Monthly Archives: July 2018

Monday Morning Coffee

July 30, 2018

The Lakers are going to need the world’s best sports team psychiatrist to get through next season. Luke Walton might be getting the most use out of that person given the personalities he’s going to have to deal with. It’s almost like the Lakers asked themselves how they can build the perfect roster to get a coach fired. Hopefully that’s not how it goes for Walton’s sake because he has the potential to be a great coach. Michael Beasley defended the Lakers’ acquisitions last week though, which is surprising because Beasley has never defended anybody during his erratic NBA career. I don’t expect that to change this season just because he’s a Laker.

Meanwhile, Tobias Harris shockingly turned down the Clippers offer for a 4 year $80 million extension. I guess Harris doesn’t seem to like money or the Clippers. I highly doubt even if he plays great basketball this year, he will find another team willing to pay him more than $20 million a year. This isn’t 2016. After seeing how quickly the Clips traded Blake Griffin after re-signing him, Harris probably wouldn’t trust the team to even order him his next lunch. As for the Clippers, if their goal is to just spend money on a couple of max free agents next summer, then they’ll be just fine if Tobias walks away from them in a year anyway.

The Rams will likely give their janitor a raise before giving Aaron Donald an extension. After giving out another $45 million guaranteed to Todd Gurley, the Rams have now paid Ndamukong Suh, and Brandin Cooks, but not one of the best players in the NFL. This is looking worse and worse by the day. It’s not an issue that has gone on for a few months. It’s been a full year of putting this off, so you can’t blame Donald for holding out until he gets paid. The NFL has the weakest players union in all of sports. There are certain players however, that deserve guaranteed contracts on every team, and not just guaranteed money. Donald has proven to be one of those types of players, so at this point the Rams just need to get the deal done.

The Dodgers are in the midst of a brutal road stretch but they are holding up. However, we learned something important about the bullpen over the past week. It stinks. In fact, Kike Hernandez now has a career 81.00 ERA after his one relief appearance. That makes me feel just as comfortable with him on the mound as Pedro Baez. Manny Muchado is nice, but the Dodgers need to add a quality reliever or two to their bullpen before Wednesday’s deadline. A starting pitcher probably wouldn’t hurt either considering Ross “Chicken Strips” Stripling has turned into chicken shit.

There’s two months to go in a dreadful season for the Angels, and I find myself about to say something that I’ve said last year. I think I said it the year before that too, and the one before that. The Halos have a lot of players who aren’t good at baseball. By my count, they are about 7 players away from contending, and maybe even the Astros moving their team to a Japanese league. Other than Mike Trout and Andrelton Simmons, there’s nobody on the team that is critical. They also desperately need two good starting pitchers who’s arms can remain intact for a full season. Unless they plan on overpaying for an older Clayton Kershaw or gutting their limited farm system in a trade for Jacob DeGrom, that probably won’t get fixed anytime soon. Better enjoy Mike Trout for the final two seasons here’s here. Come 2020, it might take a $600 million commitment to sign him.

I can just see the outrage now. USC was picked to lose the Pac-12 Championship game to Washington by the media in overwhelming fashion. The Trojan student body is so angry they are going to burn down the 9-0. Then again it needs to be burned down because it’s kind of a dump for a USC bar. The fact the Trojans weren’t projected to win speaks volumes about the uncertainty of their quarterback situation and how good Washington has become. I find it more shocking that UCLA was picked to finish a distant 4th in the Pac-12 South. Apparently nobody thinks Chip Kelly can coach anymore.

Finally, The Bachelorette is back on ABC tonight with “The Men Tell All”. We’re down to two underwhelming choices left for Becca. It’s starting to look obvious that Garret is going to win this. It’s a perfect match for ABC who loves casting racists, and Becca, who loves boring guys. Jason has class and everybody else in his shoes would have just gotten angry with how Becca ended things with him. You know that game marry, kill, f***? Fantasy suite night seems like the real life edition of that. One of these days ABC is going to come up with a Fantasy Suite spinoff series where the Bachelorette gets pregnant but nobody knows who the father is. We’re at the last week so why are we still hearing Aries name? That guy deserves a “Best Supporting Actor” award this season. The biggest question that remains unanswered though is whether or not they broke the headboard in the Fantasy Suite?

Monday Morning Coffee

July 23, 2018

Let’s start with the latest piece of good news for the Lakers. Josh Hart is balling, and he might even be in line to be starting next season after winning the Summer League MVP. The bad news is that the Lakers keep signing crazy people, with the latest being Michael Beasley. I guess Lebron told Magic to do whatever he can to make Lavar irrelevant. All he needs to do is sign Kim Jong-un and Dennis Rodman and the mission will be accomplished.

To baseball, where somehow the Dodgers acquired Manny Muchado from the Orioles last week. Never could I ever image that Andrew Friedman would give up 5 prospects in a trade for anyone. The Orioles must have thrown in a free Fortnight subscription under the table to sweeten the pot and get the deal done. Muchado was much needed and he’s going to help, but the Dodgers aren’t as good as last year and still need pitching. The good news however, is that Matt Kemp is still on fire. With Muchado hitting in front of him, Kemp hasn’t had this much protection since dating Rihanna a few years ago.

Meanwhile, the Angels did a nice job of coming to Mike Trout’s defense, after Commissioner Rob Manfred suggested Trout isn’t doing enough to market himself. That’s the only positive thing the team has done in weeks. If Manfred knew anything at all about marketing or even cared, he probably would have made sure 70% of the LA market could watch the Dodgers on TV, which isn’t the case today. Even if I look at the biggest stars in baseball in the biggest markets, they are much smaller than stars in the NBA and even NFL. Clayton Kershaw is the best pitcher of his generation in the 2nd largest media market, and he should be a much bigger superstar. Kris Bryant drove an Uber around Chicago several years ago, and nobody recognized him. I guess Rob Manfred is just as clueless as Bud Selig was, because baseball has no idea how to market toward the younger generation of fans they need to make the game more popular than it is now.

Speaking of baseball stars, is there a more overrated star than Bryce Harper? For years, we’ve seen ESPN trip over themselves covering this guy the way they cover Lebron and Tiger Woods. Harper is nothing more than a .214 hitter, who’s advanced statistics make him look even worse in an era dominated by analytics. Somehow, some moronic team is going to pay him $400 million over the next 10 years beginning this winter. It’s amazing that he was once compared to the greatness of Mike Trout.

I sure hope the Rams are planning on getting a deal done with Aaron Donald any second now. Brandin Cooks hasn’t even played a single down for the team yet he was guaranteed $50 million. Donald is only one of the best players in the entire league, yet the Rams keep waiting to pay him the way most people keep delaying paying off their credit card statement. Even if a deal does get done soon, it’s a really bad look for the Rams to pay Cooks first, and can’t be sitting very well with Donald if this negotiation goes on for some time.

I have been a massive fan of Shark Week for 20 years, and I’m beyond excited it’s back on this week. However, I don’t need all the celebrity cameos. If I wanted to see Shaq, I’d just watch Inside The NBA. If I wanted to see Ronda Rousey, I’d watch the WWE, but if that ever happened I’d probably be doing drugs. I like how she’s too scared to get back in the octagon, but perfectly fine swimming with sharks without a cage. In any case, I don’t need celebrities, and I don’t need the sensationalism of Shark attacks, or any more history on Jaws. I want to know what more we’ve learned about Sharks lately, and about some of the crazy alien like species we’ve seen little of. That’s what Shark Week should always be about. Increasing our fascination with these amazing animals, and not making us more terrified of them.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelorette is going down tonight on ABC. Is Tia supposed to be The Bachelorette or is Becca? You’d never know from the last episode. I guess she thinks she’s already in Paradise where it’s perfectly acceptable to steal another dude. Tia is that friend who secretly hates you and is fake happy for your success. Colton says he’s never brought a girl home, but the Internet has the receipts when he dated Aly Raisman. There’s deleted scenes somewhere of Chris Harrison using a banana to teach Colton how to put on a condom. Can’t believe he kept a straight face during that fantasy suite conversation. He deserves an Oscar. That was also the most obvious rose ceremony ever. Could have saved everybody a lot of trouble just by sending Colton an email saying “you’re out.” I would be pissed if I was a high school teacher and had to come in on a weekend to film an episode of the Bachelorette. Who is Betty Lou?? I like how Becca wraps her legs around every dude like he just got back from war in Afghanistan when she meets them. Hopefully we get a good last few episodes but I’m not so optimistic.

Monday Morning Coffee

July 16, 2018

Sometimes the summer is so boring when it comes to sports, people lose their minds and come up with some of the worst ideas in history.  The latest example of this is Stephen A Smith claiming that the Lakers should keep their eyes on Phil Jackson if things go badly this season with Luke Walton.  All this time I thought it was just the executives at ESPN that came up with stupid ideas, but it’s the broadcasters as well.  I guess everyone forgot that the last time Phil coached 7 years ago, he practically mailed it in, not even wanting to coach every game.  He also mailed it in during his latest gig as President of the Knicks.  Not to mention the fact that the game has also passed Phil by, since nobody even wants to run the triangle anymore.  I think the Lakers are just fine without Phil no matter what happens.  As for Luke Walton, he shouldn’t like the fact a story leaked that Tyronn Lue is giving him advice on how to coach Lebron.  Even if it’s true, i think most sensible people wouldn’t take advice on how to even wipe their ass from Tyronn Lue.

Meanwhile, Doc Rivers has got jokes, and he doesn’t even know it.  Most of us were pretty surprised  to see Rivers sign an extension with the Clips when they are faced with a rebuild, which was something he didn’t want to go through in Boston.  Rivers said “we haven’t won crap in LA but we’re trying to.”  He also commented on moving on from the failed Blake-CP-DeAndre era, explaining “it’s called being with the Clippers.”  Sometimes the funniest jokes are really funny because they are true, and that’s the harsh yet hilarious reality of what Doc said.  Still, it’s hard to see why he would want to stick around for all that, but I suppose everyone has their price.

We’ve reached the All-Star break in Major League Baseball, and the Dodgers are actually in 1st place in the NL West due to the fact the division is garbage.  I refuse to be fooled by the idea that the Dodgers are serious about acquiring Manny Muchado.  The day Andrew Friedman trades some quality prospects for an impact talent is probably the day the sun won’t rise.  It will also be the day that Siri stops telling that computer nerd how to build a team due to a software glitch.  The Dodgers window to win with Clayton Kershaw is shrinking fast, so Muchado would help maximize what’s left.  As great as the offense might seem, only Matt Kemp is hitting over .300, so it’s a feast or famine lineup.  Muchado is needed just as much as another bullpen arm or even a starter.  Too bad him being a Dodger probably won’t come to fruition.

Then there’s the Angels who’s season has now been completely obliterated by injuries.  The latest is Garrett Richards, who will finally be forced to undergo Tommy John surgery.  Richards should have had the surgery two seasons ago, because now he’s lost three seasons of his career, and has an even more questionable future in the MLB given his pending free agency.  I think it’s also high time someone launched an investigation into what the hell the front office and training staff are doing, because they’ve lost 7 pitchers in 3 years due to elbow injuries.  That doesn’t even include Shohei Ohtani, who may need the same surgery as well.  Ohtani had his bobble head night on Thursday.  When is UCL elbow injury bobble head night? It will probably take a full season to give out that many different pitching bobble heads, but that feels like the only thing to commemorate each Angels’ season by these days.

Congratulations to France! You may have lost all your wars, but you did manage to win the World Cup yesterday by defeating Croatia.  Apparently soccer fans in France are just as idiotic as soccer fans everywhere else in the world when they celebrate anything, because riots and looting occurred, and several people were killed amidst the chaos.  I thought sports were supposed to unite people rather than divide them? You definitely don’t see that with soccer, which always leads to more of a political or racial discussion than any other sport around the world (although the NFL seems to be doing it’s best to try and catch up).  The latest controversy was surrounding the fact that many of the French soccer plays are of African decent, and creating some sort of racially driven criticism out of that fact.  However, If you’re calling the French players “African”, regardless of your intention, that’s racist.  All of them are French, all but one were born in France. It means for you their skin color is more important than the country they have always known and represent.  It’s because of topics like this that make me glad we only have to watch the World Cup every 4 years.

The NFL is only 8 weeks away! That means we are only 8 weeks from learning Sam Bradford will be out 7-9 weeks with a paper cut.  The Patriots admitting to breaking only 37 NFL rules.  Joe Flacco getting benched and becoming an elite clipboard holder.  Dez Bryant giving up on the NFL and joining the YMCA, and Donald Trump upset with the Eagles for taking a knee to run out the clock.

Finally, The Bachelorette is back on ABC tonight.  After watching last week’s episode, I’m beginning to think that Arie made the right call to break up with Becca last season and go for Lauren.  You think Lauren is boring until you see a whole season of Becca with even more uninteresting guys.  Just when you hope the producers can give you something other than an obscure country artist during a dance date, they end up sticking you with Baja Men.  Chris must have written that ridiculous song.  Did anybody know that Baja Men had a song other than “Who Let The Dogs Out?”  That may be the biggest plot twist of the season.  The last episode was so bad, Trump interrupting the show for his Supreme Court nominee announcement actually made it entertaining.  Obama may have never interrupted The Bachelorette, but he didn’t need to because the show didn’t suck then.  My ultimate prediction for this week: Tia comes back on the show and tells Becca that she slept with Colton and he’s not really a virgin.  I’m not sure which is worse though: two Trump interruptions this season, or two Tia appearances? We’ll see if it gets any more interesting tonight.



Monday Morning Coffee

July 9, 2018

It’s fantastic the Lakers were able to sign Lebron and all, but apparently they decided it would be a good idea to make him feel at home by surrounding him with a bunch of useless role players that can’t shoot.  It’s like the guy never left Cleveland.  Lebron himself is apparently signing off on all these moves, just like he with the Cavs, which explains a lot.  They say every team needs a crazy guy to win a championship, but the Lakers now have 3 with Rajon Rondo, Javale McGee, and Lance Stephenson.  Now there’s all these rumors that the Lakers are going after Damian Lillard, but apparently the people that start these rumors are exempt from using their brains.  Why would the Blazers trade Lillard with 3 years left on his contract? I’m not sure why the Lakers would give up all their promising young players either if they wouldn’t do it for Kawhi Leonard, who is a better player than Lillard.  There’s also the ‘Melo rumors.  I realize many of you aren’t fans, but you can certainly do a lot worse than Carmelo Anthony on your team for a minimum salary.  I say inflate the Banana Boat!

Meanwhile the Clippers’ strategy is very clear now.  They want to be bad, get a high pick and be players in free agency in 2019.  The problem is, I’m not so sure the Clippers are bad as they need to be.  A starting lineup with Patrick Beverley, Avery Bradley, Tobias Harris, Danilo Gallinari, and Martin Gortat is capable of winning some games.  They won’t make the playoffs in the West, and obviously any team with Doc Rivers coaching it in this day and age will probably suck, but they probably won’t be one of the 5 or even 10 worst teams in the league.  Things are back to being so grim for the Clips that Clipper Darryl has officially jumped ship and is now a Laker fan.  I’d sure like to know how Vic “The BrIck” Jacobs feels about this before letting him on that bandwagon.

Thank god for NBA free agency during these boring dog days of summer.  I don’t know about the rest of you, but once DeMarcus Cousins decided to ruin the offseason by signing with the Warriors, I felt like jumping off the roof.  Then again, the joke is on Boogie.  A $5 million salary in San Francisco should afford him a studio apartment with 11 roomates.  Here’s a nice little recap of the last few weeks in three minutes.  Enjoy!

I’m still trying to figure out why the Dodgers alleged ownership scandal isn’t a bigger topic of conversation.  In case you aren’t familiar with it, Guggenheim is facing a lawsuit claiming it defrauded annuity investors in connection with its purchase of the Dodgers.  Look on the bight side though.  Even if the team goes through bankruptcy again, it isn’t really an issue because Andrew Friedman is already running them like a small market club with no money.  I keep hearing Manny Muchado’s name come up in trade rumors but Friedman never gives up big time prospects.  He would also never pay $400 million for a player.  When it comes to signing and trading for players, Friedman is like the son of a rich father who insists on eating at McDonalds and shopping at JC Penny.  Nobody ever said you have to blow money, but it’s ok to treat yourself to Morten’s or shop at Gucci every now and again if you can afford it.

It’s July and the Angels season is already over.  They are buried in both the AL West and the Wild Card.  They need to start playing these Freeway Series games before the middle of the summer because the Halos are almost always toast by the time they start playing the Dodgers.  Actually, the biggest issue with the Angels is just their lack of relevancy.  They have the best player in baseball and one of the best all-time, and he’s hardly talked about.  The rest of their team is always consumed by injuries.  Hard to imagine this changing anytime soon with it being an annual tradition.  Even with Trout, it feels like the Angels haven’t been really exciting since the days of Vlad Guerrero a decade ago.

We’re down to just four teams left in the World Cup.  Imagine how disappointed Trump was when Russia lost to Croatia.  I’m thinking he actually placed a bet on them at 500-1 before the tournament started, thinking his boy Putin would find a way to rig it.  If Hollywood needs to find some better actors who are of a variety of different ethnic backgrounds, they should start auditioning some of these soccer players.  The flopping is just non-stop.  England is going to be taking on Croatia, and the British haven’t been this excited since they learned what a dentist is.  If I add up the total population of England, France, Croatia, and Belgium, it doesn’t even equal half of the population in this country.  Yet we still can’t find 11 talented enough dudes to play soccer.

Very sad news about former UCLA and former NBA pro Tyler Honeycutt, who was shot was killed over the weekend in Sherman Oaks.  This story is not only sad, but shocking and very confusing.  It’s hard to imagine how a guy like that ended up in a situation where he was barricaded in a house and exchanging gunfire with police.  Nevertheless, my thoughts on prayers go out to the family.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelorette is going down tonight on ABC.  As if going to Virginia wasn’t bad enough for an episode, remember that Lauren B is from there.  They really are trying to make sure that Becca won’t forget will they? The devil works hard, but producers of The Bachelorette work harder.  This show is simply running out of date ideas though.  “We’re just going to walk around and explore the city together” is code for “we ran out of date ideas.”  Did anybody really remember anything about Connor prior to the last five minutes of the last episode?  It was definitely time for Chris to go.  The man was completely disrespectful to those of us with high cholesterol and who like to eat eggs on a daily basis, and clearly Becca agrees.  Leo seems like one of the most normal dudes we’ve ever seen on the show.  That’s probably why he’s going to get cut.  Colton is going to win this.  It’s practically a Bachelorette law that if you’re a failed ex pro athlete you’re going to last until the end.  Especially with Clay being gone, Becca had to have another football player sticking around.  Hopefully we get a better episode tonight.



Monday Morning Coffee

July 2, 2018

The best basketball player in the world and one of the biggest superstars in the world is going to be playing for the Los Angeles Lakers.  The Lakers are back on the map thanks to Magic Johnson and Rob Pelinka.  It was a scary couple of days there, but the Lakers are going to be fun again.  They might not be ready to win a championship, but I think we all have much more confidence that with Lebron and this front office, they can get there eventually.  I’m still not sure what the hell Paul George was thinking.  The man has a right to be happy, but nothing can explain his decision other than he didn’t want the pressure and expectations of having to win a championship.  Now we know who Lebron was referring to when he said “some guys don’t want to win a championship”.  I can’t wait to see part III of the Paul George documentary.  It’s probably going to be Paul George sitting in the corner while is Russell Westbrook is taking everyone’s shots… the bar.  Best of all, now Kobe fans and Lebron fans can hold hands and sing “Kum-By-Ya”

Then there’s the Clippers who officially said goodbye to the last of Lob City over the weekend, with DeAndre Jordan headed to Dallas.  The Clips totally mismanaged this one folks.  They should have moved him at the trade deadline for something, even if it was a low 1st round pick.  Is Jerry West going to get criticized for this one?  I like how he gets all the credit for the Clippers when anything they do looks good, yet he gets no criticism when anything goes wrong.  The truth really is that West is simply a consultant, who has major input and influence, but doesn’t actually go to the office everyday or is part of the daily grind as he once was.  I will give Doc Rivers credit for having the sensibility to trade his son, Austin, to try and make the team better.  I guess Austin didn’t get his dad a great Fathers Day gift.  They still have more guards on the team than Buckingham Palace, but maybe they can start admitting that they are actually rebuilding now.

Nobody in their right mind really thinks that Dave Roberts is making real managing decisions for the Dodgers right? I believe that only a computer owned by Andrew Friedman could decide that Walker Buehler should come off the disabled list, without a rehab stint and start against one of the best teams in baseball out the bullpen.  We’re now more than halfway through the season, and the Dodgers may not be in horrible shape like they were early on, but they still have issues.  More than anything, they have a pitching staff that can’t stay healthy, and bullpen that you wouldn’t trust to handle a cup of coffee.  This team doesn’t have nearly the magic of last year to try and get to the World Series again, and it’s going to hit their foolish front office like a bag of bricks come the fall.

As for the Halos, they are barely above .500, and buried in the AL West and the AL Wild Card race. You say the Angels should be sellers at the trade deadline? Who exactly do you think they should trade? Kole Calhoun? Dude is hitting .168.  Luis Valbuena? .211.  Ian Kinsler? Teams would laugh and hang up the phone.  This team is locked into mediocrity for quite some time, and with other teams having an enormous amount of spending power this winter, I can’t see this getting much better anytime soon.  Meanwhile Jerry Dipoto, the former Angels GM who didn’t get along with Mike Scioscia, is having a good laugh in Seattle where the Mariners are currently in the post season picture.

The LA Kings can take a huge sigh of relief now that they have re-signed Drew Doughty to an 8-year extension.  Doughty is the best defenseman in the NHL, and worth every penny of the $11 million cap hit he will cost the Kings.  This is usually a great time to make fun of the Toronto Maple Leafs, but since they just signed John Tavares over the weekend, I guess Kings fans will have to go back to making fun of the San Jose Sharks and their fans.

Finally, another episode of The Bachelorette is going down on ABC tonight.  When the season starts, I’m sure most of you say to yourself “how can so many great guys be single?” Then within two weeks it all becomes clear why they are all single.  The only remaining normal dudes on the show are Blake, Wills, and Colton.  Then again who has a name like Wills? That’s really a name?  Jordan is annoying but David is like the dude who reminded the teacher she forgot to collect the homework.  Then Jordan was dressed like he was trying to smuggle drugs across the border in an RV with his fake family.  That 2-on-1 date was some disaster.  “Well enough about me talking about me.  Now you talk about me.”  Imagine lasting 6 episodes and not even being able to go out of the country? I’d want to punch the producers.  Now they are going to Richmond, VA next? The government needs to issue a bailout on this show.  John should delete Becca’s Venmo account after she cut him.  ABC clearly missed the window where it was cool to meet Wayne Newton by about 40 years.  I’m not sure we’re all looking forward to tonight’s episode, but we’re too invested in this train wreck now.