Author Archives: omzzzzz

Monday Morning Coffee

September 10, 2018

I am amazed that people actually picked the Chargers as a sleeper to get to the Super Bowl or be contenders in the AFC.  It’s like some of those people were smoking with Elon Musk (more on that later).  The Bolts couldn’t have looked any more overrated in their season opener against the Chiefs.  They also had their 30,000 seat stadium packed with Kansas City fans, which is no surprise.  A total embarrassment for a franchise that is used to embarrassing moments.  It was so bad that the Chargers had to call timeout to drown out the crowd noise while on offense in their own stadium!  If you went to the fridge to get a beer, you probably missed Tyreek Hill and his Olympic speed scoring early on.  You just can’t trust the Chargers to finish off any game successfully, and playing 16 road games isn’t going to help them much either.  For a team this talented, the sum of the parts is a lot less than the whole.

Elsewhere around the NFL, Eagles fans are so excited about their season opening win against the Falcons, they are going to celebrate by eating more horse manure.  The Browns are going to throw a city wide parade after earning a tie with the Steelers.  Nathan Peterman was so bad for the Bills, his quarterback rating actually went up after throwing an interception against the Ravens.  The 49ers and Jimmy G were by far the next most overrated team coming into week 1.  The Saints made Ryan Fitzpatrick look like Johnny Unitas and probably screwed you in your survivor pool.  The Cowboys cut Dan Bailey because he didn’t have a criminal record and really could have used him against Carolina.  That Bears-Packers game was like a big middle finger from Khalil Mack to Jon Gruden.   Then Aaron Rodgers pulled a Paul Pierce and brought the Packers back.  Here’s a look at Bears fans after Rodgers pulled off the magic comeback……

To College Football where the Trojans put on some mediocre performance against Stanford on Saturday night.  The more and more I watch this team the more I think Clay Helton is the new Jeff Fisher of College Football.  I’ve seen elementary school kids with more creativity than the creativity that Helton shows on offense.  Of course Helton said after the game that he was really proud of his kids and how they competed.  Apparently he thinks this is AYSO soccer.  At this point the best thing going for USC is their talent and their schedule.  Not even Clay Helton should lose to Texas next week, and they only dropped 4 spots in the rankings.  Otherwise, the Trojan faithful shouldn’t be too thrilled about the big picture.

UCLA shouldn’t be too thrilled either with their 0-2 start, although I thought they were going to lose by a lot more than 28 points to Oklahoma.  Things are so bad for the Bruins, Russell Westbrook attended the game and looked about as upset as he usually does after every playoff series.  Things should get a little better for the Bruins in time, but the biggest concern has to be that Dorian  Thompson-Robinson isn’t that good, which means UCLA needs to recruit another quarterback.  If he’s under center for most of the rest of this season, it’s going to be a very long and ugly season for the Bruins.

Even though the Dodgers took 2 of 3 from the Rockies over the weekend, they are running out of time to give me any confidence they are going to make the postseason.  Their chances of making it are about as good as a coin flip.  Everyone wants to talk about how much easier their schedule is than the Rockies and D’Backs, but LA just lost 2 of 3 to the Mets at home.  I’m not even sure the Mets are trying to win games at this point.  They also have to go to St. Louis to play 4 games against the Cardinals, who own the Dodgers’ soul at this point.  It’s going to be especially embarrassing for a team with that much talent and that much of a payroll to be sitting home in October.  There’s also nothing more fitting than the Dodgers giving away these digital bobbleheads.  In other words, they are actually giving NOTHING.  Not an actual Bobblehead.  I refuse to believe that anybody other than Andrew Friedman or his computer came up with his absurdly stupid and nerdy idea.

Now it just feels like Shohei Ohtani is trolling the Angels.  Ohtani is probably going to undergo Tommy John surgery, just like everyone said he would after the Halos stubbornly put him back on the mound.  Then Ohtani went on a home run hitting tear like he was Babe Ruth.  This guy could easily hit 40 home runs exclusively as a designated hitter, and would provide Mike Trout with all the protection he needs.  Instead, the Angels will have to wait until next season to keep Ohtani exclusively as a DH, moving even closer to Mike Trout’s free agency.  Get ready for another 6 months of Mike Trout trade rumors since the Halos have been going nowhere.  The Angels actually have money to spend this offseason too, but most people would probably bet on them spending it on another pitcher that’s going to end up on the operating table.

I thought the dumbest thing I had ever seen was Democrats boycotting In-N-Out because they donated to the Republican party.  Then Republicans said “hold by beer” and started burning their Nike gear when they saw Colin Kaepernick as the face of a Nike campaign.  That campaign doesn’t make most sensible people any more or less likely buy Nike, but it is an interesting strategy by the company.  They definitely do not care about people in Texas, Alabama, or anybody in the middle of the country.  They are focused on 12 cities around the globe, most notably LA and New York that are filled with diversity.  They’ve also shown that historically they are willing to build these campaigns against controversial athletes (Tiger, Kobe, Charles Barkley, etc).  It’s worked for them in the past, so no reason to think it won’t work now.  It also gave us a week of some amazing internet memes.

I don’t really have that big of a problem with Elon Musk having a couple of sips of whiskey and smoking weed during his interview with Joe Rogan on Friday.  However, given all the scrutiny he’s been under, the timing of it all seems very stupid, and you know his investors are going to lose their mind.  For that reason, it amazes me that some of the smartest people can make some of the stupidest decisions.  The real story behind that interview though was the fact that Musk was talking about some crazy “end of the world” technologies, that was essentially mad science that would eventually end the human race.  It was like the guy just got back from Burning Man.  He’s brilliant, but he’s crazy.

Finally, you’ve gotta hande it to ABC.  Nobody wanted to see Colton as the next Bachelor, yet they found a way to give America exactly what it didn’t want.  Colton as the next Bachelor.  Is this guy really going to lose his virginity on fantasy suite night? Better yet, I can’t wait for the episode where Chris Harrison has to give Colton a sex ed course.  Of course everyone is saying they are boycotting the show this season.  they really really mean it this time.  Except we all know that everyone will be back.  In reality though, Colton is a bloggers dream as the next Bachelor because there are so many jokes you can make.  It’s like the jokes actually write themselves.  For those of you that wanted Jason, Peter, or Blake, you clearly have not caught on to how this works yet.

Monday Morning Coffee

September 3, 2018

If you’re a Trojan fan, the big question is what stage of denial are you in? Stage 1 is where you think you just played down to a mediocre UNLV team, but you are still playoff contenders.  Stage 2 is where you think you’ll have some work to do, but you’ll probably be ok and win the Pac-12.  Stage 3  is where you know Clay Helton is way in over his head and this team is going nowhere fast.  Most sensible people should be somewhere between stage 2 and 3, and if you were at 1, you’ve probably been drinking at a fraternity house since Thursday night.  The Trojans just gave up over 300 yards rushing to a crummy team.  Imagine what will happen when they visit Stanford next week. USC has talent and JT Daniels looks nice, but unless he turns into Sam Darnold over night, things could get ugly for the Trojans over the next couple of weeks.

Then there’s UCLA, which started off the Chip Kelly era with a brutal loss to Cincinnati.  I can’t say watching this team looked any different than watching a team coached by Jim Mora Jr.  Kelly’s offense looked a lot more like the ineffective displays we saw from him in San Francisco and his last year in Philadelphia during his time in the NFL.  The defense may have looked better, but I saw nothing that resembled the Chip Kelly that coached College Football years ago.  Of course suspending six players before the game didn’t help either.  Those six players probably were suspended for skipping out on the bill at a Chinese restaurant.

Elsewhere around College Football, the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame renewed their rivalry with Michigan and got a big win to start the season.  I think it’s safe to say it’s been a rough couple of weeks for Catholicism, so that victory was much needed.  As for Michigan, not sure what’s happened to Jim Harbaugh.  I guess he didn’t want to “show too much” against the Irish.  He must be saving it all for that big game against Western Michigan.  Ohio State beat up Oregon State, but the Urban Meyer debacle continues to make headlines.  Meyer covers up domestic violence and receives a 3 game suspension. Josh Gordon smokes weed and was suspended for 2 seasons. The only similarities between the NFL and Ohio State is that they both pay their players.  Alabama crushed Louisville, but Nick Saban is still acting like a lunatic.

To the NFL, where the Rams finally got a deal done with Aaron Donald, who will be swimming in money after being guaranteed $87 million.  As if that wasn’t enough good news, they also learned that John Gruden has no idea what he’s doing in Oakland, trading Khalil Mack to Chicago.  That means the Rams won’t have to face Mack when they open the season next week in Oakland.  Gruden is going to need to hire some body guards after Raider fans found out what he did.  The Rams look amazing on paper, but that’s the scary thing, NFL games aren’t played on paper.  The only thing that can go wrong is what’s gone wrong for teams that have had this much hype behind them to start the season.  Only time will tell, however, not playing any starters in the preseason may not have been the smartest idea.  The Rams weren’t all that effective in the playoffs when resting their starters in the final regular season game last year.  We’ll see how effective the starters are come one week from today.

In baseball the Dodgers had a quite a dramatic series against the D’Backs over the weekend.  Both teams along with the Rockies look like they are headed for a very close finish in the NL West.  If  there’s one thing we learned over the weekend it’s that the Dodger starters should be pitching a lot longer into games, regardless of what the analytics say.  The bullpen has been so horrible, each reliever only has one pitch: the home run ball.  Great idea however, by Elon Musk to create an underground mode of transportation to Dodger Stadium.  That way the relievers can quickly exit the building when they embarrass themselves on a nightly basis.  The solution for this team over the last month is to use two starters per night.  They clearly have enough good starting pitching to do so, but not enough quality relievers.  That should make it easier to get the ball to Kenley Jansen.  I’m just not so sure the computer will approve of this move. Nevertheless, great heroics by Matt Kemp for two days in a row, and an even better update to Archie Bradley’s Wiki page!

The Angels season ended long ago, and they have been playing meaningless games for quite some time.  However, I will never understand some of the things Mike Scioscia does.  He says that Shohei Ohtani will get much better as he gets more at-bats against left handed pitching.  Since these games mean nothing, why isn’t he giving him more of those at-bats? Instead, Scioscia has been committed to putting him back on the mound, which means potentially putting him back on the operating table.  This franchise badly needs to move on from the Scioscia and Albert Pujols era.  The latter seems harder to achieve given the years left on his deal.  This offseason though, the Halos need to find a Manager that can co-exist with the modern day data drive front offices, and one who has achieved success.  The guy that comes to mind would be Joe Girardi.

To the NBA where I’m very disappointed in the way the Lakers handled the Luol Deng situation.  Finally, the Lakers elected to waive Deng on Saturday, meaning his enormous salary will remain on the books for the next four seasons.  Yes, getting rid of Deng means the Lakers will be able to afford 1 max player next summer.  However, they still would have had an opportunity to trade his entire salary off their books next summer, probably by giving up a single 1st round pick at that point.  Doing that would mean not only adding a max player next summer, but also another quality player for $10 million.  I’ve gotta think you could find some good ring chasers that want to play with Lebron at that price.  I’m also not really sure why the Lakers have been treating Deng like he’s Smush Parker or Kwame Brown.  Sure he’s aged, but it’s not like the man can’t play basketball.

Hockey season is just around the corner as NHL training camps open up in about a week.  I had the privilege of attending the LA Kings State of The Franchise event last week.  During that event the Kings had several broadcasters and alumni signing autographs.  One of those alumni was Brandon Convery.  I have been a Kings fan for 27 years.  Why the hell haven’t I heard of this guy? That’s because he played a whole 3 games for the team back in the 1998-1999 season.  The Kings really couldn’t get anybody else for this event?  Sean Avery, Jeremy Roenick, Dan Cloutier, or some other useless alumni wasn’t available?

Finally, I got a great laugh out of all the morons that decided they are going to boycott In-N-Out Burgers, after it was revealed they donated to the Republic Party.  You can absolutely hate Donald Trump, but the fact that anyone wouldn’t go eat somewhere because the restaurants political beliefs are different from their own is a new level of narrow mindedness.  I guess some people have lost their damn minds and are ok with it.  If that’s the case, they better be prepared to boycott plenty of other establishments and services that they frequent.

Monday Morning Coffee

August 27, 2018

According to the co-founder of the Big3, Jeff Kwatinetz, Kobe Bryant will be joining their league next season.  That is unbelievable news for a league that I thought would last about as long as the career of Vanilla Ice.  Kobe must have gotten bored with all those pickup games at Equinox.  The man still has so much star power, he could probably get the Big3 to play their games in his front yard for convenience.  I have to say though, Kobe has played this whole retirement thing pretty well.  Contrary to what most people thought when Kobe retired, he certainly doesn’t miss basketball, and the fans miss him a lot more.

Paul George is a fool, and now he’s talking like one.  He’s going around telling the media that the Lakers were angry they didn’t even get a meeting with him.  He also suggested that he’s still got another contract to sign before his career is over, and that he could still join the Lakers down the line.  The mere fact that he felt the need to say this tells me he’s already questioning his decision to not only spurn the franchise he dreamed of playing for as a kid, but also the opportunity to play with the best player in the world.  Apparently George has no interest in playing for an NBA Championship, because with him, Lebron, and plenty of expendable pieces to trade for Kawhi at that point, the Lakers would be competing with the Warriors for a title this year.

Despite the sweep over the weekend, the Dodgers have been sinking like the Titanic.  They picked a very bad time go into the tank with about 30 games left in the season.  Their bullpen is so bad that they are now forced to run Kenley Jansen out to the mound while being completely unprepared to pitch.  Somehow even Manny Machado has caught the Dodger Blue Virus that prevents you from hitting with runners in scoring position.  Here’s some analytics Mr. Friedman, when you go to your bullpen too early, there is a 100% chance you will blow the game, but that doesn’t seem to matter since 70% of your fan base can’t actually watch your games on TV anyway.  I also love how the Dodgers couldn’t be any more desperate for bullpen help, yet Friedman is out there trying to trade for another guy hitting .220 in Bryce Harper.   This feels like it’s going to be a disastrous finish for the Dodgers.

Has anybody looked at UCLA’s football schedule this year? It’s going to be like trying to get through a field of land mines.  They play five teams in the preseason Top 25 AP poll, including a trip to Oklahoma to play the 7th ranked Sooners.  It’s definitely a championship schedule, but UCLA is far from a championship team.  They’ll be very lucky to go 8-4. The Bruins don’t even know who their starting quarterback is going to be yet, but for now they can be excited about having Chip Kelly coach their team.  Ironically when Chip Kelly is your coach you get no name recruits that end up producing at very high levels.  The Bruins need to hope Kelly still has the magic he had at Oregon because that feels like many moons ago, despite the success it was.

Meanwhile, USC might be loaded with talent but their schedule is softer than Charmin toilet paper.  Sure that won’t be a problem when the Trojans are dismantling UNLV and the Sigma Chi’s are celebrating on their front lawn doing keg stands.  However, it will be a problem once the end of the season comes and they start bitching that they should be in the College Football Playoff with a loss or two.  Now that JT Daniels has been named the starting quarterback in week 1, it’s only a matter of time before Jack Sears and maybe even Matt Fink decide to transfer.  It will take an injury or extremely poor performance by Daniels for them to ever see the field.

Finally, speaking of UCLA and USC, Sam Darnold and Josh Rosen are already looking like strong bets to be starting NFL quarterbacks in the very near future.  Darnold might actually start in Week 1, and the Jets have been so sorry, he feels like their best quarterback in a decade.  Rosen is already throwing darts and looks like he’s going to very good for the Cardinals as well.  He’s going to make those NFL GM’s look like idiots for passing on him simply because he’s outspoken on holding them accountable for what they are doing.  Then there’s the Buffalo Bills, who passed on Rosen and took Josh Allen instead, who looks about as effective as Helen Keller would be at quarterback.

Monday Morning Coffee

August 20, 2018

You’ve gotta love how sports radio and TV networks fill air-time during the dog days of August when not much is happening. If it’s not analyzing some stupid tweet or instagram post from an athlete, it’s usually debating if Lebron is better than Michael Jordan. That’s really like arguing who is better: Spider-Man or Superman? I’ve always been partial to Batman to be honest. Nevertheless, one person that actually does care about this ridiculous argument is Lebron himself, who has admitted in recent years he’s “chasing a ghost”, which is Jordan. What Lebron is clearly trying to do to enhance his legacy is make himself active in community and social issues. It’s actually very smart. Most people subconsciously think of Magic Johnson as an even better player with a better legacy because of what he did away from basketball. Lebron’s journey with the Lakers is about to build this part of his legacy.

What a ridiculous week it was for the Clippers. They actually fired broadcaster Bruce Bowen for being critical of Kawhi Leonard, in hopes that it will help their chances of signing Kawhi next summer. Bowen was basically fired for doing his job and giving a very reasonable opinion. That’s very thin skinned on the part of the Clippers, but then again, Kawhi is a weird enough dude where he might actually sign with them next summer. Even more ridiculous was the pep rally the team threw over the weekend. Steve Ballmer claimed they weren’t going to suck for the next couple of years. That’s probably because they are going to suck for a lot longer than that.

It’s a complete disgrace that a team with a nearly $200 million payroll like the Dodgers has such a fragile rotation, and a bullpen that is totally untrustworthy. Here’s an idea. Instead of giving away a sum of cash every home game to a fan during the 50/50 raffle for charity, the Dodgers should just offer a fan a spot in their bullpen for a game. I can’t imagine the fan’s chances to get a couple of outs could be any worse than the stiffs that Dave Roberts is forced to give the ball to on a nightly basis. I’m very curious to see what happens to Andrew Friedman and the front office if the Dodgers fail to make the playoffs. Lately it looks like his computers have been hacked by the Russians given the decisions he’s been making. He better call tech support before the season is over or he might be out of a job.

The Angels’ decision to try and get Shohei Ohtani back on the mound is the worst idea since they decided to open Jurassic Park. The Angels knew that Ohtani had elbow problems prior to signing him, and those problems are flaring up already. Similar to Garret Richards, it feels like if Ohtani gets back on the mound, he’s going to end up on the operating table. If that were to happen next season, he would be unable to play before Mike Trout’s free agency in 2020. In other words, the next two seasons are critical for the Halos, so they need to make smart decisions to be competitive with Trout. Making Ohtani an everyday DH or outfielder is one of those smart decisions in the long-run.

If there’s one thing that really scares me about the Rams this year it’s the fact there is so much hype around them. ESPN came out with an article the other day basically saying it’s Super Bowl or bust. This team has so much hype around them that even Lavar Ball thinks it’s a little much. A few years ago the Eagles assembled what they thought was “the dream team” and it ended up being a total disaster. With all the combustible personalities in the Rams’ locker room, there’s no telling if all their talent will come together and perform, or implode. The NFL is that weird of a game where intangibles matter just as much as talent. Except if you’re the Cleveland Browns where intangibles and talent don’t matter because you suck anyway.

The Walking Dead franchise is in complete shambles. The Walking Dead and Fear The Walking Dead are getting rid of characters faster than Donald Trump is firing cabinet members, and the shows’ ratings are looking more like a B-rated network TV show. On top of that, Chris Hardwick was nearly removed as host of Talking Dead after his girlfriend accused him of physical and emotional abuse. At one point I believed the franchise could take the show another 7-8 seasons, and even get the amazing ratings they once had. However, now the show has veered so far off the storyline of the comics, it feels like the writers are struggling to just make things up as they go. There is no way their remaining main characters, or Hardwick can keep the franchise alive much longer. I give it another year, then it’s time to take this series out back and shoot it because it’s a Walking Dead zombie.

Finally, I can’t believe that SyFy has made six Sharknado movies. Six! Then again, I can actually believe it because network TV sucks, there’s nothing on in August, and it nearly breaks Twitter every time they come up with another one. It’s like a bad car accident you just can’t look away from. The first 15 minutes was like watching Game of Thrones, just not quite as good. I loved the Tori Spelling cameo and high school 90210 reference she made. That movie will probably get you a history credit at your local JC. Tara Reid actually ended up in a Shark’s mouth in the movie. However, she is made of so much plastic, it’s probably considered pollution to throw her in the ocean. It’s like when they came up with the movie, after filming every scene the producers said “nah we’ll fix that later.” Just think, whenever you think you’ve come up with a bad idea, remind yourself that someone made Sharknado 6. It was a nice 6-year run.

Monday Morning Coffee

August 13, 2018

Since Lebron signed with the Lakers, I’ve heard nothing but hypocrisy and and hate from the national media regarding the teams outlook.  Apparently prior to signing with the Lakers, Lebron James was viewed as being able to take any team he’s on to the finals.  Now that he’s on the Lakers, the media says he might not even make the playoffs.  The media also seems to think that every other group of young players in the league are going to improve, most notably in Boston and Philadelphia, yet that couldn’t possibly happen in LA.  Every team also improved themselves in free agency according to the media, except for the Lakers, who added the best player in basketball.  And to think that all this time I thought it was just the people that work in the NBA that weren’t very smart.  It’s the folks that cover the NBA that are equally as dumb.

You’re now seeing just how bad the Dodger bullpen is now that Kenley Jansen is out for a month with an irregular heartbeat.  I’ve been telling you just how flawed the bullpen is for years, but now you can actually witness it.  They couldn’t close a game in Colorado over the weekend, and they probably couldn’t even close a hot dog stand.  It also doesn’t help that for all the power in their lineup, the team can’t advance a runner, hit and run, steal a base, or do anything that resembles small ball.  The irony of all this is that Dave Roberts was probably the ultimate small ball player, yet Andrew Friedman and his front office of nerds have handed him a bullpen that is a dumpster fire, and a lineup that doesn’t play to the Manager’s strengths.  I guess that doesn’t matter to Friedman anyway, since he’s the one actually dictating who is in the lineup everyday, and how quickly his starters are removed.  I’m beginning to wonder if the Dodgers are even going to win the NL West.

You’ve gotta wonder who it was that leaked the rumor that Mike Scioscia was stepping down at the end of the season.  I’m thinking it was somebody in the Angels’ front office, and that the front office doesn’t really want him back.  Scioscia claims he’s not stepping down, but with with no playoff wins in almost a decade, it’s safe to say he already has.  For just a moment it looked like the Halos might be making a charge back into the pennant race.  However, after coming up short in Oakland over the weekend, and 24 of their last 36 games against teams with a winning record, my odds of winning the Powerball are better than the Angels making the postseason.

Rams General Manager Les Snead told the media on Saturday that contract talks with Aaron Donald were “in the same zip code”.  Anybody that lives in LA knows that even though you are in the same zip code, you are actually really far apart because with traffic it takes forever to get there.  You can’t blame Donald at all, but if the man wants quarterback money, I don’t see this ending anytime soon.  Unfortunately for Donald, the Rams have all the leverage here.  They have his rights, they aren’t going to trade him, they already have a great team, and 3 very winnable games to start the season.

We’re just a few weeks away from the start of college football season, and Clay Helton has a dilemma on his hands at quarterback for USC.  The obvious choice seems like JT Daniels, but he needs both Jack Sears and Matt Fink in case things don’t work out with Daniels.  It’s sort of like making sure you still have a side piece or two, hedging your bet in case things don’t work out with your girlfriend.  This is exactly what happened with Max Browne and Sam Darnold.  The Trojans had to keep Browne on the bench for a while and make him think he had a shot in case things didn’t work out with Darnold.  The quarterback business in college football is brutal.

Yesterday was unbelievable at the PGA Championship.  Tiger came in second and the crowd went nuts. Brooks Koepka  won it all and I’ve heard louder hand shakes after Sunday service than cheers for him.  3,709 days since Tiger won a major. 3 different Presidents, 3 different Spider-Men, 11 different iPhones, every team in the AL except for the Mariners has won their division at least once, including the Astros, who joined the AL in 2013. It’s a really long time.  Still, the man has incredible star power.  It’s going to be a long winter without seeing him back on the course, but hopefully he can build off of it for the sake of the sport, and our excitement.  Not hard to understand why Tiger has so many back problems when he’s been carrying an entire sport for 20 years.

Finally, I had the pleasure of attending the taping of The Final Rose last Monday on ABC for the season finale of The Bachelorette.  For a season that frankly wasn’t all that good, I have to say that the experience at the taping was phenomenal.  This was a 3-hour show, yet during the commercial breaks they keep the energy going by getting you to dance, interact with the MC, and Chris Harrison himself keeps you entertained.  Harrison comes up into various portions of the crowd and interacts with as many people as he can to keep that energy going.  They don’t lie, you will be on camera, as they do a lot of audience shots.  As for the finale itself, couldn’t somebody have handed Blake a towel or tissue so he didn’t have to blow his nose and wipe his tears in his suit?  Of course Becca ended up with Garrett because ABC loves racists and homophobes.  Nevertheless, Blake couldn’t keep it together when he met her family.  He was more nervous than Dwight Howard on Fathers Day.  You’ve also gotta love the fact that Becca is a publicist and completely crafted Garrett’s statement on the show in response to his homophobic social media behavior.  Don’t feel bad Blake, you’re about to have about 10,000 girls slide into your DM’s on IG.  As usual, the show ended for most people in disappointing fashion, yet you’ll all be back in a few months watching this train wreck again, if you’re not already watching The Bachelor in Paradise.


Monday Morning Coffee

August 6, 2018

There i was just minding my own business on a Friday until the President of the United States took down Don Lemon and Lebron James, and then somehow Jock Talk LA got dragged into the battle.  There’s a lot of folks in the wrong here.  If Lebron wants to make political and social statements that’s his right, but he’d probably be a lot more effective if he didn’t take shots at the President every time he spoke about him.  Then there’s President Trump, who apparently has nothing better to do with his time than blast the intelligence of Don Lemon and Lebron on social media.  It’s not like he has a country to run or anything.  It’s all just very unnecessary.  The Lakers did make the savvy move though by coming out and supporting Lebron publicly, which is something that Dan Gilbert hardly did in Cleveland.

I can’t believe some of you actually believed these ridiculous rumors started by Shaq that Kobe was coming out of retirement.  It was fun to talk about for a few days, even for most of us that knew it wasn’t going to happen.  However, his wife, Vanessa Bryant, had to come in and ruin all the fun by posting a very serious message on Instagram telling everybody that he is definitely not coming back. Thanks Vanessa.  You completely ruined the joke.

Lou Williams actually believes that the Clippers are still better than the Lakers. Lou also thinks that the earth is flat, Kim Kardashian is a virgin, and that people on the The Bachelorette are actually going to have successful marriages.  I’m thinking he spent his summer on Mars and didn’t get the memo that the Lakers signed the best player in basketball.  By the way, by season’s end, the Lakers were arguably better than the Clippers when they were healthy, even before adding Lebron.  Little does Lou also know that the Clippers front office isn’t trying to win this year.

The Dodgers just finished a brutal 17-game stretch after getting slaughtered by the Astros over the weekend.  I think it’s safe to say that this team is definitely not ready for prime time.  Andrew Friedman’s strength was supposed to be building bullpens.  Not only has he not done that, he’s built a lineup that either hits solo home runs or strikes out.  This team is going to be prone to some serious slumps against good pitching in October, similar to what we’ve seen over the past couple of weeks.  Brian Dozier is more of the same.  A player with lots of power, but this season has looked like he can’t hit little league pitching.  That 14-0 loss to the Astros felt like Pedro Baez was pitching the entire game. This team has some serious flaws, and apparently Siri couldn’t figure out a way to help Friedman spent $197 million more effectively.

Rumors began to leak out over the weekend that Mike Scioscia was going to step down as skipper of the Halos when the season ends.  Scioscia described the rumors as “poppycock”.  They are clearly true because who uses the word “poppycock” other than Christopher Walken?  This needs to happen.  Scioscia is the greatest Manager in club history, but it’s time for a new voice and a new approach for the Angels to try and turn their franchise around.  In a much more analytically driven league, the Halos should probably think outside the box for their next hire, and also have somebody who sees more eye-to-eye with the front office.

The Chargers haven’t even played a game yet and their season is already looking very Charger like. They just lost Pro Bowl cornerback Jason Verrett to an ACL injury for the season.  I’m assuming that this is going to be the first of a number of devastating injuries to some Charger players because that seems to be how their season always goes.  More than anything though, I just don’t trust this team to win the games that really matter and come through in critical moments.  They always seem to have the talent, but not the intestinal fortitude to get it done.  That’s why I’m shocked at the number of analysts that think the Chargers are going to win the AFC West.

How do you know it’s college football season? There’s a scandal at a big program. This time it’s Urban Meyer, who looks like another scum bag who only cares about winning. Ohio State is ranked #3 in the the Preseason Coach’s Poll. When asked to comment on his team’s ranking Urban Meyer stated: “I have zero knowledge about this and was never told about this.” Urban knew he had a domestic abuser on his coaching staff, and a number of other incidents that went down at OSU and even Florida. This is just the only incident we know about. If Michigan State can keep a large majority of their staff employed after the total loss of control there, I’m sure OSU will find any reason to keep Urban around if they can.  It’s college football where programs pretend like character actually means something.

Finally, the season finale of The Bachelorette is going down tonight and I’m fortunate enough to be able to attend the live show. Before I get to my thoughts last week, can we talk about why everybody keeps using the phrase “living their best life”? We are now almost two full seasons removed from that annoying finish to Rachel’s season, which was when she coined that phrase. What does that even mean? I don’t think anybody actually knows, which makes it even more ridiculous. As for this season and last week’s “Men Tell All”, the one-liners were epic. Jean-Blanc: “Colton you act like a bitch but you’ve never been inside one”. I nearly fell out of my chair. Not nearly enough time was dedicated to Venmo John’s masterful Tinder breakdown. Jean Blanc is literally those Mall employees that shove perfume at you when you’re trying to walk through Macy’s real fast. If you think that I’m going to waste 2 hours of my life watching grown ass men embarrass themselves on national television then you are absolutely right. Looking forward to seeing the season finale of that embarrassment tonight.

Monday Morning Coffee

July 30, 2018

The Lakers are going to need the world’s best sports team psychiatrist to get through next season. Luke Walton might be getting the most use out of that person given the personalities he’s going to have to deal with. It’s almost like the Lakers asked themselves how they can build the perfect roster to get a coach fired. Hopefully that’s not how it goes for Walton’s sake because he has the potential to be a great coach. Michael Beasley defended the Lakers’ acquisitions last week though, which is surprising because Beasley has never defended anybody during his erratic NBA career. I don’t expect that to change this season just because he’s a Laker.

Meanwhile, Tobias Harris shockingly turned down the Clippers offer for a 4 year $80 million extension. I guess Harris doesn’t seem to like money or the Clippers. I highly doubt even if he plays great basketball this year, he will find another team willing to pay him more than $20 million a year. This isn’t 2016. After seeing how quickly the Clips traded Blake Griffin after re-signing him, Harris probably wouldn’t trust the team to even order him his next lunch. As for the Clippers, if their goal is to just spend money on a couple of max free agents next summer, then they’ll be just fine if Tobias walks away from them in a year anyway.

The Rams will likely give their janitor a raise before giving Aaron Donald an extension. After giving out another $45 million guaranteed to Todd Gurley, the Rams have now paid Ndamukong Suh, and Brandin Cooks, but not one of the best players in the NFL. This is looking worse and worse by the day. It’s not an issue that has gone on for a few months. It’s been a full year of putting this off, so you can’t blame Donald for holding out until he gets paid. The NFL has the weakest players union in all of sports. There are certain players however, that deserve guaranteed contracts on every team, and not just guaranteed money. Donald has proven to be one of those types of players, so at this point the Rams just need to get the deal done.

The Dodgers are in the midst of a brutal road stretch but they are holding up. However, we learned something important about the bullpen over the past week. It stinks. In fact, Kike Hernandez now has a career 81.00 ERA after his one relief appearance. That makes me feel just as comfortable with him on the mound as Pedro Baez. Manny Muchado is nice, but the Dodgers need to add a quality reliever or two to their bullpen before Wednesday’s deadline. A starting pitcher probably wouldn’t hurt either considering Ross “Chicken Strips” Stripling has turned into chicken shit.

There’s two months to go in a dreadful season for the Angels, and I find myself about to say something that I’ve said last year. I think I said it the year before that too, and the one before that. The Halos have a lot of players who aren’t good at baseball. By my count, they are about 7 players away from contending, and maybe even the Astros moving their team to a Japanese league. Other than Mike Trout and Andrelton Simmons, there’s nobody on the team that is critical. They also desperately need two good starting pitchers who’s arms can remain intact for a full season. Unless they plan on overpaying for an older Clayton Kershaw or gutting their limited farm system in a trade for Jacob DeGrom, that probably won’t get fixed anytime soon. Better enjoy Mike Trout for the final two seasons here’s here. Come 2020, it might take a $600 million commitment to sign him.

I can just see the outrage now. USC was picked to lose the Pac-12 Championship game to Washington by the media in overwhelming fashion. The Trojan student body is so angry they are going to burn down the 9-0. Then again it needs to be burned down because it’s kind of a dump for a USC bar. The fact the Trojans weren’t projected to win speaks volumes about the uncertainty of their quarterback situation and how good Washington has become. I find it more shocking that UCLA was picked to finish a distant 4th in the Pac-12 South. Apparently nobody thinks Chip Kelly can coach anymore.

Finally, The Bachelorette is back on ABC tonight with “The Men Tell All”. We’re down to two underwhelming choices left for Becca. It’s starting to look obvious that Garret is going to win this. It’s a perfect match for ABC who loves casting racists, and Becca, who loves boring guys. Jason has class and everybody else in his shoes would have just gotten angry with how Becca ended things with him. You know that game marry, kill, f***? Fantasy suite night seems like the real life edition of that. One of these days ABC is going to come up with a Fantasy Suite spinoff series where the Bachelorette gets pregnant but nobody knows who the father is. We’re at the last week so why are we still hearing Aries name? That guy deserves a “Best Supporting Actor” award this season. The biggest question that remains unanswered though is whether or not they broke the headboard in the Fantasy Suite?

Monday Morning Coffee

July 23, 2018

Let’s start with the latest piece of good news for the Lakers. Josh Hart is balling, and he might even be in line to be starting next season after winning the Summer League MVP. The bad news is that the Lakers keep signing crazy people, with the latest being Michael Beasley. I guess Lebron told Magic to do whatever he can to make Lavar irrelevant. All he needs to do is sign Kim Jong-un and Dennis Rodman and the mission will be accomplished.

To baseball, where somehow the Dodgers acquired Manny Muchado from the Orioles last week. Never could I ever image that Andrew Friedman would give up 5 prospects in a trade for anyone. The Orioles must have thrown in a free Fortnight subscription under the table to sweeten the pot and get the deal done. Muchado was much needed and he’s going to help, but the Dodgers aren’t as good as last year and still need pitching. The good news however, is that Matt Kemp is still on fire. With Muchado hitting in front of him, Kemp hasn’t had this much protection since dating Rihanna a few years ago.

Meanwhile, the Angels did a nice job of coming to Mike Trout’s defense, after Commissioner Rob Manfred suggested Trout isn’t doing enough to market himself. That’s the only positive thing the team has done in weeks. If Manfred knew anything at all about marketing or even cared, he probably would have made sure 70% of the LA market could watch the Dodgers on TV, which isn’t the case today. Even if I look at the biggest stars in baseball in the biggest markets, they are much smaller than stars in the NBA and even NFL. Clayton Kershaw is the best pitcher of his generation in the 2nd largest media market, and he should be a much bigger superstar. Kris Bryant drove an Uber around Chicago several years ago, and nobody recognized him. I guess Rob Manfred is just as clueless as Bud Selig was, because baseball has no idea how to market toward the younger generation of fans they need to make the game more popular than it is now.

Speaking of baseball stars, is there a more overrated star than Bryce Harper? For years, we’ve seen ESPN trip over themselves covering this guy the way they cover Lebron and Tiger Woods. Harper is nothing more than a .214 hitter, who’s advanced statistics make him look even worse in an era dominated by analytics. Somehow, some moronic team is going to pay him $400 million over the next 10 years beginning this winter. It’s amazing that he was once compared to the greatness of Mike Trout.

I sure hope the Rams are planning on getting a deal done with Aaron Donald any second now. Brandin Cooks hasn’t even played a single down for the team yet he was guaranteed $50 million. Donald is only one of the best players in the entire league, yet the Rams keep waiting to pay him the way most people keep delaying paying off their credit card statement. Even if a deal does get done soon, it’s a really bad look for the Rams to pay Cooks first, and can’t be sitting very well with Donald if this negotiation goes on for some time.

I have been a massive fan of Shark Week for 20 years, and I’m beyond excited it’s back on this week. However, I don’t need all the celebrity cameos. If I wanted to see Shaq, I’d just watch Inside The NBA. If I wanted to see Ronda Rousey, I’d watch the WWE, but if that ever happened I’d probably be doing drugs. I like how she’s too scared to get back in the octagon, but perfectly fine swimming with sharks without a cage. In any case, I don’t need celebrities, and I don’t need the sensationalism of Shark attacks, or any more history on Jaws. I want to know what more we’ve learned about Sharks lately, and about some of the crazy alien like species we’ve seen little of. That’s what Shark Week should always be about. Increasing our fascination with these amazing animals, and not making us more terrified of them.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelorette is going down tonight on ABC. Is Tia supposed to be The Bachelorette or is Becca? You’d never know from the last episode. I guess she thinks she’s already in Paradise where it’s perfectly acceptable to steal another dude. Tia is that friend who secretly hates you and is fake happy for your success. Colton says he’s never brought a girl home, but the Internet has the receipts when he dated Aly Raisman. There’s deleted scenes somewhere of Chris Harrison using a banana to teach Colton how to put on a condom. Can’t believe he kept a straight face during that fantasy suite conversation. He deserves an Oscar. That was also the most obvious rose ceremony ever. Could have saved everybody a lot of trouble just by sending Colton an email saying “you’re out.” I would be pissed if I was a high school teacher and had to come in on a weekend to film an episode of the Bachelorette. Who is Betty Lou?? I like how Becca wraps her legs around every dude like he just got back from war in Afghanistan when she meets them. Hopefully we get a good last few episodes but I’m not so optimistic.

Monday Morning Coffee

July 16, 2018

Sometimes the summer is so boring when it comes to sports, people lose their minds and come up with some of the worst ideas in history.  The latest example of this is Stephen A Smith claiming that the Lakers should keep their eyes on Phil Jackson if things go badly this season with Luke Walton.  All this time I thought it was just the executives at ESPN that came up with stupid ideas, but it’s the broadcasters as well.  I guess everyone forgot that the last time Phil coached 7 years ago, he practically mailed it in, not even wanting to coach every game.  He also mailed it in during his latest gig as President of the Knicks.  Not to mention the fact that the game has also passed Phil by, since nobody even wants to run the triangle anymore.  I think the Lakers are just fine without Phil no matter what happens.  As for Luke Walton, he shouldn’t like the fact a story leaked that Tyronn Lue is giving him advice on how to coach Lebron.  Even if it’s true, i think most sensible people wouldn’t take advice on how to even wipe their ass from Tyronn Lue.

Meanwhile, Doc Rivers has got jokes, and he doesn’t even know it.  Most of us were pretty surprised  to see Rivers sign an extension with the Clips when they are faced with a rebuild, which was something he didn’t want to go through in Boston.  Rivers said “we haven’t won crap in LA but we’re trying to.”  He also commented on moving on from the failed Blake-CP-DeAndre era, explaining “it’s called being with the Clippers.”  Sometimes the funniest jokes are really funny because they are true, and that’s the harsh yet hilarious reality of what Doc said.  Still, it’s hard to see why he would want to stick around for all that, but I suppose everyone has their price.

We’ve reached the All-Star break in Major League Baseball, and the Dodgers are actually in 1st place in the NL West due to the fact the division is garbage.  I refuse to be fooled by the idea that the Dodgers are serious about acquiring Manny Muchado.  The day Andrew Friedman trades some quality prospects for an impact talent is probably the day the sun won’t rise.  It will also be the day that Siri stops telling that computer nerd how to build a team due to a software glitch.  The Dodgers window to win with Clayton Kershaw is shrinking fast, so Muchado would help maximize what’s left.  As great as the offense might seem, only Matt Kemp is hitting over .300, so it’s a feast or famine lineup.  Muchado is needed just as much as another bullpen arm or even a starter.  Too bad him being a Dodger probably won’t come to fruition.

Then there’s the Angels who’s season has now been completely obliterated by injuries.  The latest is Garrett Richards, who will finally be forced to undergo Tommy John surgery.  Richards should have had the surgery two seasons ago, because now he’s lost three seasons of his career, and has an even more questionable future in the MLB given his pending free agency.  I think it’s also high time someone launched an investigation into what the hell the front office and training staff are doing, because they’ve lost 7 pitchers in 3 years due to elbow injuries.  That doesn’t even include Shohei Ohtani, who may need the same surgery as well.  Ohtani had his bobble head night on Thursday.  When is UCL elbow injury bobble head night? It will probably take a full season to give out that many different pitching bobble heads, but that feels like the only thing to commemorate each Angels’ season by these days.

Congratulations to France! You may have lost all your wars, but you did manage to win the World Cup yesterday by defeating Croatia.  Apparently soccer fans in France are just as idiotic as soccer fans everywhere else in the world when they celebrate anything, because riots and looting occurred, and several people were killed amidst the chaos.  I thought sports were supposed to unite people rather than divide them? You definitely don’t see that with soccer, which always leads to more of a political or racial discussion than any other sport around the world (although the NFL seems to be doing it’s best to try and catch up).  The latest controversy was surrounding the fact that many of the French soccer plays are of African decent, and creating some sort of racially driven criticism out of that fact.  However, If you’re calling the French players “African”, regardless of your intention, that’s racist.  All of them are French, all but one were born in France. It means for you their skin color is more important than the country they have always known and represent.  It’s because of topics like this that make me glad we only have to watch the World Cup every 4 years.

The NFL is only 8 weeks away! That means we are only 8 weeks from learning Sam Bradford will be out 7-9 weeks with a paper cut.  The Patriots admitting to breaking only 37 NFL rules.  Joe Flacco getting benched and becoming an elite clipboard holder.  Dez Bryant giving up on the NFL and joining the YMCA, and Donald Trump upset with the Eagles for taking a knee to run out the clock.

Finally, The Bachelorette is back on ABC tonight.  After watching last week’s episode, I’m beginning to think that Arie made the right call to break up with Becca last season and go for Lauren.  You think Lauren is boring until you see a whole season of Becca with even more uninteresting guys.  Just when you hope the producers can give you something other than an obscure country artist during a dance date, they end up sticking you with Baja Men.  Chris must have written that ridiculous song.  Did anybody know that Baja Men had a song other than “Who Let The Dogs Out?”  That may be the biggest plot twist of the season.  The last episode was so bad, Trump interrupting the show for his Supreme Court nominee announcement actually made it entertaining.  Obama may have never interrupted The Bachelorette, but he didn’t need to because the show didn’t suck then.  My ultimate prediction for this week: Tia comes back on the show and tells Becca that she slept with Colton and he’s not really a virgin.  I’m not sure which is worse though: two Trump interruptions this season, or two Tia appearances? We’ll see if it gets any more interesting tonight.



Monday Morning Coffee

July 9, 2018

It’s fantastic the Lakers were able to sign Lebron and all, but apparently they decided it would be a good idea to make him feel at home by surrounding him with a bunch of useless role players that can’t shoot.  It’s like the guy never left Cleveland.  Lebron himself is apparently signing off on all these moves, just like he with the Cavs, which explains a lot.  They say every team needs a crazy guy to win a championship, but the Lakers now have 3 with Rajon Rondo, Javale McGee, and Lance Stephenson.  Now there’s all these rumors that the Lakers are going after Damian Lillard, but apparently the people that start these rumors are exempt from using their brains.  Why would the Blazers trade Lillard with 3 years left on his contract? I’m not sure why the Lakers would give up all their promising young players either if they wouldn’t do it for Kawhi Leonard, who is a better player than Lillard.  There’s also the ‘Melo rumors.  I realize many of you aren’t fans, but you can certainly do a lot worse than Carmelo Anthony on your team for a minimum salary.  I say inflate the Banana Boat!

Meanwhile the Clippers’ strategy is very clear now.  They want to be bad, get a high pick and be players in free agency in 2019.  The problem is, I’m not so sure the Clippers are bad as they need to be.  A starting lineup with Patrick Beverley, Avery Bradley, Tobias Harris, Danilo Gallinari, and Martin Gortat is capable of winning some games.  They won’t make the playoffs in the West, and obviously any team with Doc Rivers coaching it in this day and age will probably suck, but they probably won’t be one of the 5 or even 10 worst teams in the league.  Things are back to being so grim for the Clips that Clipper Darryl has officially jumped ship and is now a Laker fan.  I’d sure like to know how Vic “The BrIck” Jacobs feels about this before letting him on that bandwagon.

Thank god for NBA free agency during these boring dog days of summer.  I don’t know about the rest of you, but once DeMarcus Cousins decided to ruin the offseason by signing with the Warriors, I felt like jumping off the roof.  Then again, the joke is on Boogie.  A $5 million salary in San Francisco should afford him a studio apartment with 11 roomates.  Here’s a nice little recap of the last few weeks in three minutes.  Enjoy!

I’m still trying to figure out why the Dodgers alleged ownership scandal isn’t a bigger topic of conversation.  In case you aren’t familiar with it, Guggenheim is facing a lawsuit claiming it defrauded annuity investors in connection with its purchase of the Dodgers.  Look on the bight side though.  Even if the team goes through bankruptcy again, it isn’t really an issue because Andrew Friedman is already running them like a small market club with no money.  I keep hearing Manny Muchado’s name come up in trade rumors but Friedman never gives up big time prospects.  He would also never pay $400 million for a player.  When it comes to signing and trading for players, Friedman is like the son of a rich father who insists on eating at McDonalds and shopping at JC Penny.  Nobody ever said you have to blow money, but it’s ok to treat yourself to Morten’s or shop at Gucci every now and again if you can afford it.

It’s July and the Angels season is already over.  They are buried in both the AL West and the Wild Card.  They need to start playing these Freeway Series games before the middle of the summer because the Halos are almost always toast by the time they start playing the Dodgers.  Actually, the biggest issue with the Angels is just their lack of relevancy.  They have the best player in baseball and one of the best all-time, and he’s hardly talked about.  The rest of their team is always consumed by injuries.  Hard to imagine this changing anytime soon with it being an annual tradition.  Even with Trout, it feels like the Angels haven’t been really exciting since the days of Vlad Guerrero a decade ago.

We’re down to just four teams left in the World Cup.  Imagine how disappointed Trump was when Russia lost to Croatia.  I’m thinking he actually placed a bet on them at 500-1 before the tournament started, thinking his boy Putin would find a way to rig it.  If Hollywood needs to find some better actors who are of a variety of different ethnic backgrounds, they should start auditioning some of these soccer players.  The flopping is just non-stop.  England is going to be taking on Croatia, and the British haven’t been this excited since they learned what a dentist is.  If I add up the total population of England, France, Croatia, and Belgium, it doesn’t even equal half of the population in this country.  Yet we still can’t find 11 talented enough dudes to play soccer.

Very sad news about former UCLA and former NBA pro Tyler Honeycutt, who was shot was killed over the weekend in Sherman Oaks.  This story is not only sad, but shocking and very confusing.  It’s hard to imagine how a guy like that ended up in a situation where he was barricaded in a house and exchanging gunfire with police.  Nevertheless, my thoughts on prayers go out to the family.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelorette is going down tonight on ABC.  As if going to Virginia wasn’t bad enough for an episode, remember that Lauren B is from there.  They really are trying to make sure that Becca won’t forget will they? The devil works hard, but producers of The Bachelorette work harder.  This show is simply running out of date ideas though.  “We’re just going to walk around and explore the city together” is code for “we ran out of date ideas.”  Did anybody really remember anything about Connor prior to the last five minutes of the last episode?  It was definitely time for Chris to go.  The man was completely disrespectful to those of us with high cholesterol and who like to eat eggs on a daily basis, and clearly Becca agrees.  Leo seems like one of the most normal dudes we’ve ever seen on the show.  That’s probably why he’s going to get cut.  Colton is going to win this.  It’s practically a Bachelorette law that if you’re a failed ex pro athlete you’re going to last until the end.  Especially with Clay being gone, Becca had to have another football player sticking around.  Hopefully we get a better episode tonight.