October 19, 2026

Los Angeles Sports: Five Teams, Four Disasters, and One Reason to Get Out of Bed Wednesday

Good morning, Los Angeles!

I hope you enjoyed your weekend. Actually, scratch that. If you’re a fan of Los Angeles sports, I hope you spent the weekend hiking, golfing, drinking, or doing literally anything that didn’t involve watching your favorite teams.

Because this was an absolute bloodbath.

The Dodgers’ three-peat dreams are officially dead. The Rams are 2-4 and apparently auditioning for a documentary about wasted potential. The Chargers are 0-6, which is the kind of record that usually gets a coach fired, a quarterback traded, and an owner investigated for impersonating an NFL executive. And the Kings? They’re making the Titanic look like a well-managed cruise ship.

The good news? The Lakers start Wednesday.

The bad news? We’ve reached the point where we’re depending on the Lakers to restore our collective sanity.

Pour yourself a strong cup of coffee. Maybe add something stronger. We’re going in.

THE DODGERS: THE EMPIRE STRIKES OUT

Well, it’s over.

The dream of a three-peat is dead, and somewhere in America, 29 other fan bases are celebrating like they just won the World Series themselves.

Congratulations, everyone. You finally got your wish.

But before we start dismantling the Dodgers, firing Dave Roberts, trading half the roster, and demanding Andrew Friedman surrender his laptop, let’s remember something.

The Dodgers have been really good for 15 years. They’ve only been pissing everyone off for the last two.

There’s a difference.

The reality is that the Dodgers enjoyed an almost supernatural run of good fortune during their previous two championship postseasons. The timely hits came. The pitching delivered. The bullpen survived. The breaks went their way.

Everything that needed to happen seemed to happen.

This year? The baseball gods apparently reviewed the last two Octobers and decided the Dodgers had exceeded their allotted happiness.

Regression to the mean is a real thing, folks.

And boy, did it arrive with a vengeance.

The hitting was atrocious. Not just bad. Not just disappointing. We’re talking about an offense that made scoring runners from second base look like splitting the atom.

For much of October, the Dodgers approached every runner in scoring position as if bringing him home would violate the collective bargaining agreement.

And against Milwaukee, even the pitching finally cracked.

You can survive an occasional offensive drought when your starters are throwing like Cy Young candidates. But when the pitching starts giving up runs too, suddenly you’re just a very expensive baseball team making vacation plans.

Now comes the uncomfortable part.

The Dodgers need to get younger, faster, and more athletic.

This isn’t an indictment of the dynasty. It’s how you keep one alive.

Teoscar Hernández has been a wonderful Dodger, but sentimentality doesn’t improve bat speed. Tommy Edman brings versatility, but the Dodgers need to determine whether his value fits their next championship roster. And Tyler Glasnow? At some point, availability has to become part of the equation when you’re evaluating expensive pitching.

Those are difficult conversations.

They’re also the conversations that separate organizations that win championships from organizations that spend the next decade showing highlights of the championships they used to win.

Here’s what I wouldn’t do: panic.

The Dodgers still have an extraordinary foundation, a front office that understands how to build a contender, and the financial resources to make the rest of baseball miserable.

The empire isn’t dead.

It’s just taking a brief intermission.

And if you think the Dodgers’ reign of terror is over, I have some beachfront property in Bakersfield I’d like to sell you.

Coffee Verdict: The three-peat is dead. The dynasty isn’t. Andrew Friedman has some uncomfortable decisions to make, and for once, his spreadsheet might actually recommend getting younger instead of signing another 34-year-old All-Star.

THE RAMS: THEY TRADED FOR MYLES GARRETT AND BECAME THE CLEVELAND BROWNS

Seriously.

What. The. Hell.

The Rams are 2-4.

TWO AND FOUR.

This team went out and acquired Myles Garrett, one of the most terrifying defensive players on the planet, and somehow managed to inherit the entire Cleveland Browns experience.

Apparently the trade included a complimentary subscription to organizational misery.

I understand the Rams have started slowly before. Sean McVay has made a habit of digging himself out of early-season holes, getting hot in December, and convincing everyone that the first six weeks were just an elaborate preseason.

But this feels different.

The offense looks completely out of sync. The injuries are piling up. Kyren Williams doesn’t exactly appear thrilled with his role. And the special teams?

The Rams’ special teams are so bad they should be classified as an opposing offense.

Seriously, how many seasons are we going to watch this organization treat special teams like an optional extracurricular activity?

They invest in stars. They invest in coaching. They invest in offensive creativity.

And then they trot out a special teams unit that looks like it was assembled from people waiting in line at the DMV.

But here’s my bigger issue.

How many stupid losses can one talented football team accumulate?

Every season, the Rams find creative ways to lose games they have absolutely no business losing. A blown lead here. A special teams disaster there. A bizarre offensive possession at the worst possible moment.

And then we hear the same thing.

“We’ll learn from it.”

Really? Because apparently the Rams are enrolled in the world’s longest continuing education program.

These losses matter.

They’re not just annoying October inconveniences. They’re the difference between hosting playoff games at SoFi Stadium and flying across the country in January to play in freezing temperatures against a team that actually remembered to win in September.

Home-field advantage matters. Seeding matters.

The Rams are talented enough to reach the Super Bowl, but they keep making the road unnecessarily difficult.

And now comes the Raiders.

At the beginning of the season, this looked like a gift-wrapped victory.

Today?

I’m genuinely terrified.

The Raiders are exactly the kind of opponent the Rams should beat comfortably, which makes them precisely the kind of opponent the Rams might inexplicably lose to.

I can already picture the postgame press conference.

McVay: “I’ve got to do a better job.”

Yes, Sean.

We’ve established that.

Coffee Verdict: The Rams still have enough talent to turn this around, but the margin for error is disappearing. And if they lose to the Raiders, someone needs to confiscate the entire special teams playbook and launch it into the Pacific Ocean.

THE CHARGERS: 0-6, AND JUSTIN HERBERT IS THE ONE GETTING CRITICIZED?

Six games.

Six losses.

Zero wins.

The Chargers have officially reached the point where the most exciting part of their season is checking which college players might be available in the draft.

And somehow, Justin Herbert is taking heat.

Why?

Because he has a hot girlfriend?

Are we seriously doing this?

Apparently the quarterback’s personal life has become a bigger topic of discussion than the fact that he’s playing behind an offensive line with the structural integrity of wet cardboard.

Herbert’s offensive line provides about as much protection as a busted condom.

And his receivers?

Half of them should be delivering DoorDash orders instead of running routes on Sundays.

No disrespect to delivery drivers. At least they know how to complete a delivery.

Herbert is out there trying to manufacture offense with a collection of players who look like they were selected in a fantasy football waiver draft where everyone else had already gone home.

Meanwhile, the defense is mediocre at best.

Not terrible enough to be historically memorable. Not good enough to win games.

Just aggressively mediocre.

And that might be the most Chargers thing imaginable.

Which brings us to Jim Harbaugh.

When Harbaugh arrived, the expectation was that he’d transform the Chargers into a disciplined, physical, mentally tough football team.

Instead, they’re 0-6.

That’s not a slow start.

That’s a distress signal.

So what are the Spanos family thinking?

Do they believe Harbaugh can still turn this around? Are they blaming the injuries and roster construction? Are they prepared to make the kind of difficult organizational decisions that successful franchises occasionally have to make?

Or are they simply hoping everyone gets distracted by the Lakers?

I wouldn’t assume Harbaugh is going anywhere just yet.

His reputation, contract, and track record should buy him some patience. And frankly, replacing the coach doesn’t magically produce competent offensive linemen or receivers who can get open.

But patience isn’t unlimited.

And at 0-6, we’re no longer talking about playoff positioning.

We’re talking about whether this franchise has any idea what it’s doing.

The most depressing part is Herbert.

A quarterback with that kind of talent shouldn’t have to spend the prime of his career auditioning for the role of football’s most sympathetic millionaire.

Coffee Verdict: The season is cooked. Herbert isn’t the problem. And before the Chargers start questioning his romantic life, perhaps they should find five guys capable of keeping him alive long enough to enjoy it.

THE LAKERS: WAIT, SOMETHING GOOD IS HAPPENING IN LOS ANGELES?

Ladies and gentlemen, I have wonderful news.

The Lakers begin their season Wednesday.

That’s right.

An actual reason to look forward to watching a Los Angeles sports team!

And I’m going to say something that might sound crazy given the current state of our sports universe.

I think the Lakers are going to be better than people expect.

Much better.

Let’s start with the obvious.

Luka Dončić is an elite basketball player.

Not pretty good. Not occasionally spectacular. Elite.

He’s the kind of player who can control an entire basketball game without necessarily being the fastest, strongest, or most athletic person on the floor.

He sees things before they happen.

He manipulates defenses.

And when he’s locked in, he can make opposing coaches look like they’re trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube while being attacked by bees.

Yes, the Western Conference is loaded.

But I also think it’s more wide open than people realize.

There are plenty of good teams. There are legitimate contenders. But I don’t see some unbeatable juggernaut standing between the Lakers and a meaningful playoff run.

The key is chemistry, health, defense, and whether the supporting cast can consistently complement Luka.

And then there’s Dalton Knecht.

Poor Dalton.

The Lakers have been trying to trade this guy for so long that his agent probably answers every phone call by saying, “Which airport?”

Seriously, does anyone want him?

The Lakers have been shopping him around like a slightly used Peloton on Facebook Marketplace.

“Great condition. Barely used. Lots of potential. Will consider all offers.”

At some point, you have to wonder whether the Lakers actually believe in his development.

And if they don’t, perhaps the rest of the league has reached the same conclusion.

But here’s a crazy thought.

What if they actually play him?

What if they give him a defined role, let him shoot, and see whether there’s a useful NBA player hiding beneath the constant trade rumors?

It’s worth considering.

Because unlike our football teams, the Lakers actually have the opportunity to begin their season without first needing to apologize for it.

THE LA KINGS: THE ONLY WINLESS TEAM IN HOCKEY, AND THEIR SOLUTION IS AN EXPENSIVE GOALIE?

I’ve been watching the Kings for a long time.

I’ve seen bad teams. I’ve seen rebuilding teams. I’ve seen teams that couldn’t score, couldn’t defend, and couldn’t figure out which direction they were skating.

But this?

This is special.

The Kings are the only winless team in the NHL.

The only one.

Thirty-one other franchises have apparently figured out how to win a hockey game.

The Kings are still working on the concept.

And now we’re hearing talk about Connor Hellebuyck?

Excuse me?

The solution to this disaster is an aging goaltender making roughly $9 million a year?

That’s like discovering your house has termites, a leaking roof, and a collapsing foundation, then deciding to buy a $90,000 refrigerator.

Hellebuyck is a tremendous goaltender.

That’s not the point.

The point is that the Kings don’t need another expensive veteran brought in to temporarily disguise the organization’s deeper problems.

They need three or four younger defensemen who can actually skate, defend, and move the puck.

They need a legitimate top-six center.

They need more speed.

They need more skill.

They need a coherent vision of what they’re trying to build.

And most importantly?

They need leadership that understands the difference between a championship window and a window that’s been boarded shut.

Which brings us to Luc Robitaille.

Look, Luc is a Kings legend. His number belongs in the rafters. His contributions to this franchise as a player will never be forgotten.

But being a beloved former player doesn’t automatically make someone an effective executive.

And the Kings have spent far too long operating as though their problems can be solved by adding one more veteran, making one more tweak, and hoping the same basic roster construction suddenly produces a different result.

That’s not a strategy.

That’s denial with a parking pass.

At some point, ownership has to ask why this organization keeps arriving at the same disappointing destination despite changing the route.

The Kings need a philosophical overhaul, not another expensive Band-Aid.

And I have very little confidence that overhaul happens while the same leadership continues convincing itself the team is one transaction away.

One transaction away from what?

Another early playoff exit?

At this point, I’d settle for one victory.

Just one.

Maybe they could put it on a commemorative puck.

Coffee Verdict: Stop chasing expensive veterans. Build a younger, faster, more skilled roster. And somebody please explain to Kings management that the salary cap is not a substitute for a long-term plan.

UCLA FOOTBALL: SIX AND OH, AND THE BEST FOOTBALL TEAM IN LOS ANGELES. WAIT, WHAT?

In a city where the Rams are 2-4, the Chargers are 0-6, and USC continues to remind everyone how much money it spends on football, the best team in Los Angeles plays at the Rose Bowl. That’s right, UCLA is 6-0, ranked No. 9 in the country, and coming off another impressive victory over Wisconsin. Somebody check on the USC alumni. The Bruins aren’t just winning. They’re doing everything the Trojans were supposed to be doing. Playing disciplined football, beating quality opponents, and looking like a legitimate national contender. And here’s the funniest part: If USC were 6-0 with UCLA’s résumé, they’d probably be ranked No. 1, have three players on the Heisman watch list, and ESPN would already be producing a documentary about the return of Troy. But because it’s UCLA, the voters apparently need another six weeks of convincing. Credit Bob Chesney, who has done something remarkable: turned UCLA football into the most exciting show in town without requiring a $100 million payroll or a weekly press conference explaining why things aren’t working. The Bruins are everything USC desperately wants to be: tough, confident, well-coached, and undefeated. And considering the current state of the Dodgers, Rams, Chargers, and Kings, UCLA might actually be the best sports team playing in Los Angeles right now. Somewhere, a USC booster just threw his phone into the pool.

Coffee Verdict: Six and oh. Top ten in America. The Bruins own Los Angeles football right now. And Bob Chesney deserves a statue in Westwood before somebody offers him $15 million a year to coach in the SEC.

THE LAST SIP ☕

What a time to be a Los Angeles sports fan.

The Dodgers’ three-peat is over.

The Rams are 2-4.

The Chargers are 0-6.

The Kings haven’t won a game.

And the Lakers haven’t played one.

Think about that.

The team giving us the most hope is the one that hasn’t had an opportunity to disappoint us yet.

But perhaps there’s a silver lining.

The Dodgers aren’t going anywhere. The Rams still have the talent to recover. The Chargers will eventually have to confront their organizational dysfunction. And maybe, just maybe, the Kings will discover that rebuilding a hockey team involves more than collecting expensive players who remember the Obama administration.

As for the Lakers?

Wednesday night can’t come soon enough.

Because right now, Los Angeles sports fans are desperate for a victory.

Any victory.

And if Luka Dončić can deliver one, I might nominate him for mayor.

Have a great week, everybody.

Keep the coffee strong, the expectations low, and for the love of God, somebody teach the Rams how to cover a punt.

Until next Monday… ☕

Monday October 12, 2026

The Dodgers have forgotten how to hit, the Chargers have forgotten how to win, UCLA has apparently forgotten it’s UCLA, and the Lakers are going 75-7.

There’s a lot to unpack this Monday morning in Los Angeles sports. The Dodgers are making October baseball look like an advanced form of psychological torture. The Chargers are 0-5 and might need to start recruiting offensive linemen from the parking lot. The Rams have the unenviable task of stopping Josh Allen tonight. UCLA is undefeated, which is a sentence that still feels like a typo. USC actually won a big road game, and the Lakers are apparently preparing for a championship parade after beating Sacramento in the preseason.

Pour yourself a strong cup of coffee. If you’re a Chargers fan, maybe make it an Irish one.

The Dodgers: Can Andrew Friedman’s Computer Hit Cleanup?

The Dodgers lost Game 1 to Milwaukee last night, and I’m officially concerned. Not mildly concerned. Not “it’s a long series” concerned. I’m talking about checking the blood pressure every time someone steps into the batter’s box with a runner on second.

First, let’s acknowledge something: this isn’t the same Milwaukee Brewers team the Dodgers handled last October. These guys are confident, aggressive, and apparently unaware that they’re supposed to be intimidated by a roster that costs approximately the GDP of a small European country.

The Dodgers’ pitching? Excellent. Elite, even. The starting rotation has done more than enough to win these games.

The offense? I’ve seen Little League teams execute better situational hitting, and at least those kids get orange slices afterward.

Shohei Ohtani hasn’t hit a home run in what feels like three presidential administrations. Will Smith currently looks like he’s trying to hit a baseball with a pool noodle. And when the Dodgers get runners in scoring position, you might as well start preparing for the next inning.

It’s almost impressive how consistently this team can turn second and third with one out into absolutely nothing.

Yes, Yoshinobu Yamamoto takes the mound today. Wonderful. Terrific. Fantastic.

But unless Yamamoto has secretly learned to hit cleanup, he’s not solving the problem I’m worried about.

Dave Roberts sounded remarkably calm after the loss. Of course he did. Dave Roberts could be standing on the deck of the Titanic watching the iceberg approach and tell reporters, “I really like where we’re at.”

But here’s what I really want to know.

Is Andrew Friedman’s computer worried?

Because somewhere inside Dodger Stadium there’s presumably a supercomputer running 47 million simulations, calculating exit velocity, launch angle, expected batting average, and the precise probability that Will Smith will eventually make contact with a baseball.

I’d love to know what it’s saying.

Because my computer is saying something considerably less sophisticated:

WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

The Chargers: 0-5, and the Offensive Line Is Now a Missing Persons Case

The Chargers lost to Denver, fell to 0-5, and are rapidly approaching the point where the most exciting thing about their season will be the NFL Draft.

Now, in fairness, they were missing four offensive linemen. Four!

At that point, you’re not fielding an offensive line. You’re organizing a neighborhood watch.

Justin Herbert was sacked five times, which honestly seems like a relatively low number considering he spent much of the afternoon running for his life.

The defining moment came at the end, when Herbert couldn’t even get off a Hail Mary attempt. Think about that. The Chargers needed a miracle, and their offensive line couldn’t even provide enough protection to let them ask God for one.

But let’s not let the injuries excuse everything.

Early in the fourth quarter, the Chargers faced a critical fourth-and-one. One yard. Three feet. Thirty-six inches. And they couldn’t get it.

This is a team coached by Jim Harbaugh, a man whose entire football identity is supposedly built around toughness, physicality, and dominating the line of scrimmage.

Right now, the Chargers couldn’t dominate the line at the DMV.

At 0-5, the playoffs are beginning to look like a mathematical fantasy. The bigger question is how much longer this team can continue losing without someone asking some very uncomfortable questions about the direction of the franchise.

Herbert deserves better. Chargers fans deserve better.

And frankly, so does the poor guy who’s going to be asked to play left tackle next week.

The Rams: Josh Allen Is Coming to Town. Wonderful.

The Rams host Buffalo tonight on Monday Night Football, and the timing couldn’t be much worse.

The 49ers are 5-0, playing like a legitimate Super Bowl contender, and threatening to turn the NFC West race into a one-team parade before Halloween.

Meanwhile, the Rams are trying to find the win column.

And who’s coming to SoFi Stadium?

Josh Allen.

Fantastic.

Allen is basically what happens when you combine a linebacker, a quarterback, and a runaway freight train into one human being. He’s capable of beating you with his arm, his legs, or by simply running through your defensive back like he’s late for a connecting flight.

The good news is Aaron Donald returns tonight.

The bad news is that Aaron Donald might have to tackle Josh Allen, cover receivers, rush the passer, and possibly sell popcorn in Section 212.

The Rams desperately need this game. Not because a loss would mathematically eliminate them from anything, but because falling further behind San Francisco would make the rest of the season feel like one very long uphill climb.

The Rams have enough talent to compete. They just haven’t put it all together consistently.

Tonight would be a particularly good time to start.

And if Aaron Donald can introduce himself to Josh Allen about six times in the Buffalo backfield, that would be appreciated.

UCLA Football: Someone Check Bob Chesney’s Water Bottle

UCLA is 5-0.

Let me repeat that.

UCLA. IS. 5-0.

The Bruins just went into Oregon and won for the first time there since 2004. They’ve climbed all the way to No. 12 in the rankings, and suddenly Westwood is beginning to resemble an actual college football powerhouse.

What in the name of Terry Donahue is going on?

Bob Chesney deserves an enormous amount of credit. He’s taken a roster that wasn’t exactly being confused with the 2001 Miami Hurricanes and turned it into an undefeated football team.

And here’s the truly fascinating part: look at the remaining schedule.

You can make a legitimate argument that UCLA should be favored in every game it has left.

The only currently ranked opponent remaining is USC, which creates a uniquely hilarious situation.

UCLA fans now have to root for USC to keep winning.

Not because they like USC. Not because they’ve suddenly developed affection for Lincoln Riley.

But because the Bruins desperately need that game to mean something when it comes to playoff consideration.

Imagine being a UCLA fan and having to say, “I really hope USC beats Ohio State.”

That’s like a Dodgers fan rooting for the Giants because it might improve their strength of schedule.

And then there’s Nico Iamaleava.

The Bruins are undefeated despite the fact that their highly compensated quarterback might be the weakest link on the roster.

At this point, UCLA’s NIL collective might want to investigate whether Nico came with a 30-day money-back guarantee.

Can you return a quarterback to Tennessee without the original packaging?

All kidding aside, Chesney is performing a remarkable coaching job. If UCLA keeps winning, the Bruins could find themselves in the College Football Playoff conversation.

And that would be one of the most remarkable stories in college football.

USC Football: Lincoln Riley Actually Won One of Those Games

Let’s give credit where credit is due.

USC went into Penn State and won.

And not just any game. The kind of game USC has made a habit of losing over the last few seasons.

You know the script. Big opponent. Hostile environment. Plenty of opportunities to make a critical mistake. And somewhere in the fourth quarter, Lincoln Riley looks like a man who just realized he left his wallet on an airplane.

Except this time, USC got it done.

Jayden Maiava bounced back from a disappointing performance and looked much more like the quarterback USC needs him to be.

That’s encouraging.

What’s less encouraging is that USC didn’t move a single spot in the AP Poll after winning on the road.

Apparently the voters watched the game and concluded, “Nice win, but we’re still not buying it.”

And frankly, can you blame them?

Lincoln Riley has a lot of work to do before anyone should feel completely comfortable trusting this program in a big game.

But this was progress. Real progress.

Now comes the difficult part.

Ohio State and Indiana are on the horizon, and those teams aren’t particularly interested in USC’s redemption story.

Maiava needs to demonstrate that this wasn’t a one-week correction. He needs to be consistent, protect the football, and make the right decisions when the competition gets considerably tougher.

Because beating Penn State is a nice accomplishment.

Beating Ohio State or Indiana would be a statement.

And Lincoln Riley could certainly use a few of those.

The Lakers: 75-7 Seems Reasonable

I don’t want to overreact to preseason basketball.

But after watching the Lakers dismantle Sacramento, I think 75 wins is a reasonable expectation.

Maybe 76.

Of course, there’s the minor complication that the Lakers won’t get to play the Sacramento Kings 82 times.

Which is unfortunate, because that would make this whole championship thing considerably easier.

The most intriguing part of this Lakers team isn’t necessarily the established stars. It’s the young talent.

Specifically, Adou Thiero and Cameron Carr.

Thiero brings the kind of athleticism, defensive energy, and physicality that the Lakers have desperately needed from their supporting cast.

Carr brings length, explosiveness, and the kind of upside that makes you wonder whether the Lakers might have found something special.

Now, let’s be clear. They’re young. They’re going to make mistakes. There will be nights when they look like future All-Stars and other nights when they look like they should still be attending freshman orientation.

But if these two can contribute meaningful minutes, the Lakers suddenly become a much more interesting team.

Because the difference between being a good Western Conference team and a legitimate contender often comes down to whether your younger players can give you something unexpected.

And for once, the Lakers might actually have a couple of those guys.

So yes, I’m excited.

Am I planning the parade?

Not yet.

But I’ve already cleared a few dates in June.

The Last Sip

It’s a strange time to be a Los Angeles sports fan.

The Dodgers have a championship-caliber pitching staff and an offense that apparently believes scoring runs is optional.

The Chargers are 0-5, and their offensive line has fewer healthy bodies than a hospital waiting room during flu season.

The Rams need a win tonight, but first they’ll have to deal with a quarterback who looks like he was engineered in a laboratory.

UCLA is undefeated and dreaming about the College Football Playoff, while USC is finally showing signs that Lincoln Riley might actually know how to win a difficult road game.

And the Lakers?

They’re going 75-7.

Or 74-8 if they have to play Sacramento on the second night of a back-to-back.

But here’s the thing that worries me most this morning.

It’s not the Chargers. At 0-5, expectations have already been appropriately adjusted.

It’s not the Rams. They still have time.

It’s not USC or UCLA, both of whom are giving their fans reasons for optimism.

It’s the Dodgers.

Because great pitching can carry you a long way in October.

But eventually, somebody has to hit the damn baseball.

And unless Andrew Friedman’s computer has figured out how to drive in a runner from third with less than two outs, we’re going to have a very stressful week.

Have a great Monday, everybody. And go Dodgers. Please. For the love of God. Score some runs.

October baseball anxiety, a Rams resurrection, Charger misery, Lincoln Riley’s hot seat, Irish playoff math, and Kings defensemen headed for lunar orbit

Pour yourself a cup. Make it strong.

Actually, if you’re a Dodgers fan, forget the coffee. You might want something with a higher alcohol content.

Because we have officially reached that wonderful time of year when every pitch feels like a root canal, every runner left in scoring position feels like a personal betrayal, and a routine ground ball can ruin your entire evening.

Welcome to October.

THE DODGERS: YES, YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED

How worried am I about the Dodgers?

Very.

Not “the asteroid is definitely hitting Earth” worried. But definitely “maybe we should start looking into underground bunkers” worried.

After dropping Game 2 to the Braves — and, more specifically, failing to do enough damage against the Atlanta bullpen — the Dodgers now head to Atlanta for Game 3 and get rewarded with Chris Sale.

Wonderful.

Because nothing cures an offense struggling to produce clutch hits quite like facing one of the nastiest left-handed pitchers of his generation.

Here’s the frustrating part: the Dodgers have pitched well enough to win both games.

That’s what makes this so maddening.

The pitching hasn’t been the problem. The Dodgers simply haven’t executed offensively when the game has demanded it.

And yes, Shohei Ohtani’s ailments are clearly part of the equation. When the most dangerous hitter on the planet isn’t physically right, that tends to affect an offense.

But October baseball isn’t always about launching baseballs 450 feet into the pavilion.

Sometimes you have to manufacture a run.

Lay down the sacrifice bunt.

Take the extra base when it’s there.

Don’t take the extra base when it’s not there.

Move runners over.

Make the routine defensive play.

Basically, do all the boring baseball stuff that nobody puts in a Nike commercial.

Take the first inning of Game 2.

If Mookie Betts simply throws to second base and takes the force out, the Dodgers probably escape the inning.

Instead, they don’t get the out, Atlanta capitalizes, and suddenly everybody watching at home is screaming instructions at a television while holding a drink.

October baseball!

This team has enough talent to win the World Series. Nobody disputes that.

But talent stops mattering when you start giving away outs and failing to cash in scoring opportunities.

The Dodgers need to start doing the little things correctly because the margin for error is now microscopic.

Of course, you know what would be the most baseball thing imaginable?

The Dodgers spend two days looking completely incapable of getting a big hit, everybody declares the season dead, they fly to Atlanta to face Chris Sale…

…and score seven runs in four innings.

Honestly, I’m half expecting it.

Baseball makes absolutely no sense.

THE RAMS: HOW DID THEY WIN THAT GAME?

Now that was a football game.

The Rams went into Philadelphia and somehow pulled off a tremendous comeback victory to get back to 2-2.

And suddenly the season looks very different.

Was it pretty?

Absolutely not.

Were there still plenty of problems?

Oh yes.

The special teams unit currently looks like it was assembled through an open casting call.

Matthew Stafford needs to be sharper.

There are injuries everywhere.

But they won.

And after what happened in Denver, you can make a pretty convincing argument that this team could easily be 3-1 if they hadn’t gotten hosed on that non-call against the Broncos.

Yes, I’m still bitter.

No, I’m not moving on.

The important thing is that the Rams survived the first month at 2-2 despite injuries, inconsistent play and the occasional officiating adventure.

We’ve seen this movie before.

Sean McVay’s Rams frequently spend September looking like they just met each other in the parking lot before eventually figuring things out.

The problem?

The rest of the NFC West isn’t waiting around.

The 49ers are 4-0.

Seattle is 3-1.

So while 2-2 feels considerably better after stealing one in Philadelphia, there isn’t much runway available.

Clean up the special teams.

Get Stafford comfortable.

Get healthy.

And start stacking wins.

Because San Francisco apparently plans on losing sometime around February.

THE CHARGERS: SEE YOU IN 2027

And then there are the Chargers.

0-4.

Season over.

I know mathematically there are approximately 58 different scenarios where an 0-4 team can still make the playoffs.

I’m sure one involves winning 11 straight games, a Raiders-Broncos tie, three lunar eclipses and Andy Reid accidentally retiring.

I’m not interested.

This team looks bad.

And perhaps the most shocking part is that they look uncompetitive.

I never thought I’d say that about a Jim Harbaugh-coached football team.

Harbaugh teams are supposed to be physical. Annoying. Disciplined. Difficult to play against.

This team currently looks like it would have trouble winning the AFC West intramural flag football tournament.

And Mike McDaniel’s seat has to be getting awfully warm.

The offense is wildly inconsistent.

I still don’t think Justin Herbert is the problem.

What exactly would you like him to do?

His offensive line can’t protect him and half his receiving corps looks like they’re waiting for their next Uber Eats order.

At some point, personnel matters.

Herbert will take the criticism because quarterbacks always do. Harbaugh will take plenty because he’s Jim Harbaugh.

But when you’re 0-4 and getting pushed around every week, eventually somebody gets sacrificed to the football gods.

McDaniel may want to avoid Zillow for the next few weeks.

USC: AN UGLY WIN IS STILL A WIN

USC beat Washington Saturday.

That’s the good news.

The bad news is that it wasn’t exactly the kind of performance that makes you start checking airfare for the College Football Playoff.

Ironically, after spending much of the season watching the defense resemble a freeway on-ramp, it was actually the offense that struggled.

And when USC desperately needed a play?

The defense made one.

I’ll take it.

At this point, Trojan fans aren’t asking for style points.

They’re asking for survival.

But somebody in the media needs to ask Lincoln Riley about those “Fire Lincoln” chants.

Come on.

We all hear them.

Lincoln hears them.

The players hear them.

People watching television in Bakersfield hear them.

Yet somehow everybody gets to the press conference afterward and acts like thousands of USC fans weren’t just publicly requesting the head coach’s termination.

Ask the question!

Because Riley’s situation is fascinating.

Look at the remaining schedule.

Where exactly are the easy wins?

There aren’t many.

A 7-5 season is absolutely on the table.

And if USC finishes 7-5?

Those “Fire Lincoln” chants are going to sound like a Gregorian choir compared with what’s coming next.

NOTRE DAME: JUST WIN THE TWO THAT MATTER

Meanwhile, my Notre Dame Fighting Irish survived a sloppy, rain-soaked game against North Carolina.

It wasn’t beautiful.

But Notre Dame remains No. 3 in the country, and at this point the playoff equation is pretty straightforward.

It comes down to BYU and Miami.

Two top-10 opponents.

Beat both: Notre Dame is in.

Lose both: Notre Dame is out.

Split them: They’re probably still in, assuming the loss is competitive and they handle the rest of the schedule.

That’s it.

No advanced mathematics required.

No committee conspiracy theories.

No need to have Paul Finebaum explain strength of schedule while six people yell at each other on television.

Beat BYU and Miami and nobody can say anything.

This is a very good Notre Dame team.

Now we’re going to find out whether it’s a great one.

THE KINGS: HAS ANYONE CONSIDERED PLAYING DEFENSE?

Finally, to the ice.

The Kings play their home opener tomorrow and will begin celebrating their 60th anniversary.

Very exciting.

Maybe in honor of the occasion they could celebrate another historic Kings tradition:

playing defense.

Because the first two games have been rough.

They got smoked in Colorado and then lost in overtime to San Jose.

The fascinating development is that suddenly the Kings can score.

Great!

Unfortunately, they’ve apparently decided that preventing the other team from scoring is optional.

The goaltending hasn’t helped either.

And the most frustrating part is that the potential answer in net is basically standing there waving at them.

Eric Portillo.

The kid is talented.

At some point, let’s find out what you have.

Because the current solution isn’t exactly inspiring confidence.

Unfortunately, Portillo can only play goalie.

He cannot simultaneously replace four defensemen.

And that is unfortunate because, based on the first two games, I would happily send approximately four members of the Kings’ blue line directly to the moon.

Not Ontario.

Not the American Hockey League.

The actual moon.

No waiver claim.

No conditioning assignment.

Just SpaceX.

The good news is that it’s two games.

The bad news is that through two games, the Kings have looked like a team that spent the entire offseason fixing its offense and then suddenly realized five minutes before opening night:

“Wait…who’s playing defense?”

Happy 60th anniversary!

Maybe tomorrow night they can celebrate it by allowing fewer than five goals.

Baby steps.

LAST CALL

So here we are.

The Dodgers are two games into October and already testing our cardiovascular health.

The Rams somehow crawled out of Philadelphia at 2-2 and might actually be dangerous if they can stop sabotaging themselves.

The Chargers are 0-4 and should probably start scouting draft prospects.

USC won but nobody feels particularly good about it.

Notre Dame controls its own destiny.

And the Kings have apparently decided that defense is an outdated hockey concept.

Just another perfectly normal week in sports.

Now excuse me while I prepare to watch the Dodgers face Chris Sale.

I’m going to need another cup.

And depending on the first three innings, I may need something considerably stronger than coffee.

September 28, 2026

Blown leads, blown seasons, blown franchises…and somehow UCLA is the stable organization in town.

Good morning, Southern California.

Pour yourself a cup of coffee, grab something stronger if you’re a Chargers fan, and if you’re a Clippers fan, maybe just go back to bed.

It was quite a weekend.

The Rams blew a 16-point lead. The Chargers fell to 0-3. USC reminded everyone that tackling remains an elective course at the university. UCLA won by 51 points. The Dodgers won 100 games, which historically is apparently their preferred method of terrifying their own fan base. The Angels lost 100 games, which is much more on brand.

And Kawhi Leonard somehow managed to leave Los Angeles, get $115 million from Toronto and still make Clippers fans angry from another country.

Let’s have some coffee.

THE RAMS: ROBBED…BUT ALSO MAYBE DON’T BLOW A 16-0 LEAD

Yes, the Rams got hosed.

There should have been a defensive pass-interference call at the end of Sunday night’s 30-26 loss in Denver. Instead, the officials apparently decided that the final two minutes of an NFL game are governed by rules normally reserved for a prison yard.

But here’s the problem with blaming the officials:

You were winning 16-0.

At halftime.

If you blow a 16-point lead and allow 30 second-half points, complaining about one missed call is a little like blaming the valet because your restaurant went bankrupt. (The Sporting Tribune⁠)

The Rams clearly missed Puka Nacua and Myles Garrett. Without Puka, the offense loses a completely different dimension. Without Garrett, the defense loses the guy capable of ruining an opposing quarterback’s evening by himself. (Yahoo Sports⁠)

And Aaron Donald?

He’s still Aaron Donald.

He’s just not yet AARON DONALD.

Which is understandable. The guy came back after significant time away. Expecting vintage AD immediately is like pulling Michael Jordan out of retirement and getting upset because he doesn’t score 50 in the first quarter.

Give him time.

Unfortunately, time is one thing the Rams don’t have much of.

Philadelphia and Buffalo are coming.

So congratulations on surviving Denver. Your reward is basically the football equivalent of completing a root canal and being informed your colonoscopy starts in 20 minutes.

At 1-2, there’s no reason to panic.

But perhaps locate the panic button and make sure the batteries work.

THE CHARGERS: JUST WHEN, BABY?

Meanwhile, the Chargers are 0-3.

0-3.

They forced five Buffalo turnovers Sunday…and still lost 24-16.

Do you realize how difficult that is?

According to the Los Angeles Times, NFL teams since 2013 that finished a game with five-plus takeaways and a turnover margin of at least plus-four were 3-81-1 entering Sunday.

The Chargers became loss No. 81.

That might be the most Chargers statistic ever recorded. (Los Angeles Times⁠)

At some point you have to admire the consistency.

New coaches. New coordinators. New players. Same experience.

The Chargers are basically the Law & Order of NFL disappointment. Different cast, same plot every week.

Naturally, the Jim Harbaugh questions are coming.

The Justin Herbert questions are coming.

And I’m not ready to run either guy out of town.

But 0-3 is 0-3, and the schedule ahead includes Seattle, Denver, Kansas City, the Rams, Houston and Baltimore. (Los Angeles Times⁠)

So finishing third in the AFC West might soon qualify as an aspirational goal.

Harbaugh said afterward that losing was “painful.”

Chargers fans everywhere responded:

First time?

USC: SAME MOVIE, BIGGER BUDGET

That was a game USC had to win.

They didn’t.

Oregon beat them 41-27 at the Coliseum, scoring 14 unanswered points late and reminding Trojan fans that whenever they begin feeling optimistic, USC football is legally required to intervene. (247Sports⁠)

Gary Patterson was supposed to fix the defense.

So far, the defense looks less like Gary Patterson and more like Gary Busey.

When the game was on the line, Oregon moved the football. USC couldn’t answer. And the Trojans now sit at 4-1 and No. 18 with the difficult portion of the schedule still ahead.

Then there was the Desman Stephens incident.

Stephens was ejected for targeting after the late hit that concussed Oregon quarterback Dante Moore, then drew even more criticism for his reaction afterward. USC subsequently suspended Stephens for the Washington game; Stephens apologized, saying his reaction was “completely inappropriate and inexcusable.” (ABC News⁠)

And that matters because USC already has a discipline perception problem.

You can’t spend years looking undisciplined and then respond to an injured opponent like you just recovered a fumble.

As for Lincoln Riley?

You can already hear it coming.

If USC finishes 8-4 and misses the playoff, there will be Trojan fans demanding Riley be fired approximately 11 seconds after the final whistle.

And honestly, 8-4 feels increasingly plausible.

Which at USC is basically the football equivalent of being given a C-minus after your parents donated the science building.

UCLA: WAIT…ARE THE BRUINS ACTUALLY FUN?

UCLA beat Maryland 54-3.

I’m sorry.

Let me type that again because I enjoyed it.

UCLA 54, Maryland 3.

The Bruins are 4-0. They’re ranked No. 23. They rushed for 266 yards, intercepted Maryland four times and returned two of them for touchdowns. They’ve now scored 50-plus points in consecutive games for the first time since 1993. (UCLA Bruins⁠)

What exactly is happening here?

Bob Chesney has UCLA playing competent, aggressive, entertaining football.

At UCLA.

This is like walking into a DMV and discovering bottle service.

I’m still not ready to call this a playoff team. There’s a long way to go, and after the bye the Bruins go to Oregon on Oct. 10. (UCLA Bruins⁠)

That’s different.

Oregon with a backup quarterback is still Oregon.

Autzen Stadium is still Autzen Stadium.

But UCLA suddenly looks like a team that belongs in these games instead of one hoping the opponent’s bus gets lost.

And maybe the most encouraging part?

The future actually feels bright.

Imagine saying that about UCLA football six months ago without immediately being tested for narcotics.

THE DODGERS: 100 WINS — WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

The Dodgers won 100 games.

Great!

Everyone celebrate!

Actually, wait.

This is the Dodgers.

Maybe everyone remain perfectly still.

The Dodgers have earned the No. 2 seed and a first-round bye, and they’ll face either Philadelphia or Atlanta in the NLDS. (MLB.com⁠)

Neither option sounds particularly relaxing.

Atlanta is excellent but banged up.

Philadelphia is inconsistent but talented enough that you’d rather somebody else discover which version shows up.

The pitching should be there.

The question, as always, is the offense.

It sounds ridiculous to worry about an offense with this much talent, but the Dodgers can become incredibly dependent on home runs. And now they get several days off before playing meaningful baseball again.

Which means Dodgers fans will spend the bye doing what Dodgers fans do best:

Turning a 100-win season into an anxiety disorder.

If Shohei Ohtani and company are hitting, nobody wants to see this team.

If they aren’t?

Get ready for 47 runners left on base, nine fly balls to the warning track and Dave Roberts explaining after Game 4 that he “liked the process.”

October has arrived.

Blood pressure medication is available at CVS.

THE ANGELS: THEY CAN’T HURT US ANYMORE

The Angels season is over.

That’s the good news.

The bad news is everything that happened before that.

The Angels finished with 100 losses for the first time in franchise history. (MLB.com⁠)

Congratulations, everybody.

History!

On the bright side, Mike Trout played his most games since 2016. At this point, an Angels season in which Trout remains mostly healthy qualifies as the franchise’s equivalent of winning the pennant. (MLB.com⁠)

Now comes the important part.

When Stan Kroenke’s purchase closes — expected in the first quarter of 2027, pending MLB approval — blow it up. (FOX Sports⁠)

The roster.

The organization.

The infrastructure.

The stadium.

The nacho cheese dispenser.

Everything.

Keep Trout if he wants to be part of it, keep the young players worth developing and start building a modern Major League Baseball organization from scratch.

Kroenke reportedly agreed to pay $4 billion for the franchise. (CBS Sports⁠)

Which sounds insane until you remember Southern California real estate prices.

He basically bought 26 acres in Anaheim and Mike Trout came with it.

THE LAKERS: STAY IN SCHOOL, MARCUS

NBA media week gave us one of my favorite quotes of the offseason.

Marcus Smart says he felt “disrespected” by the Lakers’ contract offer.

So naturally he responded by…

taking less money to play for Houston.

Outstanding.

The Lakers reportedly offered Smart more, but he preferred Houston for several reasons, including contract structure, family connections in Texas and his relationship with Ime Udoka. (Yahoo Sports⁠)

Fine.

All perfectly legitimate reasons.

But if your argument is, “Your financial offer insulted me, therefore I accepted a smaller financial offer,” you have officially turned contract negotiations into a standardized-test question.

Stay in school, kids.

As for the actual Lakers, people are trashing the roster.

I’m not.

JJ Redick believes the pieces fit together better than they have in recent seasons, and I agree.

Fit matters.

Basketball isn’t fantasy basketball. You don’t simply collect the 15 highest-rated players on NBA 2K and assume somebody will figure out who guards anybody.

And finally, something much more important.

Longtime Lakers public-address announcer Lawrence Tanter died last week at 76.

Tanter was the Lakers’ PA voice for 43 seasons, beginning in 1982, and called games during 10 Lakers championships. (NBA⁠)

For generations of Lakers fans, his voice wasn’t simply part of going to a game.

It was going to a Lakers game.

Smooth. Distinctive. Understated. Iconic.

My deepest condolences to his family and everyone in the Lakers organization.

Lakers games simply will not sound the same without him.

THE CLIPPERS: THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE, KAWHI

And then there’s Kawhi Leonard.

The Clippers traded Kawhi back to Toronto.

Then Toronto gave him a two-year extension worth up to $115 million. (NBA⁠)

Of course they did.

Kawhi’s six-year Clippers experience really was remarkable.

The Clippers detonated their future to build the team around him, including the Paul George trade.

He spent significant stretches unavailable.

The championship never arrived.

Then the NBA investigated improper compensation connected to Leonard’s Clippers deal and hammered the organization with a $30 million fine, five forfeited first-round picks and multiple suspensions. Leonard himself was fined $700,000. (Reuters⁠)

Then Kawhi left.

And immediately got another $115 million.

That is not an NBA career.

That is an Ocean’s Eleven sequel.

Kawhi walked into Los Angeles in 2019, watched the Clippers mortgage their future, never reached the Finals, left behind an NCAA-style sanctions package and then returned to Toronto.

Thank you for your service, Mr. Leonard.

Your jersey retirement ceremony will be held at the nearest IRS office.

THE KINGS: 2014 CALLED. IT WANTS ITS ROSTER BACK.

And finally, hockey is back.

The Kings begin the regular season Wednesday against Colorado in Denver. (Los Angeles Times⁠)

New coach.

New system.

New season.

Naturally, the organization decided the best way to symbolize this fresh beginning was to make 36-year-old Drew Doughty captain.

Because nothing says new era quite like 2012.

Look, Doughty is one of the greatest Kings ever.

That is not debatable.

Two Stanley Cups. Franchise records all over the place. Nearly two decades in one sweater. He deserves a statue someday.

But honoring the past and building the future are two different things.

The Kings haven’t won a playoff series since 2014. (Los Angeles Times⁠)

At some point, 2014 has to stop being the organizational North Star.

There are also rumors of another extension for Doughty. Until something is actually signed, fine, they’re rumors.

But the larger concern remains.

This organization desperately needs its younger core to establish ownership of the room. It needs accountability. It needs discipline. It needs a new identity.

Instead, Luc Robitaille and Ken Holland occasionally give the impression that if they stare at the 2014 Stanley Cup banner long enough, Anze Kopitar will become 26 again and Jonathan Quick will come walking through the tunnel.

He isn’t.

Neither is Dustin Brown.

Neither is Justin Williams.

It’s 2026.

The Kings have some talented young players, Adrian Kempe in his prime, Artemi Panarin, a new coach and an opportunity to build something different.

Let them.

Because nostalgia is wonderful.

It belongs in the rafters.

Not in the organizational blueprint.

LAST CALL

So where does that leave Southern California sports on this Monday morning?

The Rams are 1-2 but salvageable.

The Chargers are 0-3 and rapidly approaching a wellness check.

USC is 4-1 and somehow already feels disappointing.

UCLA is 4-0 and somehow appears to be the most emotionally stable football program in Los Angeles.

The Dodgers won 100 games, so naturally their fans are terrified.

The Angels lost 100 games, so naturally their fans are optimistic.

The Lakers think their roster finally fits.

The Clippers are rebuilding after Kawhi Leonard apparently completed the most expensive hit-and-run in NBA history.

And the Kings are beginning a new era by handing the captaincy to a guy who was drafted when George W. Bush was president.

Everything is normal.

See you next Monday.

I’ll bring the coffee.

Southern California sports will provide the trauma.

September 21, 2026

Good morning, Southern California.

Pour yourself a cup of coffee, find something stronger if you’re a Chargers fan, and welcome to another edition of Monday Morning Coffee, where football season is two weeks old and somehow we already have one NFL team in crisis, another resurrecting a future Hall of Famer, USC trying to win games without playing defense, UCLA turning Newman from Seinfeld into Barry Sanders, and the Angels desperately trying to avoid making history for all the wrong reasons.

So basically, everything is normal.

CHARGERS: OH NO. THEY’RE BACK.

I don’t want to overreact after two games.

Actually, screw that.

What the hell was that?

The Chargers are 0-2 after losing two very winnable games at home, including Sunday’s 26-14 disaster against the Raiders. They also lost the opener to Arizona by the exact same 26-14 score, which is almost impressive.

It’s like they found a new way to Chargers while simultaneously honoring the old way of Chargering.

Six fumbles. Interceptions. Penalties. A botched third-and-inches snap that hit a receiver in motion. A late fumble. A safety.

And, of course, a fourth-quarter collapse.

You could have put Brandon Staley on the sideline wearing a Jim Harbaugh Halloween mask and I wouldn’t have noticed the difference.

That’s the concerning part.

The whole point of hiring Harbaugh was that this crap was supposed to stop. The Chargers were supposed to become tougher, smarter and more disciplined. They were supposed to become the team that watches somebody else melt down in the fourth quarter.

Instead, we’re two weeks into the season and Harbaugh is 0-2 for the first time in his NFL or college head-coaching career.

And now the schedule gets nasty: Buffalo, Seattle, Denver, Kansas City and the Rams are coming.

Those first two home games were the appetizers.

The Chargers threw them both on the floor.

Justin Herbert will get blamed because quarterbacks always do, but he’s hardly the fundamental problem here. When your team is fumbling six times, committing backbreaking penalties and repeatedly sabotaging itself, Patrick Mahomes isn’t fixing that with a few better throws.

This feels disturbingly familiar.

The Chargers spent years turning fourth quarters into an escape room where nobody could find the key.

Harbaugh was supposed to bulldoze the room.

Right now he’s locked inside it with everybody else.

RAMS: WELCOME BACK, 99

Meanwhile, the Rams get their opportunity Monday night to even their record at 1-1 against the Giants.

And it sounds like Aaron Donald is back.

Donald says he expects to play in the home opener, which is still one of the strangest sentences I’ve written in years.

Aaron Donald retired.

Aaron Donald became a legend.

Aaron Donald presumably spent some time enjoying life without having three 330-pound men trying to crush him every Sunday.

And now Aaron Donald is apparently like, You know what? This retirement thing is boring. Where’s my helmet?

At this point, the Rams don’t need vintage 2018 Aaron Donald. They need him to be an insurance policy while Myles Garrett works his way back.

If Donald can give them 25 or 30 useful snaps, command some double teams, disrupt the interior and occasionally remind an offensive lineman why he retired in the first place, that’s plenty.

The bigger immediate question may be Puka Nacua, who is questionable with a hip injury after missing practice.

That’s not ideal.

Still, the Rams can beat the Giants.

And frankly, they should beat the Giants.

Get to 1-1, survive this stretch without Garrett, figure out exactly what Donald still has in the tank and move forward.

If Aaron Donald comes flying through the middle of the Giants’ offensive line tonight and destroys somebody, I’m going to assume he spent retirement lifting refrigerators.

USC: 4-0 HAS NEVER FELT SO TERRIFYING

USC is 4-0.

USC is ranked No. 12.

USC just won its Big Ten opener 42-35 on the road.

And USC fans should feel absolutely fantastic.

Except for one minor detail:

Their defense just gave up 460 yards to Rutgers.

Winless Rutgers.

The Scarlet Knights passed for 292 yards, rushed for 168 and had 10 explosive plays against USC. Even Lincoln Riley said afterward that he was “not pleased at all” with the defensive performance.

No kidding.

Rutgers looked like 2019 LSU for stretches.

And now USC gets Oregon.

Then, looking farther down the schedule, there are teams like Penn State, Indiana and Ohio State waiting.

So here’s the obvious question:

If Rutgers can put up 460 yards, what are those teams going to do?

Because eventually Prophet Brown isn’t going to be standing at the goal line waiting to take an interception 99 yards in the other direction. Eventually those mistakes become touchdowns.

The offense is good enough to keep USC in a lot of games.

But this has the unmistakable smell of another season where we spend Saturday afternoons saying, “Well, if the defense can just get ONE STOP…”

That movie has had four sequels already.

At this point, 8-4 doesn’t feel remotely impossible.

And if that’s where this winds up, the Lincoln Riley conversation is going to get very uncomfortable again.

UCLA: HELLO, NEWMAN

Now to the Bruins.

UCLA beat Purdue 52-38.

They piled up 645 total yards.

They rushed for 369 yards.

And a running back named Wayne Knight ran for 177 yards and two touchdowns.

Excuse me?

Wayne Knight?

I had no idea Newman could move like that.

Apparently after years of being terrorized by Jerry Seinfeld, the man finally found an offensive line.

NEWMAN!

All joking aside, UCLA football feels different under Bob Chesney.

There’s energy. There’s enthusiasm. The offense is explosive. The Bruins are 3-0, which already matches their win total from last season.

And after years of watching Chip Kelly roam the sideline looking like he’d rather be literally anywhere else on Earth, it’s refreshing to watch a UCLA team that appears to have a pulse.

But let’s not start printing College Football Playoff tickets.

Purdue also put up 488 yards.

That’s a problem.

And UCLA absolutely cannot allow Nico Iamaleava to keep getting hit the way he has been. The entire ceiling of this season changes if Nico isn’t healthy.

Still, Bruins fans should enjoy this.

There’s life in the Rose Bowl again.

There’s optimism.

There’s an identity.

And Newman is apparently averaging 6.4 yards per carry.

Maybe George Costanza can play linebacker.

DODGERS: JUST GET EVERYBODY TO OCTOBER ALIVE

We’ve reached the final week of the baseball season, and the Dodgers are 96-60 and already NL West champions.

At this point, regular-season wins are nice.

Health is everything.

Mookie Betts is rolling. Teoscar Hernández is producing. Will Smith is dangerous. Kyle Tucker has added another ridiculous bat to a lineup that already looked like somebody turned off the salary cap in a video game.

And Josue De Paula?

How do you leave this kid off the postseason roster?

De Paula arrived from Double-A and immediately injected some life into the club. There’s something to be said for youthful energy in October — especially when everybody else has played six months of baseball and looks like they need a massage, a nap and three Advil.

But none of that is the real story.

The real story is Shohei Ohtani and Freddie Freeman.

Ohtani is on the injured list, and Freeman has also been dealing with health issues.

Forget September.

Forget individual milestones.

Forget squeezing another meaningless at-bat out of anybody.

The Dodgers need those two guys as close to 100 percent as humanly possible when October starts.

And that’s what makes evaluating this team so difficult right now.

Ask me today what the Dodgers’ postseason lineup looks like and I’ll give you an answer.

Ask me again in 10 days and it could be completely different.

October baseball isn’t going to be decided by how intimidating the Dodgers’ roster looks on paper.

It’s going to be decided by which version of that roster actually walks onto the field.

ANGELS: SIX GAMES FROM HISTORY

And finally, your Los Angeles Angels.

They are 60-96.

They have six games remaining.

They need to go at least 3-3 to avoid the first 100-loss season in franchise history.

So…good luck with that.

At least there is finally legitimate reason for hope beyond “maybe Arte Moreno will accidentally sell the team someday.”

Because he did.

Stan Kroenke’s purchase is expected to become official in the first quarter of 2027, assuming the sale receives MLB approval.

But Angels fans need to be realistic.

The Kroenke Effect probably isn’t arriving overnight.

This isn’t a team that needs one starting pitcher and a left-handed bat.

This organization needs infrastructure. Development. Scouting. Pitching depth. Organizational depth. Probably major improvements to the stadium situation. And about 47 other things.

I’d give it two years before we really begin judging what Kroenke is building.

And I would seriously consider doing something Angels fans probably don’t want to hear:

Listen on everybody.

Reid Detmers just reached 200 strikeouts this season. If another organization wants to pay a premium for him, listen.

And yes — even Mike Trout.

I love Trout.

He is one of the greatest players in baseball history, and the fact that the Angels managed to employ Mike Trout and Shohei Ohtani simultaneously without winning a playoff game should eventually be studied by congressional investigators.

But sentimentality cannot be the rebuilding plan.

If somebody offers legitimate young talent for Trout and Trout wants the opportunity to play meaningful October baseball somewhere else, Kroenke’s baseball people should at least have the conversation.

Because the goal shouldn’t be getting the Angels from 60 wins to 75.

It should be rebuilding the entire organization so that someday the Angels enter September and the number 100 represents how many games they might win instead of how many they’re desperately trying not to lose.

Bad Flights, Bad Defenses, Christmas in Los Angeles, and the Clippers Finally Get Their Bill

Pour yourself a cup. Make it strong.

Because if you’re Sean McVay, Jim Harbaugh, or Steve Ballmer, you might want to skip the coffee entirely and go directly to something considerably stronger.

We’re barely into the season and Los Angeles sports already has panic, optimism, scandal, firings, injured superstars and two separate fan bases celebrating Christmas in September.

So basically, everything is normal.

RAMS: MAYBE NEXT TIME JUST TAKE THE BOAT

I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but Sean McVay made the worst decision involving a flight to the South Pacific since Amelia Earhart.

Too soon?

Probably.

But so was whatever McVay was thinking.

The Rams have stumbled out of the gate, and now Myles Garrett is headed for knee surgery, which is generally not one of the ingredients listed in the recipe for a Super Bowl run.

Naturally, everyone is going to lose their minds.

McVay has suddenly forgotten how to coach. The roster is overrated. The season is over. SoFi Stadium should be converted into affordable housing.

Relax.

We’ve watched McVay teams look strangely disjointed early in seasons before, only to figure things out once the calendar turns. There is way too much talent here and way too good a coaching staff to declare the season dead in September.

But here’s the deal: until the Rams start winning, they deserve the criticism.

You make a questionable decision, lose games and then lose Myles Garrett to surgery, people are going to talk crap.

That’s how this works.

The good news?

It’s September.

The bad news?

It’s September and we’re already saying, “The good news is it’s September.”

CHARGERS: I’VE SEEN THIS MOVIE BEFORE

What a disaster.

The Chargers can’t stop the run. Their coverage is softer than the pillows at the Four Seasons. And somehow Justin Herbert is once again standing in the middle of the crime scene while everyone asks whether he did it.

Now we’re hearing Herbert is overrated.

Please.

Justin Herbert isn’t the problem.

He’s been asked to carry variations of this franchise on his back for years while the Chargers continually discover innovative new ways to waste his prime.

Bad defense. Injuries. Questionable protection. Strange coaching decisions. Fourth-quarter collapses.

Change the coach. Change the coordinator. Change the uniforms. Change the parking lot.

Somehow we keep arriving at the same place.

And that’s what makes this particularly frustrating. This isn’t some young quarterback trying to figure things out. Herbert has already demonstrated he can play at an elite level.

How about giving the guy a defense that doesn’t treat opposing running backs like they’re participating in TSA PreCheck?

Until the Chargers can stop the run and challenge receivers without giving them a 12-yard personal-space bubble, debating Herbert’s place among NFL quarterbacks is rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

And knowing the Chargers, the deck chairs would probably pull a hamstring.

DODGERS: EVERYBODY INTO THE BUBBLE WRAP

Rough weekend in Florida.

But at this point, I’m considerably less interested in September wins than I am in making sure everyone important arrives in October with all necessary limbs attached.

Shutting down Shohei Ohtani for some rest was absolutely the correct move.

And if Freddie Freeman is hurting?

Sit him too.

Wrap him in bubble wrap. Put him in a cryogenic chamber. Send him to Palm Springs for a week. I don’t care.

The Dodgers don’t need September Freeman.

They need October Freeman.

I’m also not particularly concerned about Tyler Glasnow having a couple of rough starts. Starting pitching has ups and downs. Glasnow’s stuff isn’t suddenly gone because he had a bad weekend.

The bullpen?

That concerns me.

Because October baseball eventually comes down to this: It’s the seventh inning, you’re leading 4-3, there are runners on first and second, and Dave Roberts has to pick up the phone.

Who exactly are we excited to see jogging in?

And please don’t say Edwin Diaz.

Diaz’s rehab assignment in Oklahoma City currently looks less like rehabilitation and more like a hostage situation.

The Dodgers have enough starting pitching. They have enough offense. They have enough stars.

What they need to figure out over the next few weeks is who can get six outs late in a playoff game without causing 50,000 people at Dodger Stadium to simultaneously reach for blood-pressure medication. In the meantime, Josue De Paula looks great, and should be given every opportunity over the next couple of weeks to earn a postseason roster spot.

ANGELS: STAN KROENKE BOUGHT THE TEAM. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

The Angels stink.

There. We’ve completed our weekly Angels analysis.

Now onto the important part:

STAN KROENKE BOUGHT THE ANGELS.

Christmas came early in Anaheim.

Actually, forget Christmas. This is Christmas, Hanukkah, your birthday and finding $500 in an old jacket simultaneously.

For years Angels fans weren’t asking for championships.

They were asking for evidence that somebody running the organization had seen how a modern professional sports franchise operates.

Now they have Kroenke.

Does money automatically guarantee championships? Of course not.

But infrastructure matters. Scouting matters. Player development matters. Analytics matter. Facilities matter. Hiring smart executives matters.

And Kroenke’s track record across professional sports gives Angels fans something they haven’t had in a very long time:

A legitimate reason to believe.

A new stadium suddenly feels possible. A complete organizational rebuild feels inevitable. A modern baseball operation feels achievable.

Will it happen overnight?

No.

But eventually being competitive doesn’t sound ridiculous anymore. Eventually contending doesn’t sound ridiculous anymore.

For Angels fans, that’s practically a parade.

USC: 2-0, NO. 12…AND I’M STILL WATCHING THAT DEFENSE

USC is 2-0.

The Trojans are No. 12 in the country after taking care of Louisiana.

Everything is wonderful.

Right?

Ehhhhhhh.

I still don’t completely trust this defense.

Maybe that’s unfair. Maybe it’s September paranoia. Or maybe I’ve watched enough Lincoln Riley football over the years to know that when somebody tells me not to worry about the defense, that’s precisely when I begin worrying about the defense.

The good news is USC is winning the games it’s supposed to win.

That’s Step One.

But we’re about two weeks away from Oregon coming to town.

That’s when we find out what this team actually is.

Because against Oregon, “pretty good” defense isn’t going to cut it.

If USC wants to be taken seriously as a playoff team, we’re going to need to see whether this defense can get off the field against an elite opponent.

Until then?

Enjoy 2-0. Enjoy No. 12.

Just keep one eye on that secondary.

UCLA: WAIT…ARE WE HAVING FUN?

Across town, something even stranger is happening.

UCLA fans are happy.

The Bruins are 2-0 after beating San Diego State, following their win over Cal, and there’s a very realistic path to 4-0 before Oregon arrives.

Four-and-oh UCLA?

In football?

Everybody remain calm.

And as if winning football games wasn’t enough, Christmas also came early in Westwood:

Martin Jarmond is gone.

He’s being replaced on an interim basis by former Lakers CFO Tim Harris, which might be exactly the type of background UCLA needs right now.

Because Harris isn’t walking into an athletic department.

He’s walking into an episode of Financial Rescue: Westwood Edition.

UCLA athletics has a massive financial problem, and fixing it is going to require creativity, discipline, increased revenue and probably some accounting maneuvers that would make Cirque du Soleil jealous.

But bringing in someone with a serious financial background makes sense.

And suddenly UCLA fans have something they haven’t had much of lately:

Momentum.

Football is winning. There’s optimism around the program. The athletic department is changing direction.

Enjoy it, Bruins fans.

Oregon will be here soon enough.

THE IRISH JIG?

My Fighting Irish of Notre Dame are also off to a nice 2-0 start after being Rice, and moving up to #3 in the AP Poll. However, this season is shaping up to be exactly like last season.

The Irish will likely roll through their schedule, but their playoff chances are going to come down to their showdowns against Miami and BYU in the middle of the season.

If they go 2-0 it’s all good. If they go 1-1 we’ll see.

If they lose both, not even lighting a candle and saying their prayers at the Grotto will get them into the CFP.

CLIPPERS: FIVE FIRST-ROUND PICKS LATER…

And finally, the Clippers.

The punishment for the Kawhi Leonard cap-circumvention mess finally arrived.

Five first-round picks.

Five!

Steve Ballmer has accepted it, which is probably wise considering appealing would essentially amount to walking back into the principal’s office and asking whether they could review the security footage one more time.

So now what?

Why is Kawhi still here?

If Toronto is willing to send back two first-round picks, make the trade yesterday.

You’ve just lost five. Getting two back would be the NBA equivalent of discovering a couple of twenties in the washing machine after your house burned down.

And while everyone is treating the lost draft capital like it guarantees a decade of darkness, I’m not entirely convinced.

Have you seen the Clippers draft?

Maybe taking their first-round picks away is actually a competitive advantage.

The larger issue is what comes next, particularly if the Justice Department decides the NBA’s punishment isn’t the end of the story.

That’s when things could become considerably uglier.

Either way, the Clippers have a long road back to contention.

Although I suppose that sentence requires us to accept the premise that they were contenders in the first place.

We’ve spent roughly a decade hearing about the Clippers’ championship window.

Lob City.

Kawhi and Paul George.

The deepest roster in basketball.

The scary playoff matchup.

The championship favorite.

And what did it produce?

Zero NBA Finals appearances.

So perhaps we’re not witnessing the end of a Clippers dynasty.

We’re witnessing the end of a very expensive PowerPoint presentation about one.

LAST SIP

So that’s Los Angeles sports this morning.

The Rams are wounded and getting roasted.

The Chargers are once again trying to determine why Justin Herbert can’t personally play quarterback, linebacker and safety.

The Dodgers are trying to bubble-wrap everyone until October.

The Angels have a billionaire savior.

USC is 2-0 but still making us stare suspiciously at its defense.

UCLA is 2-0 and suddenly has competent adults addressing its finances.

And the Clippers lost five first-round picks and may need to trade Kawhi Leonard back to the place this whole experiment started.

August 31, 2026

Aaron Donald is officially returning to the Los Angeles Rams.

I still can’t believe I’m typing that sentence.

Aaron Donald — future Hall of Famer, three-time Defensive Player of the Year and one of the most terrifying human beings ever to line up across from an offensive guard — has decided retirement has gone on long enough.

Apparently spending Sundays at home watching other people play defensive tackle eventually becomes irritating when you know you’re still better than 98% of them.

And suddenly the Rams’ defensive outlook changes dramatically.

Donald doesn’t have to be 2018 Aaron Donald anymore. He doesn’t even have to play 70 snaps a game. Put him into a defensive front with Myles Garrett, Kobie Turner, Braden Fiske and Byron Young and just let offensive coordinators spend Tuesday nights staring at the ceiling.

“So…who exactly are we doubling?”

Correct.

All of them.

And quietly, the Rams should also feel pretty damn good about their quarterback room.

Matthew Stafford is still Matthew Stafford, but the preseason gave us something we haven’t had much of during the Stafford era:

Confidence that if QB1 misses a game, civilization doesn’t immediately collapse.

Between Stetson Bennett and Ty Simpson, the Rams appear to have legitimate options behind Stafford.

That’s important because Stafford is 38 years old and has accumulated enough NFL injuries to qualify for his own medical residency.

You hope you never need the backup.

For once, you don’t have to be terrified if you do.

Coffee Verdict: The Rams entered camp looking like contenders. They leave it with Aaron freaking Donald.

Expectations have officially changed.

 CHARGERS: PLEASE WRAP EVERYONE IN BUBBLE WRAP

I like the Chargers this year.

I really do.

Unfortunately, I’ve also watched the Chargers before.

Their schedule is difficult, their margin for error isn’t enormous, and their annual battle against the most formidable opponent in franchise history has already begun:

The injury report.

If this team stays reasonably healthy, however, there’s a lot to like.

And let me throw one prediction onto the table:

Omarion Hampton can win the NFL rushing title.

Not eventually.

This year.

Jim Harbaugh wants to run the football. Hampton is built like someone created a running back in Madden and moved the strength slider slightly too far to the right.

The biggest question is whether the offensive line stays intact.

Give Hampton healthy blocking for 17 games and he’s going to get the volume. And if he gets the volume, 1,400-1,500 yards isn’t some ridiculous fantasy.

Of course, we’re discussing the Chargers, so I probably just pulled three hamstrings by writing that paragraph.

Coffee Verdict: The Chargers can be very good.

Just bubble-wrap the offensive line until kickoff.

 DODGERS: TWO OUT OF THREE…AND SOMEHOW I’M STILL ANNOYED

The Dodgers took two of three from Detroit.

That’s good!

Now let’s discuss the offense.

That’s bad!

Actually, let me clarify.

It’s been bad for nearly two months.

For a lineup with this much talent, watching the Dodgers manufacture runs lately has occasionally felt like watching someone attempt to assemble IKEA furniture without the instructions.

There are enough good players that eventually somebody hits a home run and everyone celebrates.

But sustained rallies?

Timely hitting?

Putting together quality at-bats for nine innings?

Apparently those features require a software update.

This isn’t a two-week slump anymore. We’re approaching the point where you have to acknowledge this is an actual trend.

And that’s concerning because October doesn’t care what your payroll is.

Nobody awards postseason runs because Shohei Ohtani, Mookie Betts and Freddie Freeman are printed at the top of the lineup card.

You actually have to score them.

The good news is that the pitching continues getting healthier and the Dodgers still possess enough talent to win the World Series.

The bad news?

If this offense shows up in October, we’re going to spend four hours watching a 2-1 playoff game while Dave Roberts makes 17 pitching changes and all of Los Angeles screams at its television.

Coffee Verdict: Winning two of three against Detroit is nice.

Now somebody please locate the offense.

 ANGELS: COME FOR THE $5 TICKETS, STAY FOR THE RODENTS

Seven straight losses.

Worst team in baseball.

Ladies and gentlemen, your Los Angeles Angels.

But I refuse to focus entirely on the negative.

Because the Angels are providing something incredibly rare in Southern California:

Affordable family entertainment.

You can apparently get into the Diamond Club for around $5.

Five dollars!

Do you understand how remarkable that is?

You can’t park at Disneyland for $5.

You can’t buy a beer at a Dodgers game for $5.

You can barely buy a large coffee for $5.

But apparently you can sit in premium seats at Angel Stadium and watch Major League Baseball.

Well…

one Major League Baseball team.

The opponent.

And as an added bonus, you may even encounter some of the local wildlife reportedly inhabiting the aging ballpark.

Nothing says family night quite like:

“Dad, is that Mickey Mouse?”

“No, son. That’s an actual rat. Don’t touch it.”

This franchise has reached the fascinating stage where losing isn’t even upsetting anymore.

It’s performance art.

Coffee Verdict: Seven straight losses and the worst record in baseball.

But $5 Diamond Club tickets?

Arte Moreno has finally discovered dynamic pricing.

 USC: GOOD NEWS — EVERYONE SURVIVED

USC opened its season Saturday at the Coliseum against San Jose State and won.

That’s the important part.

The second-most important part?

Nobody in attendance died of heat stroke.

Watching an afternoon football game at the Coliseum in August remains one of America’s great endurance competitions.

“Welcome to USC football. Your complimentary sunscreen and IV bag are underneath your seat.”

As for the actual football?

There was plenty to like.

But I still have questions about the defense.

Yes, USC eventually pulled starters.

Yes, you’re going to play backups with a comfortable lead.

I understand all of that.

But I’ve spent the entire offseason hearing about USC’s newfound depth.

This recruiting class is supposedly different.

The roster is deeper.

The talent level has been upgraded.

USC can finally rotate players without the defense turning into a Big 12 game from 2018.

Great.

Then I would like to see it.

Because if your backups are supposedly talented enough to contribute this season, I don’t want the defense becoming optional whenever the starters leave.

Against San Jose State, you can survive it.

Against Penn State, Oregon, Ohio State or whichever collection of enormous Midwestern humans eventually appears on the schedule?

Different conversation.

Coffee Verdict: A win is a win.

But Lincoln Riley’s biggest question remains exactly where it was eight months ago:

Can USC actually play championship-caliber defense?

We’ll find out soon enough.

 LAKERS: THE KUMINGA HOSTAGE CRISIS IS FINALLY OVER

Jonathan Kuminga signed with Minnesota.

And while I’m disappointed he isn’t a Laker, I would like to celebrate something far more important:

WE NEVER HAVE TO READ ANOTHER JONATHAN KUMINGA-TO-THE-LAKERS RUMOR.

It’s over.

Finished.

Done.

No more anonymous executives.

No more “Lakers monitoring the situation.”

No more fake trade proposals where Los Angeles somehow acquires Kuminga for Gabe Vincent, a 2041 second-round pick and the rights to Jack Nicholson’s courtside seat.

Minnesota got him.

Good for them.

Now let’s talk about the opportunity this creates.

Because I think Adou Thiero and Cameron Carr are going to matter.

The Lakers spent the summer flirting with the idea of adding another young wing.

Maybe the answer was already sitting on the roster.

Thiero brings physicality, athleticism and defensive versatility.

Carr brings length, shooting upside and a fascinating offensive skill set.

Are they finished products?

Of course not.

But young players don’t develop because you repeatedly tell everyone how promising they are while they watch veterans play 38 minutes.

They develop by playing.

And now there are minutes available.

Something tells me one — and potentially both — of these guys is going to make the Lakers look pretty smart for not panicking.

Sometimes the best move isn’t the blockbuster you make.

It’s the unnecessary one you don’t.

Coffee Verdict: Kuminga would have been fun.

But I’m buying stock in Thiero and Carr.

Ask me again in February.

MARK WALTER: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

For years, Mark Walter occupied perhaps the most comfortable position in Los Angeles sports.

He was the billionaire who saved the Dodgers from Frank McCourt, hired smart people, spent absurd amounts of money and generally stayed out of everyone’s way.

That’s basically the perfect owner.

Now federal investigators are reportedly examining complicated financial transactions involving insurance companies Walter controlled and loans involving businesses connected to him. The Wall Street Journal reports the web involves roughly $20 billion in loans and transactions that investigators are scrutinizing for transparency and potential fraud issues. (The Wall Street Journal⁠)

And the fallout has apparently reached well beyond Walter himself.

Which brings us to the uncomfortable conclusion:

Mark Walter appears to have screwed a lot of people.

We don’t know where the investigation ultimately goes, and being investigated is obviously not the same thing as being convicted of anything. But when the guy who owns half the sports teams on your television suddenly starts unloading assets while federal prosecutors and the SEC are asking questions, it’s probably fair to say this isn’t a routine accounting disagreement.

For Dodgers fans, it’s especially bizarre.

We spent more than a decade thinking Walter was the quiet adult in the room.

Turns out the quiet guy might have simply had the most complicated room.

DODGERS: EVERYBODY CAN COME BACK INSIDE NOW

Six straight wins.

SIX.

The Dodgers completed a sweep of Pittsburgh Sunday behind six scoreless innings from Blake Snell and have now gone 10-3 since August 10. (Reuters⁠)

Amazing how quickly baseball changes.

Two weeks ago, half of Los Angeles wanted to fire the bullpen into the sun.

Now?

“You know, this roster is actually pretty deep.”

That’s baseball.

More importantly, the Dodgers finally look stabilized.

Snell is starting to look like Blake Snell again. The bullpen has stopped behaving like every inherited runner is legally entitled to score. The offense isn’t requiring Shohei Ohtani to hit a ball 480 feet every night to win.

And there are still reinforcements coming.

That’s why I never understood the panic.

The Dodgers didn’t need to play .750 baseball in August. They needed to survive August and get their pitching staff healthy enough to construct something resembling an October rotation.

If they can do that?

Good luck.

The rest of baseball spent the last month watching the wounded version of the Dodgers.

The healthier version may be arriving just in time.

RAMS: WE MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE TWO BACKUP QUARTERBACKS

Here’s a sentence I wasn’t expecting to write:

Stetson Bennett and Ty Simpson both look pretty good.

Simpson has completed 78.4% of his preseason passes for 263 yards and two touchdowns, while Bennett has completed 62.2% for 219 yards and two scores. (Turf Show Times⁠)

And after Saturday’s 34-0 demolition of New Orleans, Bennett seems to have regained the inside track for QB2. (Dawn of the Dawg⁠)

This is a fantastic problem to have.

Matthew Stafford is obviously the quarterback.

But Stafford is also approximately 147 years old in NFL quarterback years, so having someone behind him who can competently operate Sean McVay’s offense is somewhat important.

Bennett has experience in the system.

Simpson has the superior physical tools and looks like the long-term developmental play.

Which means McVay has gone from:

“Dear God, please don’t let Stafford get hurt.”

to:

“Dear God, please don’t let Stafford get hurt…but if he misses two games we probably won’t have to cancel the season.”

Progress!

CHARGERS: OF COURSE SOMEONE ELSE GOT HURT

If you wanted to explain Chargers football to someone who had never watched the NFL, you could simply tell them this:

They signed Pro Bowl center Tyler Biadasz to a three-year, $30 million contract this offseason to stabilize an offensive line that allowed Justin Herbert to be sacked 54 times last season.

Excellent signing.

Smart roster construction.

Exactly what they needed.

Naturally, Biadasz suffered a serious knee injury during a joint practice and has now been placed on season-ending injured reserve. (Los Angeles Chargers⁠)

Because Chargers.

At this point the Chargers’ medical tent should have naming rights.

“Welcome back to the Cedars-Sinai Chargers Injury Report, presented by Advil.”

Second-round rookie Jake Slaughter now becomes an extremely important player before he’s taken a single regular-season NFL snap.

Could he be good?

Absolutely.

Would it have been preferable to let the rookie center develop behind an 80-start veteran rather than telling him, “Congratulations, kid. Here’s Justin Herbert. Please keep him alive”?

Also yes.

LAKERS: PLEASE STOP REPORTING ON JONATHAN KUMINGA

I am begging everyone.

Please.

STOP.

Nobody has any new Jonathan Kuminga information.

The Lakers are interested.

Kuminga is interested.

The money hasn’t worked.

A sign-and-trade hasn’t worked.

The situation has reportedly been stalled for weeks. (SI⁠)

That’s the update.

Yet every morning my phone tells me:

“LAKERS EMERGE AS FAVORITE FOR KUMINGA.”

Four hours later:

“KUMINGA DEAL WITH LAKERS NOW UNLIKELY.”

Dinner:

“NEW DEVELOPMENT COULD SEND KUMINGA TO LOS ANGELES.”

The new development?

Somebody on a podcast said, “You never know.”

We’re now reporting rumors about rumors that originated from people discussing previous rumors.

Wake me up when he signs something.

Meanwhile, the actual Lakers story is considerably sadder.

The Buss family is fighting again.

Five of Jeanie Buss’ siblings are supporting the sale of the family’s remaining 17.8% stake in the Lakers to Josh Kushner and Bob Iger. Jeanie is contesting the transaction, and her attorney argues the sale can’t happen without approval from the trust’s co-trustees. (AP News⁠)

This feels personal because it probably is.

There have been years of Buss family disputes, including Jeanie removing Jim Buss from basketball operations and Joey and Jesse Buss later being dismissed from their Lakers roles. (AP News⁠)

Now the siblings are effectively telling Jeanie:

“Remember when you wanted to sell the Lakers?”

“Cool. We’re selling the rest.”

It’s sad.

Jerry Buss built the Lakers into arguably the greatest family-owned franchise in American sports.

Now his children are fighting over the remnants of the family’s ownership through lawyers.

Somewhere Dr. Buss is probably ordering another martini.

CLIPPERS: STILL WAITING…

Is Kawhi Leonard getting traded?

Probably.

Maybe.

Eventually.

Could be tomorrow.

Could be September.

Could be when Intuit Dome needs its first roof replacement.

The reported trade sending Kawhi to Toronto was agreed upon in late June and still isn’t official, while the NBA’s investigation into the Clippers remains unresolved. (BasketNews⁠)

Meanwhile, we still don’t know whether the Clippers will actually be punished.

One report said the NBA had found no evidence that Steve Ballmer funneled money to Leonard through sponsors. Then the NBA publicly disputed aspects of that reporting and said the investigation remained active. (ESPN.com⁠)

Perfect.

So to summarize:

Kawhi may be traded.

But hasn’t been traded.

The Clippers may be punished.

But haven’t been punished.

The investigation may be nearing completion.

But isn’t completed.

This is the most Kawhi Leonard transaction imaginable.

Even his trade is load managing.

USC: IS 8-4 GOOD ENOUGH?

This is the question I keep coming back to.

What happens if USC goes 8-4?

Because under normal circumstances, 8-4 in the Big Ten isn’t embarrassing.

But this isn’t Year 1 of Lincoln Riley.

It’s Year 5.

USC just brought in a 35-player recruiting class ranked No. 1 in the country. Riley says this is the deepest roster he’s had at USC. They’ve opened a spectacular new football facility. Gary Patterson has arrived to run the defense. Jayden Maiava is entering his third season as the starting quarterback. (Los Angeles Times⁠)

At some point, the infrastructure has to become wins.

And apparently I’m not alone in thinking that, because the Los Angeles Times is already calling 2026 a “make-or-break” season for Riley. (Los Angeles Times⁠)

So is 8-4 enough?

I don’t think so.

Not anymore.

If USC goes 8-4 but beats Notre Dame, wins a bowl game, plays meaningful football in November and you can clearly see the freshman class developing?

Maybe you can sell that.

But another season where USC beats the teams it’s supposed to beat, loses every toss-up game and finishes somewhere between the Holiday Bowl and whatever bowl is currently sponsored by a lawn mower company?

That’s going to be a difficult pitch.

Lincoln Riley doesn’t need to win the national championship this season.

He probably doesn’t even need to make the College Football Playoff.

But USC needs to look like USC again.

Nine wins should probably be the floor.

Ten wins changes the conversation completely.

A playoff appearance ends it.

Because Riley finally has everything coaches spend years asking administrators for:

The facility.

The NIL resources.

The recruiting class.

The quarterback.

The defensive coordinator.

The institutional commitment.

There aren’t many excuses left.

And if the No. 1 recruiting class in America is really the beginning of USC’s return to national prominence, fantastic.

But eventually recruiting rankings need to turn into football rankings.

Put up or shut up.

August 17, 2026

The Dodgers just lost three of four to the Brewers, which is irritating enough on its own. But Thursday’s loss was particularly painful because Edwin Díaz blew the save, and the resulting swing effectively cost the Dodgers three games in the standings.

Three!

At some point, this stops being about Edwin Díaz and starts being about the Dodgers.

If the guy isn’t right, LET HIM GET RIGHT.

Put him in lower-leverage situations. Give him a few appearances where the entire National League West isn’t hanging on every pitch. Let him rediscover whatever it is that makes Edwin Díaz look like Edwin Díaz.

Because using playoff-race games as his personal rehabilitation assignment seems like an unnecessarily expensive experiment.

And the bigger issue remains the offense.

It is just way too inconsistent.

One night the Dodgers look like they could score 14 runs against the 1998 Yankees. The next night they look like somebody introduced the entire lineup to baseball five minutes before first pitch.

This becomes an even bigger problem when your pitching staff requires the offense to outslug everybody.

You cannot enter October with a postseason strategy of:

“Hopefully Shohei, Freddie and Mookie hit three home runs before the bullpen gets involved.”

Well, technically you can.

I just wouldn’t recommend it.

The talent is obviously there. The reinforcements are there. The Dodgers can absolutely win the World Series.

But October tends to expose your weaknesses rather than politely ignore them.

Right now, inconsistency and late-inning pitching are giant flashing weaknesses.

 THE ANGELS: YES, CLEARLY MIKE MADDUX WAS THE PROBLEM

The Angels fired pitching coach Mike Maddux.

Excellent.

Problem solved!

I assume the parade down Katella Avenue is scheduled for Tuesday.

The Angels have a 4.53 ERA, 24th in baseball. They lead the majors in walks. They’ve blown 20 of 36 save opportunities.

Last season they posted a 4.89 ERA, which ranked 28th.

So obviously the pitching coach had to go.

Except I have one minor question:

WHAT EXACTLY WAS MIKE MADDUX SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS ROSTER?

This is like giving someone a 1987 Yugo with 240,000 miles on it, watching the transmission fall onto the freeway and firing the mechanic.

The Angels have the worst record in baseball because the roster is terrible.

Their player development has been terrible.

Their organizational infrastructure has been terrible.

And eventually somebody has to acknowledge that constantly changing coaches, managers and front-office personnel doesn’t magically fix an organization that isn’t consistently acquiring and developing enough good baseball players.

There are absolutely situations where firing a pitching coach is justified.

But if you hand a chef a bag of expired hot dogs, three packets of ketchup and a broken microwave, you probably shouldn’t fire him because dinner wasn’t Nobu.

 THE LAKERS: SOLD AGAIN?!

I cannot believe the Lakers have been sold again.

My immediate reaction?

I’m concerned.

Because if Mark Walter is stepping away from the Lakers this quickly, my first question is what exactly is going on with Walter.

And from a basketball perspective, Bob Iger and Josh Kushner simply don’t have Walter’s financial resources.

That matters because what excited me about Walter wasn’t just having a billionaire owner.

It was the possibility of the Lakers finally adopting the Dodgers model.

Massive investment in scouting.

Massive investment in analytics.

Massive investment in player development.

Massive investment in facilities, medical infrastructure, technology and every little competitive advantage money can buy.

Basically: stop operating the Lakers like a family business with a famous logo and start operating them like the most sophisticated basketball organization on Earth.

Can Iger and Kushner still do that?

Absolutely.

But we don’t know yet.

And spare me the left-wing/right-wing political analysis surrounding the ownership group.

I don’t care.

I have exactly one political affiliation when it comes to Lakers ownership:

THE CHAMPIONSHIP PARTY.

Are you competent?

Will you spend?

Will you hire smart people?

Will you stay out of their way?

Will you build an organization capable of winning championships after LeBron James is gone?

Great. You have my vote.

But perhaps the funniest part of this entire story has been watching the media reaction.

Apparently Bob Iger acquiring the Lakers has magically transformed the Lakers offseason into a masterpiece.

What a coincidence!

ESPN personalities who spent the last several months telling us the Lakers were reckless, desperate and destroying their future suddenly sound like they’re narrating a Lakers championship DVD.

Amazing what happens when your former boss buys the team.

Nothing to see here!

THE CLIPPERS: KAWHI LEONARD & BRADLEY BEAL…

The Clippers are off the hook for the Kawhi Leonard cap circumvention investigation. I don’t for a second believe they didn’t circumvent the cap. However, the politics of nailing Steve Balmer for this investigation are too messy to make it a reality. The same goes for Kawhi. In any case, the parties can now move on with their lives.

The Clippers are also bringing back Bradley Beal.

I have a simple question.

Why?

Bradley Beal will be 33.

He’s constantly injured.

The Clippers are rebuilding.

And every minute you give him is potentially a minute you’re taking away from a younger player who might actually be part of your future.

But don’t worry.

I’m sure Lawrence Frank has a plan.

Because apparently we’re all legally required to describe the Clippers as “well run.”

I’ve been hearing this for years.

Lawrence Frank makes a move:

“Smart.”

Lawrence Frank makes another move:

“Savvy.”

The Clippers don’t win anything:

“Still one of the league’s best-run organizations.”

Perhaps someday someone can explain to me exactly what qualifies an NBA franchise as “well run.”

Because apparently actually winning is optional.

 THE RAMS: TY SIMPSON TIME

Preseason football is officially underway, which means it’s time to draw enormous conclusions from football games featuring approximately seven players who will matter by Thanksgiving.

But I did like what I saw from Ty Simpson.

Simpson looked pretty good in his first appearance, and the most important thing for him right now is simply playing football.

Lots of it.

Remember, this is a quarterback who didn’t even accumulate a massive amount of experience in college.

He needs snaps.

He needs to see different coverages.

He needs to make mistakes.

He needs to learn how quickly NFL windows disappear.

Because if the Rams are going to trust him as their backup quarterback, you want him getting every possible rep now rather than learning on the fly when the games actually matter.

My bigger concern?

We’re already seeing injuries.

Myles Garrett looks banged up.

Puka Nacua looks banged up.

Can we please bubble-wrap everybody important until September?

And Puka…

I love Puka Nacua the football player.

Love him.

Puka Nacua the person giving interviews and making decisions away from the football field?

Let’s just say I occasionally wish someone would confiscate his microphone.

The guy is an unbelievable football player who somehow keeps finding creative ways to say or do something ridiculous.

Catch football.

Run with football.

Score touchdown.

Repeat.

It’s a beautiful formula, Puka. Don’t overcomplicate it.

 THE CHARGERS: WAIT…COULD THIS ACTUALLY BE THEIR YEAR?

The Chargers dominated the Texans in their preseason opener.

And yes, I understand the first rule of preseason football:

None of this matters.

But there’s something interesting happening with the Chargers.

Nobody seems particularly excited about them.

A few years ago, Justin Herbert was treated like the inevitable next great NFL quarterback.

Now?

It feels like people have moved on.

Mahomes.

Allen.

Burrow.

Lamar.

Maye.

Everybody has their guy, while Herbert has somehow become the quarterback people acknowledge is really good before immediately discussing somebody else.

But look around the AFC West.

The Chiefs aren’t invincible anymore.

The Broncos are talented, but they’re still unproven.

And the Chargers have a legitimate roster.

Maybe being overlooked is exactly what this franchise needs.

Because historically, the Chargers’ biggest problem has been expectations.

The moment you start believing in them, a punt hits somebody in the helmet, three offensive linemen simultaneously pull hamstrings and they lose 27-26 because the game-winning field goal somehow ricochets off both uprights and the mascot.

So here’s my proposal:

Nobody believe in the Chargers.

Don’t pick them.

Don’t hype them.

Don’t put them on magazine covers.

Don’t tell Justin Herbert this could finally be the year.

Just quietly let them play football.

And maybe — just maybe — this is finally the season they surprise everyone.

Although merely writing that sentence probably guarantees they’ll lose Week 1 on a blocked extra point.

Sorry, Chargers fans.

August 10, 2026

THE DODGERS: EVERYBODY CALM DOWN

Yes, the Dodgers are losing.

Yes, they look terrible.

Yes, approximately nine guys appear to approach every at-bat with the enthusiasm of someone waiting for their number to be called at the DMV.

And no, I’m not panicking.

Welcome to the dog days of summer.

The Dodgers look exhausted and disinterested. The bullpen has been worked like an Amazon distribution center in December, and right now every reliever who jogs through that bullpen door looks like he just received a text saying, “Hey, can you cover another shift?”

This isn’t ideal.

It’s also August.

The cavalry is coming. Blake Snell should provide another major arm for the rotation this week, and eventually Tyler Glasnow should be back as well. That matters because suddenly you aren’t asking the bullpen to record 14 outs every night while simultaneously wondering why everybody’s arm looks like it’s about to detach from their body.

The Dodgers don’t need to win 12 straight games right now.

They need to get healthy.

They need to get their pitching lined up.

And they need to start playing their best baseball sometime around late September.

And while we’re here, can we address everyone complaining about the Dodgers’ spending and how their dominance is “bad for baseball”?

Please.

Cry me the Pacific Ocean.

Where was all this concern for competitive balance when the Dodgers were getting bounced out of the playoffs every year?

Where was the national outrage when other organizations were laughing at them?

Now they’ve built a monster, spent money, developed players, attracted stars and figured out how to operate like the Death Star with a scouting department.

Suddenly everybody wants regulations.

Funny how that works.

THE ANGELS: WAIT… ARE THEY ACTUALLY GETTING SOLD?

I have absolutely no inside information suggesting Arte Moreno is selling the Angels.

But I have eyes.

And this organization is starting to look suspiciously like a house that’s been professionally staged for an open house.

Think about it.

Interim GM.

Manager on a one-year deal.

Pieces being moved at the deadline.

Minimal long-term organizational commitments.

That’s an awful lot of flexibility for whoever might theoretically walk through the door next.

I’m just saying.

If you wanted to sell a baseball franchise, wouldn’t you want the new owner to have the ability to install their own president, general manager, manager and organizational philosophy without spending two years cleaning out the previous regime?

Because that’s basically what the Angels are creating.

Maybe it’s coincidence.

Maybe it’s organizational restructuring.

Or maybe one glorious morning we’re all going to wake up to the headline Angels fans have been waiting years to see:

ARTE MORENO AGREES TO SELL TEAM.

At which point there may be a parade down Katella Avenue before the new owner has even been identified.

In the meantime, there’s another fascinating development:

Angels tickets are disgustingly cheap.

You can practically attend a Major League Baseball game right now for the price of parking at a Major League Baseball game.

So if you’ve been looking for an inexpensive summer night out, congratulations.

The Angels have finally discovered their competitive advantage.

Affordability.

THE LAKERS: APPARENTLY WALKER KESSLER COST THEM THE LOUISIANA PURCHASE

I cannot take another segment of national NBA analysts explaining how the Lakers have MORTGAGED THEIR FUTURE for Walker Kessler.

Enough.

They traded two first-round picks and two swaps that, barring some spectacular organizational apocalypse, may never even convey.

And somehow this transaction is being discussed like Rob Pelinka drove to Utah, handed over the deed to Crypto.com Arena, surrendered every draft pick through 2047 and tossed in Magic Johnson’s statue.

Meanwhile, other teams make enormous trades and everybody suddenly becomes a Rhodes Scholar explaining roster construction.

The Pacers make a major move?

“Aggressive. They identified their window.”

The Knicks?

“You have to pay for talent.”

The Magic?

“I love that they’re pushing their chips in.”

The Lakers?

“THIS IS FINANCIAL MALPRACTICE. WHAT ABOUT THE 2032 DRAFT?!”

Please.

Hating the Lakers has become the NBA hipster position.

And here’s the inconvenient part:

They won 53 games last season.

That happened despite Luka Doncic missing roughly a quarter of the season and Austin Reaves missing about a third of it.

Now they’re younger.

They’re deeper.

They’re more athletic.

And they addressed several of the exact weaknesses everybody spent last season screaming about.

Do they still need wings?

Absolutely.

I’m not pretending this is the 1996 Bulls.

But can we stop analyzing this roster like it’s frozen in carbonite for the next five years?

This isn’t necessarily the team they’ll have in February.

It certainly isn’t necessarily the team they’ll have two summers from now.

They have Luka Doncic.

They have Austin Reaves.

They have Walker Kessler.

They have flexibility to keep changing the roster.

But apparently because they’re the Lakers, every transaction must be evaluated as though it’s the final move the franchise will ever be allowed to make.

THE CLIPPERS: THE KAWHI STORY SOMEHOW KEEPS GETTING WEIRDER

Every time I think the Kawhi Leonard situation can’t sound worse…

It sounds worse.

Now we’re hearing about another sponsorship arrangement raising questions about potential salary-cap circumvention.

Wonderful.

Because apparently the Clippers weren’t satisfied with merely having one bizarre Kawhi financial controversy.

They needed a cinematic universe.

If the NBA ultimately determines rules were violated, the league should come down hard on everyone involved.

Will it?

We’ll see.

There are enormous personalities, enormous money and enormous politics involved here.

But let’s appreciate the absurdity of the larger Clippers story.

This franchise finally convinced a legitimate superstar to voluntarily sign with them.

That alone was historic.

And what did it take?

They had to mortgage a gigantic portion of their future to acquire Paul George because Kawhi wanted another star.

They endured years of injury uncertainty.

And now we’re discussing multiple financial arrangements that have raised cap-circumvention questions.

All to get one superstar to choose the Clippers.

Do you understand how incredible that is?

The Clippers found someone weird enough to voluntarily say:

“Yes. This is where I want to spend the prime of my career.”

And apparently even THAT wasn’t straightforward.

Now their future is murky, the Kawhi situation is increasingly uncomfortable, and the organization that was supposed to take over Los Angeles is once again generating headlines for everything except actually taking over Los Angeles.

This franchise is screwed.

But hey.

Intuit Dome is beautiful.

USC FOOTBALL: ARE WE DOING THIS AGAIN?

USC enters the season ranked No. 14 in the preseason Coaches Poll, and I have no idea what to do with this information.

Because we’ve seen this movie.

USC has talent.

USC can score.

USC has athletes.

Lincoln Riley can design an offense.

Wonderful.

Now can they line up against a gigantic Big Ten offensive line in November and stop somebody on 3rd-and-2?

Because that’s the question.

USC doesn’t play in the Pac-12 anymore.

This is the Big Ten.

You occasionally have to travel halfway across the country in weather that feels like you’re playing football inside a Costco freezer and try to tackle a 238-pound running back who has been consuming whole milk since birth.

Are the Trojans tough enough?

That’s what I want to know.

Especially defensively.

Especially along the lines.

Because until USC proves otherwise, this still feels like a talented team trying to prove it has the physicality necessary to consistently win in a conference filled with enormous human beings.

But I’ll give Lincoln Riley this:

The opportunity is there.

People aren’t expecting USC to win the national championship.

They’re No. 14.

They’re relevant without carrying ridiculous expectations.

Go prove everybody wrong.

Because if USC can combine Riley’s offensive creativity with a legitimately physical football team?

Now you’ve got something.

UCLA FOOTBALL: WAIT A SECOND… WHAT IS BOB CHESNEY COOKING?

Meanwhile, across town, something interesting is happening.

Very quietly.

Bob Chesney is building something at UCLA.

Recruiting momentum has picked up considerably, talent is coming in, and suddenly UCLA doesn’t feel like the Big Ten program everyone circles on the schedule and writes a W next to in permanent marker.

Will the full impact show up in 2026?

Probably not.

Building a college football program takes time.

But I’m fascinated to see what Chesney can squeeze out of this roster immediately.

Because sometimes a coaching change doesn’t instantly produce a championship contender.

Sometimes it simply produces something much more important:

Competence.

Organization.

Development.

Players believing they’re supposed to win.

And UCLA has enough talent that if Chesney can get them playing disciplined, physical football, this could become one of those annoying teams nobody wants to play.

I’m not saying UCLA is winning the Big Ten.

I’m saying don’t be shocked if sometime in October you’re watching them knock off a ranked team and thinking:

“Wait… UCLA is actually good?”

That would be progress.

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON: GOOD. NOT GREAT. DEFINITELY NOT THRONES.

And finally, because Monday Morning recognizes that sometimes dragons are more entertaining than middle relief pitching…

House of the Dragon wrapped its season Sunday night.

My grade:

B.

It’s good.

I watch every episode.

I’m entertained.

The production is spectacular.

The dragons are awesome.

And yet…

It’s just not Game of Thrones.

And I finally figured out why.

The characters aren’t nearly as interesting.

Game of Thrones could give you 15 minutes of Tyrion drinking wine with Bronn and somehow it was more entertaining than half the television shows ever created.

Tywin could have a conversation at a dinner table and you’d be terrified.

Littlefinger could say three sentences and you’d spend the next week wondering which kingdom he was secretly trying to overthrow.

Varys was hilarious.

The Hound was hilarious.

Tormund was hilarious.

Even characters who hated each other were funny.

House of the Dragon?

Everybody is miserable.

All. The. Time.

Nobody tells jokes.

Nobody seems to enjoy dinner.

Nobody appears to have hobbies.

It’s essentially two families spending several decades angrily discussing succession planning.

Which, admittedly, becomes more entertaining when succession planning occasionally involves a 200-foot dragon incinerating a castle.

We know there’s only one season left.

And those of us familiar with the source material have a pretty good idea where this is headed.

So now the challenge is simple:

Stick the landing.

Give us the battles.

Give us the betrayals.

Give us the dragons.

Give us the chaos.

And maybe—just maybe—allow one person in Westeros to make a joke.