December 25, 2017

The Lakers better be damn sure that Paul George and either DeMarcus Cousins or Lebron James are going to be playing here next year.  Otherwise, they are going to look like fools when they trade Jordan Clarkson and Julius Randle for some egg on their face.  Clarkson is a candidate for the NBA’s sixth man of the year.  Randle could be on the verge of being a 20-10 player if Luke Walton came to his senses and didn’t chain him to the bench.  The problem with the Lakers being so transparent about their plan to add two max free agents is that players feel alienated from the organization, and they put up lousy efforts like they did on Saturday night.  That includes KCP, and you’ve gotta love that he’s playing games this month with an ankle monitor and going back to jail when they are over.  I wonder if the guy jumps in an Uber Black on the way back to the slammer every night.  Do you think they let him stop for some In-N-Out along the way?

It was great to see Kobe get both of his jerseys retired last week at Staples.  You could say that retiring two jerseys is over the top, and so was the entire celebration on “Kobe Night”.  However, that’s what made Kobe who he is.  He practiced too much.  He shot too much.  He played too many minutes which got him hurt at the end.  However, that’s what made him the legend that he was.  That’s also what brought tons of fans and legends out on Monday night to honor him.  It’s his blessing and his curse, but it’s also why he is loved and respected by so many.  I also loved Kobe’s film regarding the big man, and the need for big guys to both shoot and defend the 3-pointer.  If they don’t they will become extinct.  The whole video is clips of Porzingas, KAT, AD, and Embiid.  I guess if you aren’t one of these big men, your position is already extinct.

Danilo Gallinari tore a muscle in his ass and will be out indefinitely.  Only a player playing for the Los Angeles Clippers could tear his ass.  The other day at work my boss said it wasn’t ok for employees to bring their kids to work around the holidays because it was unprofessional.  When will Steve Ballmer tell Doc Rivers to stop bringing his kid to work because it’s unprofessional?

The Dodgers have an $8.5 billion television contract.  They are laughing all the way to the bank, while most people can’t even see their games.  Now they are raising ticket prices on their fans.  I get that this is a business, but the Dodgers sure don’t know how to play the PR game very well.  They make it sound like they are saving money for the big free agent class of 2018, yet they have an extreme aversion to paying the luxury tax this year.  Which is it? I guess we’ll find out a year from now.

Is there anything more UCLA than seeing them beat Kentucky on the road? I’m telling you and I’ve been saying it for years: Steve Alford is Steve Lavin reincarnated.  The Bruins show up against great teams every now and again because they have talent, but that talent will forever be undeveloped and without structure.  That means they will never be elite, and they’ll often get punked by scrub teams like they have been in the past.  This team is ticketed for another early round exit in the NCAA Tournament after the committee does them a favor and lets them in.

Remember when USC was a preseason top 10 basketball team? Oh that’s right, you probably don’t because you forgot that the Trojans actually had a men’s basketball team.  Well they were, but they aren’t even in the Top 25 anymore.  USC is losing basketball games to nerds from Princeton, and they have assistant coaches that are headed to the slammer for corruption.  So much for the idea that UCLA and USC basketball could distract us from the dumpster fires that are the Lakers and Clippers.

The Rams won the Jeff Fisher Bowl yesterday by beating the Titans.  You would have thought two teams that were coached by Fisher would battle to tie.  However, this team won’t stop winning, and it’s unbelievable.  Four months ago I would have thought they had a better chance to be one of the worst teams in football this year, and that Jared Goff would be benched.  Instead, they are division champs, and one of the most underrated teams in the NFL.  Todd Gurley single handedly tormented the Titans and fantasy teams around the nation yesterday.  Here’s to hoping the Rams get the support they deserve at the Coliseum when they host a playoff game in two weeks.  Meanwhile, Jeff Fisher is basically saying he deserves credit for leaving the Rams in a good position to win after last year’s coaching debacle.  Fisher deserves about as much credit as I do, just for turning on the TV and watching the Rams every Sunday.

The Chargers are still alive too! They should send some Christmas cookies across town to the Rams after they beat the Titans.  In order for the Bolts to make the postseason, all they need is to beat the Raiders, have the Jags beat the Titans, the Ravens beat the Bengals, the weather to be 79 degrees with a 10% chance of rain, and the sun to rise in the west.  Are you paying attention? There will be a quiz on all this.  The Bolts blew it last week against the Chiefs.  It’s games like that which will eventually prevent Philip Rivers from getting in the Hall of Fame.  Rivers is a quarterback who is going to finish his career with big numbers but no postseason success.  This was a chance to position himself for that success, but he came up short when it mattered.  That’s all too familiar for this Charger team.

Do you realize how much of a genius Bill Belichick is? He traded Jimmy G to the 49ers so they could beat the Jags, allowing the Pats to clinch a first round bye.  Since Carson Wentz tore his ACL, he’s actually thrown more touchdown passes and fewer interceptions than Dak Prescott.  That explains why the Cowboys were eliminated by the Seahawks yesterday.  Now that the Browns have clinched the top pick, just about every NFL prospect in college has declared they are going back to school.  Jameis Wintson is going to beat eating crab legs watching the playoffs at home this year.  Does anybody know what a catch is anymore?

December 18, 2017

Are there Louis Vuitton stores in Lithuania?  Maybe that’s why LiAngelo’s lunatic father is sending him and his brother to play there.  I’m no fan of the NCAA and their archaic rules, but pulling your son out of high school and college when they are on scholarship is stupid, especially when their odds of being a professional basketball player are about the odds of winning the Powerball.  These kids won’t even get the playing time they need to develop their games.  They will be playing against grown men that know how to play structured basketball.  They don’t.  Neither LaMelo or LiAngelo have been taking classes lately, but they are about to get a course in culture shock.

Lebron is such a drama queen.  If you want to give Lonzo some advice, why not do it in private where the whole world can’t actually speculate on what you said? Lebron probably asked Lonzo if he could have his hairline, but I’m sure Lonzo would only agree to that if Lebron would be his new dad.  The problem is Lebron would never agree to that with a jumpshot that looks as bad as Lonzo’s.

The Lakers actually called a meeting with Lavar and told him to not be so negative? This actually happened? What happened to not caring about what any players parents think, as Luke Walton explained last week?   It’s totally embarrassing that Magic Johnson and Rob Pelinka don’t have better things to do with their time than meet with Lavar Ball.  Hopefully they bought him a one-way ticket to Lithuania and gave it to him during the meeting.

Gallinari must be the Italian word for “always hurt”.  Danilo comes back and five minutes later he’s injured again.  The Clippers hitched their wagon to a bunch of guys that are made out of glass.  When is Doc Rivers going to go on the injured list? The man clearly needs his head examined since he thinks he’s coaching a playoff team.

Horrible game on Saturday by the UCLA basketball team.  UCLA fans haven’t been this embarrassed since Steve Alford was named their head coach.  This team has no offensive structure, no depth, and it’s clear they are lacking player development.  Wasn’t UCLA supposed to be even better this year? I guess not.  The teams’ offense depends on three guards who can’t handle the ball or make good decisions.  It’s also dependent on big men standing beyond the three point line and shooting bricks.  They will get their heads handed to them come Pac 12 play.

To baseball, where the Dodgers finally made a big move this winter.  By big move, I mean they traded one pile of garbage for another to get under the luxury tax.  They also managed to piss off the Mexican community in LA by trading Adrian Gonzales.   I do hope that Matt Kemp does get a shot to stick with the Dodgers this year though, because he did love being a Dodger when he was here.  That’s probably unlikely though.  This move is supposedly all about the 2018 free agent class. Andrew Friedman said “I hadn’t noticed.  Is there a big free agent class next winter?” Why don’t you ask your super computer Andrew, since you rely on it to make every decision for you.  The Dodgers are saving all this money when they have plenty of it to spend, and it’s never been Friedman’s style to give out contracts more than $100 million and longer than five years.  You really think he’s going to go pay Bryce Harper $400 million? I doubt it.

The Angels say that Shohei Ohtani’s elbow issue “looks standard.”  Yup, it makes perfect sense why the Halos signed him.  His elbow looks as standard as all the other pitchers on their staff that needed their arms replaced.  The Angels are making some big splashes with the addition of Ohtani, Ian Kinsler, and Zack Cozart.  This isn’t the most ideal way to build a team, with a bunch of guys on the wrong side of 30, however, hopefully it will buy them some time to develop a decent farm system by the time Mike Trout is a free agent.

Stay positive Seattle. You still have lots of rain to look forward to.  The Rams should be arrested for assault and battery after what they did to the Seahawks yesterday.  The Rams are a serious threat to come out of the NFC and make it to the Super Bowl.  I feels insane saying that after thinking about where this team was just six months ago.  However, it’s true.  Nick Foles may be a competent quarterback, but he’s no Carson Wentz, so the Eagles are vulnerable.  The Vikings are good, but if the Rams played them again, they could hang.  They’ll have to play some tough road games next month, but the road isn’t a problem for this team.

After the Chargers lost to the Chiefs, they began writing their Christmas list for Santa.  The list included: Someone for Philip Rivers to throw to besides Keenan Allen and Marcus Peters.  More games against Nathan Peterman.  A logo the internet won’t make fun of.  People to stop calling them “San Diego”.  And finally, some fans that actually want to go to their games and cheer them on.

Elsewhere around week 15, the Raiders’ new motto should be “if we don’t beat you on the field, we’ll just stab you in the parking lot.”  After getting screwed on a couple of calls, that’s probably how most Raider fans felt.  I guess the referees are now measuring first downs with the help of index cards.    Marvin Lewis is leaving the Bengals after 15 seasons.  He leaves behind an amazing legacy of hiring criminals and zero playoff wins.  Jerry Richardson is selling the Panthers.  Hopefully he’s also selling all of Cam Newton’s post game clothing too.

December 11, 2017

Lavar has officially lost his mind.  Any minute now he should announce his candidacy to run for President.  This guy brings more drama than all the Kardashians combined.  He’s not only pulled his youngest son, LaMelo, out of high school, but now pulled LiAngelo out of UCLA.  I’ve been pretty supportive of the way Lavar has done things up until now, but at this point he’s just trying to fulfill his own dreams at the expense of his kids’ future.  That dream is for both of those kids to eventually play for the Lakers.  LaMelo and LiAngelo might not even be good enough to go play overseas and get meaningful experience to develop their games.  However, UCLA Coach Steve Alford seems to be happy he doesn’t have to deal with Lavar anymore.  Maybe he can deal with his teams mediocre play on the court and start getting some wins.  Saturday against Michigan wasn’t exactly a promising start.

The Angels shocked the baseball world with their signing of Japanese sensation Shohei Ohtani.  How did they pull this off? They must have throw in a couple of season passes to Disneyland and Knott’s Berry Farm because this is the last place I would have expected him to end up.  It’s the pitching of Ohtani that the Angels will really need, since their staff is made of porcelain.  Meanwhile, the Dodgers not only missed out on Ohtani, but they passed up an opportunity to trade for Giancarlo Stanton, who’s first choice was to play with the Boys in Blue, yet he ended up with the Yankees.  I’m not gonna pretend like a core of Cody Bellinger, Corey Seager, and Stanton for the next 10 years wouldn’t be nice.  However, what was the last MLB team that won the offseason, and then won the World Series the following year? I think the Dodgers will be just fine without Ohtani and Stanton.

It was definitely nice to see the Lakers get a win against Dwight Howard and the Hornets on Saturday.  I guess Dwight has learned nothing since his bad experiences with the Lakers, Rockets, and Hawks.  There he was on Saturday, playing another game with the intensity of pick-up ball at 24-Hour Fitness.  As for Luke Walton, it appears as though he is not only trying to follow in the footsteps of Phil Jackson, but also Doc Rivers because he spends most of the game crying and whining to the officials.  I’m surprised the media hasn’t gotten any comments from Kyle Kuzma’s dad.  Oh that’s right, Kuzma’s father isn’t hogging his son’s spotlight and trying to capitalize on his son’s fame.

This coming Friday is December 15th, which means a number of NBA players that were signed and acquired over the summer are eligible to be traded.  The Clippers should be on the phone at 12:01 am, and start calling 29 other NBA teams to unload DeAndre Jordan, Lou Williams, and some sucker that is willing to take Doc Rivers off their hands from some draft picks.  If the Boston Celtics taught the league anything, it’s that the faster you tear it down, the faster you can rebuild it.  However, as long as Rivers is still employed with the team, he will have no interest in doing this.

Yesterday might have been the first time ever that all of Southern California was cheering against Kobe Bryant.  That’s because Kobe was cheering for the Eagles against the Rams, but it was the Rams who came up short.  They can thank Trumaine Johnson, who’s dumb unsportsmanlike conduct penalty cost the Rams the game.  I haven’t seen anything that dumb since the league decided to move two football teams to LA.  The Rams are still contenders in the NFC and a good bet to win the division, and in the big picture, the Eagles are big losers because Carson Wentz may be done for the season.  Problem is they badly needed that win, and should have taken advantage of Wentz’ absence.  The Rams need home field, but it’s going to be hell to get it with some tough matchups left, including at Seattle.  It’s much worse for Philly fans though.  Carson Wentz out.  Joel Embiid out.  Philly sports fans are black out……

The Chargers are no fun for any NFL team to play right now.  They are also no fun to write about anymore because I can’t make fun of them.  They are suddenly legit, and could probably beat any team in the league at this very moment.  Philip Rivers was slinging the ball around yesterday like he was playing Arena League Football.  They even let Kellen Clemens play, who is a human victory cigar.  The Chiefs are looking vulnerable, and the Chargers’ schedule is as soft as tissue paper, so they’re a good bet to win the AFC West.  Things are so good right now for the Bolts that even C-listers like Mario Lopez are showing up and partying on the sidelines.

Elsewhere around week 14, Derek Car was a dumpster fire yesterday in the Raiders’ loss against the Chiefs.  When the Browns were up by two touchdown against the Packers, I thought the world was going to end.  DeShone Kizer made sure they were going to lose.  Being a Bills fan must be fun.  If I wanted to go watch a game with little to no scoring I would have bought a ticket to go see Lonzo Ball play basketball.    Here’s a look at the stands in Buffalo yesterday…..

Finally, an absolutely shocking episode of The Walking Dead went down last night on AMC.  Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so definitely read no further if you plan to watch it later.  Yes, we were due for a major character to die, and it finally is happening, or at least appears that way.  We learned that Carl has a walker bite and is going to die.  For those of you that don’t know, Carl is actually still alive in the comic, so this is a shocking deviation.  Now it all makes sense why he was serious about sacrificing himself for the rest of Alexandria and why he wrote that letter to his dad earlier in the episode.  Carl also died a virgin.  I’m blaming Enid for this.  As bummed as I am about this, it was necessary for the show to pull a shocking move that deviated from the comic to get your attention.  Especially with all those whiners and complainers who said the show was predictable.  Hopefully he actually goes out with a better ending in the next episode, because for being on the show after 8 seasons, he needs to go out with a bigger bang.  A few side questions though.  Where the hell is Heath and where did the garbage people disappear to? We all wish it were Eugene that died.  Ugh….see you in two months TWD.

December 4, 2017

I was shocked at what I learned on Sunday morning while watching the College Football Playoff Selection Show on ESPN.  For about the first 30 minutes of the show, the crew was talking about the  three teams that could potentially be selected as the 4th and final seed for the playoffs.  One of those three teams they believed was USC.  That means I was shocked to learn that the ESPN College Football analysts take shots of tequila that early in the morning.  USC had no business being mentioned in the same breath as Ohio State or Alabama, and obviously the College Football Playoff Selection Committee felt that way too because the Trojans finished a distant 8th in the final rankings.  Even with a Pac-12 Championship, USC fans have to be disappointed given the hype train they were riding back in September.  Everyone thought Sam Darnold was a slam dunk for the Heisman and the Trojans were going to win the National title.  Even USC fans know they would be embarrassed if they were in the playoff, and that might even be the case when they play Ohio State.

Speaking of the College Football Playoff, the Selection Committee reminded everyone that they DGAF what we think.  They don’t care if you won your conference championship.  They also don’t care if all the people at your school think its ok to get with your cousin.  They were picking Alabama no matter what because they think they are the better team.  Ohio State is by far the more deserving team to get in the playoff.  However, Ohio State benefitted by being the better team last year, and not the more deserving team.  However, if the committee really had their way, their way, they would choose Alabama, Notre Dame, Ohio State, and Oklahoma every year.

No problem for the Rams yesterday against the Cardinals.  That was by no means a performance that blew anybody away, especially against a mediocre team, but the Rams are still in the race for home field advantage in the NFC.  In fact, the Vikings and Eagles didn’t exactly look impressive either yesterday, and the Eagles are coming to town next week, so the Rams can catch them in the standings.  Ironically, the Rams match up very well with the Eagles, even though Philly has looked like the best team in the NFC all year.  However, it’s Minnesota that looks like they would give the Rams nightmares heading into the postseason.

It would have been extremely fitting for the Chargers to lose at home to the Browns.  However, they managed to win again, and surge into a 1st place tie in the AFC West.  The whole division has collapsed faster Harvey Weinstein’s career.  The Bolts schedule is way easier than the Raiders’ or Chiefs’.  However, I wouldn’t trust this team to tell me what they wanted on their pizza come the 4th quarter of a big game.  I’m convinced that they will find a way to lose in some awkward and strange way in one of these games they should win coming up.  One thing is for sure.  Many Charger fans are still bitter they left SD

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— Scott and BR (@ScottandBR) December 3, 2017

Blake Griffin is going to be out for the next two months with a knee injury.  This is about as surprising as Doc Rivers not being able to draw up a decent play.  As if being a Clipper wasn’t a curse enough in itself, Griffin is also dating Kendall Jenner, which means she’s sure to add the Kardashian curse to the Clipper woes.  In all seriousness though, it’s high time the Clippers blow up their roster and start over.  This team is going nowhere fast, and their best bet to get some assets in return is to trade DeAndre Jordan.  Maybe they can even find some sucker to trade for Doc Rivers, like they did a couple of years ago.

Ok, it’s been a quarter of the NBA season, and I can safely tell you that the Lakers stink.  Lonzo Ball’s confidence is at an all-time low right now.  He isn’t improving nearly fast enough to get the free agents they need next summer. If only the Lakers could give the effort they did against the Warriors last week, on every night.   I never expected the Lakers to make the playoffs, but I certainly hoped that Lonzo, Ingram, and Kuzma would be turning heads far more than they are now.  This isn’t to say they aren’t going to be good NBA players, it’s just that the Lakers may not have time to wait for that to happen.  The best thing going for the Lakers is the fact that Oklahoma City just isn’t that good, which gives Paul George a great chance to come to the Lakers.  Then again, even if George comes to the Lakers, will that by itself take LA where they want to go? Probably not.  When Russell Westbrook signed his extension in OKC, the Lakers were quietly devastated.  If Lebron isn’t playing here next season, which he won’t be, the Lakers are going to continue on the very long rebuilding road.  By the way, Mike D’Antoni must still hate the LA.  He was playing his starters against the Laker scrubs for extended minutes last night to pour it on.

If you’ve been following the MLB offseason in hopes the Dodgers or Angels will make a big splash, don’t hold your breath.  The Angels just traded for Jim Johnson in order to create more money to spend on big Japanese sensation Shohei Ohtani.  Johnson is a world class stiff who is capable of imploding an entire bullpen by himself.  Meanwhile, Ohtani is about as interested in the Angels as Cindy Crawford is in dating me.  The Dodgers on the other hand appear to be very content with their roster as is.  Not only have they been passive on Ohtani, but also just mildly interested in Giancarlo Stanton.  The league MVP appears headed to the Giants.  In other words, the Dodgers are that guy who feels like he can just turn down super models left and right, who are lining up to date him.

I have no idea who the LA Kings are anymore.  Are they the team that won 9 of 11 to start the season and their last 5 straight? Or are they the team that lost 7 of 8 games?  Only time will tell.  Yesterday, the Kings beat the struggling Blackhawks 3-1.  It must be really difficult for Hawks fans to watch a team that once won multiple Stanley Cups turn into a non-playoff team so fast.  Kings fan should feel really lucky……on wait never mind.

Finally, The Walking Dead went down last night on AMC.  Spoiler alert for those of you who have yet to see it, so read no further if that is the case.  You know that Eugene needs to die when suddenly you like Dwight more than him.  Perhaps I wouldn’t feel this way if the whole episode wasn’t dedicated to following Eugene around.  I can’t wait to see what Michonne is going to do to Jadis when she find out that she not only held Rick captive, but was getting ready to “sculpt” him.  I loved Rosita saying “I believe in Rick Grimes”, and even more powerful was that she admitted that Sasha’s death helped her arrive at that conclusion.  However, in the comics, that line is delivered by Maggie, which was far more powerful.  I guess nobody will be covering themselves in walker guts anymore after Father Gabriel got sick.  Speaking of Gabriel, he looks like a good bet to be the next significant character to die.  Based on the previews for the mid-season finale, somebody is going to die, and frankly, it’s probably about time.  I hope to God that when there is a Zombie Apocalypse, we are able to come across as much wine and alcohol in general as they have been lucky enough to stumble upon in this show.