not what’s got me annoyed. It’s these cry baby small market General Managers and owners. Lebron says it would be amazing to play with Anthony Davis, and suddenly all these GM’s think a tampering rule should be made up against players. If Lebron was on any team other than the Lakers, nobody would say anything. Why doesn’t the league create a whole new set of rules against the Lakers while they are at it? It’s a players league folks. The players are eventually going to end up in the markets they want. These small market GM’s need to shut up and stop being jealous of Lebron’s relationships with other players because it was relationships that put their incompetence in an NBA front office. Those small market owners also need to shut up because the Lakers are putting money in their pockets with revenue sharing.

To baseball where Andrew Friedman and the Dodger front office is just infurating. In typical Friedman fashion, his computer program convinced him that trading Matt Kemp, Yasiel Puig, and Alex Wood to the Reds for a can of Coke was a good idea. This was not a blockbuster trade. It’s only a blockbuster if you actually get something of value in return and they got absolutely nothing. I realize that some people think the Dodgers are going to do something with the $25 million in payroll they just freed up, but the optics here look horrible as of now. Most of the players that they are rumored to have acquired would have required trading Puig or Wood. Too bad analytics don’t show how much more valuable Puig and Kemp are to the Dodgers than any other team, or that they just traded 43 homers and got nothing in return. Better do something fast Andrew “Fraudman” or else the fans are going to be coming after you with pitchforks like the villagers went after Frankenstein.

I have no idea what the Angels are thinking. The Halos are on the clock with Mike Trout, who is a free agent in two seasons. They claim they are trying to do whatever it takes to be competitive to win with Trout. Then they turn around and go shopping at the junk yard by picking up Trevor Cahill and Matt Harvey. They might as well have taken $20 million and lit it on fire like the Joker did in Batman. If the Angels want to get serious about improving their pitching staff, they’ll try to make a deal for Madison Bumgarner, Trevor Bauer, or Corey Kluber. Their farm system is much improved and they have the prospects to get it done. If not, they might as well trade Mike Trout now, and complete a real rebuilding process.

UCLA basketball is becoming more embarrassing with every Monday Morning Coffee posted. Last week consisted of losses to unranked Cincinnati, and #15 Ohio State. At this point I’m not even sure why Alford should finish out the season. One thing big time college basketball coaches can do is convince very talented teenagers to do the fundamentals. At this point Alford probably couldn’t even convince his assistant to pick up his dry cleaning. The man is losing all credibility with his players, and the alumni has no faith in him either. Can’t wait to see what embarrassments lie ahead for this team because it’s getting even more so for Dan Guerrero, who is looking just as incompetent.

To the NFL where the Rams returned to the win column yesterday against the Cardinals. Sean McVay is such a genius, he can even make CJ Anderson look like Barry Sanders in his offensive system. Anderson came off his couch to rush for 167 yards and a touchdown. More importantly though, Jared Goff actually remembered how to be an NFL quarterback, not turning the ball over and making a couple of nice throws. The Rams probably shouldn’t feel as great as the Saints right now, but they need to focus on getting Todd Gurley healthy, and getting their offense back in rhythm. Ever since Goff started yelling Haley Berry’s name before every play things have gone south for him. Maybe McVay should change some of the audibles to something more common to NFL players like “Kardashian”?

Meanwhile, the Chargers found a way to blow a big opportunity against the Ravens on Saturday night at home. Of course I use the term “home” loosely, because all 4 of the Bolts’ losses have come at Stubhub Center this year. As talented as this team is, I’m still having a hard time envisioning them winning 3 playoff games and going to the Super Bowl. The Chiefs are still an offensive powerhouse. The Patriots still have Tom Brady. The Texans are also looking dangerous as ever. All of these teams are imperfect, but if one of your imperfections is the inability to come up big when it matters, that’s a major problem that can’t be overcome. I bet the NFL didn’t want to deal with the embarrassment of having to show a playoff game on TV at Stubhub Center. Now they are sure of that thanks to both the Ravens and the officials.

Elsewhere around the NFL in Week 16, good strategy by the Steelers. They realized that Chris Boswell can’t blow a game-winning field if they managed to blow the game on a JuJu Smith-Schuster fumble. Poor Cowboy fans. They are going to have to deal with winning the division and keeping Jason Garrett around. They are going to throw a parade in Cleveland since the Browns have made it all the way to Week 16 before being eliminated from the playoffs. The Eagles are back in contention with Nick Foles, and now everyone wants to get rid of Carson Wentz. Don’t worry Carson, if things don’t work out you can always double as the lead singer of Fall Out Boy. I’m not sure what worse for Giants’ fans: that they lost to the Colts or that Eli Manning will reportedly be back in 2019?

Finally, because it’s Christmas time, everyone wants to talk about what their favorite Christmas movie is. My favorite Christmas movie? It’s definitely Die Hard. That’s right. It’s always a controversial topic around this time of year, but make no mistake about it. Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Also, I realize in the clip below Bruce Willis himself says that Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie. But come on! You can’t have Die Hard take place without it being Christmas. John McClane isn’t in LA if it’s not a Christmas party. Al Powell also isn’t in LA if it’s not Christmas, and McClane wouldn’t have had a greater desperation to save his family if it wasn’t the holidays. Sorry Bruce but you are dead wrong!

Monday Morning Coffee

December 17, 2018



So you still think that Lonzo Ball sucks? I’m not even talking about the fact that he and Lebron were the first Laker duo to each record a triple double in the same game since Magic and Kareem.  I’m talking about his All-NBA defense.  That’s right.  He locked down Kemba Walker on Saturday, holding him to 4 points on  2-10 shooting.  He also held Chris Paul to 3-10 shooting on Thursday.  He’s doing much more than the box score shows.  I think it’s safe to say that Kyle Kuzma is the Lakers second best player at the moment because he’s a great fit next to Lebron.  However, Ball and Brandon Ingram are very key components to their success.  If only the Lakers could have traded for Trevor Ariza.  All they needed to do was tell the Suns that they were getting “Ingram” in return.  They didn’t have to know it would be Andre.

Speaking of the Suns, the fact they were initially unable to complete a 3-team trade for Trevor Ariza because they thought they were receiving Dillon Brooks instead of Marshon Brooks is hilarious.  I don’t care if you are an NBA GM, or playing fantasy basketball, you have a list of every player on every roster.  This confirms exactly what I’ve been thinking for years: the NBA is made up of a number of front office executives that are idiots.  It always cracks me up when dude’s like Dwight Howard or other athletes say “You didn’t play the game” so therefore a front office executive doesn’t know anything.  That’s exactly the problem.  These dudes that played the game that got put in the front office don’t actually know anything.

To baseball where the Winter Meetings came and went with very little happening.  It was a bunch of hype.  Andrew Friedman simply went to Vegas to sit in his Power Ranger pajamas and play video games in his hotel room.  However, I do have to give Friedman credit for one thing: signing a capable veteran reliever in Joe Kelly.  Kelly has been a reliable postseason performer, and just might be a trustworthy arm in the bullpen outside of Kenley Jansen.  Heck, if the Dodgers can get one or two more of these, it would be money much better spent than on Bryce Harper.

What the hell happened to Jared Goff and the Rams? It’s like Jeff Fisher is coaching them again.  In the last two weeks Goff looks nothing like the quarterback he was in the first 14 weeks of the season.  The circumstances are less than ideal with the line getting pushed around and Cooper Kupp injured, but Goff doesn’t look the same.  Goff was fumbling footballs on plays he was hardly touched.  I was starting to wonder if he bet on the Eagles.  At this point the Rams just need to hang on to the two seed and make sure they get Goff and the offense clicking again before the playoffs.

I’m officially impressed with what the Chargers are doing.  Now it would be even more impressive if people actually showed up to their games.  The Bolts took down the Chiefs on the road, and just might end up as the #1 seed in the AFC.  I’m always leery of the the Chargers in the playoffs, especially if they have to go up against the Patriots, but this team is looking great.  They not only managed to beat Kansas City on the road, but did it without Melvin Gordon and Keenan Allen.  Philip Rivers should just bring all his kids to every game and the stadium would at least be half full.  Bold move by the Chiefs here…….

“OK guys we’re up by 1 let’s not got within 30 feet of of #81.” pic.twitter.com/sBcxKuChwW— The Fake ESPN (@TheFakeESPN) December 14, 2018

Elsewhere around the NFL, we have an Amber Alert on the Dallas Cowboys.  Last seen building a hype train in the middle of 5 straight wins.  If you have any information after their loss to the Colts, please contact Jason Garrett immediately.  If you think Donald Trump is bad you should have tried watching the Jaguars and Redskins play football yesterday.  Of course the Browns won.  Kobe gave them a pregame pep talk.  Khalil Mack destroyed Aaron Rodgers and the Packers, and now he has more sacks than the entire Raiders team.  The Titans shut down the Giants and definitely had the best celebration of the week with their “Remember The Titans” dance.  This week is also a reminder of how dumb Fantasy Football is, yet we all continue to play it and frustrate ourselves.

Finally, UCLA basketball is a total disaster, as is the entire Pac-12.  The Bruins just got punked at home by Belmont.  Let me be clear, UCLA should never lose a basketball game to a mid-major school like Belmont.  Their talent level is and should always be superior to them.  The Bruins already showed they couldn’t hang with real teams like Michigan and North Carolina earlier in the year.  However, this game just demonstrates that Alford can’t develop the fundamentals in his squad.  They can’t shoot free throws, they can’t play defense, and a total inability to keep Belmont players in front of them.   This is Alford with a very good recruiting class.  The best it gets is when you have Lonzo Ball and TJ Leaf, and you’re no better than a Sweet 16 Team.  Time to throw up a post for a basketball coach at UCLA on LinkedIn. 

Monday Morning Coffee

December 10, 2018

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m hoping the Lakers can find a way to lure Kevin Durant here next summer, but he sure sounds like a whiny baby who is jealous of Lebron.  KD thinks Lebron creates a toxic environment? The only thing that’s toxic right now is his relationship with Draymond Green and the rest of his teammates, who have already called him out by saying they don’t even need him to win titles.  I’d like to think this is just a smokescreen for Durant eventually leaving the Warriors for the Lakers in the summer, but who knows with a guy that uses burner accounts to argue with 13 year olds on Twitter.  As for the Lakers, they are continuing the roll and creeping further up the West standings thanks to Lebron’s brilliance.  Since most of you haven’t noticed and just complain about Lonzo’s shooting, he’s actually playing All-NBA level defense.  Kyle Kuzma is not only playing well, but roasting Lebron on Twitter too.

Meanwhile, I think the Clippers are blowing a major opportunity here.  Yes, they’ve been a surprise, but they’ve lost 3 of their last 4, including getting blown out at home by the Heat on Saturday.  More importantly though, they have assets and are missing the opportunity to make a deal for an impact player.  They easily could have acquired Jimmy Butler, and they have the pieces to trade for a Bradley Beal.  Those are proven all-star talents they probably won’t get in free agency.  They are also looking at losing Tobias Harris, who is playing well and going to get serious money from somebody in free agency this summer.  The Clips might be in the playoff picture now, but don’t be surprised if the the red headed step child of LA basketball falls out of it in the coming weeks.

To the NFL, where the Rams just couldn’t get their offense going in the cold yesterday against the Bears, who handed them just their 2nd loss of the season.  I haven’t seen anybody so useless in cold weather since Lloyd and Harry drove to Aspen in the Movie “Dumb and Dumber”.  It’s like Jeff Fisher was calling the plays.  The Rams can probably kiss home field advantage goodbye after this, but the good news is that they probably won’t have to play in cold weather again.  However, there’s some scary matchups out there that could give them trouble.  The Bears, Cowboys, and Seahawks are all dangerous teams with underrated defenses that can give the Rams trouble, even if they have home field.

Yesterday was very weird.  A Charger kicker was actually making his field goals and extra points.  It was like watching a game in the Twilight Zone.  That game was sloppier than Charlie Sheen at happy hour, but the Bolts beat the Bengals and improved to 10-3.  They barely beat a banged up Bengals team, and a Broncos team that is booking their offseason vacations, so I’m still not convinced.  However, they do have a chance to take Kansas City on Thursday and potentially get the #1 seed in the AFC.  If they find a way to do that, I’ll be impressed.  The Chargers better also hope that Austin Ekeler isn’t seriously hurt either, because he’s a key component to their offense.  At least the Bolts actually had more fans cheering for them in their stadium yesterday than the Bengals.

Elsewhere around the NFL in Week 14, the Jaguars got crushed by the Titans.  Sorry Cowboy fans.  You’re winning so it’s going to be hard to fire Jason Garrett now.  Going from Blake Bortles to Cody Kessler is like replacing a Ford Fusion with a Ford Fiesta.  The Giants tortured Mark Sanchez all day and destroyed the Redskins like it was 1492 all over again.  Colin Kaepernick has to be having a good laugh somewhere.  The Jets got by the Bills, but Bills Mafia still celebrated by jumping on tables and having sex in the parking lot.  Lamar Jackson can barely throw a pass, but he’s going to keep Joe Flacco and his $20 million paycheck chained to the bench.  Miami got a Christmas miracle by beating New England, but the Patriots are like cockroaches that never die.  Who did this?!!!!!

To baseball where the Dodgers have a big shopping list to take care of at the Winter Meetings.  It includes finding a starting catcher and getting some bullpen help.  Notice I didn’t say it includes a starting pitcher or a $300 million outfielder named Bryce Harper, because those would be luxuries and not necessities.  However, the real notable Dodger news last week was the fact they extended Manager Dave Roberts.  For those of you wondering why this happened, I’m wondering why you still don’t get it.  Dave Roberts simply carries out the decision making that Andrew Friedman and his computer tell him to.  It isn’t Roberts who decides to use 5 different second baseman in a World Series game, or sit his top 3 home run hitters.  It’s what Roberts is reading off in line 57 of the spreadsheet.  If anything, he deserves the extension for taking public criticism that Friedman should be getting, and for getting his players to buy into this crazy system.

In College Hoops UCLA barely got Notre Dame on Saturday night on a buzzer beater by Kris Wilkes.  I’m not sure what was worse? Watching UCLA struggle with an average Notre Dame team, or watching a telecast that at one point involved both Digger Phelps and Bill Walton.  Donald Trump called and thought that part of the telecast was too narcissistic.  This Bruins team has talent, but looks like they don’t belong with any of the Top 25 teams in the country.  If Alford can’t do much with this group in the tournament, he needs to go.  No, Fred Hoiberg isn’t the answer either after he just got let go by the Bulls.  Hopefully something better will come along between now and the end of the season.  In case you missed the final excitement on Saturday, here it is:

Finally, the LA Kings are in more denial than an alcoholic.  They are tied for dead last in the league more than a third of the way through the season.  We can’t exactly say that “it’s early” anymore.  They officially stink, and should strongly considering rebuilding.  However, one of the clear strengths of the franchise is goaltending.  I know some of you will want to take out the pitch forks and tiki torches when I say this, but it’s probably time to think about trading Jonathan Quick.  He’s reached his peak, he takes up a decent amount of cap space, still has trade value, and the team still has quality goaltending without him.  It’s going to take some serious creativity to get the Kings out of cap hell, but trading Quick is probably necessary.

Monday Morning Coffee

December 3, 2018

I thought the sky was falling and the Lakers sucked? Oh I guess they aren’t that bad because they’ve won 3 in a row and are creeping up on the top seed in the Western Conference.  If you’re complaining it’s because you have no perspective.  The Lakers are right where they should be, they are improving, as are their young players.  Kyle Kuzma is solid, Brandon Ingram is getting better, and Lonzo Ball is doing more than you think.  However, Mo Wagner looks like a fan that stole a jersey and somehow got on the court for playing time.  The real question is how they take the next step.  They need to sign one max free agent this summer and trade for another star, like Anthony Davis.  Don’t tell me they should trade everybody for Bradley Beal, because you won’t win any titles with him as your second best player.  My head also tells me that KD, Klay, and Kawhi aren’t going anywhere, but when i listen to Magic talk, he sounds convinced one of those guys are coming.  I believe in Magic and so should you.

Meanwhile, you’ve gotta give the Clippers credit.  Nobody thought they would be anywhere near the top of the Western Conference without having a star player.  Frankly, most of us thought Doc Rivers became a bum as a head coach.  However, Shai-Gilegous Alexander can actually play,  and the team doesn’t actually hate each others guts anymore.  I’m still not convinced free agents actually want to come play for the Clips, but they are much more interesting than we thought. The only problem for them is that their 1st round pick is lottery protected, so they are much better off missing the playoffs.

To the NFL where the Rams got a gift from the football gods with the Saints losing on Thursday night, allowing them to reclaim the best record in the NFC with yesterday’s win over the Lions.  They also clinched the NFC West title for the 2nd year in a row.  Aaron Donald should probably get MVP votes, but because the voters have no idea what a Defensive End is, but he probably will be completely ignored like that girl you didn’t want to go to Prom with in high school.  Next week makes me really nervous though.  The Bears seem very capable of knocking off the Rams in cold weather.  In any case, Todd Gurley doesn’t give a crap about your fantasy team.

Monster win for the Chargers. if only anyone cared.  It would have been very “Charger-esque” of the Bolts to lose the game yesterday on a couple of missed field goals with the game on the line.  I’ve seen better officiating in bar brawls.  The Chargers benefited from the officials, and now might even get themselves a first round bye if things break right for them.  In any case, it’s safe to say that home field doesn’t mean a damn thing for them, since they have no fans that show up to their games and cheer for them.  Perhaps if Philip Rivers brings all of his kids to the game, he might be able to fill up the stands.

Elsewhere around the NFL, it doesn’t matter if it’s Kareem Hunt or Hunt’s Ketchup, the Chiefs keep winning.  The Packers lost, but Aaron Rodgers was seen popping champagne in the locker room after the game when he learned that Mike McCarthy was fired.  I have no idea why Bill Belichick was yelling at Adam Thielan.  He’s white and he’s a good receiver, which means he’ll be on the Patriots in the next year or two.  Joe Flacco might never get to play again after the Ravens beat the Falcons.  Since it’s the holiday season, Cam Newton is obviously in a generous mood throwing 4 interceptions in the Panthers loss to the Bucs.  Meanwhile, every Cowboys fan has already booked their trip to the Super Bowl after they beat the Saints.

I feel like Cliff Kingsbury is just trolling every major college and NFL team at this point, just so he can get free dinners from them.  Everybody wants to hire him as their offensive coordinator.  If USC is able to hire him, I’d be very impressed. It looked like that was going to happen, then for some reason Kingsbury got cold feet.  He probably realized that he has competition with Sean McVay for the most handsome football coach in LA, and just couldn’t take it.  I think it’s safe to say Kingsbury is going to make or break the Trojans offseason.  We’ll find out within a couple of days if he’s coming.

To baseball where the Dodgers and Indians keep talking about a big trade.  That proposed trade would involve pitcher Corey Kluber going to the Dodgers, with Yasiel Puig, Joc Pederson, and top prospect Yadier Alvarez going to Cleveland.  Kluber is a nice pitcher and all, but this is so typical of Andrew Friedman.  He’s the kind of guy who learns that his house needs a new roof, and instead he decides to remodel his kitchen.  The Dodgers need bullpen help, not starting pitching.  Instead, Friedman is leaning on unproven and untalented arms he hopes will miraculously come through out of the pen.  Sadly, there is plenty of bullpen talent on the market that can help.

Finally, the Angels badly need to make some moves.  Mike Trout is two years away from free agency, they now have decent prospects in their system, and they can take on some money.  The Halos need to call the Giants about Madison Bumgarner, and the Mets about Noah Syndergaard or Jacob DeGrom.  They badly need pitching, and it’s only going to come via the trade market.  Of course knowing the Angels’ luck, Garrett Richards will win the 2020 Cy Young award after he just signed a 2-year deal with the Padres.

Monday Morning Coffee

November 26, 2018

Clay Helton is going to remain the USC coach.  Somewhere, UCLA fans are doing the Carlton dance.  I don’t remember a team that once had Top 10 talent that couldn’t even finish in the Top 25, let alone become bowl eligible.  Despite putting up a decent fight against Notre Dame, it’s become so bad that many Trojan fans don’t even care anymore.  They had less than 60,000 people show up to the Coliseum on Saturday night.  This is no longer a Clay Helton problem, it’s a Lynn Swann problem.  How can Helton have a $15 million buyout? The man isn’t even one of the top 6 highest paid coaches in the conference.  That’s a complete administrative failure, and the fact Swann is sticking with Helton after a total debacle tells you that he is the man responsible for this.  Get ready for another season of boos and angry Trojan fans.

Meanwhile, UCLA got punched back to reality by Stanford.  Memo to Chip Kelly: you might want to upgrade your defense in the offseason.  The Bruins gave up 40 or more points in four games this season.  They probably also need to find a better quarterback now that Wilton Speight will be graduating.  New coach and they still can’t beat Stanford.  I’m amazed at how other Pac-12 coaches are looking at the Bruins and think they might be real contenders next year.  That’s like being in an MBA grad school program and thinking all 5 girls in your class are super models.  The conference is terrible, the promise that the Bruins might have shown didn’t bank them any more wins, and their offense isn’t what Chip Kelly’s used to be.

If you think that’s disappointing, you should have seen UCLA basketball over Thanksgiving weekend.  After playing the equivalent of high school varsity teams in their first four games, the Bruins looked like they didn’t even belong in the same gym against 11th ranked Michigan State and 7th ranked North Carolina.  It was so bad that Michigan State players were commenting on how immature and disjointed the Bruins looked, and how they were able to take advantage of that.  The real word here is structure, and UCLA has none of it.  That’s all coaching, and Steve Alford isn’t providing that.  Guess Alford has no more of his own kids to play to try and save the season.

To the NBA where the Lakers layed an egg yesterday at home against Orlando.  If I didn’t know better, I would think Nikola Vucevic was the 2nd coming of Wilt Chamberlain.  Vucevic dropped another 31 points and 15 rebounds on the Lakers, about a week after crushing them in Orlando.  The Laker record is ok at 11-8, but they would be a hell of a lot better if they stopped producing more turnovers than Betty Crocker.  Heck if they had just a few less turnovers, they would probably be winning many of these games by double digits.  On the bright side though, Brandon Ingram is delivering, making the rest of you look foolish who wanted to trade him a week ago.  Nothing can stop this guy from looking like a fool though….

Speaking of the NBA, Dwight Howard’s life seems to be getting worse by the day.  The latest is Twitter roasting him over his sexual preferences after a gay man accused him of cheating on him.  I could care less what his sexual preferences are.  However, Dwight might be the most unlikable person in the league.  Had he come out of the closet earlier, he might have actually improved his reputation because of the support he receives.  I guess his lack of mental toughness goes way beyond the basketball court.

To the NFL, where the Chargers destroyed the Cardinals yesterday.  Philip Rivers tied an NFL record with 25 straight completions.  Coincidentally, 25 is also the number of children he’s created.  The only bad news is that Melvin Gordon went down with a knee injury that looked pretty serious.  Hopefully he’ll be ok because the Bolts will need him if they want any chance of beating real opponents come playoff time.  Meanwhile, I love how the team announced a sellout crowd yesterday, while the stadium was half empty.  I suppose it’s better than having a stadium full of the visiting team’s fans.  However, think about this: At an average $190 per season ticket with 6,000 no-shows, that means people spent over $1,000,000 yesterday to not watch Charger football.  That’s exactly how much people don’t give a crap about them.

Elsewhere around the NFL, your goal in life should be to find someone who loves you as much as Cris Collinsworth loves Aaron Rodgers.  The Bengals haven’t won a game since Hue Jackson joined their staff.  He’s like a plague for NFL teams.  The Redskins got crushed on Thanksgiving like it was 1492 all over again.  Nothing says Thanksgiving like muting Joe Buck so you can hear a crazy rant by your uncle during the Cowboys game.  Legend has it the Chiefs and Rams are still somewhere scoring touchdowns.  The Colts won and Andrew Luck cursed in his postgame interview for the first time ever.  The Bills beat the Jags, but the real winners were the two people in the Bills Mafia who were filmed having sex in the parking lot during a tailgate.

Finally, the mid-season finale of The Walking Dead went down on AMC last night.  Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if you plan on watching it later.  How did the show manage to kill off another character, yet it wasn’t Eugene? That guy is a bitch and deserves to die.  At least Jesus died as a hero, however, his story feels like it had a very unsatisfying ending.  He just took over as leader of Hilltop, and even might have had some romance brewing.  I assure you that everyone was far more worried about the dog than they were about any other character on the show.  That had to be one of the scariest episodes the show has produced in years.  How sick do you have to be to be wearing the skin of dead people? Carol’s new hairdo makes her look like she’s headed to a Lord Of The Rings convention.  You would think Negan would have gotten out of his cell through some elaborate Ocean’s Eleven type plan.  Nope, Gabriel just left the cell open.  That would have been a really great episode the week of Halloween.  It’s only been 3 episodes, but I’m impressed with what the show has produced without Rick.  Show me more! Well….in February.

 

Monday Morning Coffee

November 19, 2018

I’m sure many of you will freak out over the fact the Lakers lost to the Magic over the weekend, but as I’ve said repeatedly, they are fine.  Teams are going to lay eggs on certain nights in the NBA.  You can’t go 82-0.  Even for the Warriors.  Lebron showed he can win any game he wants  with his display against the Blazers and last night against the Heat, and he’s going to do that come postseason time.  However, my real concern is whether or not they can add another superstar in free agency this summer.  I’m losing faith that’s going to happen.  Kawhi appears to be staying in Toronto, Klay is staying with the Warriors, and Jimmy Butler is locked into Philly.  For those of you who think Kevin Durant might be coming, even though he’s more sensitive than a teenage girl, I can’t see that getting any better by joining the Lakers.  That being the case, the Lakers are going to have to give up everything for Anthony Davis.

I can’t wait for tonight’s big showdown at The Coliseum between the Rams and Chiefs.  It would have been savage to play the game in St. Louis, which would have been the ultimate troll job.  I’ve gotta give the players a lot of credit for leaking the rumor that they were going to boycott the game if they were forced to play on that crummy field in Mexico City.  I don’t care what the NFL says, they don’t give a crap about player safety, and they probably would have forced the players to play on a dangerous surface had they not leaked the boycott.  As for the game itself, I expect the scoreboard to break tonight because both teams will score so many points.  Neither defense has exactly been shutting anybody down, and whichever team has the ball last is my bet to win.

Meanwhile, the Chargers had their first game in Carson in over a month and lost to the Broncos .  Notice i didn’t call it “a home game” because Stubhub was filled with Bronco fans.  So Keenan Allen tries to have fun with a fan and it costs the Chargers 15 yards. But Packers players can leap into the stands. Makes sense right?  The Chargers sure could have used that extra point they missed early on.  As usual the kicking game cost them.  It’s a good thing this team is playing well, because if they were playing badly, nobody in LA would even know they exist.  The Chargers are 7-3 but they are the 8th most popular team in LA, slotting in right behind the Sparks and traffic on the 405 Freeway.   They are taking every advantage of a schedule that is softer than tissue paper.  More power to them, but don’t try to tell me they are going to the Super Bowl.

Elsewhere around the NFL in week 11, i guess Jalen Ramsey can’t talk trash about Big Ben anymore  because his team is trash.  The Bucs, trying to decide if they want Ryan Fitzpatrick or Jameis Winston to throw interceptions for them is like trying to decide between Syphilis and Herpes.  Things have gotten so bad for the Browns that they are considering Condoleezza Rice as their next head coach.  She is probably so offended, she is considering using Weapons of Mass Destruction on the city of Cleveland.  The Cowboys won, might even win the division, and Michael Irvin is going to be celebrating with hookers and blow.  The Raiders won and Jon Gruden is probably pissed because he’s trying to tank.  The Saints have the highest paid punter in the NFL.  Too bad they never need him because they are busy winning games by 41 points.  My favorite part of Sunday Night Football was Cris Collinsworth saying “Trubisky has experience as a running back. He played the position from 2nd to 6th grade.”  Good one Chris.

To the train wreck that is UCLA and USC Football.  The Bruins might as well throw a parade and give Chip Kelly and extension after defeating USC for the first time in four years over the weekend.  I might still not be sold on what Kelly is doing, but he’s off the hook for a while, even after just 3 wins.  Then there’s USC, where expectations are a little different.  It’s time for Clay Helton to go.  Helton is like that substitute teacher that stays long-term since your actual teacher is out for a while.  The kids are happy since they think they can get away with anything, but when it’s time for state exams, they get destroyed because they didn’t learn anything.  USC has top 10 talent at worst, and they aren’t even in the top 25.  If that doesn’t smell of a coaching issue I don’t know what does.  Too bad the University needs to find a new President, and has to pay out about $200 million for a sexual misconduct lawsuit.  Hiring an expensive coach is going to be tough, but it also may not be necessary either.  A good out-of-the-box hire is what they need.  Not some has-been like Jack Del Rio or Jeff Fisher.

The LA Kings are the worst team in the league.  However, they do lead the league in goalie meniscus tears.  Maybe they need to re-hire John Stevens and fire him again so they can win another game.  It’s been absolutely brutal, but coaching and goaltending are not the problem.  It is looking more and more like this team is going to need a complete rebuild, and should start selling off spare parts immediately to collect assets.  They are also going to be in cap hell for a while, so it might take Jerome Powell to solve this one.

Finally, another episode of The Walking Dead went down on AMC last night.  Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if that is the case.  Rosita was remarkably clean for having been covered in mud just a few minutes before passing out in the forest.  There could not have been any more gay sexual tension between Aaron and Jesus in that fight they had.  I was waiting for those two to go out on an apocalyptic date afterward.  Someone saying “It’ll be dark soon” while it’s clearly midday is my new favorite thing.  Had they killed off Daryl’s dog, there would have been more outrage than when Glenn and Abraham died.  What’s up with the X’s on Daryl and Michonne’s back? Is Maggie gone for good? Would be nice if the show told us what was up.  It’s been six years and apparently Daryl is still looking for Rick.  Take it to the bank….someone is going to die next week.  A little bit of a slow episode but looking forward to the mid-season finale!

Monday Morning Coffee

 

November 12, 2018

I completely expect the Lakers to reel off six or seven victories in their next ten games.  They are playing some pretty terrible teams, just as they did the last two nights.   It was an ugly win for the team last night, but a win is a win.  Funny because even when the Lakers win, people always have something to complain about.  Some of my favorite whining includes Lebron going to some party last week after a loss, or when Brandon Ingram has a great game and people suggest he needs to be traded because he can’t perform consistently.  The Lakers are going to be just fine, and they are only going to be better with Tyson Chandler, and even better when another shooter like Trevor Ariza or Kyle Korver gets bought out and signs with them.  It would be nice if Lebron played a little bit of defense though…..

People ask me why I hate on the Clippers so much, and try to convince me that they are playing pretty good ball.  You know why i can’t take them seriously? Because they make tribute videos for Austin Rivers.  I can’t make this up.  The Clippers made a video tribute when the Washington Wizards visited Staples Center.  Tribute videos are reserved for legends who actually accomplish something for a franchise.  However, since the Clippers have nobody that ever accomplishes anything, they have to resort to making tribute videos for the former 8th man on their team, but the team wasn’t even that great.  For those of you that think I’m making this up, here’s the video:

To the NFL where the Rams held off the Seahawks yesterday afternoon at the Coliseum.  I can’t wait to hear what Keyshawn Johnson has to say about this.  Keyshawn always finds a way to hype of Seattle as a team that “shouldn’t be ignored” every single week on ESPN Radio.  The Rams could be headed to the Super Bowl in February, and Keyshawn might still be convinced the Seahawks were still a team to be reckoned with from their couches.  This was a nice bounce back victory after last week against the Saints, but if Cooper Kupp is lost to a torn ACL, that’s going to be a major blow to this team.  He’s turned into an unbelievable offensive threat that can’t be replaced.  I’d also be concerned about this team would be not having home field advantage in the playoffs, and Marcus Peters getting lit on fire every week by the opponents’ top receivers.  However, I never get tired of hearing Marcus Peters talk to the media.  Nothing could be more entertaining.  Especially this comment after the Saints game, in response to New Orleans’ Coach Sean Payton saying he liked the matchup against him.

Meanwhile, the Chargers and Raiders went at it in a game that should have been called “The Relocation Bowl.”  I can’t give the Bolts credit for beating up on a Raiders team that clearly isn’t even trying to win football games right now.  The Raiders were apparently handing out masks to fans attending the game to protect themselves from the polluted air caused by the fires.  What they needed to do was hand out tequila and paper bags so Raider fans could properly deal with watching their team.  The Bolts should have no problem for the next three weeks against Denver, and Arizona.  They are also going to get a big boost when Joey Bosa comes back soon.  Too bad they can’t get a boost from fans, since nobody shows up to their games.

Elsewhere around the NFL in Week 10, The league should have applied the mercy rule and end the Saints vs Bengals game at halftime.  The Bills crushed the Jets in a game that should have been on Comedy Central. Big Ben has been charged with animal abuse for brutally mistreating the Panthers in the Steelers’ Thursday night victory.  The Jaguars defense has disappeared like Houdini.  Meanwhile, Tyreek Hill is part wide receiver and part camera man.

Let’s get to the disaster that is USC Football.  The Trojans were stunned by Cal at the Coliseum on Saturday night, eliminating them from the Pac-12 South race.  It’s crazy to think that a football team that has arguably top 5 talent in the nation is only 5-5, especially in a currently mediocre conference.  The Pac-12 might as well announce that the UCLA-USC game is going to be airing on The Learning Channel next week.  Forget Clay Helton.  USC Football has reached a level that should be absolutely unacceptable to any self-respecting Trojan fan.  They need to completely clean house and start over.  Helton is in total damage control saying programs can turn it around quickly.  However, the Trojans will always get quality players.  They are USC, and kids still want to play there.  Developing that talent is a whole different story, and it’s going to take a young out-of-the-box hire to get that done.

Then there’s UCLA, whose football team stinks too.  You can’t sugar coat what you’ve seen if you’re a Bruin fan, but there’s still one thing to hang your hat on: you can beat USC next weekend.  The game is at the Rose Bowl.  UCLA blew out Cal on the road, and Cal just upset USC at the Coliseum.  I fully expect this to be a a very competitive game, and if the Bruins find a way to win, Chip Kelly can give the fans and his employers something to feel really good about heading into next year.  On the other side of the rivalry though, if USC loses, I’d be shocked if Clay Helton wasn’t fired the next day.

Speaking of UCLA though, basketball season is underway for the Bruins.  The first week of the season brought two unimpressive victories, including an escape against Long Beach State on Friday night at Pauley Pavillion.  I’m going to take it easy on Steve Alford at the moment considering he had to evacuate his home due to the fires in Thousand Oaks.  UCLA might not be Duke this year, but they have some solid talent that should be able to go deep into the NCAA Tournament and contend for a Pac-12 title.  However, the real story so far this season has been freshman center Moses Brown.  I’m not talking about his play.  It’s his hair and his really short shorts.

Finally, another episode of The Walking Dead went down on AMC last night.  Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if you plan on watching it later.  It’s a whole new world, fast forwarding six years from the last episode.  Seeing Rosita kiss Gabriel is just weird and kind of nasty. Thank you for the “Richonne” baby, which wiped that nasty scene out my head.  Gabriel has still gotten more tail in the apocalypse than Daryl.  Judith and Negan are bonding, in exactly the same way Carl and Negan bonded in the comic.  Negan’s gone from murderous sociopath to math tutor.  He also got a haircut, but everyone else looks like they woke up from a 6 year coma.  Michonne must have been watching Law and Order during the time jump.  What are you going to do with a ring in the zombie apocalypse? Take it to a pawn shop?  The Saviors are like roaches! Why are any of them still alive? Six years later, Carol is still a badass burning people alive.  Just so everyone can keep things straight, Walkers don’t talk.  They aren’t Walkers.  They are “The Whisperers”, who are the new villain.  It was a pretty good episode, and so far I’m impressed with their attempts to reinvent the show.