July 22nd, 2013

The Dodgers entire outfield was healthy for exactly 8 innings.  It was a spectacular 8 innings though.  The Boys in Blue swept the Nationals in our nations capital over the weekend after a 9-2 victory on Sunday, and are now just .5 games out of first place in the NL West.   Matt Kemp led the way with 3 hits and 3 RBI’s, including a solo home run in his first game off the disabled list, but then rolled his ankle on a stupid play in the 9th inning. The injury could have been avoided if he hustled running from 3rd base to home plate.  This is baseball Matt….it’s not sex with Rihanna.  You’re supposed to hustle going from 3rd to home.

Kemp doesn’t seem to be injured too badly, but the Dodgers shouldn’t even think about trading one of their outfielders at this point.  Kemp, Carl Crawford, Andre Ethier, and Yasiel Puig have shown they can be great players for stretches of time when they can stay healthy.  The problem is they never are, and they’ve been one the disabled list as frequently as Kim Kardashian is seen dating a black guy.  There should be plenty of at bats for all 4 of these guys the rest of the season, and having all of them is a nice luxury for a Dodger team that can afford it.  LA is on a roll, winning 20 of their last 25 games.

Meanwhile, the Angels looked good for a couple of nights before getting shut down by 1st place Oakland.  Even more frustrating is the fact that they were shut down by former Angel, and now 40 year old pitcher Bartolo Colon.  The Angels are 10 games back with the trade deadline approaching in 10 days.  That would appear to make them sellers, but then again, what exactly do they have to sell?  Any takers for Josh Hamilton and his $125 million contract?  Probably not.  Maybe the Halos can trade their general manager Jerry Dipoto for a general manager that can actually acquire some pitching.

As for Bartolo Colon, how has nobody suspect this guy of using HGH or some other performance enhancing drugs?  The guy is 40 years old, in his 15th year in the league, and he’s on pace for career highs in wins and ERA, and could very well win the AL Cy Young.  I’ve always believed that the heavy set Colon would dominate anyone in a pie eating contest.  Clearly, he’s now baking the HGH into his pies.

Lakers owner Jim Buss was interviewed on NBA TV last week and explained that when signing free agents this year, “we picked players that fit and can run Mike D’Antoni’s system.”  That tells me that either the Lakers are trying to tank, or that Buss learned nothing from watching last season.  The Lakers were 17-25 when they tried to run D’Antoni’s ridiculous system, yet finished 28-12 when they slowed things down and controlled the tempo.  I often wonder what Jim Buss is like when he goes to the race track to bet on horses.  Does he always bet on the slowest horse to win?  I hear he wasn’t very good at it.

The Kings named former player Rob Blake assistant general manager last week to replace the departing Ron Hextall.  Blake may be qualified for the job, but on multiple occasions in his career, he has shown a complete disloyalty to the franchise that drafted him in the early 90’s.  This included stripping himself of his captaincy in 2001 while in the midst of a contract dispute, which is like spitting in the face of your teammates and fans.  I’m not sure why the Kings are showing so much loyalty to the man that’s turned his back on the franchise so many times.  That’s like a battered house wife going back to the dude that keeps beating her.  I’m curious to see if Blake gets booed when introduced on opening night in October.

Speaking of the NHL, the new divisional realignment is unbelievable.  They actually named one of the divisions in the Eastern Conference the “Metro Division”.  So if your team plays in this division, does that mean you have to manscape before every game?  Leave it to commissioner Gary Bettman to screw up something like this.  I also like how nearly all the teams in the Atlantic Division play in the North East.  Maybe Bettman could come up with something a little more sensible like uh…..”The Northeastern Division”.

The Dallas Cowboys opened training camp in Oxnard last week, and owner Jerry Jones said that the NFL “is closer than ever” to returning to Los Angeles.  I still find this very hard to believe.  LA has had two separate stadium proposals that are ready for construction for quite some time now, but need a commitment from a team to start the project.  Seems to me that the NFL and its owners want a team in Los Angeles a lot more than anybody that lives there.  If that’s the case, then they should give LA an expansion team, and the league should finance most of it.  How come nobody asked Jerry Jones when NFL Football will be returning to Dallas?

At this point, can we stop with the idea the Phil Mickelson isn’t clutch?  The story was kind of funny a few years ago, but after taking the British Open yesterday, he now has 5 major victories.

So Edward Snowden is supposed to leave the Moscow Airport in a few days according to his lawyer.  Has he actually been in the airport this whole time?  I’ve been stuck in an airport for 10 hours before, and I nearly lost my mind.  This guy has to be hating his life after spending weeks there.  If anything, he probably needs asylum from all the crappy airport food he’s been eating.  I’m sure he’s tried just about everything in the food court as this point.

Finally, memo to those of you protesting the verdict in the George Zimmerman trial:  take your protests away from the 10 freeway entrance!  Some people actually need to get to work and make a living while you guys piss and moan.

July 15th, 2013

Giants manager Bruce Bochy has lost his mind.  Since Yasiel Puig was called up in June, the Dodgers have had the best record in the National League, and he’s easily been one of the best players in baseball. Still, Bochy is determined to keep this guy off the NL All-Star team.  Bochy started his little scam by throwing Puig’s teammate Adrian Gonzales on the final roster spot ballot so they would split votes.  Then, when the winner Freddie Freeman was injured, he selected catcher Brian McCann instead of Puig, when he already has two catchers on the roster!  I’m still trying to figure out how Puig lost the fan ballot, but the fact that the MLB didn’t release the final totals make this fishier than a crate full of cod.

Then again, keeping Puig out of the all-star game will prevent him from further damaging his reputation for being an ass to the media.  Puig says he’s been bothered by the numerous interview requests he receives on a daily basis, and feels that it has been a distraction to him.  I guess this must explain why his batting average has “plunged” to just under .400.  Puig has set aside time for a collection of reporters to answer their questions on a daily basis.  Although he’ll have to learn that granting interviews is part of his responsibility as a star player, the evil 4 letter network believes that they are too important not to have one on one interviews granted to them.  Sadly, ESPN has become like Facebook: everybody needs them, but everybody complains about them.

As for the Halos, it was a disastrous ending to a disastrous first half of the season.  They head to the all-star break losers of 5 of their last 6 games after getting swept by the Mariners.  I’m still baffled as to why Mike Scioscia continues to send Joe Blanton to the mound every 5 days so this guy can get rocked.  He’s on pace to lose more than 20 games in spectacular fashion, and Josh Hamilton is still about as useless as a pork sandwich at a Jewish picnic.  It probably would have made more sense for the Angels to hang on to Ervin Santana, who could at least be a .500 pitcher at the back of the rotation for the same price.   The Halos are 10.5 games back of first place, and the climb is stepper than Mount Everest from here.

When the Lakers said goodbye to Metta World Peace this week, it was strictly a cost cutting move. The Lakers will save $15 million by waiving World Peace, but they lost one of their best defenders, and easily the most entertaining player on the team.  This is the same guy who wore his game uniform to a night club after winning the championship in 2010.  This upcoming season will be a nightmare for the Lakers, so having him on the team would at least provide some entertainment value for the fans and the media.  My favorite Metta moment was his post-game news conference after game 7 of the NBA Finals in 2010, here’s a look back:

Meanwhile, the more I hear details about how Dwight Howard left the Lakers, the more happy I am he is no longer in LA.  Last week, ESPN LA’s Ramona Shelburne reported that Dwight actually asked the Lakers if they would consider amnestying Kobe Bryant at the end of the season, so they could build the team around him.  So let me get this straight, Dwight Howard has never won a championship, has been in town for less than a full season, and is asking for the Lakers to get rid of one of the greatest players of all time?  Dwight does realize that Kobe has 5 NBA championships and he has none right?  I’m sure at that point, Mitch Kupchak and Jim Buss probably laughed in Dwight’s face and told him to get lost.  Even Kobe Bryant never asked the Lakers to get rid of Shaq in 2004. It was Dr. Buss who decided to get rid of him, and then begged Kobe to stay after that.

I can’t tell you how disappointed I was to learn that American 100 meter record holder Tyson Gay test positive for a banned substance, and will likely miss this years track and field world championships.  Gay claimed that he put his trust in someone else, and that person let him down.  Sorry Tyson, but this is the type of crap I expected to hear out of a major league baseball player, not you.  If you are a professional athlete, your job is to keep your body in great shape, and know exactly what substances are going in and out of your body.  It’s also not very surprising that Jamaican sprinter and former 100 meter world record holder Asafa Powell test positive for a banned substance too.  The Jamaicans have one of the most pathetic drug testing programs in the world, and it’s only a matter of time before world record holder Usain Bolt is caught.

If you ever get the chance to go see Bob Saget do stand-up comedy, please do.  I got the chance to see him in Irvine on Saturday night, and he was definitely laugh out loud funny.  Much of his humor revolves around his experience with other cast members of “Full House”, and embarrassing stories each of them were involved in.  At 58 years old, Saget has now become a dirty old man, but is quite entertaining.

Last week I mentioned how amazingly bad the SyFy channel was, and “Sharknado” on Thursday night lived up to this reputation.  The best part about the movie was reading all of the comments on twitter, which generated a record 5,000 tweets per minute at one point.  I thought the only thing that could ever break twitter was if Kim Kardashian dated Tim Tebow, however, after Thursday I stand corrected.  I love how SyFy is already talking about a sequel because of the audience it received.  The concept was crazy though.  I mean Sharks and Tornados?  Early in the movie, when Ian Ziering came home and Tara Reid wasn’t having a gang bang with 10 NFL quarterbacks, you knew the movie was totally unrealistic!

July 8th, 2013

I can’t believe I’m going to say this.  If Kobe Bryant heard me say this, he would probably punch me in the face, then give me his death stare.  The Lakers need to tank next season.  If you want to be really good, at some point you have to be really bad for a year, and next year is the year to do it with Andrew Wiggins as the top player available in the 2014 draft.   The Lakers will struggle just to make the playoffs next year, especially with Kobe recovering from his achilles tear.  Getting the 8th seed will do no good when the Lakers get raped in the first round, as opposed to having a few extra ping pong balls in the lottery.  This is exactly how the Spurs got Tim Duncan in 1997.

Meanwhile, the Lakers have almost no free agent options left after Dwight Howard’s departure.  The team can’t even amnesty Metta World War because there are no decent small forwards on the free agent market.  The Lakers should just bring back Sasha Vujacic, Lamar Odom, and put up with the Kardashian drama for another year before re-tooling next summer.

As for Dwight Howard, one has to wonder how badly the Lakers really wanted him back.  They were willing to hang on to Mike D’Antoni, who will probably be fired in a year anyway, than make Dwight happy.  They were also willing to let Kobe give Dwight a good scolding during the presentation.  I admit it, Dwight is a pussy, and couldn’t handle the pressure in LA.  However, he was a cornerstone that would put the Lakers in a much better position moving forward.  In any case, have fun running your air conditioning in Houston Dwight.  By the way, after all this Dwightmare nonsense, does anybody know if Dwight is two syllables or just one?  Is it just “Dwight”? Or “Da-Wight”?  Either way, Shaq thinks he’s a pussy……

Yasiel Puig and the Dodgers have jumped back in the NL West race in no time.  The Dodgers are now in 2nd place in the division, after taking two of three from those liberal, crab sandwich eating, San Francisco Giant bastards.  Has anybody tried to rent an apartment in San Francisco?  It’s no wonder everyone is gay because everyone is so used to taking it in the ass every month when they pay their rent.  Anyway, I hope everyone has voted 25 times or so for Yasiel Puig.  This dude needs to be in the all-star game because he’s been one of the best players in the National League so far.  Even though Adrian Gonzales has had a nice season and deserves some votes, LA wouldn’t be back in the race without Puig.

Phillies closer Jonathan Papelbon is a douchebag.  He thinks it’s a joke that Puig could be in the all-star game after just a month in the majors.  I guess Papelbon was in the clubhouse eating fried chicken last weekend when Puig and the Dodgers beat the crap out of his ball club.  By the way, in a month and half, Puig has played about 7 times the amount of innings Papelbon has.  Too bad Papelbon can’t even pronounce Yasiel Puig’s name right.

The Halos are creeping up in the AL Wild card standings as well.  After taking two of three against Boston, the Angels are now just 5.5 games back in the wild card race.  Mike Trout is rolling, and Josh Hamilton finally looked good with a big walk off home run on Saturday night.  This feels terribly similar to last seasons rally after a slow start, only to fade at the end of the year.

Really tough blow for the LA Kings this weekend, as they lost free agent defenseman Rob Scuderi.  Scuderi signed with his former team, the Pittsburgh Penguins, and sighted family reasons for his decision.  The good news for LA is that they’ll still have one of the best defensive groups in the NHL next year because Willie Mitchell appears to be healthy after sitting out the year with knee trouble.  Meanwhile, the Ducks make a crafty move, trading Bobby Ryan to the Senators for the equally productive, less expensive, and less whiny Jacob Silfverberg.

So who is looking forward to the World Cup in Brazil in 2014?  Over the weekend, in a Brazilian soccer match, referee Jordan Silva pulled a red card on Josenir Santo Abreu, ejecting him from the game.  The confrontation between the two escalated, and eventually Silva stabbed Abreu in the chest with a knife.  Abreu died on the way to the hospital, and the referee was stoned to death and dismembered back at the field.  What color card does that get?  The World Cup should go really well.

Every 4th of July, I find myself falling out of my chair laughing at the Nathan’s Hot Dog eating contest on Coney Island.  Joey Chestnut won his 7th hot dog eating contest, by slamming a world record 69 hot dogs in 10 minutes.  Dude, when I eat 1 hot dog, I consider having a 2nd one, and then after I do, I know it was a terrible decision.  I can’t even imagine trying to slam 69 of them.  Since 2008, Chestnut has actually eaten 380 hot dogs, while over the same stretch, the Houston Astros have only won 377 games.

Finally, has anybody actually stopped and watched the SyFy Channel?  The entire channel has to consist of some of the most terrible movies of all time that never made it to theatre.  We’re talking garbage like Lake Placid 2, Anaconda 3, and those dumb Shark movies that try to copy Jaws.  These things definitely need some celebrity drunken commentary to make them watchable.

July 1st, 2013

The Dwight Howard sweepstakes has “officially begun”.  However, does anybody really think that Dwight does not already know where he’s going?  This dude has had almost a full year to think about where he wants to go, and knows exactly what each team is offering.  Do you really expect me to believe that one of these teams is going to “convince” him of where he’s going?  If you do, than you are more naive than teenage girl.  According to Hoopsworld writer Alex Kennedy, the Rockets are now “cocky” because they are so confident they will land Howard.

Meanwhile, the Lakers have shown their pathetic desperation to keep Dwight by posting billboards all over town.  This is the kind of crap they would do in Cleveland or Orlando, but should not be doing in LA.  What’s next?  A song coming out this week pleading him to stay?  This lame piece of work was put together in Orlando:

There have been some rumors circulating that the Lakers may be prepared to fire Mike D’Antoni since they have yet to allow him to hire any more assistant coaches, and since Kurt Rambis’ name came up as a potential addition to the staff.  It’s an interesting theory, but if the Lakers were serious about keeping Dwight, they would have already fired D’Antoni, and assured him that Phil Jackson would be coaching the team.  In 2004, the Lakers had traded Shaq prior to trying to convince Kobe to re-sign with the team.  Even then, Kobe was on the verge of leaving the Lakers, before eventually coming back.  The Lakers recruiting plan is worse than the European debt plan.

Chris Paul’s free agency will be rather uneventful, which is great news for the Clippers.  In typical Chris Broussard fashion, he is reporting that Lebron James’ sources have informed him that sources close to Paul saw them at a club with Drake last night, and he received a call in the morning, saying that he will be re-signing with the Clippers.

The NBA draft is a joke.  How are teams that are starving for talent supposed to improve themselves when they are forced to select completely underdeveloped players?  Nobody is tall anymore, but instead, certain players “have great length”.  Nobody is a great player, but instead, some players “have great upside”.  On Thursday night, all I heard was 3 hours of Jay Bilas talking about wingspans.    It’s no wonder teams like Sacramento, Charlotte, and Detroit have been picking in the lottery for years yet are still in the league’s basement.

Very quietly, the Dodgers and Angels are starting to make moves.   The boys in blue are a little bit healthier, and they’ve now won 8 of the last 10 games, moving just 4 games back of first place Arizona in the NL West.  Yasiel Puig has been hotter than a whore house on nickel night, and added 4 more hits yesterday.  He finished his first full month in the majors with 44 hits, which is 2nd only to the legendary Joe DiMaggio.  Just think how good the Dodgers could be if Matt Kemp could pull his shit together?  This isn’t the most well put together ball club, but at least they are back in the playoff race.

As for the Halos, they’ve won 6 straight, and are 7.5 games back in the wild card race.  Although the team still has a big climb ahead of them, their pitching hasn’t looked like dog crap for the first time all year.  The bad news is that Peter Bourjos is going back on the disabled list because of a fracture below his right wrist, and Josh Hamilton is still fairly useless.

The Kings and Ducks had a very anti-climactic NHL draft, but things should get interesting this week.  LA is moving closer to a deal with defenseman Rob Scuderi, who is a vital part of their stellar defensive core, but Scuderi will have to take a discount to fit under the cap.  The Ducks locked up veteran defenseman Ben Lovejoy earlier in the week, but need to figure out what’s going to happen with Teemu Selanne.  Selanne’s annual retirement dilemma has made him the Brett Favre of the NHL.

The Aaron Hernandez murder trial has once again, made me question the long term health risks to playing professional football.  Can taking all those hits make you dumb enough to kill somebody when you are a multi-millionaire with a fiancee and an 8 month old daughter?  It seems clear the answer is yes.  Nevertheless, the Patriots did a commendable job of releasing Aaron Hernandez before even letting the justice system take its course.

Has anybody tried the “Monkey Style” Burger at In-N-Out?  I’ve always been a fan of the secret menu at In-N-Out, but only recently did I discover this item on that menu.  I’ve gotta admit, I was skeptical at first, but Animal Style fries in your burger make it that much better.  I was afraid I’d die of a heart attack from all the cholesterol, but it was definitely amazing.

I recently decided to see if all this hype about AMC’s Mad Men was justified.  I’m only through the first 4 seasons, but I have to admit, it’s a bit of a let down.  Since I’m already this far, I’m committed to watching the last two seasons, but the show is just too slow, and the characters aren’t interesting enough.  I completely understand the appeal of the 60’s, especially to the Baby Boomers, however, the show just repeats the same themes of adultery, sexism, and alcoholism in Don Draper’s life.  With no other interesting characters, these themes get a bit old after 4 seasons.   The show is also only focused on the white privileged wall street folks in that era as well, which leaves the show without enough depth.

June 24th, 2013

Donald Sterling was hoping he could take the easy way out again.  He was going to tell Chris Paul he tried to give him what he wanted and thought that would be good enough.  Sterling turned out to be more naive than Manti Te’o, because Chris Paul wasn’t going to let up.  Paul convinced Sterling to fork over 3 years and $21 million to Doc Rivers after a week of public pressure.  The Clippers have now taken a huge step in transforming the culture of their team by adding one of the top coaches in the NBA.  As a result, Paul is now expected to re-sign with Clippers in one week for 5 years and $107 million.

Now comes the tricky part.  The Clippers would complete their identity change by acquiring Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce, but that will be impossible in a two team deal.  David Stern has already informed both teams he will impose his dictatorship and veto this deal for no other reason, other than being an a-hole, and pissing off Marcellus Wiley and the remaining 10 Clipper fans.  However,  the Clippers may still be able to acquire Garnett in a 3 team trade, which would be hard for Stern to veto.  At that point, how could Stern argue that the Rivers deal and the Garnett trade were contingent upon one another?  Garnett may be older than the bible, but he could vault the Clippers into championship contention.

Meanwhile, the Lakers are bracing themselves for the departure of Dwight Howard.  Laker general manager Mitch Kupchak mentioned to the media that Phil Jackson was serving as an un-official consultant for the team.  Dwight has expressed his desire for Phil to be part of the organization, but we all know that really can’t happen until Jimmy Buss starts to play nice with his future brother in law.  Maybe Jimmy is banking on the fact that Dwight changes his mind more than a teenage girl, however, even Donald Sterling was convinced to bring in someone to appease his star player. Are you really going to let Donald Sterling outsmart you Jimmy?

Yasiel Puig needs to be an all-star.  In 19 games this season, he has easily been the best Dodger player, and the most exciting in the entire league.  Of course baseball purists will say he hasn’t earned it, but I hear those people also enjoy watching paint dry.  The MLB instituted a rule that every team needs to have at least one all-star, and Puig should certainly be that for the Dodgers, with all due respect to Clayton Kershaw.  Besides, now that Bud Selig decided to make the all-star game determine home field advantage in the World Series, it’s that much more important to have a player like Puig in there, who is one of the hottest hitters in baseball.  That would be a small consolation in a season from hell for the Dodgers.

Speaking of hell, the Angels were swept away by the Pittsburgh Pirates at the Big A this weekend.  Does anybody realize how bad the pitching is for these guys?  The Halos have now lost 8 times when they score at least 6 runs.  If they had won just 5 of those games, they would be back at .500.  Only 3 teams in all of baseball have a worse team ERA than the Angels, and one of them is the Houston Astros, who aren’t even trying!

Many Kings fans were surprised they didn’t get a bigger return for backup goaltender Jonathan Bernier, however, general manager Dean Lombardi really pulled off highway robbery.  The only thing that pisses me off is that we helped out that two-face bastard Tim Leiweke.  That guy deserves to go find his own damn goaltender after trashing Kings fans!  In any case the Kings got two useful players, and Toronto payed a third of their salary.  Sending Bernier out also improves their reputation of how they develop players.  Plus, how can you not love your new backup goalie when he posts this on his twitter feed?

I’m hip! I’m with it! https://vine.co/v/bVUnQKwBLKl 

I hope nobody in my keeper fantasy football league was planning on having Aaron Hernandez on their team this season.  Even if he is somehow able to avoid jail time, Rodger Goodell is going to suspend this guy for eternity for being a dumb ass.  Why does this guy feel the need to carry so many guns?  He’s busy carrying guns, while Tom Brady is carrying the Patriots.

I just have one question for Kim and Kanye: WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?  North West?  I wonder how old that child will be when she comes to the realization that her parents were senseless morons?  Then again, by that age, I’m pretty sure that her parents will be long separated by then, since Kim changes partners more frequently than a Nascar Driver changes tires.

Doesn’t the name “Edward Snowden” make you think we are talking about some Game of Thrones character?  Everyone is all up in arms about their rights when this story came out, but people are freaking out over nothing.  The US government isn’t reading emails and listening to phone conversations to find out what color panties your girlfriend is wearing.  As long as you aren’t talking to Al Qaeda, or some other terrorist group, I’m pretty sure the government doesn’t really care.  I don’t complain when I have to go through a long security process at the airport because it keeps the airport safe.  I see this the same way.  As for Snowden, who is now in Russia, here’s an idea: Putin should give the U.S. Snowden and Robert Craft’s Super Bowl Ring, and we’ll give them George Zimmerman and Frank McCourt.

Finally, watching Nic Wallenda’s high wire across the Grand Canyon on Discovery was one of the most amazing, and simultaneously, one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen.  For a man who has made Christianity such a focal point in his life, even Jesus has to be wondering what kind of idiot would high wire across the Grand Canyon in jeans?  Obviously, if this guy were blacked out drunk he could still pass a sobriety test with skills like that.   I love how he jogged across the wire for the last few feet as well.

June 17th, 2013

Well folks, it’s that time of the week where I remind you all how much our So Cal baseball teams stink.  The Angels found a way to be pathetic on and off the field this weekend.  The Angels were promoting Yankees reliever Mariano Rivera coming to town this weekend, and even gave out collectible certificates commemorating his career.  Are you kidding?  Don’t we have enough douchy Yankee fans that are showing up to the Big A when NY comes to town?  Arte Moreno must be getting desperate to fill all the empty seats at the stadium.

The team was equally as horrible on the field yesterday as well, with a 6-5 loss against the Yankees.  Once again, Jered Weaver looked more like Sigourney Weaver after getting lit up for 5 runs and 7 hits in 6 innings of work.  The Halos tried to rally, but Albert Pujols proved that $250 million just doesn’t buy what it used to, when he struck out with the bases loaded to end the game. One a positive note, Josh Hamilton’s batting average didn’t drop any further, and that’s a relief because Mike Scioscia kept him chained to the bench.  Oh by the way, Torii Hunter is making half of what Hamilton is this year, and he’s batting nearly 100 points higher and driven in more runs.

Then there’s the Dodgers, who continued to take one step forward followed by three steps backward.  The Boys in Blue dropped 2 of 3 to the Pirates, and are now a season worst 10 games under .500.  This team couldn’t hit water if it fell out of a boat.  Yasiel Puig is hitting .479, and he can’t even save this team.  Don Mattingly did announced that Puig is going to remain in the major leagues for the rest of the season, so at least the team will be entertaining.  The Dodgers are 5.5 games behind the Padres, who have a payroll that’s not even one-third of LA’s.  Now I see what the Dodgers meant by “A Whole New Blue”.  Watching this season hurts more than blue balls.

Why is Clayton Kershaw so upset over details of his contract extension leaking?  Kershaw claims it’s a distraction, but let’s be honest,  we all need a distraction from this piece of crap season the Dodgers are giving us.

The NBA rumors surrounding the Clippers this weekend were crazier than Justin Bieber speeding through a neighborhood full of kids.  The Clipps were deep into negotiations with the Celtics, and were attempting to acquire Doc Rivers, Kevin Garnett, and eventually Paul Pierce, while giving up Deandre Jordan, Caron Butler, and some draft picks.  Both sides reached an impasse after the Clippers refused to put Eric Bledsoe in the deal.  The most shocking part of this deal would be the fact that Donald Sterling would be willing to pay Doc Rivers $7 million per year.  I’m still waiting for Sterling to call the deal off when he finds out it’s really Doc Rivers and not Doctor Jack Ramsey.

Even if the Clippers pull this off without including Bledsoe in the deal, the rumor that Blake Griffin and Bledsoe could be dealt in a sign and trade for Dwight Howard is hard to imagine.  Although Griffin and Bledsoe solve a lot of the Lakers current problems, Jim Buss isn’t going to help another franchise in his own building put together a super team with Chris Paul and Dwight Howard.  The Lakers end game is to try and acquire Lebron next summer, even if the chances of an asteroid hitting LA are greater.  Letting Dwight Howard go to the Clippers would not only reduce the Lakers chances of landing Lebron, but would also increase the chances of the Clippers landing Lebron next summer if Pierce and Garnett retire.  In other words, Jim Buss and Mitch Kupchak would have to be drinking jet fuel in order for them to trade Howard to the Clippers.

Speaking of the NBA, ESPN insider Marc Stein is a fantastic and reliable reporter, however, he’s a bitch.  Back in 2002, Stein refused to come on my Jock Talk radio show at UC Irvine, and he said “sorry, you are an Anteater, and I’m a Triton, can’t do it.  Great show though”.  Good reporting this weekend Marc.  You’re still a bitch though.

Phil Mickelson is the Kevin Durant of the PGA.  Mr. 2nd place!

Did anybody catch the Miss USA pageant yesterday?  Miss Utah stumbled and rambled through a question regarding income disparity in the U.S., and ended her bizarre statement with a  “to create better education” phrase.  This was not as bad as Miss Teen South Carolina’s legendary jibberish back in 2007, but still gave everyone watching a good laugh.  I’ve never really understood the concept of the Q&A portions of these pageants.  More often than not, it just makes these women look like morons.  It’s a beauty pageant, not a Model United Nations Conference!

June 10th, 2013

Saturday night was a reminder to all Kings fans what being a sports fan is all about.  That is enduring 99% kicks to the ball and 1% glory.  Kings fans experienced that 1% glory last year, but it’s back to another kick in the balls this year.  This came after Blackhawks forward Patrick Kane ended the Kings bid to repeat as Stanley Cup champions with his game winning goal in double overtime of game 5 of the Western Conference Finals.

The Kings fought harder than Mel Gibson resisting arrest in this game. They could have easily packed it in after trailing 2-0, and 3-2 late in the game.  However, LA continued to battle back while I sulked and threw pillows across my living room.

Now that its over, we’ve learned that the Kings were more beaten up than Rhianna when she hangs with Chris Brown.  Justin Williams played with a separated shoulder, Dustin Brown had a torn PCL in his knee, and Drew Doughty had an injured ankle.  Anze Kopitar insists that he wasn’t hurt, but he looked like he was skating with a piano on his back for much of the playoffs.  Nevertheless, the Kings made too many mistakes against a skilled Chicago team.  Jonathan Quick wasn’t quite as sharp as he was previously, and the Kings made costly turnovers that the Blackhawks capitalized on.

Nevertheless, the Kings made it further than the last 3 defending champions have, and are poised to be contenders for at least 2 or 3 more years.  Many of their core players are under contract for quite some time, and in case you haven’t noticed, their twitter handle is hilarious!  After Saturday’s loss, they tweeted this gem: “@penguins you guys wanna grab a drink later?”

Now that the NHL is over, we can all focus on how crappy the Angels and Dodgers are.  Do the Halos really not have anyone better than Joe Blanton to send to the mound every 5 days?  This guy is a human launching pad, giving up 3 more home runs in Boston yesterday, and he’s now on pace to lose 20 games.  Blanton was asked if his next start was a critical one, and he responded by saying “Why should I feel urgency now? I don’t have anything to prove.”  Nice to see you are ok being the worst starting pitcher in baseball Joe.

As for the Dodgers, it’s becoming clear now that even Yasiel Puig can’t save their season.  They’ll need to win about two-thirds of their remaining games, and that’s not happening if they have to send Stephen Fife and Matt McGill to the mound on a regular basis.  At least Puig has given the Dodgers something exciting to watch despite the carnage that is their season.

I like how the new Dodger owners are trying to conceal the details of their business partnership with Frank McCourt, because they claim it will hurt their chances of the NFL wanting to bring a team to LA.  I’m pretty sure that just by admitting that they have torpedoed their chances of an NFL team coming to LA.  At this point it’s pretty obvious that the NFL is only going to do a deal that works for them.  They like the idea of a stadium at Chavez Ravine, but they aren’t dumb enough to do a deal that involves McCourt.

So Lane Kiffin just recruited a 13 year old quarterback who hasn’t even played a down of high school football yet.  What good does it do any 13 year old to commit to a school when you are in 8th grade?  And will Lane Kiffin even still have a job with USC in 2015?  My guess is he won’t.

Why haven’t the Clippers hired a coach yet?  They should have contact George Karl 5 seconds after he was fired by the Nuggets.  The Clippers seem to have lots of good options in Karl, Brian Shaw, and Lionnel Hollins, however, the real issue is whether or not Donald Sterling’s people can convince him to pay one of these guys what they are looking for.  The Clipps should be getting really nervous because the Chris Paul and Dwight Howard to Houston rumors are heating up, and Chris Paul has been strangely quiet about the entire process.

The irony of the Nuggets firing George Karl is that Mike D’Antoni is the perfect fit for them.  The Nuggets roster is loaded with young and athletic players that would allow D’Antoni to play his uptempo system.  Unfortunately, the Nuggets probably won’t call the Lakers about him, since they currently have a few options on the coaching market.  That means the Dwight Howard breakup with the Lakers is coming.  This is starting to have the feel of that sometimes crazy girlfriend that you want to stay with, but you can slowly start to feel her pulling away.  The really depressing part is that when Dwight signs with the Rockets, it will be as though your girlfriend left you for Urkel.

Finally, season 3 of Game of Thrones is in the books, and it was outstanding.  Although the season finale was not quite as exciting as the previous week’s episode, the show is riveting.  I’m still astonished at the morons that are threatening to cancel their HBO subscriptions after complaining about the deaths of Rob, Talisa, and Catelyn Stark.  If you’ve been watching the show from the beginning, you know that the show isn’t about love, happiness, and moral righteousness.  It’s about a world where those who use cruel, devious, and underhanded tactics come out on top.  Not that I’ve read the books, but the writers of the show seem determined to deviate from plot in the books a bit in order to emphasize these points.   It’s going to be a long wait until season 4, but looking forward to it!

June 3rd, 2013

The sky is falling Kings fans! Time to hit the panic button!  The Kings were abused in games 1 and and 2 of their Western Conference Finals matchup with the Blackhawks, and find themselves trailing 2-0 in the series, with game 3 Tuesday night at Staples Center.  The scary part about game 2, was that the Kings played much better than in game 1, yet they were beaten like Rodney King.

The Kings have won 14 straight at Staples Center, but does anybody really think they can win 4 of the next 5 games after what they saw this weekend?  The Hawks are imposing their speedy and uptempo style of play on LA, which is a problem for a Kings team who’s success is dependent on playing a slower, grind-it-out game.  Is it too late to get a refund on Robyn Regehr?  He signs a 2 year extension with the Kings on Friday, and managed to score an own-goal in game 2 on Jonathan Quick.

Quick has often bounced back after poor outings, but the rest of the team needs to start playing their style of hockey Tuesday night.  Otherwise, they will be dusting off their golf clubs later this week.

The Dodgers finally called up Yasiel Puig, but what the hell took so long?  The team is going down faster than a Thai hooker, and this guy supposedly has a “Bo Jackson like” set of skills, according to Don Mattingly.   Heck, why stop at Puig?  With Andre Ethier playing like hell, the Dodgers should bring up Joc Peterson too and stick him in center field, while moving Puig to right.  At least that will give LA two outfielders who can potentially earn their paychecks.

Then there’s the Angels,  who continue to get dominated by the worst team in the American League, the Houston Astros.  The Halos need to create a new promotional opportunity for the fans: every time Josh Hamilton strikes out, all beers go for 10 cents for the next half inning.  This really isn’t all that unreasonable, considering the Angels fans will need plenty of booze to make it through the rest of this season.

Once again, Donald Sterling is unable to get out of his own way, and he is on the verge of screwing up his franchise again.  Sterling opened his big mouth to TJ Simers of the LA Times, and essentially blamed the firing of Vinny Del Negro on Chris Paul.  According to ESPN’s Chris Broussard, Paul is very angry with the Clippers for placing the blame on him.  This is exactly the excuse that Paul needed all along to take his talents elsewhere, which is what I believe he will do.

I also don’t believe for even one second that the Clippers will land any of the big coaching names that are being talked about such as Jeff Van Gundy, Lionel Hollins, George Karl, or even Brian Shaw.  None of these coaches are dumb enough to agree to become the Clippers coach without knowing whether or not Paul will be staying with the team, not to mention the fact Sterling is too cheap to pay any of them the kind of money they are looking for.

I’ve got the Heat over the Pacers tonight in game 7.  Lebron isn’t going to let this team lose, and neither is NBA dictator, David Stern.

May 27th, 2013

Many Kings fans are pretty unfamiliar with this concept of game 7, especially after last season’s cup winning playoff run.  The last time the Kings played in a game 7, I was taking my frustration out on a poor waitress at the UC Irvine campus pub because the Kings just couldn’t get their act together.  That was back in 2002 when the Kings lost to the Avalanche in the 2nd round of the Stanley Cup playoffs, and when Jock Talk was born.

The good news for the Kings is that game 7 is at Staples Center, where they’ve won 13 in a row, and the home team is 6-0 in this series  The bad news is the Sharks have the momentum again, and somebody is bound to win a road game sometime soon.  This series has been close throughout, and figures to be that way for one more game.  Kings fans should be more nervous than a new prison inmate that just dropped the soap in the shower.

Don Mattingly really sacked up last week by benching Andre Ethier, and then Matt Kemp.  Mattingly definitely bought himself some more time with the Guggenheim Group with his tough guy act, but at this point, everyone realizes the team is going nowhere until Kemp and Ethier get it together.  Adrian Gonzales and Carl Crawford may not be the players they used to be, but they have been serviceable.  If Kemp hasn’t been healthy, he should be placed on the DL and Yasiel Puig should be brought up.  The Dodgers need offense badly.

Kemp may be hurt, but what’s Ethier’s excuse for sucking?  He couldn’t hit lefties before, and now he couldn’t hit water if he fell out of of a boat.  Worse, Ethier’s salty attitude is killing the clubhouse, and making the fans and media alike want him shipped out of town.  Maybe he and Mike D’Antoni can make their travel plans together.

Meanwhile, the Angels have won 8 in a row, and the fans are drinking the kool-aid again.  Sorry Halos fans,  but this hole is deeper than the Grand Canyon. They team is still 9 games back in the AL West, and 4 games under .500.   Jered Weaver is poised to return to the mound on Wednesday, and that could keep them alive in the wild card race, but I’ve seen this movie last year, and even Hollywood wouldn’t be this crappy script.

Finally, I do admire Bill Simmons’ breakdown of the Dwight Howard situation, but Mr. Simmons has been bamboozled by Mike D’Antoni’s ridiculous system.  Dwight may not be the best post player in the NBA, but he is still the best center in the NBA, and should get the “mega-max contract” simply because there is a lack of quality big men in the NBA today.  Simmons and others have conveniently forgotten that Dwight is a three-time defensive player of the year, and this past season played for a coach that doesn’t even like to post up players.  If Eric Gordon and Roy Hibbert can command “mini-max deals”, then Dwight Howard can surely command a “mega-max deal”.

May 20th, 2013

What a bunch of garbage that took place in San Jose on Saturday night.  I’ve always said that NBA  referees are by far the worst in sports, but the nonsense I saw on Saturday night made me think that NHL refs might get that dishonor.  Trevor Lewis was clearly shoved into Sharks goalie Anti Niemi at the end of regulation, but the referees called an interference penalty on Lewis.  That of course, led to a 5 on 3 man advantage for the Sharks in overtime, and a 2-1 win.

Sure, for the last two days I’ve heard crap like “the hockey gods evened things up”, or “justice was served”, since the Kings stole game 2 in controversial fashion.  That however, is a bunch of monkey crap.  The referees set a tone for the players by not calling a lot of penalties throughout the game, including numerous contact the Sharks made with Jonathan Quick that was not called.  Then, when the game was at its most crucial moment, they decide to call a penalty.  A players aggressiveness is determined by how the referees are calling a game, and when there is no consistency, it screws up the game.

FINE.  Take your game 3 victory San Jose.  In a game 3 must win on your home ice, you needed a two man advantage in overtime, which you couldn’t even score on until the very end of the powerplay.  That’s all you’ve got?  Quick and the Kings have got this.

Ken Rosenthal is reporting that Dodgers skipper Don Mattingly could be fired on Thursday if the Dodgers perform poorly over the next 3 games against the Brewers.  Just one year ago, Mattingly was overachieving with a crappy roster.  Now, he’s been saddled with a bunch of overpaid underachievers, and he’s about to be canned?  Firing Mattingly isn’t going to fix Matt Kemp’s swing, or keep the Dodgers any healthier.   It was Ned Colletti that traded for reliever Brandon League last season, when the Mariners gave him away for a bucket of KFC Chicken.  Now’s it’s Colletti that’s choking on the bone after signing him to a 3 year extension.

Here comes another Phil Jackson book, so prepare for more drama.  This time he felt the need to compare Jordan with Kobe, and he favored Jordan in almost every way.  I like how Phil  briefly mentions that he always resented Kobe for the sexual assault charges that were filed against him in 2004, because it symbolized his daughter previously being victimized by sexual assault.  Phil has always enjoyed criticizing Kobe, and it’s the nature of their relationship.  However, for a guy that’s responsible for your last five championship rings, you would think he might be able to say a few more positive things about Kobe.  How about the duration of Kobe’s greatness lasting longer than MJ’s?  How about Kobe’s superior shooting range and ball handling skills?  Glad to see that Phil’s hiatus from the NBA hasn’t altered his ego in any way shape for form.

Apparently, nothing has changed for the Clippers.  ESPN LA’s Ramona Shelburne reported that Donald Sterling is actually considering keeping Vinny Del Negro around because he doesn’t want to give a coach a multi-year contract, and he knows Del Negro is probably one of the few who would accept such a crappy deal.  I wonder how Chris Paul feels about this?  I have a feeling we’ll find out in July, when Paul and Dwight Howard leave LA together.