Monday Morning Coffee

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May 7, 2018

The Dodgers are a burning disaster right now.  Corey Seager is done for the year, Clayton Kershaw is now on the DL, and the injuries are piling up.  The fans are probably more worried about it than management though, because they’ve still got a fat TV contract and attendance is still tops in the league.  Don’t let the injuries distract you from the fact this team is built to rely on a bullpen that’s a pile of garbage.  Cody Bellinger got benched last week.  When is Andrew Friedman going to be benched for creating this crappy pen?  I’m pretty sure Manny Muchado can’t fix that.  No way would I trade for him anyway if he’s not going to sign an extension as part of the deal.  I would definitely take a flyer on Matt Harvey though.  Who’s idea was it to put the Dodgers on Facebook Live last week? Lavar Ball?  We’re only a month in and it’s nearly time to waive the white flag on the Dodgers’ season.

Meanwhile, the Angels took two of three games from the Mariners.  Shohei Ohtani and Mike Trout are dominating, and Albert Pujols is achieving those gimmick milestones that only Arte Moreno cares about when he gave him $240 million.  The Halos have the third best winning percentage in the AL, but the problem is they are 0-6 against the Yankees and Red Sox, the two AL teams with better win percentages than them.  That’s because you just don’t know about their starting pitching every night. This is what happens when you blow all your money on hitters instead of pitching.  The Angels are like that guy that maxes out his credit card at Saks Fith Avenue to buy lots of shoes he doesn’t need, yet is struggling to put food on the table.  It happened again with Justin Upton last winter, and is probably likely to happen against next winter.  This is bound to be the downfall of the Halos this year.

On to the NBA Playoffs where the Raptors are that kid that does well on all their homework but fails the final exam miserably.  There’s good news for Drake though.  He only has to wait for the Raptors to lose tonight, and then he can start cheering for the Cavs and wearing his Lebron jersey.  It’s a good thing that Canada has free healthcare because everyone up there is going to need to be treated for depression after the Cavs eliminate Toronto tonight.  Then there’s the 76ers who have totally botched the 2nd round against the undermanned Celtics.  In game 2, if you crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it in the trash can on Thursday, you made more shots than Ben Simmons did that night.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, in game 3, they started throwing the ball around like Mark Sanchez does on Sunday, which of course meant they lost again.  Last night after game 4, James Harden ran over a fan with his car in the parking lot.  A shooting foul was called on the fan.  If you haven’t seen this SNL skit on Lebron’s teammates, it’s a must…..

Say what you will about the Lakers striking out in free agency during the last four summers, but looking back now, most of those signings would have been terrible.  Dwight Howard? He’s a bum.  DeMar Derozan? Playoff underachiever who couldn’t cut it in the West.  Carmelo Anthony? I guess we’re still waiting for “Olympic Melo” to show up.  Pau Gasol? Nice guy, but a bad fit.  DeAndre Jordan? Can’t make a free throw to save his life.  Greg Monroe? He might be out of the league next year.  I guess Mitch Kupchak really knew what he was doing until he signed Deng and Mozgov.

Steve Ballmer says he’s still learning about the business of the NBA as an owner.  Apparently he hasn’t learned that Doc Rivers is an extremely overrated coach, because he’s reportedly close to signing him to an extension.  It’s true that Doc did a decent job this year, but that doesn’t make up for the lousy job he did the previous 3 seasons.  The man has been no better than Vinny Del Negro was, and he’s far more expensive.  More than anything, the Clippers need a change in culture, and parting ways with Doc would help that culture change.  It also amazes me that more teams like the Clippers aren’t hunting for the next Brad Stevens, who is single handedly winning round 2 for the Celtics.  You would think there would be more of an effort to hire “out-of-the-box” candidates like this than NBA retreads.  I guess it would be ridiculous to think the Clippers could get out of their own way and do this.

What a terrible idea it was to have the Kentucky Derby on Cinco De Mayo this year.  I mean Mint Julep and Margaritas just don’t go together at all.  Apparently one woman won $1.2 million on a five race parlay at the Derby.  Her win was still more likely than the odds of the Cleveland Browns actually making the playoffs.  “Justify”? They really couldn’t think of a better name for their horse?  Instead of spraying champagne do they just spray horse crap on each other to celebrate the victory?  You have to love this sport.  For one afternoon, people are pretending like horrible things aren’t going to happen to those horses when their racing careers are over.  Thank god that horses are actually good at sports in this country, otherwise some people might actually be eating them.  Sadly, it doesn’t stop people from torturing them.  At least they call it the “Kentucky Derby” rather than “Hats and Horses”, because that would just sound like a Southern sorority theme.

Finally, last night the Vegas Golden Knights eliminated the San Jose Sharks in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  This glorious moment was made especially glorious when the Twitter trolls came out to give it to the Sharks.  I guess we learned that the Sharks can’t win the Cup with or without Joe Thornton after all these years.  The real story though was the epic Twitter battled that ensued between the Kings and Sharks official accounts.  Get a load of it for yourself.

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