Monthly Archives: June 2018

Monday Morning Coffee

June 25, 2018

What an incredibly boring NBA draft.  It was so boring, I actually left to go see the Jurassic World movie while it was going on (more on that later).  The Lakers made some decent picks, but I’m sure everyone is disappointed they got rejected from trade talks with the Spurs like I would if I tried to ask Jennifer Lopez on a date.  I can’t believe the Clippers passed up on Michael Porter Jr! They had a chance to get a top 3 talent despite the injury risk, but now it just looks like they have a bottom 3 front office.  The next three weeks of NBA news are going to be way more interesting than the last 8 months of the NBA season.  I hope you’re all enjoying all the clickbait articles out there.  With the exception of a couple of folks, most people like Chris Broussard report news with the accuracy of Helen Keller throwing darts.  I’ll believe the real news about Lebron James and Paul George when I see it.

Elsewhere around the Association, Luka Doncic’s mother is so beautiful, Delonte West is probably going to come out of retirement and join the Mavs after seeing her at the draft.  DeAndre Ayton will actually have a pay decrease going from college to the NBA.  Poor Kevin Knox.  His NBA career ended the moment he was drafted by the Knicks.  Then there’s Dwight Howard who was traded again, and has now been passed around the NBA more than a Kardashian on All-Star weekend.  You’ve gotta give credit to Mitch Kupchak.  His first move looks bad to the average fan, acquiring Timofey Mozgov who has one of the worst contracts in the league, yet it actually put the Hornets under the luxury tax.  It also tells you just how unlikable Dwight Howard is.  You’ve gotta feel bad for LiAngelo Ball.  He didn’t get the invite to be on the Lakers summer league squad, and the Laker sources are letting the media know that it’s for reasons beyond basketball.  Way to go Lavar.  In case you had any doubt about the harm you’re doing to your kids.  You’re also getting crowds at the JBA as big as a Trump rally…..

To baseball where I’d sure like to know what Andrew Friedman’s computer has to say about Matt Kemp now.  The Dodgers would be in last place without Kemp right now, who has inserted himself into the MVP conversation in the National League.  The man deserves an apology letter from Friedman, his computer, and the fans for dogging him.  His contract doesn’t look so bad now does it?  Not only have the Dodgers been nagged by injuries all season, but Justin Turner, Cody Bellinger, and Chris Taylor haven’t exactly been what they were last season.  If LA can just get a couple of those guys straightened out and find a couple of reliable relievers along the way they can still win this crummy division.  Maybe if Friedman would stop playing Fortnight he might be able to do his job.

For some reason the Angels decided to have a “Christmas in June” theme over the weekend against the Blue Jays.  Funny because it looks like Santa has already put a lot of coal in the Angels’ stocking.  The division has completely gotten away from them, they have no bullpen, and none of their free agent signings seem to be working out.  To come to think of it, what was the last successful free agent signing the Angels had?  Ian Kinsler, Zach Cozart, and even Justin Upton are just the latest free agents busts.  The Halos might as well have taken a $40 million pile of cash and have the Joker light it on fire.  The last good signing had to have been Vlad Guerrero back in 2004.  it’s been a disaster since.

Apparently getting swept by an expansion team wasn’t a big enough wake up call for the LA Kings this spring.  Instead of realizing they need to get younger and faster, they decided to get older and lazier by spending $6.25 million for the next 3 years on Ilya Kovalchuk.  This dude hasn’t even played in the NHL in the last five years, and just wanted a retirement deal to hang by the beaches of Southern California.  The Kings are a team in desperate need of a new engine, and instead they just blew their entire budget on some “sweet looking rims.”

As I mentioned, I took the plunge and decided to go see Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom last week.  For many like myself, seeing the movie was more nostalgia than anything else, which is a big reason why it did $150 million in it’s first weekend and was #1 at the box office.  I had low expectations, because nothing beat the original Jurassic Park in 1993, which was impressive for its time, and still impressive to this day.  However, this movie was far more entertaining than I thought it would be, especially because Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard make a great onscreen duo.  Much of the fascination with the franchise is still related to the idea that through genetic engineering, one day we might be able to bring dinosaurs back.  That idea is still nowhere near happening 25 years after the original movie, despite the fact people have tried hard.  Nevertheless, that idea will keep the franchise going for at least another movie, no matter how ridiculous it sounds.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelorette went down on ABC last week, and the show returns tonight.  So last week we learned that this Jean Blanc dude claimed he was in love with Becca after four group dates, which people found ridiculous.  You guys find that ridiculous? It’s not anymore ridiculous than the concept of this whole show and anybody falling in love on it in general.  I think he was aiming to get his perfume back so he could sell it on Ebay.  Good thing Becca didn’t take Lincoln on the snowmobile date.  They might accidentally ride off the end of the earth.  I think I can actually feel my IQ dropping every time I listen to him talk.  Did anybody really expect Jordan not to get a rose? We have all watched the show long enough to know that there is going to be a 2-on-1 with him and the chicken suit.  Keep in mind, in the history of the show, no man bun has ever made it past the 5th rose ceremony.  I could swear that I see at least 3 new contestants I’ve never seen before in every rose ceremony.  I’m thinking the producers are switching people to see if we’ll actually notice.  How many weird one-liners does Jordan have?  “I’m like a sponge, you can squeeze me and get everything out of me…but you’ll never know until you try.”  I’m looking forward to more weirdness from the show tonight.

Monday Morning Coffee

June 18, 2018

Lebron James is about to hijack your summer.  People are losing their minds over tweets by Jeanie Buss that probably have nothing to do with basketball.  Now Kawhi Leonard apparently wants out, further causing people to think the next super team is forming in Lakerland.  Don’t hold your breath people.  Greg Popovich would probably cut off his arm and trade his star player to a WNBA team before sending him to the Lakers.  Kawhi would have to tell the Spurs he isn’t resigning with anybody else he’s traded to, which isn’t likely because nobody has ever heard Kawhi actually speak.  I’m not even sure he knows how to, further damaging the chances of a trade.

Has anybody noticed that nobody is putting a microphone in front of Lavar Ball anymore? That’s because there’s fewer and fewer people that care what he thinks.  He’s already played his 15 minutes of fame card, and now he just seems like a buffoon with no idea how to run a shoe company.  He should be getting nervous though because Lonzo and his idiotic teammate Kyle Kuzma are dissing each other with stupid rap songs.  That’s just another reason to trade all of them for a veteran star.  These guys have clearly watched the movie “8 Mile” a few too many times, and should be spending more time working on their game.  Magic scolded both, telling them to knock it off.  As if Lonzo and Kuzma’s behavior wasn’t dumb enough, Josh Hart felt the need to troll his boss, Magic, by sending out the tweet below.  These guys need their Twitter accounts suspended immediately!

To baseball where the Dodgers are breathing down the necks of the D’Backs in NL West.  LA has finally turned it around, despite having an entire pitching staff that is injured.  What’s gotten into Joc Pederson and Max Muncy? These guys suddenly look like Joe DiMaggio and Micky Mantle.  They probably would have swept the Giants too if they didn’t rest Matt Kemp and Chris Taylor.  With those two in the lineup, the Dodgers even got the best of Madison Bumgarner on Saturday, a motorcycle riding hillbilly, who will likely end up back on the DL next week after trying to tie his shoes.  I usually have my doubts about the Dodgers, but the division has been so crummy of late, I’m not even sure Andrew Friedman can screw it up.

Meanwhile, the Angels are getting hit with tons of injuries, and it looks like their season is about to collapse.  However, even without the injuries they had issues.  Their starters can’t get to the fifth inning, their bullpen is a liability, and portions of their lineup are wildly inconsistent.  GM Billy Eppler said that the trade market is flooded with relievers but not real ace starting pitchers.  Well if that’s the case Billy Boy, why don’t you go get one of these relievers so your pen doesn’t keep giving away games? The Angels might be slowly rebuilding their farm system, but some of their talent needs to hurry up and develop.  Mike Trout can walk out there door in two more years, an he’s not exactly replaceable.

College Football is right around the corner, and that means the LA Times  is forcing tons of Trojan coverage down your throat.  In their latest piece, they highlight the fact JT Daniels is basically an incoming freshman that might end up starting.  I will never understand parents like his, holding their kid back a grade purely for athletic reasons, or even the idea of graduating high school a year early to play college football, something Daniels helicopter dad made him do as well.  If your kid can play, he will get his opportunity.  Sometimes you still have to let your kids be kids, and that includes letting them finish high school to socially mature as well.  I’m sure you’ll be hearing plenty about Daniels and his dad in the coming months.

The World Cup has been exciting so far!  Lionel Messi also appears to be suffering from “The Curse of Yu Darvish” since he can’t make a penalty kick if his life depended on it.  Egypt waited twenty years to get back in the World Cup, yet decided it was a good idea to rest their best player in a 1-0 loss.  Hopefully Mohamed Salah will be rested enough for the next World Cup in 4 years.  After Saudi Arabia’s first game, their national team has been eliminated.  No seriously, the country has scheduled the players’ execution.  Big upset by Mexico over Germany yesterday.  Not only was that the game of the tournament so far, but Mexico can probably afford to pay for that wall now.  Also, congratulations to the US, Canada, and Mexico for being awarded the 2026 World Cup.  This means that we can still field an awful team and still make the tournament, unlike this year.  It also gives Americans 8 more years to start caring about soccer.

Finally, the Bachelorette is back on ABC tonight with another episode.  I’ve decided the show needs to relax the alcohol policy again.  They need more sloppiness early on for our entertainment, otherwise we are left with guys arguing over Tinder matches.  This is all Corrine’s fault! The show is also feeling more and more fake because girls from previous seasons show up and they are all friends, which would never happen in reality when girls compete for guys.  They would be lighting each other’s houses on fire instead.  I fear that I might not be watching the show anymore for “the right reasons” as Becca says.  Which reminds me, Becca clearly isn’t the smartest Bachelorette.  She asked if Colton went on the show hoping the Bachelorette would be Tia.  Hello? They were dating! Why would he break up with her to go on the show, only to compete over her with 25 other guys? You can’t fool me ABC…I knew that ambulance didn’t show up because there was actually a fight.  After Jordan called himself a golden retriever, dogs all over the world are like….

Monday Morning Coffee

June 11, 2018

Congratulations to the Warriors on winning their 3rd title in 4 years.  I’ve never been more unsurprised in my life.  We now live in a world where Nick Young and JR Smith have NBA titles.  Anything is possible in America kids.  As long as ownership is willing to foot the bill, the Warriors tyrannical dynasty isn’t going away for the next few years.  As for Lebron, I have no idea what he’s going to do.  However, I think he’s more than willing to have a sex change and join the WNBA than stay in Cleveland.  I also think there’s no way that Lebron hasn’t already decided what he’s going to do.  Do you really think he hasn’t been thinking about this at all for the last two years, and is suddenly going to make this huge decision in the next three weeks? No chance.  That may or may not bode well for the Lakers.

Jordan Clarkson had an absolutely awful NBA Playoffs and Finals.  However, I hate to take the microwave minute thinking of everyone who is saying the Lakers won the trade that sent him to Cleveland.  Clarkson was a productive player for the Lakers, even though he was awful with the Cavs.  Who’s to say that he wouldn’t have continued to be a productive player with the Lakers had he stayed with them?  He had a role he was more comfortable in where he would have had less pressure during his development.  As far as I’m concerned, the success of that trade for the Lakers will be defined by whether or not they can sign two max free agents this summer.

I still haven’t figured out yet how the Clippers are going to screw up this year’s NBA draft.  However, I think I might have an idea now.  There’s talk of the Clips trading their #12 and #13 picks to move up in the draft and select Slovenian Guard Luka Doncic.  This would be a dumb move that you would only expect from the Clippers.  Drafting NBA players these days is the equivalent of buying a Powerball ticket.  Your odds of hitting the jackpot are better with two tickets than one, so the Clips are better off trying their luck with #12 and #13 than trading up for a single pick.  Until the NBA raises the age limit, we’re going to be left with nothing but speculation on underdeveloped talent trying to go pro.

To baseball where the Dodgers are getting closer to hunting down first place in the NL West, creeping within 2.5 games of the 1st place D’Backs.  This should alleviate some of my complaining for this week, but not all of it.  Nearly every single one of their usual 5 starters is injured, which is only  going to overwork the bullpen even more than they are.  It’s also going to convince Andrew Friedman that his ridiculous theory that starting pitching is over valued is accurate.  The Boys In Blue might get out of the NL West.  However, if they don’t have healthy arms come October, their chances of winning anything are about as good as NBA players going to visit the White House.

Then there’s the Angels, who have run into typical Angels luck.  Shohei Ohtani is now on the disabled list with an inflamed elbow, and it looks like he might even be headed for Tommy John Surgery in short order.  However, I can’t understand why Billy Eppler is so determined to use him as a pitcher if he’s got this elbow issues.  His bat is just as valuable, and they don’t even need to put him in the outfield since they can use him as a DH.  I can’t say it’s terribly surprising that another Angel pitcher could potentially need his arm replaced.  Especially when you consider the fact everyone knew Ohtani could have elbow issues during his physical.

Congratulations to the Washington Capitals on their Stanley Cup Championship.  I’m assuming the entire Capitals team will be invited to the White House since the whole team is made up of Russians.     It must be really nice to win the Stanley Cup in Vegas and then actually party there.  Warrior fans must feel like they are the real Triple Crown Winner though since they’ve been a fan of the Warriors, Capitals, and Justify for a whole week and they all won titles on 3 consecutive days.

It’s that time again folks! The World Cup where you know, you actually pretend like you care about soccer for a couple of weeks every four years.  However, how much do you really care without the U.S. even playing this year? If it weren’t for the intrigue of seeing the phenomenon that is Mohamed Salah playing for Egypt, I could care less.  Since Egypt will probably be eliminated within a couple of games, my interest in the World Cup should last about as long as it does when the U.S. gets eliminated early most of the time.  Even if the U.S. ever did win the World Cup though, I don’t really think it would ever change the future growth of soccer in this country.  We are simply far too invested in other sports.

The Bachelorette is back on ABC tonight for those of you craving drama.  Who doesn’t wanna see a grown ass man throw a framed picture of a fake wedding frisbee style while screaming “send it”??!!  This TV show is the only world where it’s appropriate to hoe around with 20 guys at one time.  Gotta love the chicken guy accusing the model of “fowl play”.  If I had to take a drink every time i heard Arie’s name on the show I’d be dead within the first episode.  Jordan is clearly the new Corrine because he got naked in the first two episodes.  Wait until Krystal and Jordan end up on The Bachelor In Paradise.  That’s going to be a train wreck I can’t wait to watch.  I don’t want to see Rachel for another year.  She shows up more often on episodes than Drake shows up on NBA telecasts.

Finally, very sad news about the death of Anthony Bourdain last week.  Bourdain could make anybody that didn’t like to travel want to travel.  He could make any kind of food look very interesting and intriguing.  He found a way to inspire people, and in a world where people are not always so accepting of other cultures, he brought cultures closer together.  Nobody could tell stories around cultures like Bourdain, and his legacy can be defined by inspiring individuals in that way.




Monday Morning Coffee

June 4, 2018

The Cavs are now trailing the Warriors 2-0.  Has anybody told JR Smith that they aren’t leading the series?  Lebron James is playing like his house is on fire, and it doesn’t even matter.  This series is going to be a wrap this week.  JR Smith is now the Bill Buckner of basketball.  Lebron is playing against 4 all-stars, 2 MVP’s, 3 referees, JR Smith, Jordan Clarkson, and George Hill.  The man just can’t overcome all that, and after listening to his latest interview with Rachel Nichols, it doesn’t sound like he’s sticking around in Cleveland win or lose.

The fact the Lakers are even giving LiAngelo Ball an opportunity to workout for them is nothing more than a favor to Lavar Ball.  That’s also like doing a favor for a guy that smacks you upside the head every week.  LiAngelo can shoot, but he’s not an NBA prospect, and even Snoopy is six inches taller than him.  I suppose it might be a favor to Lonzo too, but if LiAngelo were to end up on the Lakers G-League team, or even their summer league team, it would be nothing more than a publicity stunt, and maybe a way to sell tickets.  I would like to think that Magic Johnson and Rob Pelinka are way above a publicity stunt like that.

If there’s one thing that might actually work in the Lakers’ favor when it comes to free agency, it’s that Philadelphia is much less of a destination for Lebron James after the Bryan Colangelo burner account incident.  In case you aren’t familiar with the story, the 76ers President had five different burner accounts on Twitter that are allegedly his, where he criticized his own players and other executives.  No way any big free agent signs with Philly if Colangelo sticks around since nobody would trust him.  Even Lebron’s got jokes about it…..

The good news for the Dodgers is that they are only 2.5 games out of 1st place because the NL West is sorry as hell, and Matt Kemp is having an MVP caliber season.  The bad news is that their entire regular starting rotation is injured.  Yes, I’m even including Alex Wood by giving him the courtesy of saying he’s injured, rather than total garbage.  The bigger problem though is Clayton Kershaw, and it feels like it’s the beginning of the end for him.  It was a really good ride while it lasted, but the man can no longer be counted on as a reliable ace that can stay healthy, and be your work horse all year long.  A few weeks ago the question was whether or not Kershaw would re-sign with the Dodgers when he opts out of his contract.  Now the question is if Kershaw will even opt out of that contract and at the moment, that answer has to be no.  This is another reminder to the Dodger front office that your window to win isn’t forever, and the Dodgers appear to have missed their window to win with Clayton Kershaw, who will go down as one of the greatest Dodger pitchers ever.

Meanwhile, Mike Scioscia picked up his 1600th win as the Angels’ skipper, putting him in 20th place all-time.  There’s no doubt that Scioscia should have been given the opportunity to manage the Dodgers after Tommy Lasorda, but people have lost some perspective.  In 18 years he has won one World Series, and lost three LCS appearances.  During that stretch the Dodgers have had five LCS appearances and one World Series appearance in which they lost in game 7.  The Dodgers have had five different managers over that stretch, so no way Scioscia’s track record would have kept him around as the Dodgers’ skipper to this day.  That also goes to show you where the level expectations are at for both franchises, whether that should or shouldn’t be the case. 

The Bachelorette is back on ABC, and episode 1 of the season just went down last Monday.  Does Becca get to keep that Ferrari she was driving? It certainly can’t be her’s and what a tragedy that she was driving it in automatic transmission.  I definitely feel like I need name tags for the first episode with all these guys.  Sorry Joe, I guess owning a grocery store doesn’t get you very far on this show.  The good news though is you’ve got plenty of women after you on social media who will be showing up at your grocery store in the next few weeks.  Joe does kind of look like a human Shrek though.  Too bad he wasn’t the villain or he’d be “Traitor Joe.”  This show is entertaining, but it’s getting harder and harder to convince the average person it’s not the dumbest show on television.  Still, we all watch, talk, write, and podcast about it.  If Colton is a virgin, then I’m Justin Timberlake.  Jordan is clearly the male version of Krystal.  Dude thinks this is Project Runway rather than The Bachelorette.  The more you listen to that guy talk, you just want to gargle with razor blades.  Looking forward to the next episode. Finally, The Walking Dead may be off the air right now, but some horribly disappointing news just leaked out relating to the show.  This is a major spoiler alert for those of you that don’t want to know, so read no further if that is the case.  Andrew Lincoln, the lead character who plays Rick, will be leaving the show after the first six episodes of the next season.  It’s also likely that Lauren Cohen, who plays Maggie, will be leaving the show as well.  Norman Reedus, who plays Daryl, is being offered $20 million to take the lead role.  This show is sinking faster than the Titanic.  No way Reedus can hold the show down by himself.  They already deviated from the comic tremendously with the death of Carl, and by eliminating 2 more major characters, I highly doubt this show survives beyond another two seasons, if that.  AMC needs to go back to the drawing board.